Hi! Thanks to everyone who favorited/followed/reviewed A Frozen Christmas! It prompted me to write another oneshot, so I decided to just make this a series, and hopefully I'll write some more later on!
Please tell me what you think of this one, because I'm not too sure. My ideas and thoughts on Frozen & Elsa are always changing and I really hope it's consistent enough, and you like it!
A surprise encounter between the two sisters who never talk prompts a secret and a heart to heart.
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"Conceal it, don't feel it," she whispered the mantra under her breath, eyes on the gloves that her father had slipped over her hands. Her fingers flexed, the fabric soft and warm, sliding all the way up past her wrist. A precaution, protection, and hopefully something that would keep the magic under control. Not that she'd done that very well so far... "They'll help," she said, half a promise and half a dire wish, coursing through her whole body, stemming from her cursed fingertips, drawing like poison through her veins, like the magic. Please help, please help.
Her shoes quiet against the wood, she turned the corner and ran smack into something – someone.
"Oomph!" she and Anna both exclaimed, Elsa stepping backward, Anna practically flying back through the air.
"Anna!" Elsa's hands shot out without thought, snatching at Anna's wrist, but she let go just as quick, as if Anna were the fire to her ice. Her sister steadied herself, bare feet catching back on solid ground. Elsa wormed her arms together, tight and viselike and curled as close to her body as possible.
Both girls were just as surprised as the other to find their sister roaming the halls – late and after dark. Anna blinked her wide eyes at Elsa, cheeks flushed red in the dim hall light of the fires, her hands stuffed behind her, defensive. Elsa took in her nightclothes, her usually plaited hair – long and straight down her back now. Mother had probably brushed it until it lay straight as a cornrow, soft as silk. Elsa bit back a pang of resent, jealousy.
"Anna, what are you doing out here? Father said you'd gone to bed," Elsa said, the first thought that came to mind. The first full sentence she'd said to her sister in months. Father had said it, that he'd put Anna to bed, and had something for her now – and to be quiet, to not disturb her sister, to wait until the servants had retired to their beds. Hidden away until everyone was gone, no one to witness their icy, cursed daughter.
Her sister looked quite startled to see her, to hear her speak. Of course, it wasn't often they talked. Elsa could remember clearly the few conversations they'd held after Anna's accident – times when her younger sister would catch her the rare occasions that she ventured out of her room, or when Anna chattered through the door, always asking and pleading, and Elsa, always answering 'No' 'Go away' 'Leave me be', a mantra thick as it rose in her throat. Those were short. Now, she could feel her pulse quickening at the thought of a full conversation with her long ago-lost sister, one she could barely look in the eye.
"I – I did go to bed," she finally spoke, her missing tooth lilting her speech. She'd knocked it on the stair railing, apparently. Elsa had heard one of the maids muttering about it as she had walked by her door. "But –" she paused, on the edge of revealing something as her eyes flicked to the side, down the hall. Elsa silently hurried her on, on edge and tense against the wall, caught out in the open. Her room was just there – perhaps she could excuse herself to bed, tell Anna to do the same...
But something held her back. The prospect of speaking to her sister bound her tongue, held back the words she meant to say. She wanted to talk to Anna, but she felt the tingling in her fingers like a warning signal – stay away, stay away, you're not safe, Anna's not safe. Not with Elsa around.
"I've got something," Anna's voice dropped, conspiratorial, as she stooped closer to Elsa. She took an automatic half-step back, wringing her hands against her sides, a barrier that she hoped held. But...
"Yes?" Elsa breathed, despite herself. Leaning her head forward, her braid swung across her shoulder and everything focused on Anna, caught up in the secrets like they were little again. Anna grinned, a bit hesitant, and pulled her hands from behind her. Unclasped her fingers, displayed five round, dark candies. They were melting in her hands, leaving smears of the sweetness on her palms.
"Chocolate!" they both whispered, beaming at each other. Elsa laughed, looking her sister full in the face for the first time in a long time.
"Have you snuck them from the kitchen?"
"Yes!" Anna giggled, smiling down at her stolen treasures. A ghost of fear passed her face, then, and she jerked her eyes back up, gawking at Elsa. "You – you won't tell, will you?" Elsa's smile fell. Strangers was all they were, after all.
"Of course not," she said, the excitement gone from her voice, replaced with a bitterness on her tongue. She had to draw herself out of this temporary bliss, of Anna, and back into the reality. That she mustn't let herself get too close, that she could hurt her, she could hurt anyone. She straightened, took another step back. "I won't tell."
"Oh, good," her sister's voice, a relieved gasp, but Elsa wouldn't look at her again, rather looked down at her shoes, clean and perfect and seemingly brand new. "Here, then, you can have one."
A hand shoved under her nose, one of the sweets caught between the two chubby fingers.
"Oh – oh no, I -"
"I know they're your favorite," Anna's voice was soft.
"Oh, yeah... thank you," Elsa untwisted one of her hands, shaking, and gingerly took hold of the candy.
"Oh, you don't want to get it on your glove - "
"No, it's fine," she said quickly, snatching up the candy and swiftly pulling her arm back, cradling the gift close to herself. "Thanks," she looked back up, gave a soft smile. Anna smiled back, but it wasn't with as much gusto as before.
"Your welcome," her younger sister said, shrugging. She licked most of the chocolate from her palm, and then wiped the rest on her nightdress.
"I – I should go, mom or dad might come by, you should go too -"
"I miss you, you know," Anna said quickly, cutting her off. Elsa paused, unsure, her heart quickening. "You never come out, never answer me – I miss playing with you. I wish you would come out more," she said it in a rush, her voice growing higher and more breathy, like she was exhaling a cloud of bunched up everything and words she hadn't been able to say before.
"I – I wish that too, but I can't," she whispered, taking this as her cue. She had to get away. A half-step to the side, and forward – Anna jumped in front, cut her off again.
"Why?"
"I just can't."
"But you could, you could come play, I'm always by myself -"
"I just can't, Anna! Please, stop!" Elsa hissed, bursting past her, her breath coming in gasps as she struggled to keep herself together. But Anna kept pushing, right on her heels.
"You never eat with us, either! You never come out, even to eat dinner with father and mother and me, it's always just us and never you -"
"Anna, stop!" she cried, felt the tears falling, freezing on her cheeks. She began to panic, and whirled around, facing her sister. The younger girl took a step back, staring into her face, looking – frightened. "Please, I can't, I'm sorry. Anna – please -"
Anna took another step back, and another, and Elsa felt herself shattering, crumbling – Anna was afraid of her. Of course she was. She had cause to, but seeing it plain on her face – her throat was threatening to choke her.
"I just wish you would play with me. I've no one to play with," she breathed, barely even loud enough for Elsa to hear her, hear her beneath the rushing that was building in her ears, the tingling and shaking in her fingers.
"I – me neither," she said, and then turned away, yanked open her door – safety, isolation, get away. "I've no one to play with either," she said, and she wasn't sure even who she was talking to. Not to Anna – who must be afraid of her now, must have seen what she was. But to herself, a slap in the face, to keep herself from crumbling because it didn't matter, it must not matter.
"I miss you," Anna whispered, hoarse and resigned and something she couldn't catch, she couldn't hear, but it didn't matter, Elsa was already shutting the door, shutting herself in again. And Anna was gone, gone behind the door and forgotten for the moment as she breathed, breathed, breathed. The tingling still prickled, and she slid down against the door – near collapsed, couldn't stand any longer.
And the solid wood was beneath her head, underneath her, surrounding her, reassuring and calming and cushioning – no more pressure.
Slowly, her thoughts slowed and the tingle in her fingers lessened, the tell-tale itch, the ice retreating back, like a broken dam sucking the water back in, but it was still there – there to rush back out with the slightest crack a thunderous wave to engulf everything. Elsa could open her eyes again, could think straight.
And her thoughts turned back to Anna... Everything she had said, her voice, it echoed in Elsa's head and despite it all – their fight, Anna's fear - she smiled, soft and maybe not even a smile, but it was something. It had been something. The smile grew as her muscles unclenched and she pulled her cupped hand closer, as she slowly uncurled her fingers...
She didn't bother to brush her hair before she went to bed - ripped the braid out, angry and bitter and rough, just like she deserved. She left the chocolate on the floor – frozen solid and covered in ice.
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There you have it! I can't seem to write anything but aangst for Elsa, I'll try for a lighter one next? Or maybe not, we'll see. Please tell me what you think!