They laid there for what seemed to be eternity for them, both naked, sweaty, breathless...neither of them spoke a word, just letting the afterglow sink in for them both. It felt surreal to Jude, staring up at the ceiling as Alvin hovered over him, their stomach's heaving together slightly, skin brushing hot skin.

"You guys are my ticket home back to Elympios. All I have to do is kill you off."

Jude managed to pull the mercenary closer as if that would help him ease his rapid breath, feeling that comfortable weight over his small frame felt welcoming, the warmth of Alvin's body, his fleeting heartbeat, the pulse of the other's length inside of him. He wasn't sure if he was dreaming this up or not….

"After all...anyone who learns about the schism...will have to die..It is my mission"

The young doctor didn't want to speak in fear of breaking this eternal bliss between them, he could feel Alvin's lips shakily trail messy kisses from his shoulder that was already bruised up from the bite marks of shapes and sizes up to his collar bone, this only made Jude sink more into the comfort of the mattress, his senses heightened, every subtle touch from the older man, the slight bitter taste of Alvin's saliva, the scent of sweat, semen and Alvin's cologne seemed to make it difficult to breathe, when his eyes opened he could see the outline of Alvin's body shift so they were looking back eye to eye.

"You always try to go with the flow….you really piss me off, you know!"

Alvin looked like he wanted to say something to the younger male, but he was too mesmerized at the view before him to utter a single word, his hand lazily reaching over to move Jude's black bangs that were damp from his sweat to the side so he could peer more into his amber eyes, that even in the dark he could see their gentle glow.

"Get up! We have to get out of here! You've got to listen to me, Jude! Remember Milla's mission! She sacrificed her life for it! Now get up!"

The only thing that Jude could do was reach up again to the mercenary, cupping his face into his small hands, lifting his head up just enough to be in a lip lock with the other, nothing rushed or feverish, just a tender moment between them. The only thing that could be heard was the shifting of their movements on the sheets and their conjoined heartbeat that finally settled from their laborious adventure.

"I won't let you hurt him! I won't let you do this!"

It all felt like a dream that neither of them wanted to wake up from.

"We're just plain old human beings. We can't be like her!"

It felt...too good to be true...but here they were, alone in Jude's dorm room in each other's company.

"LEIA!"

But like all dreams...they have to wake up sometime.

All Jude could do was just send punch after punch at Alvin's face seemed to be the one place he could set his frustrations out on without any thought coming through his mind. Without any regard to what he was throwing his punches into. When the younger male finally opened his eyes from his blind rage when he swung down with all his might, all he could see was the man that turned his back on them, the man that hurt Leia…

The man that hurt him.

He swung again, but the punch didn't even graze on the mercenary's skin, he tried again, but there was no effort behind it, nudging Alvin's face to look up at him, his cheeks red and puffy from the strikes, Jude could've sworn that Alvin would be able to take the opportunity to turn the tables, but...he didn't. He just laid there, eagle spread, his brown eyes that were light and carefree as the rest of him...were dull...lost…

"Damn it.." Alvin managed to utter, which cut through the young doctor's consciousness like a knife, his arms hung limp at his sides .Why...why were they doing this? Did Milla's death really get to their heads this much? How much more was it going to take? What else were they supposed to do? Question after question after bloody question just lingered in Jude's mind to the point he wanted to scream and shout for answers, but nothing….nothing came to mind….

Just like everything else they have striven so hard for….how could nothing just be the end result?

Nothing...nothing...Nothing.

"Hey…." Alvin's voice interrupted Jude's thoughts again, his voice cracked, "Just go ahead and kill me already…"

The young doctor's body flinched, the words seemed to repeat over and over again. Kill. Death. Loss. He wanted him to lose another person that had made an impact on his life? He wanted him to add another tally...another tombstone on the list? How...how could he…? How dare he…

And yet here he was, he was asking for the same thing...but he was too petrified….too fucking pissed off to care that he was just as in the wrong as Alvin was.

"Kill you? How can you even say that to me?!" Jude puts his hands to Alvin's chest, looking at the man with tears threatening to fall as his voice cracked, "Milla saved your rotten life! Don't be so eager to just throw it away! Don't you get it? Milla died because she wanted us to live! She didn't die so that we would end up- end up like this…"

Was death really the answer to all this? Was that going to solve their problems? Maybe solve their own personal suffering...but it wasn't going to solve the world's decline...it wasn't going to save Milla...no one was going to remember Milla except for them…

"Well then...what the hell should we be doing?!" Alvin snapped, putting a bit of struggle under Jude, but it was pointless, he had no more strength, "I'm not Milla! I can't live like her! I don't have a mission to fulfill!"

That's right...they didn't have a mission...they didn't have their lives already set out for them, their destinies planned out for them before they were even born….even if it was all made up...even if it was some story that they had to live to believe in.

In frustration Jude yanked Alvin up to sitting position, his hands tightly grabbing fistfuls of Alvin's shirt, "She's not here to hold our hands have to think for ourselves now."

"Think for ourselves how?!" Alvin snapped, trying to jerk away from Jude's grip, but even though the young doctor felt like he had no strength left in him, he kept the other up.

They had an advantage…..they had the advantage that Milla didn't…

Their destinies were not premeditated...at least knowing for them...they couldn't just allow one event...no matter how much it hurt...no matter how painful it was to witness….to stop them from what they should be doing….

"No one's going to make our decisions for us anymore!" Jude shouted back before his head sank, the realization to his words hit him harder than any strike Alvin made at him,"And no one...no one will take responsibility for our actions ever again!"

The mercenary managed to make a scoffed noise, but it was weak, as if he didn't believe his own thoughts in his head, he swayed a little when Jude's grip released him as he stood up on his own feet. The teen struggled to remain standing, but he stayed firm, even if it looked like a brisk wind could knock him over.

"Even if Milla's mission was all a lie…" Jude hung his head back with closed eyes, as if he had to pause for himself...to listen to himself, "The truth is, she was willing to put her life on the line to fulfill it ." He looked back down at the mercenary as if trying to reach out to him verbally, "It's not a matter if you can or can't. It's a matter if you do or don't."

The mercenary's aggression fell from his face as his eyes softened, his volume almost to a bare minimum as he spoke, "Jude, you…"

Jude had to think to himself for a moment again at his words before nodding again with a smile that he thought was gone for ages, "Why it take me this long to figure out what Milla was trying to tell us?" His expression brightened up even more with potential hope that maybe….just maybe there was an answer out there...they just had to think it through, "Let's get moving, Alvin."

The mercenary sat there staring up at Jude in disbelief before his expression changed to confusion. How? How could the kid manage to find a reason to smile after all this? He lost everything just as much as he did...maybe more...how...how could he? It just didn't make any sense…

Alvin grunted slightly as he struggled with the last bit of strength he had to get up and move past the young doctor, every step he took he was limping away. Jude didn't move to follow after him, but watched him leave, his face changing back to being rather stoic before directing his attention to Leia's barely breathing body.

Once Jude finished bandaging Leia up he decided to take a breath of fresh air outside the shed, he just didn't feel like sitting still with his thoughts, at least there would be some scenery to look around at if he did. He had to think of the next step of where to go now that he accepted that there was a hopeful chance...he just needed to seek for the answers. There had to be a spirit world somewhere right? Where both Muzet and Milla would be from….they had to come from somewhere ...it was the only thing that made sense at this point.

It was dark, so it was a little tricky for the doctor to see his surroundings, but the overwhelming scent of the napple trees told him where he was, how close he was to where him and Alvin fought...how close he was to brushing death...and embracing it…

He stopped when he felt something nudge his foot, seeing the scattered and broken wooden planks that broke when him and Leia fell from the high tops. He lifted his head to see the broken bridge, trailing his eyes across it to see a familiar brown coat. Jude hesitated for a moment...but went up anyway.

He had difficulties climbing up but by the time he got there, his focus was on the mercenary's back, who had his head sulked down, slightly slumped on his side, clutching his body as if trying his best to comfort it, but it did little to no good. He didn't look up, but he spoke softly, "Come to finish me off?"

"...You're still talking like that…" Jude sighed as he took a couple steps forward, but kept his distance, rather wary of Alvin's state of mind.

"Can you blame me? I lost everything, I can't go back home, I turned my back on the people that actually gave a fuck about me even if it was just a little...and I turned my back on you…."

"Alvin….I can't say I was any better earlier….I was knocking on death's door just waiting for it to swallow me whole..."

"Milla meant a lot to both of us..." Alvin interrupted, still clutching on onto onto his abdomen, "She was more than a friend...a saving grace, a force to be reckoned with...she was Maxwell to us. Even...even if it is a lie...hell, if no one knew better, I'd say I wrote the book on lying."

Jude exhaled sharply to suppress his laughter, his eyes focusing on the mercenary's figure hunched in his spot, "You're still hurt..."

"Had me running for my gald in in that fight..." Alvin didn't bother hiding it, "But...it's probably best if I'm like this..."

"Why?"

"Muzet sent me to kill you...remember?"

Jude grimaced to the other's statement, "Do you intend to..?"

"I don't intend on succeeding that mission." Alvin mumbled, "I'd rather die."

Jude stood there for a moment before sulking to his knees, his body reminding him that he fought the battle of his life, he battled many things, many people before...but nothing as harsh...as personal….as Alvin.

His eyes looked at his surroundings before setting sights on where Alvin's weapons were, his sword was not too far from the edge of the broken bridge while his gun was closer to him lying on it's side. The weapon itself was a complete mystery to him. How Alvin explained it to him that it was using Efreetian arts….but the truth was they were just bullets, a powdery substance within them that caused them to turn into fire when they were ejected. He's heard it in theory...he seen it in practice over and over again.

He's been on the other end of it….

Jude lifted his gaze back over to Alvin, who seemed to be following his gaze as well before meeting his again, a hand nudging his gun with a firm push that the weapon slides and nudges into Jude's knee.

"Go ahead. I'm good as gone...and if you don't do it, I'm sure Muzet will be more than happy to do it...I know just as much as you do to her…"

"Alvin you can't be serious-!" Jude gaped.

"Just do it...I...I'd rather have you do it...you of all people...deserve to be the one who puts an end to me." Alvin's expression seemed to mimic one of a wounded animal, losing the will to fight, "Just fucking do it!"

The younger male felt his mouth go dry, but his body seemed to mechanically move for him as he bent lowered his hand to pick up the gun. It was heavier than it looked, it felt awkward in his hands...hard...cold...that a piece of metal like this….could turn a bullet into a fiery blaze in an instant.

"Just hold it up and pull…" Alvin said to pull Jude from his thoughts, shifting so he was facing the other, knees pulled up, one arm still clutching his waist, the other propped on one knee, if he didn't looked so pained, this was similar to the casual sitting stance he would settle to whenever they were on their breaks between the journey...laughing his ass off next to the campfire….talking about some silly story about his mercenary missions and how some things would go wrong or interesting..just to get a laugh from the rest of the group.

The expressions of Alvin's laughter to the expression he was staring at now seemed to flash back and forth in Jude's mind, holding the gun properly in both his hands since he couldn't keep it held steady in one. His eyes seemed to go out of focus...even though Alvin was point blank in front of him...unarmed...this wasn't a parlor trick...this wasn't a lie…

This was a broken man at the end of his rope…

"I shouldn't have….I shouldn't have turned my back on you...I broke my promise…" Alvin said as he lowered his head, the grip he had around his waist tightened as he spoke, as if each bit of air was difficult to take, "I can't keep fucking up like this..knowing that it's hurting you...just...just do us both a fucking favor alright?"

"Is….is that why…" Jude asked with the gun pointed at Alvin, he couldn't miss...even when his vision was going in an out on him….

"What do you think it's about? No matter how hard I try Jude...I'm always becoming the worst for you...so what's the fucking point…" Alvin choked, his upper body making a violent twitch forward, "So stop stalling, kid...fucking put an end to me already!"

Jude's arms felt like they were holding a ton in each of them, struggling to keep the gun steady as tears rolled freely down his face, "You...bastard…"

"That's right...I am...that's all I ever need to be in your eyes Jude…." Alvin repeated, "I fucked you up mentally and physically because I needed to...I needed to do it to survive… I'm nothing but a parasite….what are you waiting for?!...I SAID-"

"STOP LYING TO ME!" Jude shouted, pulling the trigger, the bullet flying past Alvin's cheek and careening into the tree behind them, the blast causing Alvin to jolt and Jude to fly backwards on his back from the recoil. The frantic movements made Alvin's broad sword fall to the ground, slamming tip first into the soil beneath them.

The gun fire seemed to echo in the night, birds that were in the trees fluttered and escaped away from any of the potential danger that the two had expressed in words and fists and gunfire. Jude managed to roll on his side, tossing the gun away from him and Alvin so that it was out of reach, sobbing, his hands shakily going to his head as he spoke, "Stop...just stop….stop lying!...Don't...don't make me go back on my promise to see you through, damnit!"

Alvin's eyes widened in shock at the other's words, it hit him harder than any bullet could through his heart...He watched as Jude curled up, letting the tears fall to where it didn't seem like there was any way of stopping them as Jude continued, "No matter how rotten you get...no matter how many stupid lies you make, I made a promise to you…! I want...I want to see the best in you, Alvin….but I can't if you're dead! If you're...if I….If I….." Jude shook his head wildly like he didn't want to believe what he just did mere minutes ago, "If I went...through with that….I would've never forgiven myself!"

"Jude….Jude…!" Alvin managed to crawl over to the other, gathering the younger male in his arms, which was immediately welcomed, the doctor grabbing fistfuls of Alvin's coat, crying by the buckets into the other's scarf. Alvin didn't care as he tightened his embrace, no matter how much his body was hurting, no matter how much his mind was screaming for him to stop...that this was only delaying the inevitable….that he didn't deserve Jude's happiness if that was even obtainable….

But he stayed there, just letting the other cry in his arms, running his shaky calloused fingers though the other's soft black hair, his own tears running freely, "Jude...I'm sorry...I'm so fucking sorry…"

After a while of Jude crying his eyes out, hiccuping slightly to calm his breathing he kept his face buried in Alvin's chest as he spoke, "Please Alvin...please tell me...that was...the worst for us…"

Alvin sure as hell hoped so...but he wasn't going to lie to the younger male, he had now seen Jude at his absolute worst.

And he never wanted to see it ever again.

"I can't be the judge of that….but for conscience sake...let's hope it is...look towards….the best…"

"Yeah…" Jude agreed, still buried into the mercenary's chest, his hand moved to embrace the other, only for Alvin to flinch. Jude pulled back, teary eyed as he looked at his hand which was covered in blood, "Alvin-"

"It's nothing, I'm fine-" Alvin tried to argue but Jude firmly pushed the other back on the ground, wordlessly grasping his white button up and yanking it open, seeing the damage that was done. Alvin raised his arm to stop the younger, but he shoved it back.

"What did I say about lying to me?" He said angrily, tears were still rolling down his face. The mercenary didn't fight back this time, watching as Jude searched for other injury points, "Where else does it hurt?"

"Everywhere." Alvin replied dully, staring up at the branches above them. Jude noticed that dazed look anywhere as he lightly shook the other.

"Alvin stay with me okay?! Where's your Lilium orb?!"

Alvin didn't respond, causing Jude to shake him harder, "Alvin! Where. Is. Your Lilium orb?!"

"Here…" He pointed to one of the inner pockets of his jacket which Jude dove into. Once he had the small orb in his bloodied hand he activated them both, his eyes widened at how weak the other's heart rate was.

He was intending on dying here whether Jude found him or not.

The doctor put his free hand back on the wound clutching it tightly as his mana forced it's way against it, the mercenary thrashed,making the bridge sway threateningly back and forth with no care of the pair that was on it, but Jude kept him still as he shouted, "Immaculate healer!"

"Jude...please…"Alvin tried as he reached up and grasped the other's arm, his blood staining the other's clothing, his eyes more focused the longer Jude held the arte. Jude looked at him, the tears still falling.

"I meant it when I said that I want to see the best of you..you're not allowed to die on me Alvin. Not yet…"

Alvin winced as he felt the arte kick in on his wound, feeling it little by little close up on him, it felt like scalding hot coals against his side sealing the cut. He wanted to scream out but he bit them back, as his consciousness was returning to him, he could feel the urgency and panic that was coming from Jude's aura.

"Alvin...Say something… Please…" Jude stated as he leaned over the other. Alvin shifted his head to stare up at the other, reaching his hand up to touch the younger's face. Jude quietly placed his hand over Alvin's feeling him brush away the tears that threatened to fall.

"I'm sorry...I...I really mean it...I caused this...I caused...all of this…"

"Alvin…"

"Don't….talk me out of it...I can't run away again...I can't run away anymore...I have to set things right...even if it hurts…"

Jude pulled his hand away from the wound that was now closed, leaving only the tears and bloodstains on Alvin's clothing. He gently moved the other's bangs aside so he could stare at those brown eyes, for once...feeling that they were meaning every word that he said.

Because he didn't know how much more of this he could take.

"Alvin...no matter what happens, we'll fight through this together…" Jude noticed a sudden change in Alvin's heart rate as if adrenaline kicked in for him. Alvin's hand moved to the back of Jude's head, pulling him down for a kiss.

The younger wanted to fight back, wanted to punch the living crap out of the mercenary for even thinking this was the time for kissing but his fist fell and landed next to Alvin's head so he could deepen the kiss. He was in too deep...he missed this...he longed for this...no matter how much he just wanted to be pissed off at Alvin for everything he had done he kept coming back to this...how much he needed the other there despite all the bad…He paused in the kiss, pulling back as he gave a concerned look, "Alvin, should...we be even-"

Alvin didn't want to hear it as he caught Jude up in a liplock again, this time the young doctor didn't dare pull away again, slumping into Alvin's waiting arms, the lillium orb seemed to heighten his senses, hearing the pulsing sensation of Alvin's heart in his ear, he could sense every potential move that the other was going to make, like the fact that Alvin was sitting up, that his own hands fumbled with the buttons of his shirt that his own seemed to do away with the fly and belt of his slacks.

The mercenary only pulled away from the kiss so he could bite down on Jude's shoulder, the younger male did what he could to brace the pain of it, relishing in it since he could feel every possessive intent that the other had, wave after wave of it swelling to his very being. His head tilted back as he felt that mouth venture down, praising the doctor's skin worshiping it like a deity, dragging his lips and tongue down with no sense of shame or insecurity. He didn't care if any of the natives nearby saw them above, and it made it rather known to the youth as he changed their positions.

Jude didn't even have a moment to make a yelp of surprise when he looked eye to eye with the mercenary. That same broken man had a glint of determination...a glimmer of hope...determination to show that he was exhausted but he wasn't done and out.

Alvin paused at his pants before looking back up at Jude, the younger male didn't even need to make a gesture to the mercenary to continue, the lilium orb connection made it easy for their feelings to be known without exchanging words, it was as if their feelings were completely exposed for them, for once they didn't have to worry about something being hidden as Alvin removed the teen's pants with haste, finishing the job Jude started with his own. After the struggle of getting the necessary clothing out of the way, they found themselves tangled in each other's arms, Jude unable to hold back the strangled cry when he felt Alvin's length press at his entrance impatiently, for a moment the older gave concern, however it was pushed aside when Jude yanked the other right back down into another lip lock, giving the mercenary the nerve to push himself into Jude.

At first the doctor regretted it, biting on Alvin's bottom lip to the point he broke skin, tasting the copper on his tongue, but Alvin knew how much pain the other was feeling, guiding Jude's arms so they were under his shirt and attached to his back, digging his nails down as his hips slowly inched their way to where they met. When Jude let go of Alvin's lip he pulled back, blood rolling a little down his chin.

"Alvin…" Jude managed, licking his lips as he stared up at the other, his legs tightened around the other's waist, feeling the dull pain every time his hips moved, but the older didn't dare move his hips as he leaned down to continue his worship of Jude's lithe body beneath him, pulling all the sighs, gasps and groans from the youth's lips until he could feel the younger buck beneath him, "Please Alvin...Please!"

The mercenary complied to the other's plea, pulling back just a little before going back in, getting progressively further and harder with his thrusts to guide the other's mind off of the pain. Jude yelped when he felt the movements caused them to rock back and forth, the bridge they were suspended on rocked and swayed, Jude turned his head, getting a large sense of vertigo from the height they were in. Soon he felt Alvin move him so his head was slightly off the bridge, the amount of vertigo was Increasing, dizzying him up getting a lost in the pleasure and high of their love making.

"Jude..." Alvin managed as his hand went between them as he continued his hip motions and now stroking Jude's weeping length. The doctor's body leaned up to it, welcoming it regardless of how much it was bringing him closer to his peak, it was almost completely dusk, but the lilium orbs were glowing bright enough that they could still meet each other's gaze in the dark, seeing that glazed expression on Alvin's face, only managing to return his own, his brain was only able to function and focus on making noises of encouragement for the mercenary to continue.

The young doctor didn't have it in him to tell the man that he was close, but he knew his lilium orb screamed it out for him because Alvin's body moved faster. Jude sat up, feeling like he would lose all sense of balance if he let the mercenary go, that if he let go all of this would be a dream, if he let go that Alvin would be gone. But he couldn't hold his climax back any longer as he released a strangled cry of Alvin's name, the mercenary swore under his breath, biting down on Jude's shoulder as he followed suit, shifting so they were along the bridge instead of across it, feeling the swaying motions come to a slow stop as their lungs struggled for breath.

For a while neither of them said anything, just enjoying the silence between them and only the sounds of the crickets and the rustle of the wind playing against the leaves of the naple trees.

Alvin tilted his head down to look at Jude, but the youth had found himself curled up in the older man's arms, refusing to budge. The mercenary didn't try to wake the other, kissing his forehead before dozing off himself.

The next morning, Jude woke up to Alvin straightening himself up, sitting on the bridge with his legs dangling off it, swing them slowly back and forth like a child that just got lectured. Jude soon followed suit, sitting next to the other, but not exactly close, his hands neatly folded on his lap, "Where are you going?"

It was almost as if that was what the mercenary was thinking about, "...I don't know...I don't feel exactly welcome after shooting…"

"...You need to apologize to her." Jude said finally.

"I know…" Alvin looked away, which only made Jude turn to him with clenched fists.

"Why can't you-"

"It's too soon..l...let the girl recover first...alright? She's stronger than she looks, but...I know that I can't approach her right now at least…" Alvin said, still looking away. Jude lowered his hands back to his lap as if ashamed of starting up another fight.

"Will you….come back?"

"...Do you want me back?" Alvin asked reluctantly.

"...I don't know…" Jude started, his heart wanted the other back. But he knew in his mind the rest of the group probably wouldn't agree once they hear what had happened.

"...I can't say I blame you...or them for that matter." Alvin mumbled, "...I got a lot of thinking to do, Jude...it's best we go our separate ways for now...but let's...let's not say goodbye just yet."

"Are you planning on going home…? Home home?" Jude asked.

"I failed Muzet's mission, remember? I don't plan on trying to succeed in it…"

"...Then where will you go?" Jude asked as Alvin stood up.

"...That I don't know either…"

Jude lowered his head, it wasn't like he could stop the other but he felt movement on the bridge. He looked up to see Alvin kneel down on one knee so they were eye to eye. Alvin stared into Jude's eyes before letting a sigh escape his lips, leaning down to kiss the other softly. They held the kiss before Alvin moved away and stood up, Jude reaching out as the mercenary turned away, but his hand reluctantly lowered. He watched as Alvin made his way down to the bottom on solid ground, pulling his sword that was embedded into the earth to drape on his shoulder like he normally did, giving a wave of his gun as he left. Jude continued to watch the other until his figure was out of sight before flopping back on the bridge, holding his hands to his eyes with a sad smile on his face before tears rolled down his cheekbones.

"Don't….talk me out of it...I can't run away again...I can't run away anymore...I have to set things right...even if it hurts…"

He had to believe this was the last time…

It was all they had left….

And that's it! It continues where it left off from here, blah blah blah.

I thank everyone who took the time to read this, it's been an honor to write this. Soon I'll be working on a new one called Basorexia! Please stay tuned for it! Let me know what you think of this one!