Chapter 9 - Run

I lay on the bed. My window was open, the cool breeze blowing inside and billowing the curtains, but it wasn't that I was concentrating on. My legs spread out, toes curling into the soft fabric of my sheets. My hands ran along the cotton fabric for a few seconds, before reaching my neck. As I stroked my fingers across, I remembered the soft lips that had pressed against it, the wetness of a tongue. As I ran them down my sides to my hips, I remembered strong hands gripping me tightly, pulling me towards him. Then as I travelled down further, I remembered how it had felt to feel whole, to be a part of someone completely. I bit my lip and smiled, happiness overwhelming me.

I decided to take the bus to school that day, so everyone would see. They did. As I stepped off onto the tarmac of the parking lot I saw heads turn my way, whispers and pointing fingers, gasps and looks of surprise. My high heels clip clopped against the floor, but I loved the sound.

More people turned to look at me in the corridor. Some of them even moved to let me past, something that amused me greatly. It was strange not to feel the length of my hair resting across my back, but I lifted my hand up slowly to check everything was still in place. Then I stepped into Literary.

Immediately the chatter stopped. Every pair of eyes turned to look my way, mouths dropped open and faces flushed red. I strode over to my seat, acting like nothing was different, and placed my bag on the chair, feeling the satisfying clunk against the wooden struts. Then I turned back and walked over to Pitts' table.
"Hello." The quarterback's eyes were wide, surprise and something else colouring his expression. As I perched on the edge of his desk, my body positioned sideways so he could half see my back, I heard him swallow loudly.
"Er…H-hi India."
"Do you like my dress?" I asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible but knowing exactly what I was doing. As I looked over my shoulder at him I saw sweat beginning to appear on his brow. "It's my Mothers." Pitts nodded, obviously having to fight very hard to control himself. Half the people also in the class were looking at him funnily, wondering what was going on. The other half were having to control themselves in a similar way.
"How is your nose?" As I reached out my hand Pitts flinched slightly, half out of fear and half something else. I delicately hooked my finger under his chin and pulled it up, bringing our faces closer together.
"That's not gonna heal quickly." I continued, almost feeling victorious at the fact my old enemy was completely unable to speak. I ran my finger along his jaw, feeling him shiver and his face move just that little bit closer, lips parting slightly.
"I can think of some ways to take the pain away though." I brought my face closer. Pitts inhaled deeply, his whole posture tightening as I moved my lips to his ear and noticed him pull his bag across his lap as surreptitiously as possible. I waited for a few seconds, feeling his breathing judder and gasp, then whispered.
"In your dreams." As I pulled away, Pitts blinked rapidly, unable to really process what had just happened. The girls around us that had heard started to whisper, watching me rise to my feet again and turn around to return to my desk, only to pause and look across the few tables at my real intended target.
"Oh hi Carter." His expression was unreadable – a mixture of jealousy, rage and desire all mixed into one. I smiled, feeling satisfaction and insatiable pleasure flow through me as I finally turned and walked slowly back to my place.

I lasted only one lesson before I was summoned to the Principal's office. As I entered I saw his eyebrows raise and every female employee in the room look at me in judgement.
"Miss Stoker." He said, sounding both condescending but also slightly amused as I sat down. "Do we think this is appropriate dress for school?" I pretended to look shocked, placing my hand delicately over my mouth and then returning it to my side.
"Why of course Sir." I replied, innocence colouring my tone. "I wouldn't have chosen it if it didn't fit the purpose."
"And what purpose was that?" A couple of the women in the room rolled their eyes. I stayed calm and focused.
"It was my birthday yesterday." The Principal looked frustrated.
"Well whilst I am very glad you are now a woman India, we have had several complaints from teachers and students alike. This kind of dressing is simply not allowed. I am going to have to ask you to change." Again I pretended to look shocked. I could tell a few of the other teachers were beginning to see through my act, but thankfully the Principal now seemed more interested in the portion of skin by my neck that I kept rubbing my hand across.
"But sir." I said, still projecting my innocence as provocatively as I could. "I don't have any other clothes."
"Well we will send you home to get some. Is your mother at home?"
"No." I lied. "But I know who is."

I could tell Charlie was angry when I reached his car. I could see it in his face, the way his forehead was scrunched up into a frown, the narrowing of his eyes and the stiffness of his jaw. As I opened the door he looked me up and down sternly.
"India what are you doing?" Feeling my happiness dissipate slightly I slipped inside the passengers seat, closing the door behind me so nobody else could hear.
"Hi." I said quietly. I had expected a rather different reaction. Charlie looked me up and down again taking in my appearance. Gone were the long shirts and skirts I had used to wear. This dress had long sleeves but a plunging back, almost down to my bottom. The fabric was smooth and tight, clinging to my skin and cutting off high above my knees. I had chosen it specifically for this moment, scanning through Mother's closet and picking it out carefully. The deep black colour made my skin look almost ethereal in the pale light.
"Why are you wearing that?" Again the words hurt a little, but suddenly I began to see some of the same signs in Charlie that Pitts had exhibited earlier, his hands gripping tightly onto the steering wheel.
"For you." I replied. Charlie made a frustrated noise, shaking his head forcefully and jamming his eyes tightly shut.
"India, what happened before-"
"-Don't you like it?" The interruption made his eyes flash open, looking over at me with a stare so intense it made excitement rush through me suddenly. "Don't you think I look nice?" Charlie continued to stare at me, his breathing quickening and my heart racing. As I slowly moved my hand over to touch his, he leaned in closer until the fizz of our contact make him jerk away and abruptly start the car.
"Don't move." He said sternly, jamming his foot on the accelerator as we sped away.

For a while I wasn't sure where we were going, but gradually as I noticed the houses thinning and making way for trees I began to realise. When we pulled up by the cliffs, Charlie yanked up the handbrake, exhaling loudly and rubbing his hand vigorously across his face and through his hair. I sat there for a minute or so, watching him. My high heels had been slipped off and my knees brought up to my chest, feeling a little like a child, but also very much like a woman that wanted something. When Charlie finally looked towards me again it was with resignation.
"I can't believe you did this." He said. It was my cue. Rising slowly up onto my knees, I moved my hand outwards to gently touch Charlie's leg. He let out a sigh but didn't turn away anymore. Shuffling closer again, I brought my head up to delicately press my lips to the side of his face. I kissed him again, feeling our shaky breaths mingle in the air between us, then quickly Charlie turned his head and crushed our mouths together. The release was there again – that feeling of everlasting freeness that I just couldn't get enough of. Charlie seemed to let himself go, kissing me deeper and more passionately than he had before. Then his hands reached out to the top of my legs, pulling me closer towards him. The gear stick got in the way slightly, but I managed to clamber over it, straddling my legs either side of him and wrapping my arms around his neck. This was what I wanted, had craved ever since we had finished the night of my birthday.

As we left the pantry I had felt almost weightless, like I could fly. Charlie had had to steady me, gripping tightly but comfortingly onto my hand until we reached the doorway to the living room, at which point he had abruptly let go. For a second panic had ripped through me, the fear of losing him and that wonderful feeling shooting through me and making it hard to breathe. Then I had seen the look in his eyes and known I had nothing to be afraid of. We had stepped out together, my posture strong and tall, a real woman now. Mother had spotted us and let out a squeal of excitement.
"India! Are those high heels?" I had smiled, not caring that this party was awful, not caring that my own mother only cared about me when I was conforming to what she wanted, not caring about anything other than what had just happened.
"They were a present from Charlie." I said cheerfully, grinning. I was on cloud nine.

Charlie's hands pushed down the shoulders of my dress, revealing more pale white skin and then kissing it fervently. I pressed my face into the crook of his neck, clutching him tightly and breathing loudly, my desire and lust almost out of control. As Charlie kissed further round towards my chest, he pushed up the bottom of my dress over my thighs and pulled my legs further towards him, causing my upper body to lean back against the steering wheel. As he beared down on me again, his kisses so strong they were almost consuming me, I felt like I was in heaven. Then a short sharp noise brought us out of our reverie.

It was the horn. My elbow had pressed against it accidentally, but it sent us both jolting apart. For a second we were both shocked, surprise clouding our judgement, then we realised and laughed.
"Don't stop." I said, running my hands the wrong way through his hair so he purred with pleasure. "We were just getting started." Charlie kissed me again several times, beginning to push me backwards again before he abruptly stopped, making me bite his lip playfully.
"Not here." He mumbled in between heavy breaths, panting loudly. "Too noisy." As his hand reached for the door handle it took me a second to realise what he meant. Then it clicked and I scrambled out, practically running round and yanking open the back door – throwing myself inside. As I shuffled myself into a lying position, wriggling my underwear off and discarding it onto the floor, I heard Charlie chuckling and the clinking of his belt as he undid it again – my favourite sound. As he clambered inside and on top of me, with both hands he pushed my dress right up to my waist, pulling the top down as well so I was almost naked. Then he smiled and kissed me again.

It seemed like forever until we stopped, both of us too tired to even lift our heads. Charlie sunk down beside me on the seats and wrapped his arms around me protectively. I noticed the windows of the car were thick with condensation, the air almost cloudy between us. I sighed, pressing my forehead against his and closing my eyes briefly, tiredness overtaking me.
"That was…" I breathed, unable to form how I really felt. Charlie chuckled, one of his hands gently caressing my bare shoulder and the other stroking my hair.
"I know." He replied. We lay like that for a while, still and silent, remembering it all. Then my eyes opened and looked up at him in concern.
"You're not going to make me go back to school are you?" I asked, fear in my tone. "The principal said I had to go home to get changed and then come back." Charlie laughed, leaning forward to kiss me and then shaking his head, our noses rubbing together.
"How could I ever let you go now?" He replied. My face lit up with a smile.

From that moment on we continued our romance. It was hard keeping it a secret – from everyone, from Mother – but there was also something exhilarating about it. Most of our endeavours were confined to the car and Bee Cliff – Charlie would pick me up from school every day and we would drive there, sometimes staying until it was nearly dark. But there were other times where we slipped. A look over the table at dinner, an accidental brush of arms in the kitchen, something we did or said completely innocently that set off that unavoidable chain of events, ending with us rushing to the pantry, pushing off various parts of clothing and throwing ourselves on each other. Sometimes I wondered how my brain managed to replenish such overwhelming feelings again and again – whether it was my adolescent hormones or the fact that Charlie was so intoxicating, no amount of time with him ever seemed enough. But he felt it too. I knew what we were doing was wrong in so many ways, but not a single part of me cared. We needed it.

As Charlie thrust forward again I closed my eyes and leant my head against the cold pantry wall. He had taught me well – I knew exactly how tightly to hold him, what angle to push myself to and how to keep myself quiet when all I wanted to do was scream. This was only supposed to be a quick stop, kisses and contact to keep our hungry beasts at bay – but I had also learnt lots in that area too. Charlie was easy to persuade. As I bit my lip to stop the sounds of pleasure escaping from my mouth, he breathed heavily and thrust harder, eventually bringing us to our finish. My legs dropped from around his waist back to the floor and Charlie put his hands either side of me on the wall, pushing my whole body against it. For a few seconds we didn't say anything, trying to let the haze die down and our breathing return to normal, but then he said the words I hated hearing.
"Do you want to go first, or shall I?"
"No." I said, wrapping my arms around Charlie's waist and pulling him towards me, causing his taught arms to bend in order for him to move. "Let's stay here." A smile flashed across his face – we kissed deeply for about half a minute and then he broke away again.
"We've already been too long."
"I don't care. Let Mother find us." Now his expression changed.
"If your mother finds us, I'll have to leave." He said, now taking on a sterner tone. It was true, as soon as our relationship did become public we would be subject to scandal and Mother would most certainly eject Charlie from the house, but it didn't stop me wanting it. Charlie sighed at my reaction, letting his hand skate effortlessly up and down my thigh. As I watched a trickle of sweat roll down his forehead I suddenly felt jealousy flow through me.
"Do you still fuck Mother?" Charlie's eyes flicked up to me, surprised.
"What?"
"Do you still fuck her?"
"No." He replied, still touching me gently and letting his other hand run through my hair. "Your mother and I haven't had sex in a long time."
"But you still kiss her?"
"India…" I knew the reaction was irrational but I couldn't stop myself. Batting Charlie's hand away I went to redress myself but felt him stop me, sounding frustrated.
"India, you know I have to do this, to keep up appearances. If there was any other way…"
"How very hard for you." I replied. As I pushed him away once more Charlie still tried to protest but I ignored him. Pulling on the rest of my clothes I opened the pantry door, holding it there so he couldn't speak for fear of someone hearing.
"I'll go first." I hissed, before slamming it shut behind me.

As I walked through the hallway I knew I had treated Charlie unfairly. Of course he had no choice but to continue the ruse, it was the only thing keeping him here. But I was selfish. I wanted him to myself.

Turning the corner with my head down I didn't have time to prepare myself for Mother appearing. I almost bumped straight into her and both of us let out a shout of surprise.
"India!" She exclaimed. Although she was dressed in a smart blouse and skirt, I noticed how old she now looked, like life was slowly draining out of her, drop by drop.
"You really must be more careful." Mother continued. The words were familiar, but the presentation lacked conviction. She held no power over me anymore.
"Sorry." I replied, sounding even less sincere than she had.
"Have you seen Charlie?" At the words my eyes flicked up. Mother almost looked a little scared, but she tried to play it off with a smile. She really did miss him, it was obvious - and pathetic. As we stood in silence for a moment my jealousy almost drove me to rat him out, to lead her to the pantry and expose us right there and then. But I knew that would only serve to destroy us later on.
"No." I replied instead, cold and harsh, like the emotions I was feeling right now. "And I don't want to see him." Pushing past Mother without another word I stormed up the stairs and locked myself in my room.

The room was cold as I had left the window open. For a second I pressed my face against the white walls and then walked over to the opening. The sun had just finished rising and it cast a warm glow over everything, even the ginormous boulders that normally threw shadows across the surrounding grass. As I reached my arm out into the air I thought about climbing out of the window and running away, maybe to Bee Cliffs, maybe to Carter's house. The ridiculous thing was I knew he would take me back in an instant, even after all that I had done to him. But I didn't move. Charlie held me back simply by existing. Leaving the window and moving to my bed I lay down and tried to let drowsiness overtake me. My legs still ached from Charlie and I reminded myself of how it had felt, free, unlimited, empowering.

Several hours later there was a knock on my door. I jumped upwards, realising I had indeed fallen asleep. Running my hands through my hair I padded over to the door and opened it. Mother was on the other side.
"India." She said, the way she now seemed to start every sentence. For a second she was distracted by my appearance. "Have you been sleeping?"
"Yes." I replied, like there was nothing unusual about it. I wanted to return so didn't let her inside.
"I'm sorry to let you know on such short notice, but your Aunt Lysa has requested my presence in Knoxville." The words took a few seconds to worm their way into my brain, but when they did I jolted fully awake. Mother, leaving?
"What?" For once she didn't scold me for my rudeness, in fact I could have sworn I saw a flicker of joy in her eyes, the misinterpretation of my reaction as sadness.
"Her husband has fallen ill and she needs me there for moral support." I couldn't even remember who Aunt Lysa was. Probably one of the people she dragged in and out of our house once a year, a smiling face pinching my cheeks. She had probably spoken many a word behind my back between sips of over sharp martinis. But right now she was my favourite person in the world.
"I…" Suddenly bony hands wrapped around my body and pulled me close. My head was shoved into Mothers bosom, so violently it jerked on my neck, and I cringed. I heard a dry sob come from above and realised she was almost crying.
"It's ok darling." She said, rocking me from side to side so my arms flailed for balance. "I'll be back soon." I couldn't believe this was happening. When I was finally released Mother held me out and stared at my face for a long time, almost wistfully.
"I love you India." She said. The words should have meant something, moved me even. I focused on the dark circles under her eyes and wondered if I would look like that when I was older.
"Ok." The wistful expression faltered slightly, but Mother passed my response down to emotion and simply sighed, finally letting go of me. As she left me standing in the doorway I felt a thousand thoughts rush through my head fingers tingled and I rose up and down on my toes several times before suddenly rushing back into my room.

The water pipe creaked ominously under my weight but I slid down it and felt my feet hit the ground with a thud. As I ran the grass poked softly between my toes, long and in need of cutting. My hair blew in my face, obscuring my view of the trees but I navigated them through memory until I reached the spot I was aiming for. Charlie was on his knees, pulling weeds from around the rocks Mother had never wanted in the garden, that Dad and I had loved. Although I was silent he noticed my presence immediately. His body turned around and I saw tension in it, tension I had caused.
"India." He said, almost in an exhalation. I could see he was confused as to why I was here, but also relieved. "Look, about earlier-"
"-Charlie." I interrupted, excitement starting to bubble inside of me, growing and growing with every second I looked at him.
"I know you're upset but there's nothing-"
"-Mother is going away." Charlie stopped. His jaw clenched tight and I followed the muscle with my eyes, seeing a small drop of sweat roll down from his temple.
"What?"
"Aunt Lysa's husband is ill. She's going away for a few days. To Knoxville." There was a thunking sound. The trowel Charlie had been holding rolled further away from it's owner and then rested on the ground. I looked back at his face and saw him staring at me, that same stare I had seen a thousand times. The wind whirled around us, whistling through the trees, almost like it was singing.