©dwindlingflame

So, I have decided to upload this work here, however some chapters will be edited to better suit the TOS. There is no smut, but there is offensive language and adult material present in this fic! Each chapter will have a warning of what to expect. The uploads will take a while since I have to reread them. The unedited work can be found on AO3.

Note(s): This fic starts off very random with a lot of douche bag!Aomine and his unfortunate sidekick, Kagami. Say tuned for the development of their relationship! c:
Warning(s): asshole conversations, women degrading comments, potentially offensive topics, language

Their Bromance
Loose

"Dude, you won't believe what happened last night."

Kagami blinked, looking up from his bowl of instant ramen in curiosity as Aomine plopped down across from him with a piece of toast stuck between his teeth. "Eh?"

Aomine took a bite of his breakfast snack, holding the rest of the bread between his fingers as he chewed. He held up his index finger of his free hand, causing the redhead to send him a half-assed glare.

"Don't indicate that you're going to start a story when you start eating. Now I have to sit and wait for you to finish. The suspense is killing me here."

Aomine rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to throw his remaining toast at Kagami's face. "I don't need your sarcasm, asshole. This story's going to be great."

"Then get on with it."

"I will! Shit." Aomine leaned forward, staring Kagami straight in the eye with a serious face. "So I brought this bitch home last night, right."

"You brought her here? To our apartment?"

"Yes. Now stop interrupting me. And no, I didn't fuck her in your bed."

Kagami released a sigh of relief. Aomine kicked him under the table.

"As I was saying. So I bring her home because she was real cute. I met her at the club, dancing all slow and classy. I asked her if I could buy her a drink and she's acting real cute and innocent - playing hard to get, ya know? So here I am thinking "Oh man, she's gonna be a real hard fish to catch." But that doesn't stop me, the great Aomine Daiki!"

Kagami scoffed, slurping his noodles into his mouth.

Aomine ignored him. "Here I am, flirting with her like there's no tomorrow. She only takes that one drink and sips it for the whole night. It's like she knew I was trying to get her wasted."

"She beat you at your own game! I'm impressed. Are you gonna keep her?"

"I would have, but I'm gonna tell you why I'm actually not." Aomine took another bite, wasting no time continuing his story. "Okay so… we were dancing together, her hips moving all sensually against my dick-"

"You know, maybe you should finish chewing before you speak. I think some of your food got in my noodles…"

"Suck it up. As I was saying… We're dancing and she's making me really want her. Luckily for me, she agrees to come home with me, which was wonderful because I didn't even have to get her stuck-up ass drunk!"

"So you didn't need to rape her?"

"Shut. Up!" Aomine kicked him harder.

"Ow! Fuck man, that hurt."

"I. Took. Her. Home." Aomine spit out, daring Kagami to say anything else. "And we start fooling around as we make our way over to my bed. I get her out of that pretty little red dress of hers and being the generous lover I am, I'm going getting ready to go down on her but the closer to I get to her thighs the stronger this… strange stench gets."

"Oh, God. Please don't tell me…"

"Yes. Yes man. Her snatch smelled disgusting."

"You didn't still go down on her, did you?"

"Hell no! I didn't want to be mean because, come on, we were dancing and sweating so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I know our crotch smells like shit when we've been sweating so instead, I just kept kissing her thigh, holding my breath the entire time."

Kagami bit his lip, choking on his laughter.

"Instead, I go to finger her, right? Just to make sure she's going to be ready for my sledgehammer."

"Never again in your life should you refer to your dick as a sledgehammer… and if you do, please don't use it again in a conversation with me."

Aomine flashed him a toothy grin to which Kagami rolled his eyes. "Okay. Here I am inserting a finger, right? And when I put it in there, I noticed that her walls aren't holding my finger the way I would have liked it to."

Kagami choked on his noodles. He had a feeling that he knew where this story was going.

"But I'm still trying to be an optimistic man. She's really wet now so I'm thinking her body was just really ready for me, so instead of questioning it, I put in another finger and Kagami, I am not lying to you - there was still a lot of room for more in there."

The redhead cackled, covering his mouth as he imagined Aomine's face when he realized that this girl needed no preparation. "Oh man, I'm so sorry."

"Bitch, it gets worse."

"It can't get any worse."

"Imagine this."

"I don't want to imagine you fucking her."

"You already are, so just enjoy it." Aomine smirked.

Kagami felt the heat rising to his cheeks. "Shut up. You're making me sound gay."

"I wouldn't hold it against you. I know I'm fucking sexy."

Kagami ignored the way his stomach flipped.

"Anyway. She's still moaning and groaning because I'm touching her like crazy while I'm looking for a condom in the side drawer. She grabs it from me and is trying to put it on me without me stopping. I don't know how she managed it, but she did. She's lying there like "Ohhh, yes! Fuck me, Daiki~ Fuck me!" (Kagami tried to suppress the shiver that ran down his spine when Aomine mimicked her moans. He simply forced himself to laugh in order to mask his discomfort) and I'm liking the way she's saying my name so I comply." Aomine leans back, taking more of the toast into his mouth before washing it down with some apple juice. "I get myself ready. I'm holding my meatstick -"

"Stop with the stupid nicknames!"

" - and I slowly start pushing in, not wanting to hurt her, and then the worst thing possible happened." Aomine frowned, setting down his cup dramatically. It clanged against the table, spilling some juice, causing Kagami to frown. "It was like her walls expanded around me. Like… It acted like my dick was oil and she was water. I couldn't feel anything!"

Kagami erupted with laughter watching as Aomine's face contorted into a look of horror at the memory.

Aomine waved his arms, suddenly becoming animated as he continued his story. "Dude, it was like the strangest experience ever. I felt so free… it was like rolling around a joystick at the arcade. I could go any direction I wanted."

Kagami tried to control his laughter, holding his stomach as he pressed his forehead to the table. "O-Oh my God, I'm so sorry!"

Aomine sighed, resting his head against his palm. "It was so terrible, man. I barely felt like there was an end to that cavern. I was afraid she'd suck my dick in there and I'd never get it back."

Kagami wiped his eyes, leaning back in his chair, "Wow… Did you manage to have a happy ending?"

"Yes. Only because I closed my eyes and imagined fucking someone else. We went at it for so long, I almost fell asleep while thrusting." Aomine ignored Kagami's over the top laughter. He sighed. "This is what I get for picking up random chicks. Maybe I need to make a questionnaire for girl before fucking them."

"What? Are you going to make them rate their tightness on a scale of 1 to 10?"

"Hey, that's a good idea."

"Wow. You're a fucking dumbass."

"What? Does it not sound brilliant?"

"No."

Aomine scoffed, finishing his toast. The two of them sat in a comfortable silence, only broken by Kagami's occasional chuckles. "Hey, what about you?"

"Huh?"

"How tight are you?"

Kagami blinked, staring at Aomine in confusion. Aomine remained silent, watching him for his reaction. For some reason, this made Kagami very uncomfortable. "Wow, don't be gay, Ahomine."

Aomine laughed, standing up with his juice in hand. "I was just kidding, princess. No need to get scared."

"Who said I was scared?!" Kagami shouted after him, watching the tanned male walk into the kitchen.

"Your face!"

Kagami pouted, picking up his empty bowl, following his bitch of a roommate. "Shut up, asshole!" The moment Kagami walked into the kitchen, Aomine attacked him, throwing a palm full of water in his face. "Kyaa!"

Aomine choked before doubling over with laughter, ignoring the death glare Kagami sent his way. "HAHA! Oh, my fucking God, Kagami! HAHA! "KYAA!" Wow! WOW that was priceless."

"You fucking bastard, I'm going to kill you!"

Aomine screamed - in a manly way, mind you - as Kagami lunged, wondering how the redhead managed to put down his bowl before they both toppled to the floor and engaged in a "civil" wrestling match.

Aomine laughed as he got an arm around Kagami's neck, watching the redhead struggled before bucking his hips, sending Aomine sprawling on the ground as he pounced, grinding his knuckles into the side of Aomine's temples.

T'was just another normal day in the AhoBaka household. Despite their constant bickering, they wouldn't trade their friendship for anything else in the world.