Chapter 25

Stiles couldn't sleep. Tomorrow they are going to meet with the pack and tell them everything. He didn't want to talk about himself or what he is going through at the moment. Stiles wasn't sure if it was because he was afraid to tell the truth or because of what will happen after that. There is a chance that Scott and Isaac will talk about their erased memories and Stiles was not ready for that.

Now when he knows what's going on with Derek, Stiles is sure that Lydia was right. This was his fault. He must have made his decision based on his problems, not thinking about anybody else. Stiles understands why he did what he did to himself, he can imagine how bad it could have been, but now he felt differently. If he could take it back, he would. Better suffer alone, than to see Derek suffering because of him. Stiles remembered the pain he took from Derek, he wished that what he felt was worse, than what Derek had to go through, but he knew he was probably wishing for the impossible.

What Stiles couldn't figure out, was why were they so connected. They didn't erase their memory together, they didn't erase the same memories, so how could their bodies react like that. Like they... . Stiles shut his eyes, his head started to hurt. It felt like his brain was fighting with the rest of his body, it didn't feel good, but it felt right to fight with his brain. Like it would give up eventually, if Stiles was persistent enough.

"Fuck it." Stiles said out loud and focused all his thoughts on Derek and why they were so connected. He tried to remember Derek - what he looked like, how he sounded, how his muscles tensed... Stiles felt the burn come, but he didn't stop. Thoughts clouded with Derek again - how good he felt when Derek touched him, how intensely Derek looked him in the forest... Stiles had to stop. The burning grew into something else, it got bigger and bigger when Stiles couldn't hold his tears back. He held himself, cursing this burn as he thought about Derek on more time.

The burning stopped, just long enough for Stiles to take a breath when it was replaced with pain, the same pain he felt when he touched Derek. It consumed him, like every part of his body was being stabbed and he couldn't do nothing, than just to accept it. He stopped thinking about Derek, he concentrated on staying calm and thinking about trivial things. Few minutes later the pain gradually disappeared but he couldn't stop tears coming from his eyes, even if he was just staring into nothing, hugging his blanket feeling empty and tired.

There was no way this will happen to Derek again, Stiles knew he had to fix what he broke in the first place. Even if he had to live through this pain again.

Stiles remembered something too late and he had to ran to the pack meeting. When he got there everybody else was already there, he quickly moved to them, "Where's Derek?" he said looking around.

"He is upstairs..." Scott frowned "Is everything okay?"

"No." Stiles wasn't sure if Derek hears them, but just in case he texted and sent the same message to everybody in the room.

-if you tell Derek what Im feeling or that Im lying I'm gonna kill you

He pressed send, when Derek started to come down. Stiles quickly put his phone away and turned to Derek. He looked at Stiles and frowned "Did you ran here?"

"No, I just... you know." he looked around and saw the confusion on his friends faces, probably the reaction from the message he sent. "I didn't want to be late." he turned back to Derek and smiled a small smile.

Derek moved closer to Stiles "Our deal is a deal, when it works both ways Stiles."

Does he think that I needed his help just now and didn't tell? Or does he know about last night? Stiles quickly shook his head "I know, it wasn't that. Dad held me up after school and I didn't want to be late." Derek nodded and Stiles sighed in relief. He turned to others "Also this is making me nervous."

There was a silence where everybody tried to gather their thoughts. Derek stayed close to Stiles and waited for everybody to snap out of it. Scott and Isaac kept staring their phone and Stiles. Allison's mouth fell open when he saw Stiles and Derek act the way they did. Only Lydia looked like he was still alive and well.

"I swear to god Stiles, if you fucked something up again, I will seriously fuck you up!" Lydia said with narrowed eyes.

"Lydia..." Derek started but Lydia cut him off.

"Don't protect him, what did you do?" he stood up and turned to Stiles.

"Jesus Lydia, I didn't do anything." Stiles said with a fake laugh.

"I am so confused right now." Scott said almost to himself. Isaac nodded, eyes fixed on what was happening.

"I'm not." Lydia stared at Stiles when he stared back. "Another day of Stiles making things harder for himself and others. What is it this time?"

"That's enough, Lydia." Derek spoke with a little authority in his voice. He couldn't continue to put Lydia in her place, because Stiles pushed in front of him, matching Lydia's outrage.

"Fuck you Lydia!" Stiles got even angrier after he said it. "Fuck! You!" Everybody froze, they didn't expect Stiles to say anything to Lydia.

They never saw what was coming next. Lydia raised his hand to slap Stiles, before her hand touched Stiles face, Derek grabbed the hand. "I said enough." Derek growled and flashed his red eyes.

"Lydia can I have a word with you in private?" Stiles said trough his teeth.

"Sure." Lydia snapped back and pulled his hand from Derek's grasp. "Your bedroom still soundproof?" he said to Derek, but she never expected an answer.

They both turned and disappeared upstairs.

"Sorry Stiles, but I can't just pretend." she said when Stiles slammed the door.

"Shut the fuck up Lydia." Stiles said slowly, he rubbed the back of his neck, waiting for his anger to disappear, but it was impossible.

"No you shut up! I don't think you understand..."

"Don't you think I already know?! How stupid do you think I am?" Stiles yelled back at her.

"Very." Lydia said with a calmer voice, like she was surprised that Stiles said that.

"I know it was my fault. I'm trying to fix things and you are not helping."

"It was your fault and I'm pretty sure Derek is in agony because of that..."

"I know that! I know exactly how this is affecting Derek. Better than you know. And I'm already drowning in fucking guilt, so could you just stop! You had no idea what was wrong with me then and you have no idea what is going on right now, so you can't say shit like that to me." Stiles breathed heavily " I... I fucked up okay... I had my reasons but the consequences..."

"What? You thought that erasing your memories would erase your problems?"

"I don't know because I can't remember Lydia! So cut me some slack!" Stiles shouted.

Lydia shook his head and walked around "I just can't get around the idea that you would make such a stupid thing! How has erasing your memories ever made things better? It even sounds stupid in theory! You had a shit load of problems and after erasing everything you still have your problems, but besides that you have no idea why and how to fix it."

"I know."

"No you don't! You seriously don't know the half of it!" Lydia said desperately.

"Okay, maybe not, but I can feel it." Stiles said with water in his eyes, it was hard to admit this without showing how he actually felt. He was afraid that if Lydia pushes him over the limit the burning would start. But in that moment he felt like he deserved it. "I can feel it every single minute."

Lydia looked at Stiles and he saw how her face turned from angry to sad. Words got caught in her mouth, she couldn't say anything so instead she came closer and hugged Stiles. He welcomed the hug, feeling better now when Lydia understands where he is coming from. He knows Lydia cares for him and for the rest of the pack, that's why she was so emotional. But it's better to have her on your side. He hugged her tighter when he heard her whisper. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"You two still alive?" Allison smiled, like she knew that the two of them just needed to talk things out.

They both smiled back, when they found their places. Lydia sat on the chair next to Allison and Stiles sat behind Derek. He stole some glances towards Derek, he looked nervous, maybe even too tense. Stiles kept staring when Derek started.

"Anybody else need to use my bedroom?" He said too angrily and Stiles raised his eyebrow. Why is he so pissed off?

"You should offer something like that when Scott and Allison are here." Stiles tried to lighten the mood.

Scott's face went red when Isaac and Lydia started to laugh. Allison tried to hide his smile when he narrowed her eyes at Stiles. Derek took a calming breath.

"We have a problem, that needs to be sorted out." everybody turned their attention to Derek "Turns out there are some consequences to erasing our memory."

"No shit." Scott rolled his eyes and Lydia reached over Allison to smack Scott.

"Ow!" Scott looked shocked as Lydia made a face at him

"I understand some of you already know...because you have been spying." Derek raised his eyebrow at Scott and Isaac. "Does everybody know?"

"No." Scott shook his head, still throwing glances at Lydia.

The girls looked confused.

Isaac quickly explained to them "Derek can't control his emotions, he will turn when things are too much for him."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Allison asked.

"I have control!" Derek growled at Isaac.

Isaac ignored both of them "He can't sleep, he's bipolar, you can't say some words because that will trigger something and he will turn."

Derek crossed his arms and let out angry puffs of air.

Scott continued looking at Stiles "Stiles has really fucked up nightmares, he spaces out a lot for too long, I think... that sometimes he doesn't care if he exists. That's why he doesn't eat or doesn't care to look after himself."

"What?" Stiles stood up "That's not true." it really wasn't.

"Again! Why didn't anybody tell us?" Allison said louder, because nobody answered her.

Derek was looking at Stiles "Some of it was news to me too."

Stiles avoided Derek's intense gaze.

He moved closer "Care to explain, Stiles?"

Stiles turned to him then, surprised to hear Derek so entitled for an answer. Stiles scoffed "Care to explain John?"

Derek turned, touched the bridge of his nose and mumbled something to himself. Stiles couldn't hear what.

"Who is John?" Isaac asked looking at Stiles and Derek.

"Nobody" Derek said at the same time when Stiles said "His new friend."

Lydia laughed "I take everything back, this is amazing." she moved from Allison to next to Isaac "Tell me everything I'm missing."

"Forget John." Derek ignored Lydia, staring at Stiles before turning to the rest of the pack "He is not important."

"Yeah right!" Lydia said silently to Derek after hearing Isaac whisper something in his ear.

Stiles eyes got bigger "He lied?" Does that mean that Derek thinks John is important? Stiles had to concentrate hard to keep this realization off his face.

"Can you stop acting like a bunch of fucking teenagers!" Derek growled loudly and everybody froze. When enough time passed Derek continued "In addition to what Scott and Isaac said, we both.." he looked at Stiles for a second. "we have this feeling, like something is missing, like we are empty. It's hard to explain."

"It's like you are depressed all the time, but you don't know why. Nothing matters, because you feel like nothing." Stiles explained how he saw it, Lydia looked at him, her eyes telling much more than she probably meant to say.

"I'm sorry guys." she said almost whispering.

"There is more..." Derek looked like he didn't want to continue, Stiles stood to get closer to Derek. It comforted him so he hoped it would work for Derek too. Maybe it did, because Derek shifted closer and his hands relaxed. "We both have..." Derek stopped again.

"We are really fucked up." Stiles smiled a lifeless smile " When Derek tries to control..."

"I don't try shit, I keep it under control." Derek growled.

"We know Derek, my bad" Stiles said slowly and when Derek didn't look at him anymore he continued "When Derek is controlling... stuff... he is in pain, like he is fighting with himself. And I have something similar, when I feel too much, I feel like I'm on fire."

"What?!" Isaac and Scott said in unison and Isaac continued looking at Derek "Why didn't you tell me?"

"All this time?" Scott looked the both of them but his eyes stayed on Stiles. Stiles nodded, hoping he doesn't have to tell any details and what he found out last night. He could tell Scott later, when Derek isn't listening.

"We just found out that we can help each other." Derek started again " We can take each other's pain."

"How?" Allison asked quickly.

"By touching. Then the pain leaves the body to the hand."

"Sorry, how is this helping?" Allison wasn't convinced.

"It doesn't hurt as much." Stiles said and Derek nodded.

"It's almost nothing compared to your own pain." Derek added and it was Stiles turn to nod "Yep." Stiles winced, he knew that it didn't sound too convincing, especially to those who already know he is lying.

Scott shook his head and then rested his head on his hands. He watched Lydia with an angry look.

"What?" she didn't get it.

"This right here," he circled Derek and Stiles "Is your fault." Isaac sighed loudly, agreeing with Scott.

Lydia still looked confused, but neither Scott nor Isaac said anything.

"We know that this is because we erased our memory, is there something we need to know." Derek said to everybody.

They all looked shocked "You want to know?" Isaac asked a little happier.

"No." Stiles said "I mean, if there is something we need to know to move on from this. Then yes. Only if it's necessary."

Everybody looked at Scott, who was seriously thinking about it.

"What if it's not necessary, but it will make things easier." Isaac offered.

"Like Stiles said, only if it's necessary." Derek confirmed what Stiles said.

"Then no." Scott said and Isaac stood up, clearly angry and disappointed. "Isaac you know we can't..." Scott tried.

"Yeah, whatever." Isaac said and disappeared through the door.

"Shit." Scott stood up "We need to call Linda's sister, I'm sure she can help us." Scott ran after Isaac.

Allison stood and followed them "I'll call and let you know Derek."

Derek turned to Stiles "I need to talk to Scott. You okay?"

"Yeah." Stiles was surprised by the question and by the looks of it so was Derek. He stared a moment too long, thinking about something but he still left. When the door closed Stiles still kept starng at it.

"So it's just you and me." Lydia smiled sadly and patted the spot next to him.

Stiles sat next to her. He didn't want to talk about anything, this was already messed up. The whole pack was almost broken because of him, Derek was fucked up, Scott and Isaac were fighting all the time. At least he made up with Lydia. He smiled and turned hoping to spend the rest of the day with Lydia, to keep his mind off this thing until they hear back from Linda's sister.

"Hey, do you.." Stiles started but Lydia cut him off.

"Stiles, I need to tell you something." She shifted on the couch so she was facing Stiles "But you have to promise you won't freak out."

Stiles scoffed "I can't do that.." but Lydia got really serious.

"Promise!"

Stiles laughed cautiously "Yes, I promise, but..."

"You two loved each other, that's one reason why you erased your memory."

Stiles stared back at her "What? Who?"

Lydia held back her tears "You and Derek. Stiles... you loved each other."

Derek

"Scott, wait!" Derek called, when he ran after Scott.

"Yeah?" Scott stood outside, watching Isaac drive off. Derek waited when Allison said her goodbye to him and then turned to Scott.

"I need to ask you something." he kept his voice serious.

"Okay." Scott didn't sound too sure about it.

"You can't lie."

"I can't promise that Derek. After everything that has happened, it's hard to keep track who is supposed to know what..." Scott smelled tired and angry, but mostly sad. Derek was impressed how well Scott kept himself together.

"Why are you sad?" he couldn't keep himself for asking.

"I can't tell you because it's..." Scott started.

"Yeah fine... That's not what I wanted to ask anyway." Derek was as annoyed as Scott about how stupid this situation is.

"Is it about Stiles?" Scott guessed.

Derek nodded slightly "I have to know if he is lying to me."

Scott laughed and leaned on the door "I can't keep up with you two. When did you started talking anyway?"

"He got to your phone and read your texts. He found me and we talked. Is that true or did you make him follow me?" Derek had to know if Stiles actions were really his.

"That's all Stiles. But I maybe left the phone hoping that he would see it."

"What?" Derek was frowned "You are the only one who is so strongly against us knowing..."

"I still am, but you two can't live like this. So I just tried to push things in the right direction."

Derek narrowed his eyes "And what is that right direction."

"The one where you help each other." he smiled.

Derek stared at Scott, still not sure if he is liking how his life is handled by Scott and Isaac. He tried to rub his headache away put it was pointless.

"You didn't answer my question. Is he lying?"

"About what?"

"That means that he is lying about something." Derek saw through Scott's answer.

"Maybe. You do understand that you are making me sell out my best friend."

"You are not.." Derek growled and walked further, his anger rising. He kept repeating the same things in his head "Keep it together. Control it."

"You can control it. You are controlling it." Scott encouraged him.

Derek waited a little and the storm inside calmed down. He continued like nothing happened. "I'm afraid that Stiles is lying about my pain. He says that it's nothing when he takes it from me, but... I'm not sure." he paused not wanting to say this out loud "It's a lot of pain to handle, even for me."

"I'll figure it out." Scott nodded and frowned.

"Scott you want to say something then say it." Derek was so frustrated, how he didn't know fucking anything anymore. How was he supposed to be the alpha if he didn't know shit.

"Why don't you want to know what you erased? I get Stiles, why he is terrified to know what happened, and I get why you did it, but things have changed. I see how you are struggling with this decision. What's stopping you?"

"Like you said. Stiles is terrified." Derek mumbled and wanted to leave, but the sudden smell of shock made him stop. He looked at surprised Scott.

"Your reason is Stiles?"

"Among other reasons, but yes." Derek glared at Scott "You have a problem with that?"

"No." Scott stuttered "I.. I'm just so fucking confused and amazed at the same time."

"What the fuck am I supposed to be then?" Derek raised his eyebrow.

Scott shrugged and smiled "I'll figure out if Stiles is lying. You should hang out with Stiles, talk or whatever you two have done so far. It seems like it is helping."

Derek didn't understand "Helping how?"

"It's helping Stiles."

Derek nodded and walked back to the apartment.

Things are still too fucked up, but it's better now, when he knows a lot more about this situation. For the first time in a long time he felt like this crap they are dealing could be temporary. Derek was really proud of Scott taking things into his own hands, he was doing pretty well. He had to remember that later when he screws something up. Derek wondered how being with Stiles could help him. He wanted to talk to Stiles anyway, about the memories and their connection. They were missing something really important, maybe they could figure it out together.

His headache was still there, he felt better when Stiles was close to him so hoping that will help, he walked faster.

"Stiles?" he heard Lydia say in his apartment "Oh my god, Stiles?" that got Derek's attention. "Derek!" Lydia yelled and Derek was running.

He barged into his aparment, Stiles was on his knees, in pain. He quickly ran to Stiles to help him.

"No!" Stiles said trough his teeth, like it was painful to talk. He tried to move back, but Derek pushed him even further so he fell on the ground on his back. Derek pulled Stiles shirt up and placed his hand on his naked chest. He hovered above him, waiting for any sign that Stiles was okay. Any signs that Stiles was feeling better. His own hand was on fucking fire. The longer he held the hotter it got, he was surprised that it hurt more than it did last time.

He saw Stiles face relax, and soon heard his heart calm down. Derek relaxed a little, he knew the fire should disappear any second now.

"Stiles?" Lydia asked quietly.

Derek's eyes didn't leave Stiles, the fire did but he kept his hand on Stiles chest. The feeling was amazing, totally worth the pain he just endured. Stiles eyes were still closed, his breathing was back to normal so Derek allowed to hold his hand a little longer. He wanted to move his hand, to touch more of his body...

"Derek!" Stiles opened his eyes, he looked relieved but something changed in his eyes. Stiles breathing got quicker and so did his heart, Stiles pulled Derek's hand away and stood up. He moved further from Derek.

"What's wrong?" Derek stood slowly, concerned that he would scare Stiles if he did it too fast.

"I... I'm sorry I have to go."

"Did I do something wrong?" Derek was confused. Afraid that maybe he did touch him too long. Or didn't take enough pain away.

"No. You did everything right. Thank you for taking the..." Stiles eyes turned sad. "Thank you for taking my pain."

"It was nothing. What's wrong?" Derek tried to get closer to Stiles but he stepped further every time. He frowned at Stiles.

"I really have to... go..." Stiles stopped and bent over, like his chest was burning again.

Derek quickly moved to him, he pushed Stiles gently against the wall so Stiles couldn't move away. His hand searching the right place, but when he touched Stiles chest nothing happened, Stiles was looking into his eyes.

Derek frowned "Why isn't this working?"

"Different pain." Stiles said quietly. "You can't take this one." Stiles took Derek's hand with his hands and pulled it off his chest.

"What do you mean?" Derek was desperate, Stiles was sad and in pain, but he had no idea why or how to help him. Again, his lack of knowledge made his life miserable.

"I..." Stiles couldn't talk, he just looked at Derek with sad puppy eyes and it was driving Derek mad.

Derek looked at Stiles face, hoping to get whatever he was missing. "Leave." he said loudly to Lydia. She was distracting with her sobs and breathing. When Derek didn't hear her walking away, he said it louder "Leave, now!"

Lydia did what was asked. She looked at Stiles and Derek, but she didn't say anything.

Stiles was leaning against the wall, Derek was standing in front of him, not planning to move anywhere. "Clearly you are upset or in pain. Let me help you."

"Can we continue this tomorrow? I need to think."

"You can think now." Derek shrugged.

Stiles laughed and it was the best voice Derek heard all day. "How can I think when I'm surrounded by you and the wall."

Derek got closer, put his hands on the wall "Is this better?" He was just joking but the reaction he got from Stiles was something else. Stiles cheeks went red, he opened his mouth a little, his heart started to beat faster. Suddenly everything between them was hot. Derek stopped concentrating on Stiles for a second and discovered that he was feeling the same way. Derek has never felt so complete, whatever this was it made everything good again. He licked at his lips and looked how Stiles stared at his lips when he did.

"Um..." Stiles tried to talk "Tomorrow." he cleared his throat "Let's continue tomorrow. I need to think. I have to go."

Derek slowly shook his head and moved one of his hands to Stiles waist "You are not going anywhere."

Thanks again for your awesome reviews! You made my day! Hope you liked this chapter! Let me know.

Sorry for the ending... I'll update as soon as I can. :)

PS! I'm really working on my grammar and other shit... sorry for the mistakes.

-evilkoalaforce