A/N: okay, I'm starting on rewriting this story (and proof read yes) because I had been away from this account for too long and I was intending to update this several months ago—last year actually—but I almost already forgot what I was supposed to do with the plot so I reread it as a whole and found various mistakes that I am grudgingly embarrassed about. I also wanted to have more on each chapter so I might have fused some old ones.

So uhh, here am I again. To new readers I hope you would have a better experience in reading this story and for my old beloved readers, thank you for considering this story worthy of your time, I wish that you would still appreciate this even after my long absence.

I wouldn't promise that this will be the last rewrite or for it to be any better than most of the brilliant plotlines most authors here thought of. I am simply writing this story for fun and just wish to share with you my thoughts on this precious anime/manga.

Disclaimer: Hikaru no go and any of its characters do not belong to me.

Prologue – What went wrong.

There are times when people act rashly and fail to think of the whole picture.

And sometimes, given the wrong thoughts and other people failing to find the right words to say, people end up losing times they were supposed to be living for. They end up thinking and over thinking, losing sight of what they have in search for what they do not—for what they lost and for what they wish to be returned.

And Hikaru thought he had every right to demand a reason at the very least even if it would no doubt scream of how it was all his fault.

Most of the people he knew had grown up. They became Pros and had risen up from wherever they had been when he first met them. Some had given up and taken a different path in which he wished that they will be successful in. Gone were the ridiculous times and childish tantrums replaced by suits and proper behaviors. The usual bickering and teasing were there but it was just a bit of the humor they had at best when they were kids, most of the time they sat on their busy schedules with thoughts of ditching and playing around but they couldn't—not when they were now adults facing expectations. Everyone's eyes had deemed a bit, lacking the fervor a child would always have in face of everything and Go wasn't their everything anymore.

Hikaru was doing his best to stay sane in the past five years. He had gotten on a slump, not talking with anybody, not eating much and with the dark circles around his eyes he hadn't slept much either. People had either been confused, annoyed and worried but they got over it when Hikaru returned. He still has Go and people praise the sheer will he had to continue it after such a long adamant avoidance with the game. It seemed like he had found a purpose to battle again as he searches for whatever others couldn't fathom.

He had remained the challenging, though less energetic, boy he had been before his mysterious slump. He strived in his games and won most despite the difficulties but unbeknownst to those who had seen his growth, he hadn't found anything. He didn't have the purpose to play and just continues to search for something, anything, that would clear his mind from his regrets. From disappearing ghosts and lingering feelings. He still had fun from time to time but he hadn't gotten over Sai's disappearance.

They were playing Go, same as always, and he was just too tired to pay attention. And Sai disappears just like that with no goodbyes, no warnings, no anything!—as if mocking him for being too ignorant because that's what he was, selfish and assuming. It took him a while to realize how unusual that day was, that it was not the same as always, that it was different, that Sai was different and that he was still just a little kid to not see the lack of the usual smile that was supposed to be plastered on the ghost's face. It cost him a lot and he guessed that he probably deserved it.

He strived to live without the voice that had always been with him in a world he hadn't even imagined going into. Go had been ingrained in his life that he couldn't help but climb up despite his confusing feelings. Confusing feelings that have mounted up ever since. Many people had noticed the new Shindou, commenting how unenthusiastic he had been yet they weren't able to say it up front as he had been rising up the ranks. He was giving his all to Go in hopes for answers.

Answers he should have gotten given the right guidance.

Hikaru Shindou wasn't supposed to die.

He was supposed to come in terms with himself and pursue his own Go with Sai in it. He was supposed to rise up even higher in the ranks and become famous for his plays. He was supposed to be an exceptional player and teacher. He was supposed to play with the meijin the next day-

-And lose with only one and a half moku given the komi rule.

He wasn't supposed to be swallowed up by his past just the day before.

The thrill he had on having to play against Touya Meijin, who had regained the title a few years after Sai had forced him to give it up, was extraordinary. It made his palms sweat, his lips curve up to an impossibly wide grin and his heart race with anticipation like it would burst with the sight of the meijin. The feeling of going face to face with the man who made a very sound name in the world of Go was exhilarating in a whole different way. It was nice. It was awful.

It was the feeling he had denied Sai years ago.

It was true that Sai and the Meijin had played and it wasn't a secret that his unearthly friend and mentor had won, but that game had lacked the thrill of a traditional game—of having the pressure of the players' aura battling even outside the goban.

They had fought without the pressure of an audience befitting of a title match, on NetGo where no matter how serious a game is, no matter how many had been watching, the acknowledgement of the better player was stunted.

He felt like he owed the ghost so much and he regret to not have given him the appropriate treatment and farewell that he should have because Sai deserved much more.

It was in this state of mind did Hikaru step onto the road when he shouldn't have.

And all he could remember were bright lights and Sai's face bidding farewell. If only he had taken his time to open his eyes wide that day…

He should've seen the grateful smile Sai had shown-

"Baka Hikaru"

-and his agonizing face of wanting to say his goodbyes.

If only the God of Go would take pity on his lost soul.

Chapter End.

A/N: FOR OLD READERS: I'm still in the middle of editing everything, please be patient as I familiarize myself with the story along the way. I also would like to apologize for not attending to your concerns in the reviews, I admit that I was a bit scared to see comments at first but I got over it and did. I am trying to fix things and loopholes that you guys found for me (and for that I am grateful, I hope you watch out for this edited version too) I wanted to make things easy for myself and ended up making it go overboard so I decided to tweak that bit.

I assure you that I had plans for Hikaru's living arrangements; they just got a bit out of hand because of my incompetence so I'm trying to search on all those stuff people commented on. (Research bores me though so please don't expect much)