Disclaimer: I do not own any of the following characters, I'm just borrowing them.

Gajeel had developed a pretty high tolerance for bullshit ever since he joined Fairy Tail. He kinda needed to, otherwise he would have gladly swallowed a gallon of bleach by now thanks to all the wacky crap that went down there. Namely the fact that he had seen enough of another man's junk (Gray) to last him a lifetime, and how damn loud the place was. But they had kinda grown on him, so he put up with it.

Not the Gray throwing his underwear around thing. He didn't have time for that bullshit.

So when he walked into the guild on December 22nd and saw the majority of his fellow male mages sitting on one side of the room wearing what looked like dorky Christmas sweaters, he just sighed, ordered a beer, and joined them, standing in front of Natsu with a bored expression. He took a slow sip of his drink before he dared to give voice to the question on his tongue.

"What's with the sweaters?" he asked, sounding bored. Which, honestly, he kinda was. Nothing could beat a Fairy Tail Thanksgiving on the Weird-Shit-O-Meter. He still had nightmares.

"It's a deal we've got with the girls," Natsu said, looking rather grumpy that he had to wear a sweater that had what looked like dancing snowmen on it. Gajeel turned around, noticing for the first time the clump of girls sitting on the opposite side of the guild hall, a box full of sweaters sitting innocently between the two groups. Half of the girls looked like someone had just told them their puppy had died, while the other half looked at the boys with a challenging glint in their eyes. Levy was amongst the challengers, and Gajeel knocked back some more beer before his dick could remind him that the Solid Script mage always looked hot when she was about to fight.

"Basically they all go out and find the ugliest christmas sweaters they can find, and if one of us wears their sweater for the two days leading up to the Christmas party on the 24th, they have to wear a sexy Santa costume for the party," Elfman explained. He was proudly wearing a depiction of a deer threesome across his broad chest, and Gajeel didn't need to smell the alcohol coming off of it to know that Cana had been the one to pick it out.

"Or sexy elf, we're not picky," Jet chimed in.

A quick look at the other guys who were wearing sweaters made it easy to tell who had gotten first pick of the sweaters. They were the ones wearing sweaters that were actually funny, instead of something that looked like it could have belonged to someone's grandmother. Poor Freed looked like a Christmas tree, and Gajeel wondered how long it would take until he snapped.

After a few moments of deliberation, Gajeel shrugged, finishing off his beer and setting the tankard down on the nearest table. "Seems fair enough," he said, shrugging out of his leather jacket - last year's gift from Juvia - and made his way over to the sweater box, sifting through to find the one that smelled the least like mothballs and regret. After a few moments, he looked back up at the guys, amused by their dumbstruck expressions.

He would have cackled manically if Levy hadn't informed him multiple times that good guys don't do that. Which quite frankly was bullshit, but hey, whatever helps the shrimp sleep at night.

"What?" he asked, trying to sound annoyed instead of like he was about to bust out laughing at their shocked expressions. He enjoyed fucking with the Fairies by doing things seemingly out of character with a totally straight face, it helped him keep his sanity.

"Nothing, uh, just-" Droy started, only to get cut off by Gray.

"'Black Steel Gajeel' is gonna wear a Christmas sweater?" he snorted, and Gajeel had to resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"Says the guy wearing a sweater with a ballerina on it," he deadpanned, and Gray stiffened as the rest of the guild laughed.

"I-it's an ice skater," the ice mage gritted out, and Gajeel looked at him pityingly.

"Because that makes it better. Besides," he said, grabbing the first sweater that looked large enough to fit him, "unlike you apparently, I'm confident enough in my own manliness that wearing a sweater such as this doesn't bother me at all." Half of the guys looked at him as if he had just answered one of the universe's greatest questions, while Elfman just nodded proudly, holding out a hand for Gajeel to high five.

"For example," Gajeel continued as he pulled on the sweater, ignoring the sound of some of the stitches popping as it stretched tightly across his shoulders and chest. "Come 'ere." he said, motioning Gray over with a crook of his finger. The younger mage complied, and once he was in range, Gajeel grabbed the front of his sweater with one hand and let his other fist snap forward at full strength, punching him straight in the face.

Gray cried out as Gajeel let him go, covering his nose and rolling around on the floor in pain.

"Did that hurt any less than it would if I wasn't wearing the sweater?" the iron Dragon Slayer asked with a smirk, shaking out the hand he had punched Gray with.

"MOTHERFUCKINGCOCKSHOVINGSONOFA-"

"Gajeel!" Juvia yelled from the girl's side of the guild, easily being heard over the snickering coming from both groups. "How dare you hurt Juvia's love!"

"JESUSJETFUELCHRISTYOUBROKEMYFUCKINGNOSEYOU-"

"Eh, I'm not sorry," he said with a shrug, turning to face his friend. As soon as he turned around fully, revealing the ice skating cat wearing a scarf on the front of his sweater - which was surprisingly comfy - to the female half of Fairy Tail, Levy slammed her hands down on the table top.

"Damnit!" she yelled, refusing to look up and see the wide smirk she just knew the Dragon Slayer was wearing.

"ROTTENFUCKINGDIRTBAGDRAGONBASTARDYOUAREPAYINGMYMEDICALBILLS-"

"Gihee, ya gonna bring me my presents on Christmas, Levy?" Gajeel teased, drawing out her name as he shoved his hands in his pants pockets, his smirk nothing but dirty. Levy's glare was ruined by the blush that disappeared under her turtleneck.

"I dunno, what are your feelings on coal?" she shot back, and Gajeel just laughed. He started backing up towards the men's side of the guild, not breaking eye contact as he started singing.

"Santa Baby, slip a sable under the tree-" he stopped to dodge the boot Levy had thrown at his head, cackling as he ran to safety. He hadn't noticed Gray stand back up, pinching his nose with one hand and preparing to blast the Dragon Slayer with the other, until he crashed into him, sending the Ice Mage flying.

After that, it didn't take long for another brawl to break out, by the end of which Bisca was safe from wearing the embarrassing costume since Natsu torched his sweater during the fight.

Overall, the whole day still only ranked at a 7 on the Weird-Shit-O-Meter.

Really short, but I wanted to have at least part of this up. Next part will be up soon depending on how much I want to procrastinate on last minute Christmas gifts.

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