Notes: Heres the last chapter! I may expand on this idea in the further - after everything else is finished up ~! I hope you all enjoy it! Thank you for all your support / comments!
Chapter Text"Eren is it?"
Looking down at him through his nose, his lips curled.
"You're already turning the water brown…," he observed, none too pleased, "Can you sit up on your own? I'm going to have to hose you off with the shower head first."
Eren didn't know what to say, or why he was willing to do such a thing. Was it for Levi's or his sake?
Either way, whatever the outcome, the need to be washed clean of this mess clinging to his skin, his hair, his nails, and even inside of him. Like a tidal wave, it all crushed down on him at once. How many days? How many times?
Looking to the water, looking to his skin, his chest heaved, his breathing quickened, his eyes burned. With trembling hands his back erected as his eyes followed the shaking in his palms to his forearms and trembling frame.
His skin was pale and grey. A result to the lack of sunlight and the layers of dust that seemed to have soaked into his pores. His bones, while not sticking out, were much more prominent before. He was gaunt, disgusting. Seared into his flesh was scattered bruises that ranged from yellow, lime and purple.
Each time his lungs expanded against his rips, he felt his head spin as his vision blurred more and more by the second. What he could see, and what he couldn't see.
"Ge…t..of..f…"
The broke murmur made no sense to his ears, but the words rang clear in his mind.
"Ge-t.. it…"
Above a whisper, caught on his breath as his fingers moved slowly to his chest and arm, like a mantra he repeated.
"G-get it o-off. G…et it off. G-get it off!"
Hands at his wrist left his mind to shut down; his body reacting immediately as reason slipped. His chest, his eyes, his throat, everything burned and ached and stung. He couldn't breathe, his lungs contracting and expanding too quickly to supply him with the oxygen he so desperately needed. Clarity deteriorated further. Dizzy and dazed, his body fought against the hands that tried to hold him in place. It didn't matter if why they were there, the grip was trying to control him. Intentions be damned.
He had to get away was all that resounded in his heart.
"God damn it brat! Stop! If you keep this up you'll fucking pass out, just stop!"
The voice was drowned out. He couldn't hear it well enough to think, let alone obey.
"Eren! Stop!"
His skin was dirty. His body was dirty. He was dirty. It was on him, inside him, surrounding him. No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
He wasn't… He couldn't be. He wasn't that person anymore. Eren believed the world to be filled with good people. Eren believed everyone, deep down, wanted what was right and just. Eren believed this, believed he was following the right path. Believed he wanted to help everyone and anyone who needed him.
He could never be this Eren, not anymore. Not when he craved to see these men suffer a worse fate than he. Not when he longed to bludgeon what identified them as men till it was unrecognizable. He couldn't be Eren anymore.
His thrashing died down. A numb feeling overtaking his limbs as they forced sporadic twitches in their last show of defiance. A familiar darkness began to obscure his vision; his eyelids growing heavier. It was fine this way, he thought as the hands at his wrists slackened to grab his shoulders.
If he was asleep he wouldn't feel a thing. If he remained asleep, he wouldn't have to face this reality; he wouldn't have to accept that he could no longer be the same man.
His body felt light, but not in the way of weakness. It was a pleasant, a floating like feeling. It was warm around him. The atmosphere soft and delicate as it cradled him. If he listened carefully, he could hear a soft murmur of a voice, deep and baritone. The words were left in a haze but the comfort behind them reached beyond his ears.
Was it his father's voice? Was this home?
Every syllable was indecipherable, but the voice was coming to the forefront, shadowed only by the warmth that begin to turn into an uncomfortable heat on his forearms. It stung, and the sting brought back the weight of his body and the weight of his memories.
He wasn't home. That wasn't his father's voice.
Sitting up with a jolt, he heaved a deep breath. The loud gasp sounded loud in the quiet room. His eyes came into focus, trailing down to see a pool of silky fabric at his waist. More curious than the soft fabric was the bed beneath it, and with his eyes darting around the room, it was ever more curious of his surroundings.
He woke up in a room, simple yet elegant. It smelled clean and fresh, worlds away from the smells that ate away at the hairs in his nostrils in that god forsaken room. The bed under him didn't dig into his back, it was soft and pliant. The familiar sting was still there, but the cushion relieved the pain somewhat, and at the moment, he was far too distracted by where he could possibly be.
He remembered meeting Levi. He remembered his men and being dragged to Levi's room; thrown in his tub and then….
Downright shame washed over him as he looked down at his arms. He was surprised to find them carefully wrapped. The white of the bandages nearly blending in with his own pale skin; drained of its once olive tone, he felt transparent.
But who had taken the time to wrap him like this? And why? What happened to them? He was positive his forearms were fine before he entered the room, and the same sting seemed to itch at his chest as well. Glancing down, to his chest he frowned at the scratches, some deep and some only slightly so. He could only imagine that was what littered his arms beneath the white gauze.
Surely, if they took the time to fix up his wrists and forearms, if they truly meant any good intent, surely they would have catered to other cuts and scrapes as well. As if to prove himself wrong, he lifted his hand to touch his lip, which he knew was split. An odd gel like substance met his fingers and before he could draw his fingers away to see exactly what it was, a voice stilled his movements and froze him in place.
"Don't touch that. It'll rub off."
He pulled his hand away as if it had been burned. His head snapping to the source of the voice in slight panic. He hadn't even heard the man come into the room.
He flinched as Levi's knee dipped into the bed. He didn't know whether or not to thank him, or whether he was the one to blame in the first place for the brand new wounds which seemed to require the bandages he now sported on his arms. As if sensing his questions, the raven haired male speaks up. His voice is flat, even, and somehow it's unnerving.
"You dug into your forearms and chest in the bath before you passed out," at the suspicious glance Eren sent him, he clarified, "You hyperventilated. Made a damn mess in my washroom as well."
"I-I'm sorry," he rasped out quickly.
He didn't sound at all like himself. His voice far too neglected to the point it sounded almost completely foreign to his ears. He didn't really apologize out of sincerity. He wasn't even sure if he truly needed to apologize. The entire situation was lost on him. He kept searching his mind for some angle, something the man could gain or want. Surely, he cleaned him up to fit his own preference. The fact that he had a meltdown in the man's tub did little to prove his innocence of intentions.
The apology came out as nothing more than an attempt at self-preservation.
After a long pause, during which, grey eyes searched his, the man finally settled on an acceptable response.
"Forget it. At the very least you don't smell anymore."
Eren dropped his gaze to his hands that now sat in his lap. As has become habit, he pinched the skin on the ball of his hand repeatedly. It worked as a mild distraction. The mindless task helping to keep his mind off the twisting and turning of his stomach and nerves. He had to know what he was in for. He couldn't stand not knowing.
The comfort of the bed which he lay did little to relax him. Even considering what might be concern, he felt even less at unrest than ease. Before he may have immediately believed this guy, Levi, to be a more sincere, just person, but in light of all he had been through, it only serves to make him more and more apprehensive.
Like a calm before the storm. This man was unpredictable. It simply made him that much more dangerous.
"W-What are you…"
He's not sure why he started to speak. He finds the words to abandon his tongue before he even thought of telling them, but by then it's too late. Levi is watching him, waiting expectantly for him to finish his sentence. Or at the very least make sense of it.
"I…," He swallows thickly and he has to look away before he speaks again, "What are you… going to do with me?"
When no response is made and the weight of silence grows too heavy, his eyes peer up. Cautiously, he licks his dry lips and has to keep himself from losing his breath again.
"What do you want?"
He scoffs at him. Actually scoffs.
"I thought that would be obvious."
Right. Right… of course. He really was exactly like the rest, and this was not the type of man he wanted to challenge. He was tired, and still a bit light headed. He could tell, despite his small stature, from the way he spoke and the way he handled his subordinates, this was not a fight he would win. He held, not just an air of superiority, beyond the commanding presence was a strength that was seemed to exude like an aura from him.
Even if he was at his best, and he knew he was far from it, he wasn't sure he'd stand a chance even then.
He pulled himself from under the bedding and carefully rolled himself onto his hands and knees, doing his best not to aggravate his arms any further. He kept his eyes closed. Lowering his head to rest between his wrists onto the mattress, he did his best to breathe in and out slowly. He needed to keep calm. He was just like the rest. Just give him what he wants, and it'll be all over soon.
Just like the rest. Just give him what he wants and it can all be over.
He wasn't sure who he hated more at this point, them or himself.
"What are you doing?"
The inquiring voice did little more than have him pinch his brow, a bit confused as to what he did wrong. Only a few seconds passed between them before he felt a hand on his shoulder shoving him over. He was pushed onto his back as a sharp intake of breath left him. His mind reeled; what did he do wrong?
"Face me Eren."
It took him a bit longer to turn his head appropriately to the sound of Levi's voice, but he still kept his eyes clamped shut. No, rather, now they were shut even tighter than before.
The bed dipped again, and his heart sped as he felt the warm heat of the other's body leaning over him. He was still kneeling at his side, but he was closer. Closing in on him or at least that's how he felt. The hand that pushed him over was still on his shoulder. Whether it was to hold him in place or not didn't matter. What mattered was why?
Why was he delaying? Why was he making this so much more difficult than it had to be?
"P-Please."
"Open your eyes."
Eren shook his head, the last bit of pride welling up enough courage for him to defy him.
"Please just… just get it over with. Anything you want, you'll do it anyway right? So, just get it over with."
He didn't hear his voice rising. It all sounded like a whisper in his ears. He was tired, he was so fucking tired. Was this man just toying with him? Did he really expect him to watch? Would he force him to?
"I told you to open your eyes, Eren."
'Stop using my name,' his thoughts ran clear through his mind. He hated his name off this man's tongue. He shouldn't have said anything to begin with. Now he was just treating him as a plaything, completely toying with him. He wanted this to stop before it began, or hurry and be over before he could reflect.
Beat him, rape him, hurt him, whatever it was… He just wanted it to be over and done.
"Just do what you want with me and get it over with!"
The volume of his voice surprised him. He wasn't even sure he could get his voice to project so loudly anymore. Every sound from his mouth seemed like a murmur for so long, that he forgot how powerful his voice could be.
Levi had stilled, and some degree of hope urged him to peel his eyes open, just to see if his shout had really affected him. But as his eyes cracked open, and the unfazed glare that was set on him was anything to go by, he didn't have a drop of hope in sight. Anxiety coiled in his gut as he tried to press himself further back on the bed. Tried to get as far away from those eyes that seemed to bore and dig into his own.
"Are you quite finished?"
Eren felt his blood boil, but kept his lips sealed. He didn't want to dig himself a hole any deeper than he already may have. It wasn't worth it. He knew it wasn't. It was just the condescending note in each word, as this man spoke, that had him bristling. He was being undermined and treated like a child. This was the worst, the absolute worst. This entire time that he had endured, only to come back to the present and be chided as if he threw a tantrum for no good reason at all.
'Are you quite finished' he says? How dare he, they, anyone; these bastards who cared for no one but themselves. Did these men lack all signs of empathy? He would have never thought it possible till he was brought here.
"Where are you from?"
The question side lines him; his brow knitting together as he searches for reason behind the seemingly blank greys staring back at him.
"I asked you a question."
When the bewilderment did not fade from his features, and his lips did not part to form speech, it seemed that Levi's patience began running thin.
Leaning over him, his hand now pressing into his shoulder, Eren could hear Levi's voice lower; in what he could only assume to be aggravation.
"I don't appreciate repeating myself."
The confusion bled to anger. He wasn't sure why, maybe it was being clean for the first time in so long or waking up in a room actually fit for living, or hell, perhaps he just didn't have it in himself to care any longer. Maybe he just wanted the last word; a cornered animal baring his fangs for the last time.
"Excuse me… If I find it pointless to appease you. Just… whatever it is you want to do to me. Just fucking do it."
"Don't push me kid."
A bitter laugh tore his throat, "Kid? You can really look me in the eye and call me that?"
The grip tightened on his shoulder, and he watched as the jaw set and Levi's eyes darkened. But he didn't have it in himself to care, not anymore. What worse could they do that they had not already done.
"If you don't like a 'kid' like me pushing you around… then why not just beat me up or fuck me. Go ahead get yourself off you're keeping everyone else waiting."
His words were spoken between his teeth, making sure to put extra emphasis on 'kid'. His eyes tearing from the rage that began to build toward the surface and flow freely as it burst. Even through his defiance, he was scared, completely frightened, but more so than that, so much more…
"You can do whatever you want, but I won't scream. I won't cry out. I won't give you that satisfaction, and I swear… I swear… somehow… some way… I'll fucking kill you. I'll kill all of you."
Spit smacked against Levi's cheek, just below his eye. He watched as the man's mouth parted in disgust. His finger moved to swipe the saliva clean from his cheek, only to pull it within view as if in disbelief. Eren felt his lips caught between smiling and trembling in anticipating fear.
"Good luck with that," Levi bit out before moving off the bed.
Crossing the room, he watched him move to a stand. Grabbing a pitcher and pouring its content into a glass, he moved back to the side of the bed and set it on the end table. He suspiciously eyed the cup, not sure really what to think of the gesture. Was it poison?
"I didn't piss or shit in that cup its fucking water brat. Drink it and get some rest, I'll be back later."
He watched as Levi moved to the door, hand on the knob, he looked speaks up one last time before exiting the room.
"No one can get in here without my permission."
As he parted, the door clicked shut, and the instant it did Eren all but leapt for the glass of water. Taking an experimental sniff at it, he realized he wouldn't be able detect anything from merely breathing it in. It wasn't as if he hadn't already thrown caution to the wind already. Once he drained the cup of its contents, he eyed the pitcher across the room.
Pushing back the sheets, he stumbled his way out of bed and nearly tumbled to get to the pitcher. Greedily, he swallowed every drop as the water flowed freely past his lips, and just as much leaking past to stream down his chin and puddle onto the floor. He drank so quickly his throat couldn't keep up. His body hunched forward with a jerk, violently coughing as it burned in his chest all the way to his tongue.
With shaking legs, he tried his best to make it to the bed quickly. His joints ached, and his legs refused to hold his weight properly, even now. It seemed he all but underestimated how useless his own body had become as time had passed him in this place. With his single goal of making it in that bed, and probably getting the only decent rest he would be allowed in years, he managed to pull himself onto the mattress and heave one last sigh before his eyes sealed shut.
Whatever angle this character Levi was working, whatever it was… it didn't matter. Whatever this was… he was sure it was all to a means to an end. Whatever Levi's reasons, he knew, it couldn't possibly be to his benefit….. Right?
"Wake up and eat," Levi's voice nudged him from his rest.
His eyes blinked open as the light filtered in and the voice repeated for him to eat, causing the stir to snap him into awareness. In what he found an involuntary reaction, Eren's feet scrambled on the bed as he woke up with a sharp intake of breath, pushing his back against the headboard.
"Relax, its eggs and toast."
Settling the tray on the bed, it did contain a small breakfast. The sarcasm from earlier, apparently, had not worn off.
"What, no flower in a vase?"
The smirk that spread across Levi's lips was a bit disarming. He still wasn't completely sure of what he was capable of, but given recent events, he was sure he could come up with a vague picture of it.
"Cute."
Tapping the end of the tray, Levi straightened up and moved towards the door.
"Eat."
Eren was once again at a loss. Why, what was in it for Levi?
"That's it…. Eat," Eren tilted his head forward, eyes searching through his bangs for some clear answer.
Was this really all?
"That's it. Eat."
If he had to recall, he couldn't say how many times he woke up with an offer of food, a few bickering words, questions that went unanswered and a level of kindness behind indifference, even now, he was unsure he could trust.
Day by day, that uncertainly waned.
Not once had he been back to that room. Not once had he been touched. Not once had he laid hand on him.
He was fed, he was clothed, he was allowed rest and sometimes company. Each meeting dulled his tongue, and loosened Levi's.
Each conversation was ultimately about Eren himself. Not once did Levi ever tell him any details about his life.
His intentions were never made clear. His eyes never gave him away either. He never said why, and he never asked for compensation.
Even as he found himself, late at night, with a handful of others much like him, being ushered into a truck in secret, he never revealed himself. Not even as a final hand carded through his hair. Not even when the engine was started and he asked one last time, why, and Levi pressed his lips to his before pulling back to press their foreheads together, to speak the last words he would ever here from the man would save him from this debilitating fate.
Placing Eren's hand on his chest, with a familiar smirk, that he now knew, was anything but vindictive, he thread the fingers of his free hand through Eren's hair to press them closer.
"Because not all of us have abandoned our hearts."