A/N: I had this idea... a while ago, so I started writing it. Only just finished, so here's the first chapter! Enjoy!

The year is 50 BC. Gaul is entirely occupied by the Romans. Well, not entirely… One small village of indomitable Gauls still holds out against the invaders. And life is not easy for the Roman legionaries who garrison the fortified camps of Totorum, Aquarium, Laudanum, and Compendium…

It is a peaceful day in the fortified camp of Compendium. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and all is quiet – save for the commanding bellows of centurion Crismus Bonus.

"I WANT ALL SHORT LEGIONARIES HERE NOW!"

We are privileged, once again, to witness the speed and efficiency of the obedient Roman subordinates. Several short legionaries line up at attention, each one wondering what could be in store for them. Crismus Bonus paces angrily up and down the line, inspecting each one closely. Hunched over in irritation, his hands clasped firmly behind his back, he looks each soldier up and down, growling in frustration, and moving down the line, dismissing whoever he had just looked at with a half-hearted wave of his hand.

Finally he settles on one short legionary. He circles him, giving a thorough inspection, muttering to himself, as the patient soldier stands still as a statue, waiting.

"Conveniently large nose, just about short enough. Hair's a bit too dark, but we can fix that…" And so on for another five minutes, before standing up straight, and addressing the soldier.

"Immadoofus, you have been carefully selected for an important mission," Crismus Bonus told him. "You will be disguised as one of the most intolerable indomitable Gaul of the withstanding village not far from here."

"Sir?" Immadoofus questioned. "I do not understand my orders, sir."

"You'll be dressed up as that titch of a Gaul, Asterix, and attack the village from the inside out," Crismus Bonus groaned, running a hand down his face. "We've come up with a most foolproof plan. We'll send men out into the forest to capture the offending Gaul, and you will take his place. Find out the secret of their magic potion, and come back to us. And, while you're at it, stir up some mischief in the village as well. Put every man against his neighbour, so, by the time we attack, dosed up on magic potion, they will be too busy fighting amongst themselves to even bother about us, and we'll conquer their village, and all Gaul will be occupied by Rome!" And here he let out a booming laugh in triumph of his brilliant plan. "Caesar will bury me in gold, and I'll live in a palace!" Rubbing his hands in demented glee, he suddenly realised Immadoofus was listening to every word. He quickly regained his composure.

"Go into that tent, and you'll find your disguise all ready," he said dismissively, waving his hand in the direction of said tent. Immadoofus saluted, and turned to enter the tent.

About ten minutes later, Immadoofus left the tent, dressed in a black top, red trousers, and leather Gaulish shoes. A fake moustache of blonde hair was glued to his upper lip, and he twiddled this now between his fingers, one hand behind his back, as he strolled around the camp to find the Centurion.

"Ave, Crismus Bonus," he greeted as he entered the tent.

"Ave, Immadoofus," the Centurion returned his greeting. "And, how do you feel about the disguise."

"These Gaulish clothes are surprisingly comfortable," Immadoofus answered, tugging at the shirt. "But isn't the little Gaulish annoyance fair-headed?" He tugged uneasily at his dark locks of hair.

"Yes," Crismus Bonus agreed. "But we have come up with an ingenious solution!" He walked over to a small table where a hairy yellow thing sat. He picked it up, and placed it on Immadoofus's bare head. Immadoofus cringed.

"Eww, what is that?" he asked.

"Only a wig made of the hair we had leftover from the last time those Gauls were here," Crismus Bonus said, self-consciously rubbing his smooth chin. "Well, your disguise is almost complete. We just need his helmet."

"Don't you have that?" the legionary spy asked.

"Not yet," Crismus Bonus chuckled. "But we will soon…"

A/N: Please review!