All things Harry Potter belong to JKR. Nothing but the story line belongs to me.

Rated M for language, subject matter some may find offensive and romantic interludes.

Story Note:

Severus Snape may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I adore him. It is my belief he deserved much more out of life than that which was given him in canon.

The Years Of Decisions: Prologue/Chapter 1: Hogwarts Secrets

Tomorrow was graduation day for Severus Snape, but tonight Lily and Severus had once again found themselves in their old meeting place which once upon a time had been used to house the Alchemy professor and his classes. Dumbledore had removed Alchemy from the syllabus his second year as Headmaster and the rooms had not been used since. Well, the rooms hadn't been used by professors or students, but had been used by Lily Evans and Severus Snape when they wanted to be alone. For a time, the rooms played host to Lily and Severus at least once a week or more when they snuck away to be with each other. However, that was back when they were a secret couple and hadn't been able to get enough of each other.

/*/

He and Lily had been friends even before they got to Hogwarts and those feelings had only intensified when they found themselves in close proximity due to their classes. In fourth year they began to explore their feelings and decided they truly liked being with each other. In fifth year their feelings had become even more acute and they had become a couple. They had only become intimate in fifth year when they could no longer contain their feelings. However, no matter how deep their feelings ran, circumstances dictated they would not be able to have an open relationship. He was a Slytherin and she, a Gryffindor. All they could do was hide their relationship and meet in secret. That was back during fifth year and a bit of Severus' sixth year.

Things between him and Lily were over now as Lily had given up on him for good during the middle of his sixth year.

Lily was now onto James Potter and had made it her business to turn away whenever Severus came into her view. Severus hadn't even been able to talk to Lily to try and dissuade her from dating James Potter because Potter was like a hawk preventing any interaction between Severus and Lily accidental or otherwise. It seemed as though Potter's primary goal was to keep Lily away from Severus even as he had other outlets.

/*/

Somehow, on this day before his graduation, Lily had made her way to the old Alchemy rooms and found Severus already there. She had hesitated when she saw him and started to turn away.

Severus had pleaded, "Please don't go Lily. Tomorrow is graduation and this will be my last chance to see you and apologize to you for what has gone on, especially these last two years. I know I have been a cad, but it was for good reason. I am consumed with jealousy over what I think goes on between you and Potter. It tears me up inside to see that idiot James Potter sniffing after you as though he owns you."

"Are you telling me that you have been rude and hateful to me and my friends because James Potter fancies me?" asked Lily. "What kind of apology is that Severus? James Potter has nothing over you and his name shouldn't pass your lips if you are apologizing to me. It's me who has been intimate with you in these very rooms. It's me who has lain beneath you and answered your words of love with my own. Yet, when we leave these rooms you turn into a monster and it's not because of James Potter. It's because you want to look good in front of your slimy friends. You are ashamed to admit you love a Muggleborn even though the Muggleborn has admitted she loves you, so don't stand there and blame anything on Potter. In his way, he is as much a manipulator as yourself and always has to make himself look the big man in front of his friends."

Severus bristled and cut across her. "Don't you ever compare me to with that loathsome excuse for a wizard. Mr. big Quidditch hero and I are nothing alike. He is a sneak and a coward who falls at your feet, but corners Bettye Macomber any chance he gets."

Lily moved over to the window and stood looking out at the night. She spoke so softly Severus had to move closer to hear what she was saying. "You rail about James being a coward, but you are the coward. You claim to love me, but choose your friends and their hateful ideals over me. Why am I even saying this? We've been over it a million times. I'm only here because you are leaving for good tomorrow and I wanted to have a last look around. I wanted to remember the place where I've had some of my happiest times."

Lily looked over her shoulder at Severus and smiled, "And here is where we've had some of our fiercest fights. Always about the same thing. Always about James Potter. I had to make the decision for us both Sev. You would have been content with us meeting in secret right up until the day you left Hogwarts, but it was long past time for us both to admit we are set on our paths and they are very different. You want to join the Malfoy Club and be part of the gang which rules by dark measures and I want a happy life with a husband who loves me and doesn't care my parents weren't magical. Where did it all go wrong Sev? You are the first and only wizard who has had intimate knowledge of me. You have touched me in places which haven't been touched by anything other than water from the shower. You have driven me mad with passion, yet….. Why couldn't we have worked it out? I know you love me and I know I'll always love you."

Severus stepped even closer and could smell her hair and that oh so familiar scent. Her smell. Lily's smell. Severus loved the smell which never failed to make him want her. The smell brought to mind…it brought to mind those days when they had shared a loving intimacy. He on his back and she lying across his chest with one leg thrown over his hips. It had been in secret, but they had been together and they had been in love.

Lily felt it when Severus moved closer, but she had remained still. This was the wizard she loved, but could never have. She had tried to move her life forward by accepting some attention and a few dates with Potter. However, she had kept Potter at arms length because she still had thoughts of being in Severus' arms. Additionally, James wasn't sure of what he wanted either. Even though he constantly chased after her, he was sneaking off to see the Hufflepuff slag, Bettye Macomber. Severus hadn't told her anything she didn't know.

Lily's breath caught in her throat as Severus reached out and gently touched her shoulder. A shiver had run through her body and she turned to lay her head against Severus' chest. Then it had been Severus' turn to shiver and tremble. Lily's fragrance and her closeness caused an immediate reaction which left him in a state of sexual arousal and his dick pushing against Lily's stomach.

"It seems as though there is a part of you that still wants to be with me," remarked Lily. "Unlike the rest of you which has cast me aside because your miserable friends think me inferior."

Severus ignored her words, but had taken a chance and put both his arms around her. His Lily. At that moment, Severus didn't give a fuck about Potter, Black or that bloody werewolf. In fact, he didn't give a fuck about Mulciber, Nott, Rosier or Avery either. If this was to be their last time together, Severus wanted his witch one more time, if she would have him.

/*/

Her friends and his friends seemed to work to keep him and Lily apart. Of course, Severus' most notable detractors were Potter and her best friend and roommate Mary. It was clear to Lily that she was not supposed to like Severus because they did not like Severus. She and Mary had bumped heads over this many times, but Lily Evans was her own witch and had pushed aside their opinions of Severus on the many occasions right up until she had to make her final decision about him.

/*/

Severus was almost sure Potter knew he and Lily had been intimate, but would not say it aloud for fear of alienating Lily or becoming the butt of his mates jokes for chasing a witch who had shagged his sworn enemy. Severus figured that was why Potter worked so hard to insult him at every turn and to keep him and Lily apart. Lily was the main reason Potter and his group of sheep treated him like a pariah. They were of the mind that Lily was a Gryffindor who had to be protected from the filthy Slytherin. At least, that's the way Potter told it. Severus didn't care. The little band of prats could treat him how they wished, but they could never take the nights he had shared with Lily away from him.

/*/

In the middle of sixth year, Lily had gone on an angry tear after she broke it off with Severus. She had yelled at him and insulted him, but it had all come down to the day she had made him so angry he had called her a Mudblood. Severus had been sorry as soon as the word was out of his mouth and would have run after her and fallen on his knees, but he had been in a confrontation with James Potter and Sirius Black at the time and could only stand and protect himself. By the time Severus got away from Potter and Black, Lily had made it to the safety of the Gryffindor common room.

Severus had sought Lily out time after time trying to apologize, but she had rebuffed him for months. It had taken some time, but she had finally forgiven him and their friendship had resumed but only as and uneasy alliance. Yet even as their friendship teetered on the balance, they had found themselves back in the Alchemy rooms naked and making love.

Then one day, Lily had made her final decision. She had screamed, "You've chosen your path and I've chosen mine. Leave me be." It had really been over. She stayed away from him and from the Alchemy rooms. When they passed in the halls, Lily looked through him as though he didn't exist.

Whether Lily looked away or looked through Severus, James Potter was always watching. If Severus did catch Lily's eye, Potter would throw out a nasty comment about him keeping his eyes where they belonged and that comment would precipitate another nasty confrontation between him, James and more than likely Black. And as Lily had rightly said, he would say rude things to look good in the eyes of his friends.

/*/

Severus and James Potter had had many confrontations throughout their years at Hogwarts. Most of those confrontations because of Lily. However, after Lily had really ended their relationship for good, Potter seemed to calm down. Rather than pick at Severus every chance he got, Potter used his time and energy to act the arse on other students and shag Bettye Macomber in the interim.

/*/

But here was Severus on the day before graduation, standing in their room holding Lily in his arms not caring about anything else. Severus kissed the top of Lily's head and she looked up at him. Severus had taken his chance and kissed her on the mouth and Lily had rubbed herself against his erection as she kissed him back. He would not waste this opportunity. From there, Severus had made short work of his and Lily's clothes. He had laid Lily down and made love to her with both his dick and his mouth. He was leaving her and couldn't stand it. Severus knew Lily's body better than James Potter ever would. It was one of Severus' most fervent hopes that Potter would never know her body at all.

In no time they were writhing in their sexual pleasure whispering things they both knew would never come to pass unless…... No, they would never come to pass. Severus was involved with the Death Eaters in training and she, she would probably end up marrying James Potter.

After they made love, Lily rested her head on Severus' chest and whispered, "I was willing to beg you to take me away from here Sev even knowing it could not happen. I have to move on and will probably marry, but know one thing, you are the wizard who should be at my side for the rest of my life and when you are rutting about with other witches you will think of no one except me."

Severus felt the warm tears which were landing on his chest and moved to bring Lily's face up to his.

Lily pulled away from him and remarked, "Just remember when you have become some ghastly Death Eater doing Merlin knows what, I loved you Sev. I could have loved you forever. Now it's time for me to leave. I have been chosen to give a congratulatory speech to the graduates tomorrow and I need to go prepare. Think of me sometimes Sev. Will you?"

Then Lily had slipped out the doors and was gone.

/*/

Severus Snape laid in the bed where he had shared the happiest moments of his life and held back tears. His first and last chance at love had just walked out the door. He would never love another. When he rose from their bed, he had cursed it to smithereens and headed back to the Slytherin dorms where every first through fifth year in his path had felt his wrath. Then he had prepared himself for graduation.

For Severus, the graduation was nothing more than a formality. He had only sat through the rubbish to get one more look at Lily and she had looked so beautiful his eyes had feasted on her. As soon as Lily finished her speech, Severus had left the Great Hall for what he thought would be the very last time. For him, seven years had been enough. He'd had enough of the students, professors and classes to last him a lifetime. He was on to life. There wasn't any reason to remain in this Merlin forsaken place one minute longer.

As Severus walked out the side door, he had ripped off his graduation robes and had thrown them to the ground. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Avery and Mulciber do the same thing. They had laughed and clapped each other on the back on the way to the gate.

Avery stepped through the gate first giving Mulciber the chance to comment, "We were of the mind you would let the Mudblood slut turn your head. For a bit, it seemed as though you would choose her over the Dark Lord. Good choice then mate. Let's get to the meeting."

Severus had been caught off guard at Mulciber's words, but had laughed them off. "A Mudblood wench is only good for one thing, if you don't count killing her. I've gotten that one thing so what more is there?"

Mulciber guffawed. "You said it Severus. What more is there?"

Severus thought he and Lily had kept their relationship well hidden. Obviously they hadn't hidden it well enough. Like Potter, his mates had probably known all along.

Severus felt a small pang of regret. He had just referred to Lily as a Mudblood again, but what else could he have said? Severus Snape was going to be a Death Eater and had to toe the line and even though it meant giving up Lily, that's what he would have to do.

End Note:

I've had this written for a while. I like it, but I'm writing it for you reader. Let me know what you think. If you don't like it, I will pull it.