Chapter 23: Promise

Blaine would've ignored his ringing phone if it weren't so shrill, rattling in his ears and making his brain ache. He flails out a hand, and it lands on the empty space on his nightstand where he usually keeps it. He squints his eyes open against the morning light – noon light if his clock is accurate – and, yep, no phone there. He rolls over, feels a lump in his front pocket. He's still in his jeans. He tugs the phone out and stares at the screen until he processes that it's Kurt's name spelled out there.

He answers, pressing the phone to his ear, and says, "Hey" in a way that he wants to be excited and affectionate, but comes out scratchy and lackluster.

"Really, Blaine?" Kurt says, in that superior, unimpressed way of his.

Blaine clears his throat. "Really what?"

"What do you remember about last night?"

Blaine can just imagine Kurt narrowing his eyes, examining Blaine. In Blaine's imagination, Kurt still has pink hair.

What Blaine does remember about last night is a series of bad decision. Being convinced to go to a party he would have rather not attended. "You really going to spend another Friday night in? That's getting kind of pathetic," Tina had told him, Unique nodding sagely along.

Everyone was well on their way to tipsy by the time Blaine arrived – laughing loudly, talking loudly, dancing absurdly. Blaine had tucked himself into a corner, stayed away from it all. Sulking, essentially. He didn't want to have fun; he wanted to be miserable about missing Kurt. At some point Tina pressed a solo cup of something into his hands with a wink. Some point later, Blaine was going drink-for-drink with Sam. Bad decision, considering Sam is taller and broader. But Kurt couldn't possibly know about these bad decisions.

"You left me a drunk voicemail last night," Kurt says.

Blaine groans. "What did I say?" he asks, positively wincing.

"You don't remember?"

Blaine remembers brooding about Kurt while drunk, talking about Kurt while drunk, waxing poetic about Kurt while drunk. Calling Kurt would have been a natural progression. Blaine hadn't exactly been a responsible drinker last night. He doesn't remember getting in his own bed, even.

"You said you missed me," Kurt says.

"That's not that bad," Blaine replies aloud with what he meant to be just a thought.

"That's just where it started," Kurt snaps back. Blaine hears him sigh over the line, maybe shifting where he's standing or sitting. "You know, it's not so much what you said, but that you had to get drunk to say it. It was obviously building up for a while."

Blaine swallows, and it reminds him how dry his mouth tastes. Blaine had been a balloon filling up with emotions for a while. Did he finally pop?

"I don't remember what I said," Blaine says again. "I don't remember calling you… but I think I can guess what I might've said."

"Guess, then."

"What?"

"Guess." Blaine pictures Kurt crossing his arms obstinately, but he couldn't really being doing that while holding a phone to his ear. "I want to hear you say what you have to say without you being drunk."

"Kurt," Blaine says, and it's sort of a plea because Blaine doesn't know what he said last night, and he has so much to say, because he has so much he feels. Now, he's being asked to tear it all out and reveal his own weakness.

Kurt echoes back "Blaine" in a softer and less demanding tone then the rest the conversation. "I want to hear you…" It's an opening. It's a hand held out to hold.

Blaine pulls his quilt tighter around his legs, then says, "I miss you. I miss you so much… It's like a hangover." Kurt snorts. "It is! When I'm with you, when we're together, it's like living in a higher plan of existence. And when you're gone, I'm just going through withdraw.

"And – and you're so far away, Kurt. You're so far away and you have this whole other life in New York that I'm not a part of. And honestly, sometimes it feels like you forget about me, because tied up with all these new, exciting stuff in your life. How can I compare? I'm just anchor back in Ohio."

"Blaine –"

"Then I hate myself for thinking this way. For being selfish. And…" Blaine wets his lips with his tongue. "I miss you so much. Every second you find your place – you rightful place – in college, in New York – is a moment you don't need me so much anymore. See? Selfish."

Blaine takes a shuddering breath and leaves this off. So he could probably go on longer, like a true epic poet, but he leaves this. He said what he needed – condemned himself.

"Blaine," says Kurt, quiet and tender, like an absolution. "See… all you have to do is tell me."

"You're not mad?"

"…Remember a long time ago when you said everyone has something behind the curtain?"

"Back when I gave you a ride in the rain? And you hated me still?"

"I never hated you," Kurt replies. "I was just baring my teeth because you were getting too close."

Blaine never thought of it this way, but it relieves him. "So, curtains?" Blaine prompts.

"Your metaphor," Kurt says, "If you remember."

"I do."

"Instead of punk clothes and attitude, you hide behind your charm and bowties. But you're just as vulnerable as I am," Kurt says. "I'm beginning to think all people are. We'll all armor and acting on the outside, and something else hidden underneath."

"That's philosophical."

"Well, yes, I am a college student now."

Blaine huffs, curls his toes under the blanket. "Did I guess right?"

"The jist of it."

"Oh."

"I want to know these things, Blaine. I want to know if you're feeling neglected, or lonely, or sad. I'm your boyfriend and your friend, even if I'm temporarily dazzled by the lights of the Big Apple."

Blaine sniffles. He hadn't even realized he was choking up.

"Okay?" Kurt asks.

"Okay," Blaine answers. "I love you."

"Love you too."

…

They renegotiate how they communicate, especially concerning communicating their needs to communicate. No more texting "call me when you can" when Blaine really means "I really need to hear your voice as soon as viably possible for my emotional health." There is a certain bluntness that Blaine has to adjust to, but he's not the only one. Kurt has differentiate his "call me NOW" texts into more specific categories like "Exciting news!" or "I really need to vent."

With school work, friends, and extracurricular, they don't schedule anything regular, but they made sure to not go more than a week without a skype date, barring extraordinary circumstances. None such extraordinary circumstances have yet come up.

Blaine still misses Kurt like an ache that can't be iced away, but he's not drowning in it anymore. His mom even comments that he's been happier lately, asks if Blaine had went through something that she hadn't noticed. He had, but he didn't have the simple words to explain it. He shook his head no instead.

He had gone through something, and it took a bit for Blaine to understand it. Homesickness. He had just overcome an acute case of homesickness, because Kurt is his home. With Kurt is the place he's most comfortable, most safe, most loved.

…

Spring, and it's an echo of a year ago. This time they are in Blaine's room and this time Kurt's the one looking at Blaine's college acceptance letters.

"You got into all of them. Congrats."

Blaine leans against his door jam. "I write a hell of a college essay."

"I believe that," Kurt says with an affectionate smirk. "You're just so damn earnest. You probably had the recruiters eating out of the palm of your hand." Kurt twists the corner of one of the pages. "This one's in LA. I heard they have a fucking great music program."

"Miss Pillsbury wanted me to broaden my horizons, not just apply to New York schools. I humored her. I applied to a school in Columbus… that was for my mom."

"You thinking about going?"

"To the school in Columbus? No."

"Blaine."

Blaine steps into the room. "You know I want to be in New York with you."

Kurt stares at the letter. "It's a really good school."

"So are the ones in New York. Plus, you're there."

Kurt looks up. "You can't make your college decision based on where I am."

Blaine takes the letters over of Kurt's hands and folds them along their creases. "Yes I can," he says, pressing the letters back onto the nightstand.

"I didn't stay in Ohio for you," Kurt says, gaze steady. "I can't expect you to come to New York for me."

Blaine raises his eyebrows and asks, not so seriously but a little seriously, "Do you not want me there?"

"Of course I want you there," Kurt says, "Of course! But you can't make one of your biggest life decisions based on me." He snatches the folded letters over the nightstand and holds them aloft. "I don't want you to miss out on any great opportunities because some sense of obligation. That could lead to resentment, then anger, then a horrible break up – Don't laugh at me!"

Blaine tries to contain his smirk, but it just twists into another type of amused smile. "You watch too much TV."

"This is serious."

"I'm taking this seriously," Blaine says. He steps in closer, takes a light hold of Kurt's elbows. "There is nothing more that I want than to be in New York with you. It's all I've been thinking about since the day you got on that plane." He brushes a kiss over Kurt's mouth.

"But…," Kurt says, between a kiss and another. "But if I wasn't part of the equation… is that what you'd still want?"

Blaine releases a breath. He'd rather being pushing Kurt back on his bed, reacquainting their bodies, then having this conversation.

"I don't know," he answers honestly. His LA school and NYC school are evenly matched, and the cities as well, when Kurt's not a consideration.

Kurt leans back to give Blaine a proper piercing look. "Consider it, please," Kurt says, "Before you send in your acceptance. Do it knowing that I won't break up with you or resent you if you choose… if you choose not New York. We can make long distance work again, like we did this last year."

Blaine opens his mouth protest. He doesn't have any want to do any more prolonged long distance. He wants Kurt 24/7, if he could manage it.

Kurt presses his fingers over Blaine's lips. "Do it for me," Kurt says, "I love you so much. I need to know you're making the best decision for you."

Blaine nods and purses his lips just enough to kiss Kurt's fingertips, but he can't contemplate a world where Kurt isn't there by his side.

…

Blaine has the acceptance letter and the university brochures spread out on the table and about fourteen tabs open on his laptop.

"What're you doing, honey?" Mom asks when she steps into the dining room.

"Deciding what college to go to."

"I thought you were pretty set on New York."

"I was, until Kurt told me to consider the options without him as a factor."

"That's probably a smart idea," Mom says, planting a brief kiss on his head. She leaves him to his considerations. Of course she would say that. Adults all thought Kurt and Blaine were too young to last in the long run. They had impressed quite a few people by surviving in their long distance relationship so far.

Blaine digs his thumbs into his temples. It's so frustrating. No one knows the depths or complexities or nuances of Kurt and Blaine's relationship other than the two of them.

Blaine reaches out and slides a letter and brochure set in front of himself. This was the choice. It always had been, but Blaine hadn't really gotten it until now.

…

He closes the door of Kurt's room for privacy. It's the last day of his break, then he'll be gone until summer.

"I've made my decision."

Kurt sits on the edge of the bed. "Yeah?" he says, like he's expecting to be disappointed.

"Yeah," Blaine says. He stands in front of Kurt a few paces back. He pushes his hands into his pockets. "New York. It was always New York."

"Are you –"

Blaine cuts his off with a hand. "I'm sure." He's smiling. He can't contain it. "Really sure."

Kurt eyes light up and he doesn't have to say anything for Blaine to know that Kurt's imagining them in New York together.

"There's more," Blaine says. He shifts weight between feet. "Another decision."

Kurt's eyebrows tick inward as his expression shifts into confusion. "Another?"

Blaine nods. "You said choosing a college was one of the most important decisions in my life."

"I did."

"But there are other important decisions. Like who you're going to spend your life with." Blaine gets down on one knee right there in the middle of Kurt's bedroom.

Kurt throws out an arm. "What're you doing?"

"You told me to consider colleges without you as a factor, but I couldn't. I couldn't imagine being brave enough to move to big city if you didn't make me brave. I couldn't imagine studying music as a major if I hadn't ever heard you sing and remembered what a magic music is, not just a hobby. I can't imagine being the person I am today without you." Blaine closes his eyes for a few seconds, preparing himself for what he needs to say. He opens his eyes, and Kurt's there before him, wide-eyed, and that's all the bravery Blaine needs.

"I'm going to marry you someday, Kurt Hummel. If you'll have me."

Kurt makes a sound that like's a laugh and a sob and a sigh all in one. "Of course I'll have you."

Blaine digs his school ring out of his pocket. "I want you to have this," he says, taking Kurt's hand in his own and pressing the ring into his palm. "You don't have to wear it or anything, but I want you to take it to New York with you so every time you look at it you remember that I'll be there with you next year."

"Like a promise?" Kurt says, curling his hand around the ring.

"Exactly," Blaine says. "I'm going to propose to you for real one day. I'll probably sing. It will be really embarrassing and over the top."

Kurt wipes under his eye with the cuff of his sleeve. "I look forward to it."

…

Two years later to the day, Blaine makes good on that promise.

AKi- So this is the end. I hope it didn't feel rushed. It's been fun