AN: I'm on a rooooooooolll! I can't believe this is my 3rd upload this month. (Hooray for the holidays) A word of caution though, this chapter is NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUNGER AUDIENCES. I know I can't really police you one by one but Harada-sensei's spirit will smack you if you even dare. *evil cackle*

CHAPTER 14: DESIRE

"So…why didn't you tell me Chihaya-chan and Wataya-san have broken up?" Satoko asked coolly as they boarded the train to Tokyo earlier than Mizusawa's High School Karuta Club that night. It was the last day of the Nationals which was designated for the individual matches, but the highlight surely wasn't the games.

"It…It just slipped out my mind." Taichi said absent-mindedly, as he remembered the day's events. Arata couldn't have chosen a better date to announce to the whole world that he dumped Chihaya for the former queen… and that he's marrying her.

Grade A Assholes. He thought angrily.

He knew their plans of course - Shinobu had given him an invitation the week before and explained that she didn't really agreed to it, but her family was adamant. Their families had been acquaintances, their grandparents on both sides having been involved in the world of Karuta. What he didn't expect was them showing up today in the Nationals, of all dates. Just when Chihaya was present.

"It's been weeks since that happened, Taichi." Satoko retorted, bitterness evident in her voice. She had been wondering why Taichi's suddenly been busy with Karuta when all she knew was his plans on setting up his career in Japan. She knew he's not one to talk, but not telling her that one crucial information is kind of suspicious.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? It's just that… not everybody is supposed to find out." Taichi explained exasperatedly.

"Except that everybody already has after last night." Satoko countered sarcastically, her brows raised. It wasn't a good enough reason, she decided.

"Okay, I'm sorry. But I'm not hiding it for any other purpose. I didn't know how to cheerfully tell you that my childhood friend cheated on my best friend by knocking up a friend close to both of them." Taichi replied, his voice full of sarcasm. Satoko stared in surprise. Taichi barely loses his cool, and if he does, it really must've meant something to him.

"Wataya-san did that?" She asked, surprised. She knew something was amiss when they bumped into Arata and another girl, knowing that Arata was Chihaya's fiancée, but she didn't know it was that complicated.

"Yes… And they've been doing it for years behind Chihaya's back." Taichi sighed. He felt guilty divulging this information to her, but then again, he wasn't the gossipy type of person.

"Wow… And she didn't notice? I don't have much romantic experience but to have been cheated for so long meant that either she knows but she doesn't care, OR she's just extreeeeemely dense." She countered in amusement.

Taichi didn't respond. There were times like these that even though he knew Satoko were spot on, he can't help but be annoyed by her tactlessness. He knew that Chihaya was dense, but it wasn't her fault that she got cheated on.

"Well, she kind of looks okay now, considering she'd gone through all that..." She continued, as she wondered how Chihaya could have been okay in such a short span of time. She wasn't dim, that much she could pride herself on. She knew that Taichi had feelings for Chihaya, and now that she's single, it might give him the idea to go back to her. Her heart sank at the thought.

"Anyway, you'd been busy the past few weeks so we haven't had time to talk." She said, changing the topic as she shook the negative thoughts from her head.

"When are we gonna do our wedding? You're not gonna bail out just because your first love is single again are you?" Satoko teased, as she tried to pass her jealousy as a joke.

"Idiot." He retorted, though he looked disturbed for a moment. The reaction wasn't lost on her though, and her heart sank further.

"Are you?" She asked, getting worried by the second.

"Course not. I'm just busy with Karuta, that's all. I need to focus on the Qualifiers if I still plan to become the Meijin." Taichi replied hastily, though Satoko still wasn't convinced.

"Well then, after your whatever is finished can we go back to planning our wedding?" She pleaded, as she held onto his hand. Taichi smiled, though it wasn't the kind of smile that meets his eyes.

"Okay, I promise." He replied, as he kissed her hand, his thoughts distracted.

As the end of July neared, preparations for the Qualifiers were getting more and more intense. Players aiming to enter the Meijin/Queen match needs to pass the Qualifiers first, but of course, they must possess a rank not lower than Class A. Tournaments are held throughout Japan for those who wants to advance in rank in time for the Qualifiers, and Shiranami Society will be holding one in August.

Taichi knew he had an advantage, considering that he'd won the Qualifiers before he went to London, but he didn't want to be overconfident. It had been years since that feat, and he knew that geniuses like former Meijin Suo can arise any moment to sweep off the title. He couldn't afford to be complacent.

He'd been playing in the Dojo since the Nationals, but for some reason, he barely gets to see Chihaya. The only times that he get to talk to her were either during the matches when they're pitted against each other, or after the games are over (which is usually just a string of hellos and goodbyes as she needs to rush into some photo shoot or modelling gig). She'd also been absent for a couple of days now. He was beginning to have an inkling that Chihaya was just avoiding him, but for what reason, that he doesn't know.

It was the end of another practice match at Shiranami Society a week before the Shiranami Tournament when he finally had the chance to chat with her.

"Hey, you angry at me or something?" Taichi piped up as he caught up to her on her way home. She stiffened for a moment, but she looked up at him in defense.

"Why would I be angry at you?" She asked in surprise, as she halted her steps.

"Because you're ignoring me." Taichi replied, his golden brown eyes boring into hers. She blushed.

"Im not." She countered as she resumed her walk home.

"Yes you are." He disputed, as he fell into step alongside hers. She didn't reply back, prompting him to teasingly whisper in her ears,

"What is it?" Taichi whispered sexily in her ears, her heart almost bursting out from her chest.

"Taichi!" She shouted in surprise, a vein popping out of her head as she tried to smack him with her bag. Luckily for Taichi, he was as good in his defense as his offense, and was able to block her smack by grabbing her arms and locking it at her back.

"Look, I've known you since we're like 12." He said, as he pulled her closer in an almost-embrace if it weren't for the fact that he's holding both of her hands behind her back. Chihaya was tactless, but she was never the argumentative type. She'd rather avoid the people she's awkward with than tell them her mind.

"It-It doesn't concern you!" Chihaya replied, as she tried to pry away.

"It does concern me if you're avoiding me." Taichi emphasized, as he let her go.

But before she could answer, tiny droplets of rain began falling from the sky.

"Ah. Damn it!" Taichi exclaimed, as he remembered the weather news this morning. The rain began to drop heavily, but luckily for them, they were almost near the train station.

Their short ride home was silent, save for the thundering rain pounding on the windows.

"Drat. I forgot to bring an umbrella." Taichi hissed, as he searched his bag for the said item. They were almost at their stop, and the rain didn't look like it was letting up any time soon.

"You can stay in the house for a while. At least until the rain stops." Chihaya suggested, as he avoided his gaze. Taichi wasn't particularly amused with their awkwardness, and he was determined to straighten things up when they get home.

"Okay."

"Where's everyone?" He asked, as he stepped towards the empty dining hall at Chihaya's house. Though they were in the same district, Chihaya's house was nearer to the station.

"They went to Onee-chan's place for a while. She just gave birth." Chihaya said, as she made her way towards the kitchen. She was at Chitose's place for the past two nights tending to her cute little niece that she almost forgot her duties at the Dojo. Not that she needed the practice, but there were too many members who needed her guidance.

"I see." Taichi replied, as he observed the changes made to the living room. There wasn't much of it, except for the pictures of Chihaya and Chitose in some of their advertorials.

"Here." Chihaya called as she brought him coffee. The bottle of beer in her other hand caught his eye.

"And why are you drinking that?" He asked, his brows raised.

"I'm not underage, baka." Chihaya replied, as she took a swig. She was never a good drinker, but drinking liquor reminded her of the happy times during their Karuta society parties and gatherings.

"I know, but you don't normally drink. And you're a bad drinker." Taichi chastened as he sat beside her in the counter.

"I'm at home idiot. If I pass out you can just toss me upstairs." She retorted coldly as she took another swig.

"Why are you so snappy?" Taichi asked, amused by her temper.

"Would you rather I be moping?" She snapped back, as she emptied the bottle. She opened another bottle from her stash and took another gulp. Taichi could only watch in awe.

At least her tolerance got a little bit better. Taichi thought, as he remembered Chihaya's drunken stupor after drinking only a bottle or two.

"My team already knows. About… me and Arata." She said, as she leaned on her palm. She remembered walking into her team who were busy trash-talking her ex. Their break-up was a trending topic, and though some weren't as enthused with it and would rather not join in the gossip mill in respect to Chihaya, she was just too famous.

"They're bound to know, you know. Both of you being high-profile and all." Taichi commented, as he took a sip of his coffee.

"I know." She replied, as she observed him from the corner of her eye. She used to be taller than he was ever since they were kids, but now he was clearly taller than her by a few centimetres. It had always been a point of contention, because he was so perfect in comparison to her except for the height. The little egoistic Taichi made her laugh.

"Just ignore them." Taichi said, breaking her trance. She took another swig, emptying her 2nd bottle in one go.

"I honestly don't care anymore… what other people think." She muttered dizzily, as she twirled the bottle in her hands. The drink had now taken effect on her, and it made her recall the last time she saw Taichi.

"So why were you ignoring me?" Taichi brought up, putting her back on the hot seat.

"Because I'm in love with you…and you're engaged." Chihaya answered sadly in her thoughts, as she opened another bottle. She didn't know how or when it started… She knew there was a part of her that always loved him, even when she was with Arata. He was her best friend, but she knew he was a man who loved her like no one else did. It gutted her to realize this too late, now that he's engaged to another woman.

"Taichi.." She murmured.

"Yea?" He replied, as he turned to face her.

"Do you… love her?" She asked tentatively, her eyes fixated on the bottle in front of her. The question had been bugging her since the day he kissed her in his car, and though she knew it was taboo, she had to know.

Do you love me? She wanted to add, though she was scared to know the answer.

Taichi was taken aback. It felt like a déjà vu; Chihaya had asked him the last time he came to her house what he loved about Satoko; and when she asked him whether he really loved her, he changed the topic.

"Why are you asking?" Taichi asked back, wondering where they were going with the conversation. A flashback suddenly crossed his mind.

"Because… I'd get jealous. I think." He recalled a much younger Chihaya admitting to him after he asked why his choice in women got her interested.

"Why aren't you answering?" She retorted, annoyance evident in her voice.

"I do." He replied tentatively. Chihaya's heart dropped.

So he does love her… I'm such an idiot. Chihaya chastised, as a whirlwind of emotions came over her.

"Then why did you kiss me?" She asked accusingly as she turned to face him, anger and disappointment in her eyes.

Because I'm maddeningly in love with you. Taichi thought desperately as he avoided her stare.

They were dancing a Pasa Doble, a dangerous dance; and he knew he couldn't afford to be honest, not when things are getting too complicated for both of them.

"The rain has stopped. I think I should go." Taichi dismissed, as he stood up from his seat.

"You're a player." He heard her say tipsily, sending him pangs of guilt.

If you only knew… He thought miserably, as he snatched the new bottle Chihaya was about to gulp down.

"Right. That's it. You're going to bed." Taichi said, as he grabbed Chihaya's arm. Chihaya didn't budge. Her eyes were staring blankly ahead of her and he knew that she'd reach her limit; so much for letting her drink just 3 bottles.

"I love you." Chihaya blurted out, just as he was about to lift her up.

"What?" Taichi asked, not believing his ears. Chihaya turned to look at him, and though her eyes were pinkish due to intoxication, it held the kind of sincerity that blows one's mind away.

"I'm inlove with you." She repeated, her voice slightly cracking. She knew that there was a chance that Taichi may not take him seriously. She was under the influence of alcohol, but she knew she wouldn't be able to tell him honestly her feelings without the booze. It had taken her years to come to terms with her feelings for him; and though she knew there's a chance he may not accept it, she'd rather hear it than torture herself thinking what may have been if she told him.

Taichi stood frozen in front of her.

"You're drunk. Seriously." He chastised quietly, as he turned to the door. He needed to get out. Now.

"That was what I wanted to tell you before Arata came 3 years ago." Chihaya said, as she rose from the table. She remembered the countless nights she cried when Taichi left without knowing what she really felt… the regret that she felt when she saw his face while Arata kissed her.

"That's what I told you in my letters which obviously, you've never read." Chihaya continued, as she stood closer to him, though facing his back. She'd written him hundreds of letters, but there was not a single reply. If he had only read them, they wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

Taichi turned to face her, his face stoic. He'd been wanting to hear this from her for years, to the point that his reason of existence became solely to support her. He knows he should be happy, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that he was just being the rebound, like how he always was.

"Are you telling me this now because you're devastated with Arata? I don't plan to—" Taichi retorted coldly, but was cut short by the warm touch of Chihaya's lips.

It was a fine line – sanity and madness. And he knew they'd already crossed the line.

Chihaya's hands slowly went to cup his face, pulling him deeper into her warmth. He could taste the beer in her mouth, and he never knew how intoxicating it was until now.

But just as he was about to respond to her, he felt her tears trickling down her face.

"Am I too late, Taichi?" She asked quietly, her voice almost like a whisper as tears poured down from her face. Taichi stared at her beautiful face, digesting it all in.

I'm dreaming, right? He thought whimsically.

"You always were…" He replied, laughing without mirth as he pulled her closer, his hands on her waist and his forehead touching hers.

"But don't I always wait for you?" He continued as he closed his eyes, with a lone tear falling from his eye. He'd always been waiting for her, not knowing if she'll ever come… He'd imagined her acknowledging him, over and over again in his mind, it almost drove him insane.

I don't want to wake up. He thought, hoping against hope that everything was a dream.

It was a fine line – love and friendship. And it was a boundary he never knew they can cross.

"I want you.." Chihaya demanded softly, her mouth only centimetres away from his. She could feel the heat just below her stomach, consuming her as she stared at his luscious lips.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked tentatively as he caressed her face tenderly, trying to contain his desire.

"Yes…"She replied timidly, but with sheer determination in her eyes.

And just like that, all inhibitions and self-control went out of the window. Taichi swooped Chihaya in an embrace, his mouth finding hers. He'd kissed her before; but Chihaya knew this was nothing like the kisses that brought her confusion rather than comfort. As their tongues continued to explore and devour, the hunger that she'd felt before came back in full force.

It was ironic how the last card read in his match that night was the multi-syllable love poem by the councillor Sangi Hitoshi;

Asajū no
Ono no shinowara
Shinoburedo
Amarite nado ka
Hito no koishiki.

'TIS easier to hide the reeds
Upon the moor that grow,
Than try to hide the ardent love
That sets my cheeks aglow
For somebody I know.

The love he tried to bury… the feelings he tried to forget… There were just some things in this world he can never control, and he knew that his love for Chihaya was the prime example of it.

"I'm sorry." Chihaya muttered almost an hour later, as she laid down in Taichi's bare chest covered only by her quilt. It was the first time she made love to someone, and even though her womanhood was aching so much she may have trouble walking the next day, she was glad Taichi had been her first. She thought it would feel awkward, with them knowing each other for more than half of their life; but it proved to be a blessing rather than a curse. The passion they've locked for each other was unleashed as they both tried to pleasure one another with kisses and sensual caresses.

"For what? You're not really regretting it, are you?" Taichi asked jestingly, as he turned his face towards her. The rain had completely stopped, paving the way for a clear night sky. She looked heavenly as the moonlight lit her face, giving her an ethereal glow. He remembered tasting every nook and cranny of her body… hearing her calling out his name in the most sensual way possible… feeling her move languidly beneath him as he made his thrusts faster and faster… and feeling himself explode inside of her. This was the moment he knew he'll never ever regret.

"No. Sorry… that I… you and Satoko-chan…" She replied, struggling to string her words cohesively. He didn't need to ask twice to understand what she's trying to say.

"I'm cancelling the engagement." He answered in reply. He'd been thinking about it even before this night happened. He knew it'd be unfair to Satoko, but ignoring what he feels and going ahead with the wedding was even more so.

"But… Taichi…" Chihaya muttered worriedly.

"I'm… the worst. I hated Arata for doing this to you… and yet I… I'm doing the same thing he's done." Taichi said desolately, as he stared at the ceiling. He'd been contemplating his feelings for Satoko the past few weeks, and though he still loves her, it can never compare to how he feels for Chihaya.

"Do you remember the first time we went to Fukui?" Taichi asked, reminiscing their train ride to Fukui to confront Arata.

"Yea, what about it?" She replied, as her hand traced circles in his bare chest.

"You asked me what love is."

"Is there someone… you like?" Taichi asked, as Chihaya gaped at his question.

"Harada-sensei!" She answered unabashedly, blushing like a fan girl. Veins started popping from Taichi's forehead.

"Harada-sensei?" He asked disbelievingly.

"I'd been trying to give him Valentine's Chocolate every year but he always tells me he has a wife!" She exclaimed, mortified.

/You shouldn't be taking her seriously, Harada-sensei.../ He thought hopelessly.

"That's not love idiot." Taichi sighed.

"What is love then?" She defended crossly.

"Yea, and you told me about not having fun. Did you seriously mean that?" She asked, as she looked up at him in wonder.

"Well, in a sense, yes." He laughed, as he shifted his body on his side.

"How so?" She asked.

"Well, let's see. I was in a one-sided love; or the odd angle in a love triangle to be exact. I was happy whenever we're together playing Karuta… or when we we're walking home… or when we're basically just together… except… when you're thinking or talking about Arata. And you were doing that a lot." He explained, as he flicked her jestingly on her forehead. He could remember vividly how her reactions change whenever she's thinking about Arata, and how it hurt every single time.

"It hurt to be beside you when you were thinking about someone else but what I could do? I wanted to be with you." He continued, as he pulled her closer in an embrace.

"It's not fun… being in this complicated situation. But I'd rather have that, than not to be with you." He said finally, as he kissed her hair.

"Taichi…"

"I'm not regretting this. Not ever. But I'll make things right." Taichi said tenderly, as he kissed her on the forehead.

"Uhm." Chihaya nodded, as she snuck herself on the nook of his shoulder.

"I love you." She mumbled sleepily, as fatigue finally set in.

"Love you more." Taichi replied, a small smile grazing his face as he succumbed to sleep.

Satoko couldn't tell what was worse – having been lied to by her fiancée about his feelings for his "best friend", or knowing that his "best friend" actually felt the same way.

She didn't know what those letters were, why they were so many, and why they were unopened. She'd been cleaning the attic that night, and she saw a box full of letters addressed to Taichi. And when her curiosity got the best of her, she immediately regretted having read them.

Tears of regret, disappointment, and hatred came over her, as everything clicked into place.

AN: Aaaand there goes another chapter. My favourite so far. *winks* Honestly, it was the haaaardest to write, but not just because it's my first time writing a love scene (I'm not sure if my skill managed to pulled it through though. Do give me your feedback onegai-shimasu *winks*). I was giggling all the way through -_- *rereads the scene again* *dies of nosebleed* I hope they didn't come out as too OC you know, I mean, I know this is fanfiction but I wanted to stay true to their character. Their 26 now, heavens, and 8 years (or even more than a decade) is a loooooong wait for some action. So up next: some major twists, and a few heartbreaks. I can't believe we made it this far already. Thank you sooo much for cheering me on. See you at the next chap! =)