Say Something Forbidden

Unlike with Elves and Wizards, dwarves understood little of the illusions of dreams and thus thought even less of their import. However, when one dreams of destruction and death and altogether frightful things, it is an overwhelming task to keep one's indifference to them. So was the case for Kili, the endowed nephew of Thorin Oakenshield, whose unfortunate mind was fraught with imaginings of goblins and Smaug the Terrible armed with spikes and claws terrorizing he and the remainder of his beloved Company, legions upon legions of malicious creatures hording the foot of Erebor, trying to take their homeland from them but the rightful dwarves were failing. In truth, they were dying. He watched as one by one his merry companions were felled by a battle of greed and darkness until his brave uncle and dear brother followed and he himself succumbed. Despair overtook him as he lay with his last breath lest someone or something came to save them. Then he was gladdened and relieved to behold a bright white light shone forth from the gray clouds and a glorious angel arrived to do just that. She floated down, embracing him and thus he was at last made whole.

And there his sleep ended.

All Kili could think of, there in the black fog of waking, aside from the echoes of grief and loss of his nightmares, was a persistent throbbing in his leg and in his head and a pervasive weariness plaguing every which-where of his body. What strange awfulness was this? Had he been drinking too much mead again?

But as he blinked to full awareness in the golden light sparked long after dawn, he observed the dusty weatherworn rafters above him and their accompanying clutter of things that bespoke of a poor, well-lived in dwelling and tried to remember where he was for it seemed vastly unfamiliar to him. Before long, memories came flooding back: of his accursed orc-arrow injury, his subsequent illness, of Laketown and Bard's home…of being left behind. The unseen wounds of betrayal dealt to Kili when Thorin had forbidden him to march to the Lonely Mountain with them, of continuing their journey just by cause of an absurd injury and illness that he should never have received at all.

He almost died right then and there by the filth of orc means. But then, he supposed, lived through it after all only by the hands of…Tauriel. Of course—now he could recall why he had tried to forget, why he had shoved thoughts of her away. His angel was real—the bright otherworldly illumination was real. That sparkling Elf-maiden had healed him…and he had spoken nonsense to her in return. Shutting his eyes, aggrieved, he ferociously reprimanded himself for what he had done. He had been such a fool! How could he have done it? Shame and humiliation mottled him from within for his fever-induced confessions. And yet…all of a sudden realization spilled over him as he considered it, as he recalled his memory of her, of that moment. If he was truthful with himself, he knew he would not have altered what he said, for it was true and needed to be released from his heart or else it would have rent itself asunder and he withered to dust.

What precisely did he babble to her though?

That she could not actually be Tauriel but a being of heaven. That she was one who wandered among the stars. Was that it? And what else?

That he wondered, hoped really, that a marvel as she could ever love such a boastful, miserably insignificant oaf of a dwarf as himself.

Oh, Durin's beard, words, words upon words. Why could he never just barricade his mouth as his mother and Thorin had always impelled him and berated him to do? It would defeat him in the end they had always forewarned. And so it was, his heart aching for it enough so that he questioned whether an arrow had not also pierced his chest and not just his shin.

Only when a floorboard creaked nearby did he break free of his self-pity. A shadow moved across his face and he acted, his heart leaping to his throat. After the orc attack in Bard's scullery the night before and the poisonous scourge that was the wraith of his slumber so fresh in his head, his instincts to defend himself mounted in a rush and took him over completely. Of its own accord, his hand subtly and blindly roved about the hard surface he lay upon for whatever might be capable of warding off whoever lurked above him. Holding his breath against a trickle of panic, he steeled himself, and then with a weak war cry, uplifted his armed hand to strike only to have it caught in midair, far off the mark of his assumed foe.

Kili tensed. But once he finally noticed he was looking not into the black orbs of goblins but into the blue eyes of none other than his blonde brother, he relaxed instead, laughing breathlessly before letting fall what was crammed in his fist: a soup ladle that had seen better days.

"That's a fine thank you for what I have been through for your sake in the last day," his most cherished kin softly growled.

"Fili! Oh, am I glad to see you!"

"Hard to believe that considering you tried to behead me with a cook's soup spoon…"

Even the unaccustomed frown now puckering his brow and chin could not mar how wonderful Fili looked to his dark-haired brother at that moment as he gazed up at him, his braids a golden cloud about his head in the dawn sunlight, his broad shoulders hunched with concern and vague petulance. Abruptly, Kili was overcome with the need to embrace his dearest friend but found the effort to do so too unpleasantly toilsome, particularly since he could scarcely even raise his neck. Rather, a bolt of pain bombarded in his head in the attempt and so he simply sucked in a breath then let his head sink back to the table of which, he realized, he had been sleeping on throughout the night. And not only that but once he turned his head to peer down to his wound and returned it to his brother, who had followed his gaze with a strained expression, Kili glimpsed something odd in the corner of his eye and finally understood why there was such a twinge in the back of his skull.

"Er…perhaps this is an absurd question but why have I been given a bag of walnuts for a pillow?"

A muscle twitched in Fili's jaw. "You were never given anything. That is simply where and how you fell when we were trying to save your worthless life last night after you were idiotic enough to get shot in the first place."

"Ah." No surprise then why Kili's body felt so sore apart from the perpetual pain in his leg, of course. But at least he was still alive to the world…for now, though by his brother's ireful countenance he doubted whether he would remain as such for long. How could he remedy what he had forced his brother through?

"Well, you could have given me a proper pillow afterwards, you know, my head feels little better than my leg," Kili heard himself jest half-heartedly and with feigned high spirits before he could restrain himself.

In consequence, Fili's disagreeable frown deepened and soured further and his blazed with something terrible.

Kili coughed in his throat, adding with genuine submission, "I am sorry, Fili, truly I am. With all seriousness, I never meant to inconvenience everyone and frighten you with all this." His hand weakly waved to his prone frame in general. "But neither was it amusing for me, you imagine. Cease your anger toward me, please, I'm the one who is hurt, after all. It was hardly my idea to almost die…" he finished under his breath.

The blonde dwarf's face measurably softened but his tone clung to its gruff quality. "However, it was your choice to be stupid and brave and leap onto that Elven bridge and into the company of orcs without a thought."

Kili threw him an aggravated expression, his hands rolling into fists. "I was trying to save our lives and escape them, not to mention the dungeons of those wretched Mirkwood Elves. The water gate was down, we could not move. What else could I have done? I avoided death, did I not? Can we not forget about it now?"

"Narrowly avoided death, you mean. And hardly could I forget that." Then Kili's miffed brother sighed, his arms falling to his sides, giving up with his defense and indignation all but spent. His face crumpled in a little by his once-suppressed sadness and Kili was pricked by a whisper of remorse, but he refused to budge. "All right, then. I know, Kili. You are right, of course. I just…I have been worried for you," his voice cracked.

"I know." Kili patted his brother fondly on his forearm. "And thank you, brother, for all you did for me. I understand now," Kili gave a ghost of a smile on his unshaven face, "especially for staying behind with me when you could have easily obeyed Thorin and gone with the others. I'm grateful I can always rely upon you, you are the best brother a dwarf could ever have and I feel very fortunate for it."

Fili smiled shyly back, and the outpouring of Kili's relief and affection at witnessing its long-sought reappearance was beyond pronounced, even profoundly affecting. Heaven forbid he was becoming soft now.

"I could never have gone with the Company to home and treasure, not while knowing you could be dying back here. I know how much you hate the smell of fish anyway," Fili stated, his tone far too matter of fact for what his former reaction had proven to be and what terrible sensations Kili knew he had been battling for an entire day. And in due course of Fili's words and deeds, the heavy heart of his dark-haired kin lifted considerably, almost as lofty as air. But not quite. Not yet.

"Am I forgiven then?" Kili faintly grinned. Ordinarily, he would have made a greater effort to please Fili with his legendary charm or, to brighten the blonde dwarf's humor, made light of their precarious footing by spinning whimsy of the tongue but his strength for it had been long since snuffed out by illness and injury alike. So he must rely entirely upon the young dwarf's longstanding good nature and hope… although, by rights, Fili was proving himself rather ridiculous about the whole thing anyhow.

With a sound of disgust, Fili jabbed his brother with the soup ladle. "If I must…I suppose I could forgive you on this singular occasion."

And Kili breathed a sigh of relief. Fortunately for his miserable, there was little doubt he appeared any better than he felt. Otherwise it might not have been so easy.

"Then again if you had died," Fili said, a glint in his eye and a hand resting thoughtfully upon his chin, "I could have taken your portion of the treasure and lived a prosperous long life as the next dwarf king of Erebor; and been free of your troublesome antics and your witless remarks. Now that I consider it, I'm quite sorry you lived, after all."

So much for being good-natured, Kili thought with a disdainful sniff. If that was how Fili chose to take to reproving him, then so be it. Accompanied by both a playful glare and irritated sneer, Kili retorted, "King? Treasure? What's this? Neither would ever come to be, not for you! The Company would never have it. The dwarves would never have it. They would never succumb to the rule of such a barmy twit as you."

Fili shrugged eloquently. "I would be a better one than you any day."

"Ha!" Kili cried out feebly in his current state, his mouth turned up in a wry smile. "In truth, you wouldn't last a day without me, brother."

From the far corner of the chamber, a grating snore shattered the atmosphere and intruded upon their friendly banter, making Kili start. Both dwarves snapped their heads toward the single window underneath which lay a sleeping Bofur on the bay seat. With the gray-streaked hair of the older dwarf stuck out in tufts beneath that atrocious old hat sitting askew and his back and limbs contorted in almost unnatural ways, he looked entirely comical. Unfortunately neither Fili nor Kili was in the required mood to laugh at Bofur's expense though the day before they would never have missed such a perfect opportunity to do just that. Things, for now they hoped, had simply been altered too much.

Instead, Fili idly commented with his eye still trained to the window seat, "You ought to thank Bofur as well. He was the one who thought of tracking down the king's foil plant for your wound. Without him…"

He seemed unable to continue but it was unnecessary.

"I see," Kili interrupted, saving him further pain. "Now that I won't forget, I daresay. Poor old creature, I would have never thought he cared—in but his own fashion that is," Kili remarked with kind sincerity that was tinged with a sly note of sarcasm that would bear concealment to anyone else but to Fili was all too blaringly obvious.

After a moment in which Fili chuckled with newfound mirth, he sobered quickly as though a new thought occurred to him then he glanced tentatively, almost sheepishly, to his brother who looked on with growing trepidation once he noticed Fili clasping and unclasping his hands together all too tightly and how his teeth bit into his lower lip. That was a strange reaction indeed, one Kili had not seen for a long time. It made Kili feel as though his stomach had plunged away to the docks below.

"But not only Bofur, brother…there is someone else who deserves a debt of honor and servitude even more than either of us together."

Remaining blank for but a moment, all Kili had to do was heed the significance laden in the blonde dwarf's eyes and Kili understood all too well and so did his stomach which now returned forthwith to his body in such a twisted, noxious manner that it was making him ill again. He had been hoping in vain to hold off this particular discourse for as long as possible but unfortunately, his brother was proving more meddlesome than usual. Things must be worse off than he had imagined or so Fili considered as much.

"That—that She-Elf that Captain of Mirkwood or whatever," Fili fought to explain. "Her Elf magic was what healed you and brought you back to us."

"Aye, I am well aware, I was awake for that."

"And we are all indebted to her but…"

Here it came.

"I marked how you looked at her and she you."

Kili's heart leapt to his throat but he refused to let his brother be privy to just how he affected he truly was. And so, his glance wandered away at once and he unleashed a groan of frustration.

"Listen to me, Kili. You like her, I can tell."

"Is that so wrong?" Kili scoffed.

"Between dwarf and Elf—yes. I would not be surprised if the notion were wholly forbidden."

Snorting, Kili replied, "According to who? Anyhow, what does it matter? I am nothing to her and she is long gone by now."

When Fili did not immediately respond, Kili could feel that something had changed, he could feel it in the air and hear it in his brother's familiar silence. Unable to bridle his impatience, Kili whipped his face back toward Fili and searched the blonde dwarf's suddenly guarded face, Kili's own mind a riddle of confusion and fear for a blossoming hope he wished he could smother before it overwhelmed everything else and grew too immense to avoid his own destruction. No, it could scarcely be pleasant tidings, and yet Fili's reluctance was all too promising.

"…Fili? What is it? Tell me at once."

Unwittingly, Fili's eyes darted to the main doorway then quickly to the ceiling to recover his mistake but it was too late, his brother had been watching him too closely and knew him too well. Despite his efforts to the contrary, Fili had already given himself away.

Swallowing, Kili could feel his eyes widen and his pulse scatter about frantically within his skin. "Is she…is she still here? Fili, answer me."

If Fili did not reply soon, Kili swore he would clobber him until he did. And by Fili's surreptitious scrutiny of him, the way he visibly deflated and subsequently grimaced, Kili knew he had finally conquered him.

Warily, Fili nodded once. "Aye, she is still here though I can't imagine why," he grumbled.

"Where?"

"The balcony above the docks, last I noticed."

Ignoring the protest in his body and the ever-increasing burn of pain in his lower leg, Kili abruptly arose to a sitting position then swiveled his legs toward the floor.

"What are you doing, you idiot?" Fili exclaimed, his hands flapping uselessly in an attempt to shove his brother back down to the table's surface. "You are not yet well, Kili, stay there!"

"I'm well enough." Grunting at the torment his leg was proving to be and sighing at the excess of worry Fili was demonstrating, Kili paused only long enough to say: "Will you leave me be, you mad mother hen? I'm not about to just lay there when I know she's here. I must…thank her for her sacrifices toward me, as you have already told me to do. And I'm not about to back down so either you can fuss and make this more difficult for me or you can give me a hand and help me up. I shall do what I must, Fili, with or without your approval."

For several moments, Kili simply glowered up at Fili to hide his ever-growing agony and doubt and Fili frowned in acknowledgement, until that is the latter rolled his eyes and sighed, relenting as Kili knew he would.

"Now that's more like it, brother," Kili grinned.

"Shut up," Fili groused, "Just remember I am not to blame if you fall worse in condition after this."

"I'll be all right if I can just…," Kili huffed, "make the door."

"I'm sure," his brother retorted with audible scorn. "If you can keep from killing yourself along the way, that is."

Thereupon, begrudgingly, Fili bowed underneath Kili's arm, situating it over the blonde dwarf's neck and shoulder so as to give him the sturdiness and brute force required to land off the table without stumbling and keep afloat long enough to gain the proper bearings to take his first few steps. Utensils and walnuts rolled in all directions during their awkward efforts. In shorter time than he was accustomed, Kili became breathless but for the sucking gasps he took to keep himself onward. Fortunately for him, his leg seemed to be feeling much better than it had been for that entire day he was ill and had even advanced in its healing a greater deal than was ordinary, likely due to the source of magic from whence it was borne. Yet, his shot limb still persisted in its throes, making his will waver but only briefly. Finally, they left the kitchen behind, smelling the faint rankness of fish from the water as the door drew near. And that was about as long as Kili's pride would hold out with Tauriel in such close proximity, for once within reach of the door Kili yanked his arm away from his brother and instead applied the sideboards to at last surpass the threshold, giving no mind to Fili's strident complaints and remonstrations.

Then, leaning forcefully upon the doorknob, Kili peeked his head discretely through the unbarred doorway, trying to grasp a notion of whereabouts Tauriel may be—such was his intention but he scarcely caught a glimpse of weatherworn dock, the shining lake far below, and an accent of vibrant red color against the blue sky before he succeeded in lunging to the scuffed planks of the balcony.

So much for vigilance, he thought as he threw out his hands to prevent the worst kind of damage from coming about but instead found something else entirely had broken his fall. Something stable but soft and exceedingly warm. At first he though perhaps Fili had been stubborn enough to stay beside him all along against his wishes. But then the scent of woodland flowers and meadow sunshine wrapped about Kili like a cloud and he instantly glanced to the side whereby he was jolted to his senses in discovering none other than Tauriel had somehow appeared there and she was the one holding him aloft the ground.

For what seemed an eternity and yet in a time much too brusque for his liking, Kili could do naught else but stare at this Elf maiden's sorely dazzling and stunningly alluring face, his skin tingling, his stomach set adrift, and his body warming all over. He could scarcely breathe, scarcely blink or think properly, for so near was he to her that his face could be drawn to hers almost without notice and such was a move he could not bring himself to do and yet all he yearned to do. Truly, she was a creature of perfection in every way. Tauriel's midnight blue eyes linked with his for a while yet, compelling his heart to stutter and something in his chest tighten strangely until she broke free, assisting the dark-haired dwarf to an upright position as hastily as possible then releasing and moving away just as quick, as though he were a pot on fire and it was her instinct to drop what would inevitably be harmful.

"Th-thank you, My Lady," Kili mumbled with a blush. He could not believe himself, his own reaction. What was amiss with him? More often than not, he had always been so polished and courtly with maids, so self-assured. And yet look at him now, what a chaos of nerves he was; how unspeakably pathetic. But he could do nothing against it, ever since she mended his leg something had changed between, delved deeper into the profound and he could not deny it especially now. Even his leg wound seemed far less painful to him, if not downright improving by the strength she provided merely by the sight of her.

"More so, I would care to thank you also for saving my life, particularly when you had no reason to…"

Tauriel merely nodded, evading his eyes.

Was that it then? Kili thought to himself.

It startled him how much it hurt and stung him to see the Elf Captain turn away and ignore him so entirely whilst she paced the dock; and Kili could neither un-enslave his sight away from her nor find the right words to speak. At long last, her restlessness seemed to calm a little once she sagged—though no less gracefully than ever—against the banister, still resisting to end the silence, only riveted her vision to the edges of the lake upon the horizon.

Kili bit the bottom of his mouth and waited. But it did not take long for the colliding boulders of Kili's frustration to overthrow all other sensations and he was capable of speech once more. After clearing his throat, Kili burst out, "Why did you remain behind?"

With a lick of her lips and several passes of Kili's anxious heartbeats, she answered to no one in particular, "For the moment, there was nowhere else for me to be."

"Oh? I cannot believe that…what of that blonde bloke, er, Elf princeling with the bad temper you were with? Where is he?" He endeavored to keep the harsh barbs of jealousy from showing through his query but only managed to subdue it somewhat.

The Elf scowled delicately. "I am not quite certain. Early at dawn, I tracked his whereabouts within Laketown but he departed to the north quite a while ago in the night, in the wake of the scent of a particularly odious orc. There is little purpose in following him now."

"I'm…sorry," Kili said though it sounded off, for it was an outright lie. He was sorry that she tried to run after him but that was all.

Tauriel sighed heavily. "In a way, I am not, I suppose," she murmured almost without intending to.

Akin to the incandescence of the sun, Kili brightened.

"But neither can I yet return home to Mirkwood as yet. King Thranduil will not be…pleased with me when next we meet."

A sudden surge to protect her rose up within Kili and threatened his composure. "He does not deserve your service and company then." Hissing and limping severely, Kili stepped beside her. Being that close to her again relieved something inside him as though he had suffered unbeknownst without it. His head did not quite come to her shoulder which irritated him a bit. "You could always come with us. Stay with me."

"What?" Tauriel laughed without humor. "With a band of dwarves to an accursed mountain and wander idly upon a hopeless quest? Why would I do that?"

"Why not?"

Tauriel's eyes swerved to the sky.

"Come, come with us. You know you would love it!" Kili smiled devilishly.

"Ridiculous." She shook her head over and over again.

Her refusal caused an ache to spread in his heart but he had to breach the unknown, to make certain. "All right then. Tell me, why did you come back to us? Why did you save me?"

She hesitated, her hands rubbing against the wood railing then she supplied, "You said you made a promise to your mother. For her sake, I was but worried she would lose a son."

Kili felt himself slump in disappointment but upon regarding her expression more closely he had the feeling she chose to be less truthful than she was making out to be and it made his heart flutter with hope. "Is that all then? Nothing else? For I thought, just perchance, there was something more to it. Did you not feel something pass between us last night?"

The Elf turned her face away from him. "You are dwarf. I am Elf. It is not possible. It can be nothing but forbidden."

"Why do people keep saying that?" Kili almost shouted, thrusting his hands into the air. "Why is it deemed such a sin? Would it be so terrible, eh? Tell me that, My Lady."

"Do not call me that. I am most weary of it."

Gently, Kili advanced even more before he laid his hand upon her upper arm and left it there. With his other, he reached up between the expanse and touched the Elf's soft jaw, forcing her head to swing toward him and she was urged to finally return his intent, intense gaze and he knew, by her furrowed brow and trembling lip, that she was holding back.

Voices and the sounds of skiffs and reels and passers-by wafted up from the water and paths below but he ignored them. "Tauriel," Kili whispered. "I know, I understand you may be fearful, I know this is all very new and strange but…you saved me so many times. You sought out my company, you revealed your true self to me and I alone, I daresay. And I saw your face when you revived me and I took your hand. You did not pull away. However hard you may try, whatever you may say, neither of us can forget how we feel or how we have mingled so easily. We meld, we fit so perfectly, you and I."

She let out a pent-up, choked breath. A single tear glistened in her eye. Once again, he was struck how comely and angelic she was with her high-colored cheeks, glowing skin and bright eyes with their fathomless depths; how untouchable. No, he refused to believe that, he refused to foreswear these staggering, affecting emotions that had welled up within him ready to burst by no more than this woman alone and no other. It was all too much to bear, all too much to forsake.

"Tauriel," Kili repeated. "Tell her to come down from that world of stars. I have missed her."

With eyes shut tightly, Tauriel turned her face further into his hand and molded her own against his, sinking her weight into him. "I am not certain how to." Her voice was faint but fraught with the ilk of fervor and tenderness that he had been craving to unearth within her.

That accustomed smile of mischief glimmered and broke free of its restraints upon Kili's face. "Well, then you have only but to ask."

Without forewarning or another word, Kili bravely mounted the bannister with his good leg and perched there so he could be more equally worthy to an Elf's stature and seized both sides of Tauriel's face. Her eyes widened with shock and her chest heaved faster and faster. And that was all his mind took in before his heart demanded he make the distance between them disappear and thus he did, his fingers entwining in her silky russet hair as he smelted his lips to hers. Initially, she stood rigid for a long moment but then afterwards softened in his hands as his mouth moved with hers, his stomach liquefied and burned with light and his heart rapidly galloped against his chest until it joined with hers and bliss took over. Sparks flew between them as a wildfire of rapture took reign and an overflow of ardor making their kiss sing and their blood sear their skin.

It was the best thing the world could ever hold or offer to anyone, Kili thought, he had never felt anything so warm and soft and full of fervor. He could have perished with happiness right then and there. But he soldiered on with breath and comprehension just so such moments could be everlasting for him.

Against what his need and desire thirsted for, Kili separated himself from Tauriel just long enough to say, "What does it matter what anyone thinks, if we somehow betray our kind? Who could really find shame with us and how we feel? This is far too real to leave off. My heart claims it is right and it can take no more defiance when it is devoted so utterly to you." His teeth gleamed as his grin widened beyond ever before. "Now, my Tauriel, I ask again. Will you come with me to Erebor?"

Her eyes shone like the glittering stars as a smile of her own beautified her face even further. With a laugh actually genuine with cheer and delight, she nodded. Kili joined her expression of joy and embraced her tightly, neither of them wanting to be torn away.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Sorry, as usual, it was longer than I intended.

I must say, I absolutely LOVED the second Hobbit film (the only exception being the changes/cuts made in the Mirkwood Forest grr...) and I completely adored the relationship Jackson created between Kili and Tauriel, it is officially my favorite part of the movies and I dearly hope it continues in the third film though the outcome will prove very tragic and depressing indeed...

Please review, thank you!

I do not own The Hobbit.