Price or Prize. OR The darkest day, A Swan Queen Christmas story.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! So… My muse decided to write a Christmas story… and then, what else could I do but share it with the amazing people of this fandom!? I would like to put a special thanks out there for my 2 good friends Giagr34 and OnceIfellfortheevilqueen for reading this prologue and pointing out my *embarrassing* mistakes. Any that are left though are totally mine!

So, here is my way of saying: Merry Christmas! I hope you'll enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the OUAT characters. I wish I did but I don't think I have a Fairy Godmother...

Prologue. Price or Prize

Regina's eyes caught sight of the infuriating, ravishing blonde through the window of the diner and she felt the corners of her mouth pull up in the smile that had been appearing at the oddest moments, lately. The fluttering feeling in her abdomen that accompanied said smile, made her hands tremble slightly and she readjusted the apples in the basket she was carrying, just to occupy the body parts.

She was surprised but glad to catch the Sheriff here at this hour, the only customer in the normally crowded establishment, ordering her usual cinnamon cocoa and that dreadful, sticky pastry she was so fond of. And although nerves were raging through her with the speed of light, Regina found that she welcomed the rush of emotions overwhelming her.

After the curse had broken and Henry had decided to stay with Ms. Swan for some time, Regina had felt emptier than she had in the 18 years before he had arrived to Storybrooke and brightened up her life. And the emptiness, the cold and hollow feeling, was something that, she had to admit, terrified her. But now that everything had calmed down, and the unlikely (dared she really call it?) friendship with Ms Swan (Emma…) was developing, now they had made new living arrangements and Henry had, on his request, moved back in and was staying with her half of the time, now that there were family dinners and lunch appointments and joint trips to school plays, everything seemed to be different. Just the fact that she was here, delivering her prized apples Widow Lucas had requested, proved that. And the difference filled her up, and warmed her in a way she had never dared to dream about.

Freeing a hand to smooth her already flawless hair, Regina felt herself hesitate, the shaking of her fingers showing her emotions were much too much on the surface. She wondered why she didn't care more. Why she didn't hear her mother's voice resounding in her head, reprimanding her not to be so weak. Why she didn't feel all the walls pulling up around her damaged heart.

Maybe it was because the ray of hope she had allowed to enter, the day before. The final push to her walls which had slowly but surely been crumbling under the constant attacks of Emma's kindness. The lunches delivered to the mansion, a sweet smile as a thank you for a home-cooked meal, the full-on genuine laughter during a board- or video game.

Emotion swirled in the former Queen's abdomen, and she couldn't say she wasn't slightly taken aback by the intensity of her response as she watched Emma easily banter with Ruby, their friendship so natural that it evoked the slightest pang of jealousy. Of envy. Regina couldn't even imagine having someone to speak to so freely, so openly. Or maybe she could imagine and maybe that was why it hurt so much that she did not seem able to have that. To allow herself to have it. Although, she had to admit, thanks to Emma, it actually felt within her reach.

Once upon a time, the blonde had been her nightmare. The woman she had always feared, in more ways than one. Not only the savior created to singlehandedly break the curse she had given up everything for to cast. But also the preferred mother, the one who would take away the child she loved beyond anything. Yet now, when the savior birthmother of her son entered her dreams, the visions were all but nightmares.

Because things were different between them. Not as clipped and uncomfortable. Their sharp comments had softened and gotten a teasing tone that made Regina's heart ache and yearn in a way she couldn't possibly describe. Surely their dialogue was not comparable to the easy-going one she now observed, but the brunette thought that perhaps that could also have something to do with the tension, the palpable undercurrent of something more, of longing for something more, that always painted their interactions. The sudden awkwardness that sometimes came over them, as they shared a drink after Henry had gone to bed, or they found themselves talking longer than expected having simply ran into each other while grocery shopping (A chore Regina, since the breaking of the curse, thoroughly despised, but even a former Evil Queen had to eat, but was much more pleasurable at the occasion she had encountered the blonde.) seemed to have to do with a reluctance to admit to strong feelings out of fear, than anything else.

There seemed no lack of desire to spend time in each other's company, quite the opposite in fact. And that, in combination with the stolen glances, the burning of turquoise eyes she sometimes was sure to feel, the flutter in her stomach she felt every time she thought of one Ms Emma Swan, had caused her to finally give in.

Give in to her son's plea, but also her own desires.

So when she had entered the sheriff's station the previous day, the plan had been simple. She found that the uncharacteristic nerves, making her throat ache and her voice hoarse, made the execution of said plan not so simple. She had tried to act aloof, even thrown in a snide that was more on edge than they had become used to lately, but Emma had simply smiled her disarming smile and had asked her, in that lovely, teasing manner, what the hell she wanted. Of course she had, true to her role, complained about the woman's language before answering. Before, her heart suddenly stopping in horror over her own words, asking Emma to spend Christmas with them. She had not met the turquoise eyes, the fear to see a mocking rejection there, (one she would clearly deserve and not only due to the last minute timeframe), etched in the mesmerizing color. And when she had received the almost instant, positive answer, she had been quite sure she hadn't heard it correctly. She blushed as she recalled the unregal 'Really?' she had uttered, and she was glad she had had the (glimpse of) clarity of mind to add that Henry would be thrilled at the prospect.

And then it had happened, as she had made to leave and lingered in the doorway. The Sheriff's warm hand had caught her wrist, turning her around. Those thrilling eyes, so close to hers, she almost stumbled back. But she'd seemed rooted to the spot, the physical contact evoking something in her she had thought died long ago. Then, as Emma had glanced up at the mistletoe above them and pressed a lingering kiss on her cheek, somewhat closer to her lips than deemed appropriate (but for once, Regina could not find it in her heart to complain about the lack of etiquette) something had opened deep inside her. Something small with immense force, like a leaf of grass that had the ability to break and split concrete. And it had been as if all her emotions had come tumbling through her, at the moment Emma had whispered her gratitude in her ear, the breath grazing her skin eliciting a quickly hidden shiver.

And now, the smile seemed plastered to her face, impossible to suppress the intensity of the sensations that had taken over. So much so, that even Henry had asked her in the morning whatever was the matter with her. But he had done so with a smile on his face as well and had, reluctantly, accepted her explanation that it simply was the Christmas spirit that had gotten a hold of her.

The smile broadened now, her desire to hear the blonde's voice finally winning over her anxiety and she moved to enter the diner. The difficulty of the heavy basket in her arms had only allowed her to open the door at a crack when the words drifted in her direction, effectively freezing her.

'No shit! You're spending Christmas with The Evil Queen?'

Regina blinked. That hurt. It had always hurt her to be called… That. And she had always felt Ms. Lucas was one of the more… understanding… villagers. Then again, the woman was Snow's best friend, she guessed she shouldn't have expected any different. She willed the constricting feeling in her chest, in her throat to fall away, the perfect snide remark forming and ready to roll of her lips…

'Rubes! What do you expect? This is my first chance to actually be with the kid for Christmas, if spending time with Regina is the price I have to pay for that, I am more than willing…'

It was the sound of a dozen Honey crisp apples falling and scattering, rolling in different directions, that interrupted Emma's sentence and made the blonde look back.

Their eyes met, for the shortest instant, and when all the years of practice proved insufficient for her to pull up the mask she had always worn, Regina did the only thing she could.

She turned and left, the calling of her name behind her, reaching her as through a fog, not something she could allow herself to respond to. Because together with the apples, her heart had fallen and shattered.

Once again she had been the price to be paid.

And this time, she now dared to admit to herself, while a single tear found its way down her cheek, she had really thought, hoped, wished… This time she had really wanted to be the prize to be won.

…

TBC

ps: Yes I know, like a good friend said (you know who you are) ANGST in a Christmas-story? REALLY? *hides behind hands* I know I know... Happy holidays, everyone! Will update soon! Thoughts?