A/N: previously, on LeaguerS…

…

Illyasviel von Einzbern had been having a perfectly ordinary day. Wake up, protect herself from being molested by her twin sister, take a bath, fend off sister's advances, get dressed, get her panties back from said sister, have breakfast, glower at the teenaged girls who slept over in her brother's room again, wave hi to her new neighbor Diana, head for school, keep sister from hitting on neighbor and best friend, attend school, make sure sister isn't doing anything funny to classmates and homeroom teacher (she was getting to be a bit horrified at some of the looks that Taiga-sensei was casting Kuro's way. Surely the woman wasn't that desperate?), reluctantly give her sister prana somewhere private– DEEP KISS! WITH TONGUE! PRACTICALLY MOUTH RAPE!– during lunch, get through afternoon classes, get home, do homework, henshin and patrol around town until bedtime, take a bath, fend off sister trying to get skinship, get dressed, keep her sister from wearing Illya's panties like a hat or worse a mask, fall asleep with one foot in Kuro's face to push her away…

She was awakened by someone quite rudely knocking on the front door of the house in the middle of the night. Groggily, she quickly reached for her phone charging next to the bed. It read two in the morning. For a moment, she stared at the number. Who could it be at this ungodly hour?

The knocking came again.

With a groan, Kuro pushed herself up. "Damn it, so close!" she growled, Illya averting her eyes as Kuro rubbed herself desperately, gave up and sighed. "Who the hell could it be at this time of night?"

"Maybe it's Magical Girl business?" Illya suggested, already opening the drawer where Ruby rested. The little Mystic Code was vibrating at regular intervals and making a snoring sound. Illya wondered if the thing was messing with her. Surely it didn't need to sleep!

"At our front door?" Kuro grumbled. "Everyone who knows where we live is too polite to do that at this hour. They'd have us meet them on the bridge."

"Maybe it's a big emergency," Illya suggested, suddenly growing worried as she quickly got up. What could be so bad it merited a late-night visit but couldn't be sent through the standard electronic channels? Had Calculator been hurt? Had Green Lantern-chan's family vacation triggered the end of the world… again?

Sella and Leysritt's door was opening as Illya stepped out. Illya waved them away. "It's likely for us," she said. Sella grimaced, but nodded. Illya knew the maid wouldn't be going back to sleep any time soon, likely already planning how to make her displeasure at late night visitors politely known while serving tea. Or some other nocturnal snack.

On the other side of their room, Shiro's door hung open. So, he and Saber still weren't back from their patrol. Well, they should be almost done and on their way back. Illya conscientiously sent them a message letting them know what was happening as she made her way downstairs, her sister grumbling behind her.

There was a third, rather impatient knock on the door.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," she called out. "What's the big emergency?"

As she opened the door, she belatedly realized she wasn't wearing a mask or any of the magical identity obfuscation stuff. As the door continued to swing open, she desperately hoped this was someone she knew who was okay to be unmasked for.

Through the now open door, she stared up at the woman in the golden mask staring down at her, while a kid who looked about her age and bore a disturbing resemblance to Saber that time she'd tried out an age-change pastille stood next to the woman impatiently. The kid had a sword. That meant nothing. Lots of people carried swords. It was a western sword. That meant a bit more, because what weirdo carried around a western sword? Those things were heavy.

"Entschuldigen sie," the woman said. "Ist dies die Einzbern Hause?"

"Uh, sorry," Illya said, smiling brightly. "I have no idea what you're saying." Still smiling, she closed the door. "Ruby, HENSHIN!"

A moment later, the door blew apart.

Framed in the ruins of their front door, the masked woman stared as Illya and Kuro finished their transformations. Her head tilted slightly as if confused. Her voice was completely business-like, however. "I am here for Avalon," she said in strangely accented English, which Illya couldn't understand at all. "Give it to me."

Kuro spat as Kanshou and Byakuya snapped into her hands. "Lick my little loli–"

Golden magic shot forth from the woman's hands, and the two of them dove aside as Illya reached towards her thigh. "Caster, Include!" she cried.

As the Armor of the Queen of the Night Sky (future epic version) wrapped around her, Illya snapped out, "Gefängnis der Magie!" The world rippled as the sealed barrier erupted from her epicenter, the air taking on an oil-in-the-water rainbow iridescence as she, Kuro, the masked woman, and anyone with magic in range were transported to a dimensionally out-of-phase battlefield.

"Oh good," the child with the woman said with a wide grin, drawing the sword at their waist. "Finally, some excitement!" With a scream, they leapt at Kuro, sword arcing above them in a wild, two-handed overhead slash.

Said sword slammed into the ceiling, spraying dust as it nevertheless managed to cut through. Even then however, simple physics took over, the sword having sufficient purchase for its energy to feed back into its wielder.

Kuro watched as her wannabe-opponent managed to slam their own head violently into and partially through the ceiling.

For a moment, she, Illya and the golden-masked woman stared.

"Wow," said Ruby, currently in the form of the Tome of the Night Sky. "That's gotta be really embarrassing."

The ceiling crumbled, and the red-clad figure fell back down in a shower of dust and debris. "Cursed foreign houses!" they cried. "Why the hell are they so small!"

"Population pressures and the realities of real estate prices," Kuro said blandly. "Why don't you stay down before you hurt yourself again."

There was a green-eyed glare. "Never!" came the cry as the sword was swung wildly again.

This time it got stuck in the wall next to them.

"Will you people all start talking in Japanese?-!" Illya wailed. "It's really rude to leave me out of whatever you're all saying!"

Kuro sighed and kicked the kid in the face as the masked woman threw magic. Illya moved to intercept, and the battle was on.

Thank goodness this wasn't really their house.

…

Takamachi Nanoha of 2814: LeaguerS

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 7: Knights and Shadows

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. If I did… well, this would all be canon. WARNING: MAY CAUSE HEAD EXPLOSION!

…

"Well, that could have gone better," Jason commented as they returned to the Javelin after making sure Henry Hoss was out of danger and in the hands of the paramedics. "Does this happen often?"

Batman ignored him, moving to seat himself at one of the Javelin's consoles and activating the screen. He began to work on the computer.

J'onn turned to look at Jason. "I do not believe he wishes to speak of it," the Martian said blandly.

"Astutely deduced," Jason replied in the same tones.

"The computer is finished collating the data," Batman announced to no one in particular. "If Superman, Flash and Diana don't find anything, you'll have to go through all this to find another lead."

"I?" Jason said. "You're planning to leave, then?"

"We can only help in the immediate search," Batman said. "If this becomes more protracted, the League will have to abort. We have other responsibilities."

"Understood," Jason nodded, accepting the eventuality. "What have we so far?"

"If the remaining living members of the expedition know nothing, you'll have to backtrack to the other members," Batman said. "Interview living family, inheritors, later associates, institutions they worked for, the ones who organized the expedition. At the very least, you'll find this artifact and keep it out of circulation and away from Le Fay. Maybe you'll be able to use it to set a trap."

"That might be best," Jason said thoughtfully. He smiled slightly. "It will be nice to be the one setting the trap for once."

Batman handed him a small thumb drive. Jason was amused to see it was emblazoned with a little gray bat. "Here's all the relevant data. You might have to do a lot of digging."

"Something to do in my copious free time," Jason said gravely. "Thank you."

Batman nodded and started to turn away, then paused. "You do have a computer, right?"

Jason gave him a look. "I am a magus, but not that much of a magus. Of course I have a laptop. Bought it just last month. I use the old one for games now." There was a pause. "Stop looking at me like that. Just because I like to decorate with antiques does not mean I think the radio is the height of technology."

Batman nodded. There might have been something apologetic about the gesture.

"That is clearly the Palm Pilot," Jason said.

Batman gave him a flat look and strode off.

Smiling, Jason settled himself in one of the Javelin's empty seats, drew out a smart phone and an adapter, transferred the contents of the drive to his phone, and began to read as Batman prepared the ship for takeoff.

They were barely over the town when Jason stiffened like a pole.

Batman was piloting when he abruptly found the glowing screen of a smart phone shoved into his line of vision.

"I know where Avalon is," Jason said grimly. "And it's just as bad as Le Fay having her hands on it."

"Get that out of my face, sit down and put your seatbelt on," Batman growled.

…

Sometimes Saber, aka Arturia Pendragon, sometimes spelled Artoria (but not here, so don't bother sending corrections about it, and fuck the Altria spelling, what idiot thought that was right?), wondered how her life had turned out like this. Once a knight and king who would not even touch her wife, she now often lay with not only a man to whom she was not wed, but two women as well (which finally made her understand why everyone had been so annoyed at Lancelot on Galahad's behalf after that Castle Anthrax business). And sometimes all three if she and Shiro managed to get Rin and Luvia aroused enough that they didn't much mind they were touching (among other things) each other.

Ahem.

Anyway, how had her life turned out like this? From knight and king to filthy, filthy debauchery (very debauched. Extremely debauched. Oh, so debauched. Like, 'Ryan Reynolds Valentines' Day Movie' debauched) most nights of the week? From protector of a kingdom and protectorate lands (and some parts of, ugh, France, what had she been thinking?) to the almost completely unknown vigilante protecting a single city with a bunch of other vigilantes (all right, it had more people in it than her whole kingdom at its peak combined, so what?) barring the distressingly common threats to all humanity, from being owner of all she surveyed to being landless, penniless, and not even owning the clothes on her back most of the time. She lived on the generosity of her Lady Irisviel (for she would always be her Lady to Saber, despite how her mind had gone even weirder since they had last seen one another), on the sufferance That Man (because NO ONE could hold a grudge, however politely they acted, like a female knight betrayed), on the restraint of Irisviel's daughters, and the alarmingly naïve niceness of her lover. Her dreams of saving her kingdom from herself gone, her only hope blasted from this world to thwart the birth of a twisted wish for Ultimate Evil, and the possibility of her fading easily back to oblivion taken from her by the bizarre final touch of the Grail. Ah, the ironies of life. It was quite bittersweet, but palatable as long as she didn't dwell on it too much. This was the way the world was now. She had to deal with it.

The city blurred beneath her as she ran and leapt from building to building, rising and falling as easily as breathing while her golden gaze swept through brilliantly lit streets and darkened alleys. Her dress was dark tonight, her armor having a little extra spikiness, a quality of tenebrousness only accented by the faintly glowing crimson accents upon it. She searched not for obvious dangers, but for the crimes that would likely have been overlooked and unseen. Movements in dark shadows, where murderers could murder, thieves could thieve, hussies might find themselves hustled, policemen didn't police, vague yet menacing government agencies might find themselves vaguely menaced by those more vaguely menacing, vampires might vamp, and things that go bump in the night might bump hard.

Such was now her lot.

There was a strange, everyday normalcy to it. This was her life now, and she found herself fitting within it. She lived expecting tomorrow to be reasonably similar to the day before, baring a crisis of some sort once a month that was handled more by brute numbers than cunning, that posed danger that was more abstract and distant than personal when not viewed in the immediate heat of battle. Old not-quite-enemies-turned-not-that-reluctant-allies became everyday companions, and everyone was glad that Gilgamesh had moved away to Tokyo to live with his brother and serve his King and Queen (she was still trying to wrap her head around that arrogant existence bowing to anyone, much less doing so fervently).

Tonight was her shift to patrol the city with Shiro, a shift that was ending soon. Shiro would patrol unceasingly all night if he wasn't stopped, so part of her duty was to get him to stand down and cede the rest of the night to Assassin and Lancer. Landing at one of the many skyscrapers, Saber drew her cellphone from a discreet pocket and checked the time. It was past their shift, she saw. They needed to get back home to rest. With now-practiced movements, she sent a short message to Lancer and Assassin that they were standing down and what area they had finished their patrol. Though the two would be taking their own route, they would know what areas hadn't been swept through yet. That finished, she dialed Shiro's number.

After a while, he answered. "Hello?"

"Shiro, it is time," Saber said. "We need to return home."

"Oh," Shiro said. Saber had at first been confused, then exasperated at how disappointed he sounded every time they had this conversation. "Couldn't we patrol a few minutes more? Lancer-san and Assassin-san might need our help, and– "

"Shiro, it's late, my armor is getting cold, and we both need our sleep," Saber interrupted, her temper short, acerbic and sharp as it tended to be when the remnant of the Grail's taint was strong, as it was tonight. "Get some sleep before you die from a bad idea. I need my prana restored tomorrow, and you're a much more adequate lover when you're rested."

It was, even by her standards when she was under taint, a cheap shot, but she didn't feel like fannying about trying to convince him tonight. He seemed to sense that as she heard him sigh through the open line before agreeing to head back. Even then, she watched as he started moving in the direction of home first before heading that way herself.

As she was launching herself up from the perch, she head a message arrive at her phone. As she flew through the air, the wind blowing past comfortingly, she reached back into her pocket and checked it. It was from Illya, reporting that someone was at the door. Alertness and concern immediately coursed through her at the oddness. At this time of night? Had something happened? The skies seemed to still be their correct color, despite the light pollution, and there seemed to be no sign of invaders from the stars again, so she hoped the matter wasn't too–

For a moment, Saber blanked, because she couldn't think of a word accurate enough to describe what she feared besides 'insane'.

A few minutes later, there was an electronic chime as another message came through. When Saber drew out her phone, the message preview on her phone's screen showed only one word.

'HELP!-!-!-!-!-!'

…

The place was a gutted ruin.

"There's nothing there Jason," Superman said, as he refocused his eyes back to only the wavelengths on the visible light spectrum. The X-ray, infrared, ultraviolet, gamma rays, microwaves, and even faint radio waves all faded out, replaced by visible light and some slight tinges of strange red and violets he knew only he and a few species on Earth could see. "The mansion has extensive underground chambers," though a disgusted part of him felt it would have been more accurate to call them dungeons, "And something that looks like some kind of steampunk cloning lab, but aside from some heavy equipment that I'm assuming ran on magic, there's nothing of value here. It looks like someone stripped this place before they blew it up."

He forbore mentioning the hideous mass grave under the house, filled with hundreds upon hundreds of bones. Many looked positively ancient, and even the topmost layer obviously predated the destruction. What kind of people had lived here? Who keeps a mass grave in their basement?

The obvious Gotham joke begged to be added as a punchline, but he disgustedly edited it out.

"No sheath?" Jason asked. "Nothing vaguely sheath-like? Scabardous in any way?

That last managed to elicit a quickly-repressed chuckle. "No. I'm sorry."

Jason nodded with the assured and experienced resignation of a man who knows that of course things couldn't possibly be this easy. "Well, I suppose it's back to research to try and get ahead of Morgaine," he said. "I thank you for your assistance, friends. I only wish we had something more substantial to show for it."

"Me too," Flash said. "No offense Jay, but we'd usually have at least two more Dramatic Fight Scenes and Green Lantern blowing something up by now."

"Flash, shut up," Batman said. He turned to Jason. "What now?"

"Now I believe you had best leave me here," the immortal said. "I have a lot of digging to do, in case the sheath has been stored in some secret magically-guarded bolthole Superman's eyes can't see, followed by a lot of researching to find out where the sheath might have gone from here if I don't find it at all."

"I'm sorry we weren't more help," Superman repeated, and he was. He didn't like leaving things unresolved like this. "Call us if you come up with anything."

Jason's expression managed to look polite. "I will keep your kind offer in mind."

As the Leaguers awkwardly began to troop back to the Javelin, there was a tone as someone's cellphone accepted an incoming message.

"Not mine," Flash said. "And who left their phone on?"

"It is mine," Diana said, pulling a cellphone out from her shield. "Green Lantern gave it to me so she and others may contact me."

"Huh. I wonder what roaming charges you're getting? Also, what's your number?" Flash asked.

Diana drew out her cellphone and frowned, then swore. "Batman, I need you to take me back to Japan. Someone is attacking the Fate Knights in Fuyuki. The two Mahou Shoujo who live in the area are locked in battle, but it seems they are outmatched."

"It'll be half an hour before the Javelin can get you there," Batman said. "Flash can get you there in five."

"You might end up throwing up all over me, but what's a little puke between friends," Flash said. "These Maho-something… that means little kids like Green Lantern, right?"

"Yes," Diana said.

An uncharacteristically grim look came over the visible parts of Flash's features for a moment. "Three minutes, and you'll definitely throw up."

Diana tucked her phone back in her shield. "Done."

Flash held open his hands, and Diana was only mildly reluctant to let him carry her. "What are we getting into?" he asked as he made sure of his grip.

"Some sorceress in a golden mask and her child," Diana said. "They keep demanding something called Avalon."

Jason's head whipped around so fast there was an audible snap, but by then Flash was running, only a flaming line of vegetation and a sonic boom heading eastward the only trace of him.

"Batman!" he called. "After them! And… do you have some sort of muscle balm?"

…

They were still alive. As Dramatic Fight Scenes went, that meant they were technically winning.

The dimensional barrier Illya had cast had given them room to let loose and spread out beyond their house, allowing them to fuck subtlety. Their fighting had also roused Miyu and Luvia next door, making the fight a bit more in their favor.

"All right!" Kuro cheered. "Team Hot Loli Ass is on the case."

"No," her sister said flatly. "Just… No."

"We are not Team Hot Loli Ass," Miyu agreed.

"Denying it doesn't change the fact it's true," Kuro said, wiggling aforementioned booty.

"What about me?" Luvia asked.

The golden-masked shot at her. Luvia found it prudent to dive for cover, cursing in Finnish and wondering where the heck her Servant was at this time.

Somewhere, Lancer sneezed in the midst of fighting anthropomorphic personifications of human evil.

Further banter was cut off as they dodged a fierce and vaguely dragon-shaped (Eastern serpentine type, though the head appeared Western) construct of destructive magic. It hissed, turning and honing in on Kuro, possibly on the assumption she had the least mobility, since she couldn't fly or float, but her mad scrambling, dodging, and occasionally seemingly flickering out of existence to reappear somewhere else allowed her to avoid it with, if not ease, then at least the appearance of ease. Her grin and laughter certainly reinforced the impression.

Miyu and Illya, relatively free, went on the offensive, Miyu going for the red-clad child with the sword who didn't seem to know how to use it very well as Luvia provided cover fire. They did, however, know how to throw bolts of golden magic very well indeed, and did not seem to be in danger of suffering from power loss any time soon. Bolts met shields in the shapes of hexagram stars, stopping them cold. The bolts packed power, however, breaking through in three or four direct hits, forcing Miyu to keep moving as she sought to close the distance.

Illya went for the sorceress in the golden mask, over-powered and multi-layered shield in front of her as she charged directly, her Silence Wall and Round Shield tanking blasts she wasn't able to avoid, trying for close range strikes. Miyu and Kuro were both too close for the blast radiuses (radii? Argh, she didn't know how to conjugate that properly!) of most of the spells she knew Hayate could do, leaving her options slightly limited. For one thing, multi-projectile guided spells gave her a headache when they went past five.

That didn't mean she couldn't use them, however.

She rushed straight in like a complete amateur, punching straight at the sorceress (though Kuro would probably argue the term. Grammar nazi), her body boosted by Erebus' spells. The blast right in her face was completely expected as she met it with Schwarze Wirchung, the two spells exploding together and knocking both her and her opponent back.

So her opponent was completely blindsided when the five crimson knives honed in on her from behind. Before they could strike home however, five golden blasts from Miyu's opponent intercepted them, while a sixth and seventh slammed into Illya's back. Her Knight Armor tanked the blast but the concussive force still knocked her off her feet again.

Miyu's response was immediate, tackling the boy from behind before they could turn back and focus on her. A small blade sprouted from the top of Sapphire as Miyu held her in both hands, using it as leverage to force their opponent down. With surprising force, her opponent knocked her off, their leg sweeping wildly and awkwardly to strike Miyu in the gut. Her anti-physical barriers took the hit but she was forced back. Her opponent pressed the attack, only to have Kuro land foot-first on their head.

"Hands off the hot loli ass," Kuro said as she backflipped to her feet. "That's my thing."

She was blasted from the side by golden magic. "Off my son, harlot," the golden masked woman said.

A gigantic fist made of shadow struck her from above. "No one calls my sister names but me," Illya said blandly. "I agree with whatever name you called her, but still."

"Still a bit under here, sis," Kuro said, waving from under the edge of giant hand's pinky.

"Eh, you can take it," Illya said blandly.

The underside of the fist glowed with ominous golden light.

"Yeah, that's probably a bad sign," Kuro said. "Okay, plan B! Trace, on!"

A sheath dropped into her hands.

Golden light exploded, the giant shadow fist shattering.

…

"So, you don't know how to get to Fuyuki City," Diana said.

"Not really?" Flash said. "I'm not even sure what city we're in."

"You're in Misaki City," a girl in a kimono with cat ears and a tail sticking out from her ass and carrying a sword said as she walked by. The mask domino mask on her face seemed incongruous in comparison.

"Oh, thank you," Diana said as Flash blinked in confusion. "Can tell use which way to go to reach Fuyuki?"

The girl raised a hand to point, but paused. "Um, we're not going to end up fighting, are we?"

Diana blinked. "I had no intention of doing so. Why do you ask?"

"Well, you seem like westerners. Isn't it traditional in the west to fight for petty reasons when first meeting?"

"Okay, I can't understand a word either of you are saying," Flash said. "Is she single?"

"What's he saying?" Himari asked.

"I think he's hitting on you," Diana said.

"Oh, is this the first meeting petty fight?" Flash said at the katana suddenly at his throat. "I thought they didn't do that over here?"

"So, how do we get to Fuyuki?" Diana asked politely.

"Oh, just keep going west along the highway towards the ocean," Himari said. "If you end up in Zawame City, you've gone too far."

"Thank you," Diana said.

"Uh, you're not part of Saber-san's harem, are you?"

"Why does everyone keep me asking that?"

After a brief and responsibly choreographed petty fight that did cosmetic and non-serious collateral damage, they exchanged contact information and went their separate ways.

"So…" Flash said as he ran, "I thought you lived with the Green Lanterns?"

"Only temporarily," Diana said. "They found me a more permanent place to stay in Fuyuki."

"Uh, why there, exactly? I've never even heard of the place."

"Green Lantern told me I would fit in better there," Diana said.

"Well… have you?"

"I don't know," Diana said. "I spend too much time training with Cu and Arturia to really notice if I'm fitting in."

"Who?"

"My neighbors. Very nice people. He works as a gardener for my host and she… actually, I'm not sure what she does. She doesn't seem to go to school at the same time as the others."

…

On the Javelin…

"…" Jason said.

"…" Batman said as he piloted.

"…" J'onn said as he sat patiently.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Can't we go any faster?"

"You're free to go out and push."

"…"

"Are we there yet?"

"You're aware you're sitting on an ejector seat, right?"

"…"

…

Contrary to popular belief, Hasegawa Chisame, a.k.a. Calculator, was not awake 24/7 manning (womanning?) her computer and being the infallible, ineffable digital heart of the United Magical Girl (and Boys) Association. Sure, she stayed up later than was healthy for her, but that wasn't because she was keeping an eye on their activities, ready to give an inviolable, absolute order that will send great and powerful forces into action. She had better uses for her time, like hacking, designing dress patterns, sewing, cosplaying, posing, editing out unsightly defects from her pictures, posting them online in her secret identity as Internet Goddess Hacker Chiu, a digital identity she had a much greater investment in. That she had a program running that hunted down and deleted pictures of her head Photoshocked into naked bodies was a given.

Sure, when her computer was on, or when she was using her Artifact for some very deep immersion hacking, she kept a little window open showing the user interface she'd put together to deal with all the Magical Girl stuff. Even then, however, most of the work was done by a custom program she'd made, because this was the 21st century and she wasn't some mouth-breathing barbarian. A lot of it was phone-to-phone emails from throwaway accounts, since for some reason a relatively small (but growing) group of people who proclaimed to embody and fight for the virtues of truth, love, justice, hope and friendship operated on a level of paranoia where unless you were really, really, really close or on the same team you didn't even know someone's real name, much less their phone number or email. Only the Tomoeda three knew the names and faces, and they kept them either in their heads or Sakura's stubbornly unhackable ring. The only one with a copy was Chisame herself, and only of the electronic equivalent for their cellphones. Some didn't even have that on file.

Anyway, she'd put together a program that made sure that childishly disguised and encrypted personal emails from cellphones passed through her system's central hub and on towards the right people. The same for actual voice calls, though that was more restricted, and you needed someone's tacit permission to call them on their phone unless they'd pre-approved contact. She tended to handle that personally, and it was a strange irony that she'd managed to turn herself into a call center agent, albeit one who was self-employed. Really, sometimes unspeakable vaguely pedophilia-tinged feelings for little Welsh boys didn't seem to be enough justification for all this crap she had to put up with, especially when he hadn't even bothered to ask her to do it!

So, back to our original topic, no, Chisame wasn't usually up at all hours personally overseeing everything. Really, the only reason she was up tonight was because she'd just uploaded a new batch of pictures and an update to Chiu-sama's site earlier that evening and liked watching the reactions of her adoring public in real time (okay, and eject haters literally moments after they make their posts, something she took petty pleasure in). Really, that was it. The little instant message chat with Chachamaru had nothing to do with any of it at all! Complete nonsense. It wasn't like she had any unspeakable, vaguely defined, sorta-Setsuna-and-Konoka-tinged feelings for the stupid robot at all! She just coincidentally happened to be awake.

So it was a complete coincidence that she was awake when the SOS from Fuyuki came up.

Prisma Ruby: Help! Some weirdo in a gold mask and her kid attacked us and blew up Black Archer.

Prisma Ruby: …

Prisma Ruby: She's fine by the way. She survived again somehow. Yay

Chisame could feel the total lack of enthusiasm in that "Yay".

She supposed she had to respond to this or something. Not that she wanted to or anything. It was merely out of boredom. Humph!

As she sent out the notification to the Fate Knights' closest contacts, another panel made itself known. She frowned, trying to place it. Was that the Green Lanterns'? She vaguely remembered using that set-up to talk to them once, but–

Then the image that identified the person on the other end loaded properly, and she almost jumped out of her chair– well, jerked slightly in a vaguely upward direction, anyway– when she recognized it at the same time the voice came through.

"Hello?" a deep, masculine voice said in slightly accented Japanese. "Is this getting through? I'm sorry for bothering you, but it's an emergency. This is Superman–"

For once, Chisame didn't even find it in her to lament that once upon a time, strange men from other planets wouldn't be calling her in the dead of night for flying directions to a city filled with weirdoes.

After giving the planet's most famous illegal immigrant directions to where he wanted to go and an advisory of what he was likely to find there, and briefly reflecting he really was from another planet if he was willing to stop and ask directions, Chisame decided to go to bed. Her night had already gotten too weird and she didn't want it to get any weirder.

She slept, and had a strange dream about being recruited by a janitor with a pumpkin for a head as a side-kick to solve dream crimes, since apparently the girl he usually did this with was on vacation, and didn't she know those things were cursed?

…

Superman, as the only one who could come close to the speeds Flash could attain, had gone on to fly after them when Blood had managed to make sense. It seemed a bizarre coincidence, that the people they were looking for suddenly showing up to attack Diana's neighbors (unless it was all an effect of Green Lantern's vacation, which was not yet ruled out). Since Nanoha was unfortunately on vacation (he briefly said a quick prayer for her safety and sanity), he called the emergency contact she'd given him for the United Magical Girl (& Boys) Association if he'd ever needed support while in Japan. It made him slightly guilty to realize that even after all his years of being a superhero and meeting many astonishing, similarly inclined people, he'd never taken the time to set up and organize something similar. The way Nanoha had described the group, it was part social club, part support group, part gym, part think tank, and part benevolent non-violent terrorist cell organization.

Hmm… that could have been it. Most of the time, organizations set up like that were the bad guys. Wow, he really hoped this was just some odd coincidence or Nanoha putting an organizational scheme she was familiar with to good use rather than an ominous portent of things to come or foreshadowing that the group was secretly evil.

After all, the young lady he'd spoken to– through a voice-disguiser that was probably meant to modulate her voice to sound like Darth Vader and instead made her sound like Batman with a sore throat– had seemed pleasant enough though obviously overworked and tired. Was that the famed (and mildly infamous) Japanese work ethic, or was she perhaps driven by an intense sense of justice to work ceaseless to right the wrongs of the world despite no compensation and many sacrifices? Or had they somehow used dark and unknowable (or equally possibly, sugar-laced and creamy) methods to outsource to a call center in the Philippines?

He'd have to ask Nanoha after a suitable time had passed to allow her to get over the trauma of her vacation.

The city he arrived was brightly lit in the manner of the post-industrial night, thought it was a muted incandescent orange glow rather than a blinding fluorescent or LED one. There was, in fact, a dearth of fire, debris and destruction that the helpful young lady had described he would find,

There was a dearth of Flash and Diana as well. Had they gotten lost?

He tapped his com. "Flash? Diana? Where are you?"

There was a beat. "Superman?" Diana's voice said, sounding slightly awkward, and possibly a little nauseous.

"I'm in Fuyuki, but I don't see with of you anywhere," he said, scanning the city. There were pairs of armored, armed and building-hopping forms that he vaguely recognized as the local vigilantes that apparently called themselves the Fate Knights, but no sign of classical red tights and lightning bolts.

"We're almost there. The Flash went too far and we ended up in Zawame city," Diana said, sounding slightly miffed.

"Look, I can't read the road signs around here," Flash said. "It was an honest mistake! Passing through the bridge now Supes!"

Superman turned, tracking a red blur that crossed the sparsely populated bridge. "I see you," he said. "I don't see anyone being attacked though." On the other side, Diana launched into the air, separating form Flash and flying under her own power at great speed. Flash began to track her from below, and Superman moved to pace them.

"You would not," Diana said. "If they were under attack, then they would set up a barrier to take the fight where there are no civilians. There would be no signs of it in the world unless one possessed the magical ability to discern it."

"Then how were you planning to help?" Superman said.

"I am a being of magic. I would be able to enter such a barrier and do battle within it," Diana explained.

"Right, the 'given life by the gods' thing," Flash said. "Okay…look, Diana, are you sure your mother wasn't just–"

Diana vanished in midair.

Immediately, Flash skidded to a halt, giving the street in front of him a wary look. He zipped to the side of the road and blurred at a crouch, before flicking several small rocks in front of him in the general direction of where Diana had disappeared.

Nothing happened beside the rocks flying for a seemingly disproportionately long way, but that was normal for rocks Flash threw at those speeds.

Superman meanwhile, equally suspiciously, stopped in midair just short of where Diana had disappeared and warily waved his hands. Nothing happened. At least, nothing seemed to happen. He knew from painful experience and multi-dimensional imps that when dealing with magic, paranoia was something of a survival trait. "Diana? Diana, come in!"

No answer. That did not bode well.

"Oookay…" Flash said as Superman landed beside him. "What now?"

Superman considered that. "I'll go high, see if I can spot anyone suddenly appearing out of thin air. You patrol the perimeter."

"Right!" Flash said enthusiastically. "How big a perimeter are we talking about here?"

"How big is likely to be really inconvenient?" Superman said.

"Yeah, that's probably how big it is," Flash nodded in agreement. "You know, between the cool outfits, the exciting adventures, the interesting people, the warm and fuzzy feeling of doing a good deed, and seeing yourself on the news, this hero thing sucks sometimes."

Superman smiled. "But think of all the kittens who would have to grow up stuck in trees if it weren't for us."

"Oh, don't get me started. Those keep landing on my head!"

…

The city became quiet suddenly as Diana flew, the night sky gaining a subtle iridescent sheen, as if water seen through a thin layer of soap or oil. That was a familiar state, learned through her brief time as house-guest with the family of her allies the Green Lanterns, meaning she had entered a battlefield of magic. Indeed, the voice of the Flash and Superman had disappeared from her ear, though the comm nestled there still. Unless arrangement had been made beforehand, those without magic could not enter such a battlefield.

And great magic would be here tonight, for it seemed that the very prey the one called Blood hunted had by ill chance attacked the place that was her new dwelling. If so, she and her spawn would find no easy meat here, for even children here wielded great and terrible magic.

She dearly hoped it was not because the little dark one was secretly Zeus in disguise, though it would explain a lot.

She drew her sword and shield, despite the awkwardness of flying with them before her. Already she could see hints of smoke and fires at her destination. Her neighbors had not gone down easily, if they'd gone down at all. They all had the makings of great heroes, and by this day's reckoning already were.

It soon became apparent the arms were unnecessary. Though many houses had apparently been crushed to rubble, blasted apart, and a little bit set on fire, that was not especially problematic. The small, dark-skinned figure sprawled on the ground was more distressing, but any concern Diana might have borne were crushed when said figure leapt up and bore the figure that had been kneeling over her to the ground and, even at this range, obviously stuck her tongue down the unfortunate girl's throat.

The possibility she was Zeus or some other god in disguise was looking annoyingly likely.

By the time she'd touched down, μελανότοξότις had been pried off of Prisma Ruby with Prisma Sapphire's assistance. There seemed less violence involved than usual. Perhaps because she had obviously been injured earlier? Diana didn't see why that would matter. She was fine now.

"What happened here?" she said, asking the obvious question.

"Hey Diana-chan!" μελανότοξότις, the Black Archer, greeted, a wide smile that she was fairly certain was an example of the adjective 'lecherous'. Diana bloodily murdered the urge to take a step back and perhaps stand behind something. She was an Amazon, by the gods! She would not be intimidated by a… a little girl less than half her size and weight! Even if there was a chance she might be Zeus in disguise for whatever odd reason! "How was work? Did you beat up anyone interesting?"

Prisma Ruby, now in her more usual pink and white after whatever magic she had been using faded, gave her sister a long-suffering sideways glance and answered Diana's question as the sky returned to normal and the rubble and damage disappeared, replaced with a tranquil night broken only by distant sounds. "We were attacked. Some woman in a gold mask and her kid. They were looking for an artifact we had. Well, that my brother and his girlfriend has, technically, but they lived with us, so… "

Diana nodded. Saber had made her claim to Tracer quite clear upon their meeting, but had thankfully not held any sort of grudge over it. "The sheath of Excalibur?"

There were three pairs of blinks. "How did you know?" the Black Archer exclaimed. "Is there some kind of memo going around?"

"The League has been pursuing a foul sorceress who sought the power of the sheath for her own nefarious ends," Diana said.

"Foul magus," the Black Archer corrected. She sniffed. "Gold-face isn't nearly powerful enough to be a sorceress. And I'll assume that by foul you refer to her specifically instead of in general." She paused. "We're talking about the same person, right? I really don't want there to be more than one person out there actively looking for that thing. Because that means this going to go all Raiders of the Lost Ark or even worse, a heist movie, and no one wants to be in one of those."

"Oh, come on," her sister scoffed. "It's bad enough one person is looking for the thing. Who else would want it for anything?"

"Maybe one of Camelot's knights survived to the present day and is looking for it in some bizarre interpretation of duty," the Black Archer said.

Prisma Sapphire tilted her head. "Such as who?" she asked in her usual level, subdued voice.

The Black Archer shrugged. "The Bloody Knight? The Demon Knight? The Shining Knight? You get a lot of weird reports that seem to be immortal, surviving knights of Camelot. In fact, some of them are consistent enough to form their own sub-thread of lore."

"As it happens," Diana said, "There is someone else also looking for the sheath."

"Damn it, are we going to be attacked again tonight, then?" the Black Archer said. She glared at her sister. "This time, no dropping giant shadow hands while I'm still under them!"

The flat look Prisma Ruby directed at her sister said it was still within the realm of possibility.

Some rubble shifted, and a young woman with long blonde ringlets, as mask, and a very revealing nightgown under an inadequate robe was revealed under some rubble. "Oh, hello Diana. I'm glad you were able to join us." She glared at the three smaller girls. "I'm fine, thank you for your concern!"

Prisma Sapphire at least looked guilty for not noticing sooner, while Black Archer merely looked aside and muttered, "Tch!"

Diana looked in confusion. "I'm sorry, who are you?"

There was an equally confused look back, before the young woman said, "Oh, yes, you haven't met me like this yet, have you?" She raised the mask, and Diana recognized the face of her host, Luviagelita Edelfelt. She was the only one of the Fuyuki Fate Knights whose identity she knew, and had welcomed Diana into her home and supported her as she learned more about Man's World. The rest were all spread out across the city, cunningly disguised by their magic– or magecraft as they insisted on calling it. Really, wasn't it all magic one way or another?

In any case, she pulled the mask back on. "Though really Diana, you did not have to rush back. Or were you already on your way home?"

Diana blinked. "I received word that there was an attack," she said. "Should I have ignored it?"

"Oh, right, you're on that mailing list," Prisma Ruby said, as if she'd just realized. "Um, I hope you didn't have to interrupt anything important to get here."

"No, we were already about to leave when your message arrived," Diana said. "However, it appears that these incidents might be linked…"

…

By the time that Diana finished explaining, which went a lot faster since Tracer wasn't around to repeat her last sentence in the form of a question and because it was happening off-screen, Superman and Flash had arrived since the barrier was no longer present to exclude them. The conversation had also been moved to a nearby empty playground, since even in Japan, a bunch of people in colorful costumes loitering around a residential area in the middle of the night was regarded as suspicious. They'd have been equally suspicious in the playground if it weren't for the fact the only children present were equally suspicious. This done, important information was exchanged!

"You were at one of Harv Hickman's parties?-!" Black Archer said, giving Superman and Flash a look of purest jealousy. "Harv 'I Did Tracy Lords When She Wasn't Legal And Got Out Of The Charge For It' Hickman? Famous magazine publisher of 'Busty Asian Beauties', 'Voluptuous Asian Lovelies', 'Almost Illegal', and 'A-Grade A-Cups' Harv Hickman? The inventor of the centerfold? Damn it, I have literally never felt more jealous in my life, and that includes the time I tried to murder my sister out of jealousy!"

"You what?" Superman said.

"In Japanese, please?" Prisma Ruby said.

"You don't want to know," Blue Blaz said.

"I only read it for the articles," Flash said with saintly virtue.

"I only read it for the naked women," Black Archer retorted. "Well, not so much reading as rub–"

"Okay, I didn't understand any of that, but I recognized the word 'naked'! She said something dirty, didn't she?" Prisma Ruby cried.

Superman continued to stare at Black Archer as if he'd just encounter some eldritch horror and blight upon the world.

"Has Green Lantern-chan been your primary contact with Mahou Shoujo?" Blue Blaz said as she tried to look dignified in her night robe.

"Uh, yes," Superman said.

"Then I should probably state for the record she's an atypically innocent example of the species," Blue Blaz said with the sort of apologetic tone one usually reserves for telling little children Santa Clause wasn't real.

"Y-yes, I got that," Superman said.

"Really atypical," Blue Blaz said. "Very, very atypical."

"She means the rest of us get what porn and sex is, and can actually fucking swear," Black Archer said cheerfully.

Only to be swatted by a pink mallet to the head. "Don't make us all look like perverts!" Prisma Ruby cried. "That's just you!"

"You didn't even know what I said!"

"I know the words 'porn, 'sex' and 'fucking'!" Prisma Ruby said. "Take it back before Superman-sama thinks we're all deviants like you!"

"Wow, it's true!" Flash said, sounding awed. "All little girls in Japan have mallets!"

"Batman, please get here quickly," Superman muttered into his comms.

The only response he got sounded suspiciously like a snicker.

…

Landing the Javelin necessitated another move, since there wasn't enough room at the playground for the huge thing to land, meaning they had to meet it at the vacant lot a few streets over.

"For a big thing, it's really quiet," Blue Blaz commented. "I mean, people aren't even noticing it's landing, and it's right there with jet engines and everything. You'd think people would wake up when a space ship lands close by, but no one notices at all."

"Yeah, it's awesome," Flash said cheerfully. "Wanna take a ride?"

Blue Blaz gave him a sideways look. "I have a boyfriend, for your information."

Flash snapped his fingers. "Better luck next time, then."

"Hey Batman!" Black Archer said as the person in question and someone else stepped down from the craft. "Nice to see you again!"

Diana blinked. "You know the Batman?"

"Sure," Black Archer said. "Last we saw him we knocked him unconscious, put him in a car and sent him home. Glad to see you got home okay."

Batman did not see this as needing the dignity of a reply.

"Wait, you got knocked out by a bunch of little girls?" Flash said, grinning widely.

"That's not how it happened," Batman snapped. Well, there went not dignifying it.

"Where is the sheath of Excalibur?" Blood demanded as he stepped out of the Javelin.

"Suspicious person! Suspicious person!" Black Archer cried, pointing at him.

Blood blinked at that. "How am I suspicious?"

"You're standing around a stealth jet with a bunch of people in tights and little girls in short skirts dressed like that," Black Archer said, gesturing at Blood's plain shirt, jacket, slacks and leather shoes. "You're clearly the most suspicious-looking person here! This is how evil mid-boss-type villains get introduced, you know!"

Flash nodded. "She's right dude, you look really suspicious, being out dressed like that in the middle of the night. The only ones up at this hour are wearing tights or short skirts."

"Or are superheroes," Black Archer said.

Blood gave the little girl a bland look. "Did you just imply I was a John?"

"Please ignore her, she's rude and thinks she's smart," Blue Blaz said.

Blood nodded. "Sound advice. I shall take it. Now, who had the sheath of Excalibur?"

Black Archer raised her hand, grinning widely.

Blood allowed himself to close his eyes for a moment. "Of course you did."

"Not anymore though. That woman in the gold mask took it and got away," Black Archer said.

"You had the sheath and you just let her take it?" Blood said, aghast.

"We hardly 'let' her," Blue Blaz said haughtily. She jerked a thumb in Black Archer's general direction. "She had to work for it. We made sure she thoroughly beat up Black Archer first."

"I hate you all. That's it, I'm going supervillain. I just need a volcano base and either a moon laser or a time machine," Black Archer muttered. "Or both."

For a moment, Blood just stared in horror. "Then we are undone. With Avalon, Morgaine le Fay can draw upon infinite power from the realm of the fairies. We shall never find her now, and when we see her again, it will be at the head of an otherworldly army bent on conquest."

There was a beat.

"Okay, I'm blaming this on Green Lantern being on vacation," Flash said. "None of you can prove otherwise!"

"Oh, don't get your panties in a knot," Black Archer said dismissively. "I can find her, easy."

Blood raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Surely you jest. I have spent literally centuries attempting to devise a means of tracking that harridan. I know her every trick, her every deviousness, and I could not devise a reliable means of locating her."

"That," Black Archer said grandly, "is because you've never managed to stick a cellphone with a GPS tracker into a magical artifact she's not going to let out of her sight. Sis, I need your phone."

"Hmm? You say something?" Illya said, looking up from where she was playing some kind of color-match game on her cellphone. "I haven't understood a word any of you have been saying since you're all talking in weird foreign languages."

Black Archer rolled her eyes. "Sister, really! Learn English!"

"Why? If anime's taught me anything, it's that the rest of the world should be the ones learning Japanese anyway," Prisma Ruby said.

"Do we need to have the talk on translation conventions again?" Black Archer said archly.

"What happened here?" a clueless male voice said from behind Blood. "We got home and there was a note at the door saying you were at the playground. Then we got to the playground and we found a note saying you were at the vacant lot. What's going on?"

Blood turned.

Time seemed to stop. Silence descended, as if sound had gone on vacation and gotten involved in a locked room mystery which it must now solve to clear its name.

Oh bugger, he thought, I've gone mad. Again. I hate it when this happens. This is going to be the Thirty Years War all over again.

There might have been another ridiculously-masked person. He could not tell, for he had eyes only for him. Golden hair that, despite seeming washed out in the low light, should shine like the sun. Those noble features, that proud and regal stance, that air of kingship, the darkened armor traced with crimson lines like blood… wait, what?

Oh, this is some sort of nightmarish illusion! some part of him concluded. It was a common tactic that only really worked on the foolish and weak-minded, since even a cursory examination of the illusion revealed its many narrative inconsistencies. Why, there was absolutely no reason for his king to be in some city in Japan, nor wearing a demonic and vaguely goth-punk permutation of his armor, with some strange visor that seemed to just be hanging from their face. And now the doppelganger had removed the visor, revealing more inconsistencies. His king had brilliant green eyes, not dull and tainted gold. And those tears! The king had never, ever cried, no matter how desperate the battle or deep the mourning, always rising as a pillar of strength. And his king would never reach out to touch his face so tenderly, no, not the king. Hmm, but that wasn't part of the usual rigmarole of nightmarish illusions, was it? Oh,so he had gone mad, which was the only way to explain why his king was embracing him against his armor. Surely it was insanity! Because the only other explanation was that his king had come back from death or Avalon to these modern times, which was surely absurd, ha ha!

Jason Blood couldn't help but smile. As descents into madness went, it was better than most. He'd have to go mad more often!

…

"Does he usually smile so creepily?" Black Archer asked Flash out of the corner of her mouth.

"No, that's a new one on me," he said, answering the same way. "Wow, that's really creepy, isn't it? That's not a smile, that's an unsmile. Batman, make him stop."

Batman glared at him, either telling him to shut up or asking 'why me?'.

"Come on, you're the world expert on dealing with creepy smiles. Make him stop already!" Flash begged.

"Who is that man and why is he hugging my girlfriend!-?" Blue Blaz demanded.

…

London, as it was now called.

Whatever name they might call, it, all magi had a workshop, an atelier, a sanctum, some central place where they did the nitty-gritty work of dispassionately making reality bend over and spread. In Morgaine's case, she had long-since resigned herself to and accounted for the fact that hers would eternally need childproofing. And swordproofing. And scratchproofing. And, ever since the invention of take-out food and especially pizza, stainproofing.

Morgaine had not really thought through what being an immortal single mother to an immortal child would entail.

"Mother, can we have pizza?" Mordred called into her workshop.

"No pizza. There's salad in the cold box, eat that," Morgaine said. She was hunched over at one of her work tables, examining Avalon. There was something off about it. She could feel the power of the sheath, the unearthliness that came from not being of this world, not forged by human hands. It was more real than the world, a piece of eternity itself. Yet something felt off.

"But I want pizza!" Mordred whined.

"And I want to tap into the power of Avalon to bring back Camelot and restore the throne," Morgaine said, hefting the sheath. She had never held it, as her sibling had kept it close, but even now it seemed amiss. Why was the weight so unbalanced? "Let mother work, dearest. You shall have all the pizza you desire when mother raises Camelot once more."

Mordred threw up their hands. "You said that about me having my own cannon company two hundred years ago!"

"And you shall, my love, you shall," Morgaine said distractedly, frowning under her mask. Yes, the sheath was strangely unbalanced and… wait, did something move just now?

She peered into the sheath, moving it under the light of one of her lamps. Yes, there was something there, wedged inside the sheath and shifting slightly whenever she turned it over.

"Bloody hell!" she swore. As a magus, she knew damn well what having a suspicious object in your magical artifact meant.

As she half-expected, the nearest wall exploded in a crash, sending debris everywhere, which was quite a feat, since it had been heavily warded against such things.

"Knock, knock," an annoyingly cheerful voice said over the sound of debris landing. "Excuse us, I think you might have a little girl's cell phone."

Morgaine remembered when her enemies felt no strange compulsion to be funny, just curse her name and attempt to kill her. She missed those days.

There was a strange rush of wind, and the brief feeling of lightning around her, and suddenly Morgaine's hands were empty, Avalon gone as she fell off her stool from the sudden inexplicable wind that rose around her. No! Not when she was so close!

"Mother!" Mordred cried, glaring at the intruders as power coalesced in their hands. "How dare you harm my mother, varlets!"

"'Varlets'?" someone said. "Is that a real word?"

"Yeah. It's archaic, meaning a dishonest or unprincipled person," someone else answered. Morgaine recognized the voice of the dark-skinned child.

"Well, that's doesn't sound like anyone here," the first voice said.

"There is the suspicious person in the suspicious clothes…" the second voice said.

"Flash, shut up."

"Black Archer, shut up."

She could see them through the dust that had been raised from the destruction of her wall, and how had they done that? It had been reinforced by her arts, and should have been stronger than a mountain! Of course, she'd heard that the one called Superman could lift mountains… no, that was foolishness! A mountain being carried over you, with it's assorted power spots and small fonts of prana, was not something you missed!

She activated the defenses built into the workshop. Since it was not her main, most secret retreat, merely the most convenient place they could set up shop in this city in their search, it did not have her strongest defenses, the kind that could flash-fry a whole cavalry charge of knights as an opener and get more overkill from there. Still, what she had was nothing to sneeze at, at any age of magic.

Dragons teeth, bought from a surprisingly powerful source, flew from a cloth bag. Each fell to the ground, and in a burst of magic began to twist and elongate, growing into animate skeletons whose structure look vaguely human but whose heads looked like they'd been appropriated from the jaws of a shark. As they grew, black steel began to wrap around them, using them as a core. Soon, several tall, imposing black knights stood in the room wielding vicious, serrated blade of steel-covered bone.

Outside, someone swore about bored housewives doing stupid things for cosplay money.

Finally, there was movement. Though still obscured by dust, she could see a single outline. She opened her mouth to order her black knights to charge.

Then came a wave of unleashed power followed by a burst of wind, blowing back the dust. It slid around her mask, but Mordred suddenly became wracked with coughs as they unwittingly inhaled.

The figure who stood revealed there made the words she was about to say choke in her mouth.

"Hello sister," Arturia said, clad in blue and armor, Excalibur shining golden at her side. Bright blonde hair caught the little light, and brilliant green eyes stared at her intently. "I would have words with thee."

Morgaine responded by throwing a lightning bolt in their face.

"That was uncalled for," the unharmed spectre said.

"You go too far, Jason Blood!" Morgaine shrieked. "You dare defile my brother's image? I will rip out your spine and shove it up your ass!"

Furious in a way she had thought she was no longer capable of, calling her black knights to her and power flaring from her hands, Morgaine charged.

…

Outside, everyone waited more or less patiently as the sounds of a Dramatic Fight Scene resounded through from the hole in the wall.

"Is it safe to leave them in there?" Superman said in concern at a particularly loud and wrathful feminine roar

"They'll be fine," Black Archer said, "Saber has magic resistance and just got recharged, so she's at her peak. "

"Recharging? Is that what it's called these days?" Flash said, grinning widely.

"Yup!" Black Archer said cheerfully. She glanced sideways at her sister. "Speaking of which, that fight took a lot out of me. I could use a recharge too…"

Without changing expression, Prisma Ruby punched her in the face.

"I think she's getting better at English," Black Archer said.

"No, I can just tell when you're being perverted," came the flat reply in Japanese.

The bisected remains of a black armor flew out the hole in the wall. Superman blasted it with his heat vision for the sake of thoroughness.

"Please tone down the creepy, we just met," Flash said, still sounding amiable. "Give it a while."

Inside, the two had apparently gotten to the 'yelling their motivations' at each other portion of the fight scene. They also seemed to have switched to a different language, but given intonation, they could tell they were at the 'you fool!' portion of events.

"As family reunions go, this is actually going pretty well," Luvia said. "We're surviving the attempted murder portion of things, so it's about time we get to the sudden and surprising trap."

"Sorry, did I hear that right?" Superman said. "You expect family reunions to include attempted murder?"

"Of course," Luvia said. "Have mystery novels taught you nothing? Why do you think someone is always murdered during family reunions?"

Superman frowned. "I… have no rebuttal to that. Huh. How mildly disturbing."

"Sounds completely normal to me," Batman said.

"Same here," Flash said. "That's why the only ones left at the Flash family reunion are cops who aren't on the take and happy wives."

Diana frowned in disapproval. "Man's world is truly a savage and uncivilized place."

"What did you say would happen if you ever saw your mother again?" Flash said.

Diana was silent for a moment. "All right, I take your point."

…

Saber had to admit, her elder sister had gotten much more violent since they last met. Also much more talkative. This was the longest converstation they'd ever had, which probably explains a lot about why the Pendragons were messed up.

Arturia had not been that close to her sister in her youth, having been in another castle and raised secretly. They'd first met when they were both older, and it hadn't exactly been a situation conducive to what people in this century referred to as 'family bonding', which still sounded like a strange euphemism for marriage to her. The King of Knights had been left with a strong impression of a woman unlike anyone she had ever met until she had been called to this time and met Rin.

Nonetheless, they had grown to know and trust one another, and had worked well, despite their differing personalities, until the UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT THAT WAS ALL MERLIN'S FAULT. That had rather severely resulted in embarrassed and ashamed cessation of contact. From then on she had only heard of her sister indirectly, usually through rather adversarial encounters with her knights. Usually disguises and trolls had been involved. Even the discovery of a son(?) hadn't fostered contact, though she had certainly thought she should ask for an explanation, but before she could there'd been the rebelling and the scandaling and the stealing Clarent, and then the dying and argh, it was all a thing.

In none of those stories, however, had she been quite this direct. And malicious. And angry.

Or aimed for the face quite as often.

Or knew how to shop for things on the internet, quite frankly. Though she was going to have a word with Caster later…

Saber parried another blast away from her features, eyes narrowed to protect her eyes from the bright flashes that accompanied the attacks. The armor-covered dragon's tooth soldiers, while hardy, were only so much bone and metal, and thus took no more of her time than it took to notice and swat them out of the way, leaving them in twisted and pulverized pieces. Her sister's spells were the problem though. Through the centuries, she had apparently amassed a great number of spells short and powerful enough to be felt though Saber's Magic Resistance. Thankfully, she did not have the speed of, say, Evangeline McDowell, allowing Saber to dodge and parry.

She was also screaming in rage, and after the declaration of spine-ripping and ass-shoving, she had progressed to tongue removal, finger removal, nose removal, profane language ("NI!") and the intended use of necromancy to kill her all over again, in between diatribe's about how this base tactic was an insult to the memory of her dear brother.

If Saber wasn't so busy trying not to get killed, she'd have been touched her sister still thought well of her despite the UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT THAT WAS ALL MERLIN'S FAULT.

All the more reason to face this battle with all her determination, skill and, most importantly, all the things she had learned recently when the United Magical Girl association had been discussing non-lethal subduing methods should their allies be mind-controlled or possessed!

Arturia called forth Invisible Air around her sword, a cyclone whirling into being around Excalibur before she unleashed it before her as a battering ram. Black knight dragons' teeth warriors were knocked back, giving her a clear path, and she released a Prana Burst, charging through the opening like a missile. She powered through Morgaine's magic, Excalibur and her armor taking the blow and trusting the rest to her magic resistance as one hand reached forward, grasping the golden mask in ripping it upward off her sister's face.

The familiar features stared back at her. The some strong jawline, the same nose, the same regular features that had required their son to constantly wear a helmet and her to wear a veil, lest even the dullest sword in the kingdom realize the connection, and as a magus she had valued privacy, if not anonymity. The same eyes that were filled with murderous fury and unnoticed tears of rage.

Saber took that all in, closed her eyes… and headbutted her sister right in the forehead.

"Sister," Saber said. "Stop being silly and using objectionable language. I am your king and that's an order." Then for good measure she drew back and headbutted her again.

She met her sister's eyes, which were widening with realization and horror.

…

"No!" someone exclaimed from inside as the sounds of fighting dropped down considerably. "No! That's not true! That's impossible!"

"Search your feelings, sister!" came the immediate reply. "You know it to be true!"

There was a flash of light, a loud explosion, and the sounds of more fighting.

"Oh, we're in the cliches portion," Flash said cheerfully. "Not long now!"

…

And that was how Morgaine le Fay, after all these centuries, was finally defeated.

Naturally, it wasn't that simple. After all, catching the criminal was always just the start of the headache.

…

Illya glared.

Kuro glared.

Rin glared.

Luvia glared.

"Stop looking at my sister and nephew like that," Saber snapped. "They're staying. Get used to it."

"Oh my," Irisviel said cheerfully. "We've going to need a bigger house!"

"I'm saying it right now, we're not sharing our bed with loli-Saberface here," Kuro said. "Our room's cramped enough as it is!"

"Who are you calling a Saberface!-?" Mordred demanded angrily. "What's a Saberface?"

It was another perfectly normal day in the Einzbern-Emiya household.

In hindsight, Morgaine realized this should have been warning.

…

"And why is Morgaine Le Fay living with the Fuyuki Fate Knights now?" Yuuno asked as the events were related to him some time later as he was catching up on what he missed after The Vacation.

Superman, Batman and Flash looked at each other. "Apparently, there's no prison they can be sent to that wouldn't be even more dangerous than having King Arthur take responsibility for them. The words 'worse security than Arkham' and 'vivisection' were used," Flash said. "And it's not like we have a secret island in the South China Sea or an unused Particle Accelerator we can use as a secret prison." He psued and looked at Batman. "Do we?"

"Flash, shut up," Batman said, and took a bite of the cake Nanoha had made.

"Yes, Mundus Magicus and the Clocktower Association do get that rap," Yuuno said nodding in understanding. "And the Magical Girl Association does have a good record when it comes to rehabilitating its enemies. When we haven't outright killed them, anyway."

He avoided Batman's gaze as the man glared in disapproval. It was much easier to withstand Superman and Flash's look of disappointment. "Look, we've had this discussion on lethal force, let's not repeat it. I've just come back from a vacation, after all."

The three relented, apparently agreeing that one who'd just been through a vacation shouldn't be pushed like that.

It was another perfectly normal day in the Watchtower.

…

…BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS…

It's an A.R.G.O. News Network exclusive report! Don't worry, it's A.R.G.O.!

For the first time in millennia the Sailor Senshi of the galaxy have called a Concilium of the Stars. The Concilium was called to discuss the state of affairs of the Post-Galaxian era. The Concilium is to be hosted by the Cardinal system, aboard the specially constructed colony stations the Infinity Moment, Alicization, Progressive and Memory. After the Concilium, the stations are to be used as new orbital colonies.

While Apokolips and New Genesis are not expected, and some worlds such as the long-silent Silver Imperium, worlds that have not yet recovered such as the Gamindustri system, or destroyed worlds such as Krypton of the Rao system, are predicted to remain absent, sources disclose that many worlds and Senshi have been confirmed. These include Lady Nyaruko (Sailor Nyarlathotep of the Koikraft system), Duchess Louise (Sailor Halkegenia of the Halkegenia system), Lord Trey (King Ranger of Triforia), Princess Ahim (Sailor Famille of the Gokai system), Lady Rozalin (Sailor Veldime of the Nether System, within the N1 Nebula), Sorceress Mysa Xola Aq (Sailor Zerox of the Thaum system), High Seer Nura Nal (Sailor Naltor of the Thaum System) and Queen Projectra (Sailor Orando of the Thaum system).

Included among those attending the Concilium are many Senshi who are known collaborators of Shadow Galactica. While no official position has been taken by Senshi at large, many individual systems have undertaken to place known collaborator worlds under punitive sanctions and embargo. These include monetary restitution and temporary revocation of evolutionary rights.

Empress Vindication (Sailor Scadrial of the Cosmere system) has been a very vocal supporter for harsh penalties against collaborators, stemming from having been betrayed by the Senshi of her moons, Sailor Tin Nyanko, Sailor Lead Crow and Sailor Aluminium Siren. The Cosmere system is a major metal exporter, and is a prime source of Transuranic Iron, Atium, Lerasium, Adamantium, Vibranium and raw treacle.

Others, such as Queen Alipheese the 17th (Sailor Arpegia of the Monmusu System) have advocated mercy, defending the collaborators on the grounds that they had merely done their best to save their constituents. The Monmusu system was under assault from no less than three collaborators when it fell. The movement is drawing a surprising amount of initial support from other Senshi, including Captain General Bastille (Sailor Nalhala of the Alcatraz System), Princess Kakyuu (Sailor Kinmoku of Kinmoku), Princess Ahim, Princess Allura (Sailor Altea of the Arus system) and Princess Dex (Sailor Edenoi of the Kayarkuro System).

It is not known if Sailor Galaxia will be in attendance, or what actions will be taken should she appear. No word on whether the Green Lantern Corps will be sending a representative. A representative of the Zamarons, the assigned Star Sapphire of sector 2814, has been confirmed as an observer. Due to the history of amicable relations between the Sailor Senshi and the Star Sapphires of Zamaron, the presence of the representative has been accepted provided they agree not to, among other things, trap everyone in violet crystal as a preservative measure.

The search for the new Sailor Cardinal continues as…

…

- To be continued...

…

A/N: I'm aware that Apocrypha Morgaine isn't like this. This is from before I was aware of that work's version. You know how much I procrastinate.

…

OMAKE: New Programming!

…

Coming this Galactic Cycle on A.R.G.O. Entertainment! Don't worry, it's A.R.G.O.!

Now back after a 12.63 Galactic Cycle hiatus, we are proud to present a new season of the universe's longest running Law Enforcement footage program, Lanterns! Lanterns! is filmed on location with the sentients of universal law enforcement. All poozers are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, trial by combat or telepathic scan.

[Image of Mogo looming over two moons that had appeared to have slammed into each other. The image is rippling and fluctuating. Captions begin to scrawl across the bottom of the screen in Interlac]

Lantern Mogo: Nice try, but that's obviously a fake ID. And even if it wasn't, shir's clearly an underaged moon. If shir's older than two million Galactic Cycles, I'll dump my atmosphere. Come on, you're both under arrest for public indecency and you, smartequator, you're getting charged with corruption and molestation of a minor planet.

Golden-colored moon: But we love each other!

Green and blue moon: It's because I'm terraformed, ain't it?-! Huh? Huh? You disrespectin' me 'cause I'm terraformed? Keepin' the terraformed clar down!

Mogo: Keep your oceans on, sir, this doesn't have to be any worse than it is.

Green and blue moon: Poot you, poozer! Get your gravity off of me!

Mogo: I'm too old for this shit.

[Image of a vicious-looking fleet of thousands of warships, an expanding cloud of gasses, and a gigantic, many-tentacled eldritch abomination. The fleet are charging up their weapons provocatively, while the eldritch abomination is making belligerent gravity distortions and doing unspeakable things to the fabric of reality. A space dolphin Green Lantern is calmly but tiredly trying to mediate between the two. Captions begin to scrawl across the bottom of the screen in Interlac]

Lantern of Sector 0911: Sir, this lady is accusing you of killing her pet Sun Eater.

Commandeer of War Fleet: That squiding yuch, keeps letting the damned thing out of its leash! We have an ages old and bidding compact between ancient civilization and negligent uplifter: she keeps that mutt away from our stars, and in return we do not call upon the dread powers of dark Icthultu to bind her with dark forces and ichor sacrifice! She's lucky we don't sue her for breach of contract!

Mrs. Leery: You killed my Muffy! My poor Muffy! She was all I had in the universe and you took her from me! I'm suing you for emotional damage and destruction of private property!

Commander: We told you to get her her own sun to eat from you cheapskate! Darkness below, we offered to pay for half! But instead this penny-pinching suc'la just lets it roam around free, eating from other people's stars, disturbing their seasonal cycles! This is a civilized space sector, you squatter! Go back to 2814 where you came from!

Mrs. Leery: That's no way to talk to your mother!

Commander: Oh, so NOW you're going to admit to being our mother, are you? When it's convenient for you? Where were you when we were colonizing our moons, huh? Or when we were inventing faster than light travel? I'll tell you, not there! You were off pooting that clar over on the Mendugas system, letting them blurgur your grebnaks!

Mrs. Leery: You, you, you! You children are so self-centered, always wanting attention for every little thing as if it were important! So what if I wasn't there when you invented FTL! Did you ever thank me for bringing you bountiful spore harvests when you were still mucking around in the salts, thinking that the smartphone and the internet was the epitome of technology? Who kept a biosphere over your head and aluminum on the food pyramid? How do you think we got the money for your uplifting? By me going off to the Mendugas system and getting my grebnaks blurgured, that's how you ungrateful shit!

Lantern: I think you folks need a counselor more than you need a Lantern.

[Image of some pale-skinned biped with yellow fur and tacky orange garments angrily demanding some sort of broth and boiled starch paste dish as the clerk they're arguing with explains they only sell baked starch rings and distilled caffeine while other customers resolutely ignore them. Angry biped picks up chair and smashes it, then draws a knife on the clerk. All other customers stand up. Four become Green Lanterns, two show their Darkstar badges, five put on Nova Corps helmets and one starts growing crystals from their chest and turns out to be a Star Sapphire. The rest just pull out guns, phasesabers, Brighter Rings and a mallet. All show their badges.]

Lantern: Okay poozer, I think it's time you learned not to make trouble in our doughnut shop.

Star Sapphire: All hail Sakura! For the love of Sakura! Sakura is the Beginning! Sakura is the End! Sakura is All!

Nova Corpsman: Look, what have we said about evangelizing your religion in the doughnut shop?

Star Sapphire: Sorry. Force of habit.

[Image shows Green Lantern Logo superimposed with the words 'Lanterns!'. In the background, a flying saucer flies past.]

Tune in this 3rd quarter of the Galactic Cycle for the next exciting season of Lanterns!

…

ARTURIA REACTS!

…

It was, everybody agreed afterwards, all Kuro's fault.

"Historical accuracy?" Arturia said doubtfully as Kuro messed around with the TV and the USB port.

"Yup!" Kuro said cheerfully. "As a living receptacle of historical, legendary and mythical knowledge-slash-Holy Grail War strategic and tactical combat calculator, I'm curious as to how accurate you'd say the stories about you were. Except that movie with Richard Gere and Sean Connery, I know that's all garbage."

"You just want an excuse to control movie night," Illya accused her sister.

"If I wanted to do that, I wouldn't be wasting my time with a between-Renaissance Disney film," Kuro retorted. "You guys don't have to be here, I can just tie Saber to a chair by herself and force her to give a historical criticism of selected works."

"Now, see, why is that your first idea?" Illya wailed.

"I'm a magus, it's how we do things," Kuro said primly as Rin, Luvia ad Morgaine all nodded in agreement. "Annndddd… roll'em!"

Arturia Reacts… to Disney's The Sword in the Stone.

"Why is Caliburn in the middle of a city?" Saber asked through the opening narration. "It wasn't in a city, it was stuck in the middle of an open field, so that all could see that the sword had been drawn without trickery."

"I think it's supposed to be Londinium, sister," Morgaine said.

"Impossible. It doesn't have shit all over it."

As the cartoon moved to the first act, Saber frowned. "Wait… is that boy supposed to be me?"

"Well, it wasn't like they were working from photographs," Kuro said.

"And… is that lout supposed to be Kay?"

"If you think that's bad, wait 'til you see Merlin," Kuro said.

They waited.

Arturia stared at 'Old Man Merlin'. "All right, this film is mildly amusing. Very inaccurate so far, but amusing. I will refrain from attacking it for now."

What followed, however, was a steep descent into madness that seemed to be measured by how low Arturia's jaw kept falling at each new development.

"A jousting tournament? To crown the king? Have they been drinking? They're going to choose the king with some farcical martial game?"

"Why is that owl there? Merlin didn't have an owl, he had an annoying white lapdog thing."

"Swim in the moat? Even for a fish, that's a death sentence! Especially for a fish!"

"How did they know about the squirrel?"

"Is that hag supposed to be Nimue? Unbelievable, they finally got wanting to kill Merlin right, with the one person in all the kingdom who actually didn't want to kill Merlin."

"I never forgot to bring Kay's sword!"

"That's not how it happened, what is this, I don't even… !"

It was decided they wouldn't be doing this anymore.

…

Diet Woes! by Bissek

…

Providing satisfying food to a diverse community could be a challenging task. Green Lantern-chan knew that better than most. The Corps had been in existence for hundreds of millions of years, had an average size of roughly 3600 active-duty members, replaced every position every five years on average, about five times that in support personnel and frequently had the rings choose a replacement from a being of a totally different species from the individual who had previously held it. This resulted in the Corps having had members of hundreds of thousands of different species over the eons, each with their own biological and cultural requirements as to what constituted a proper meal. It had taken her some time to find anything on the menu at the cafeteria on Oa that was safe to eat for her species, which was listed as DBDG in the Corps biological classification index for some reason, and she still hadn't found anything she'd eat for pleasure besides the chocolate. The unsafe to eat was a lot tastier, but it tended to make her smell like mint, increased risk of heart attack, and required her to stay away from dead bodies lest a… reaction happen.

But she hadn't expected that principle to apply to her own planet. The food guide for eateries at Mahora contained a maddening variety of icons indicating various types of food warnings or recommendations. There were symbols for spicy food, at various points on the Scoville scale. Symbols for warnings about various types of potentially allergenic ingredients, at various points of the Schmidt Pain Index. Symbols indicating that a meal was acceptable under the dietary laws of various religions – for each possible religion, including Jedi, Sakuraism, Sarkhism, the Global Standard Deity, all three sects of the Church of Mekhane and the Russian Orthodox Church of Gadget. Symbols indicating acceptability of the meal under vegan diets of five different levels of strictness. And so on. If there was a medical or cultural reason why a meal should or should not be ordered, there was a symbol for it. The guide for the symbols took up an entire fold-out page. And out of all those symbols, there was only one on the list that she cared about, and she couldn't find it on the menu. At least, not in the section she was looking at. No matter how hard she tried, nothing seemed to have a facemasked smiley face next to the description.

"There don't seem to be any desserts marked as being safe for ninja," she noted.

Shinobi Blue nodded. "Practically anything sweet has something that isn't allowed on the ingredient list in it, which means that we can't eat it without running the risk of gaining a noticeable scent. Are you thinking of trying the shinobi diet?"

"My family put me on it when they started teaching me the family art. And I know that it's possible to get ninja-safe desserts, because my dad's been making them regularly. Some of them even get sold in the family store."

Shinobi Blue's eyes widened for a brief moment before she regained control. Experienced chuunin shinobi she might be, but she was also a teenager. She craved the sort of delicious treats that she hadn't been allowed to eat since she first entered training, sundaes and cakes and pastries that she had to watch her classmates consume on a regular basis while being unable to taste any of them herself. And here she had found a shinobi in training from a clan that had somehow managed to find a way to allow them to their members while, and a quick discrete sniff confirmed this, allowing themselves to retain a totally neutral scent that would help them remain undetectable.

She wondered if it would be allowable to trade of the Koga clan's lesser techniques for the recipes.

…

Riddles by Bissek

…

Edward Nygma smirked as his minions picked up their bags of loot and headed for the door. The Dark Knight Detective had not showed. He, the Riddler, had triumphed! He basked in the glory of his genius, knowing that he had finally outsmarted his nemesis.

Two thuds sounded in the distance. Riddler's head snapped up. No! That cheater Batman could not possibly have shown up. Not when he was just about to win! He rushed to the exit to find his two minions lying unconscious on the floor, sacks of stolen goods spilling out on the ground beside them. But it wasn't Batman standing over them. It was someone he hadn't seen before, a man in blue armor carrying a long red spear.

"Who are you?" Riddler demanded, "How did you solve my riddle?"

"You came up with that?" the man replied, "It was a good one. Haven't seen one quite so tricky since my wife died."

"Oh?" Riddler was intrigued, "A fellow riddle lover?"

"She and I met at a riddle contest. We even found ways to flirt using riddles without her father realizing what we were doing."

The man's father-in-law must have been one of the typical incompetents that plagued the land.

"And you think you can match me, the Riddler, at my own game?"

The man with the spear grinned. "Pronounced as one letter and written with three, two letters there are and two only in me. I'm double, I'm single. I'm black, blue and gray. I'm read from both ends and the same either way. What am I?"

Riddler smiled in return. "An eye. My turn."

The two men walked around the room, trading riddles and answers. After more than a dozen exchanges, the man with the spear asked, "Who is that man behind you?"

"Cheater!" Nygma protested. "That isn't a proper riddle!" Then a hand grabbed him from behind and spun him around, revealing the face of Detective Harvey Bullock of the GCPD.

"Thanks for keeping him busy, Lancer." The detective said as he cuffed the Riddler and dragged him away.

Riddler seethed as he was driven back to Arkham. Lancer had tricked him. The whole riddle contest had been nothing more than a way to keep him distracted until the police arrived. He raged inwardly as he was dragged to his cell and locked in. He fumed as one of the doctors left him a note from the cheater who had seen him returned to this prison. He would be free once again, he vowed as he tore open the envelope. He would have his revenge -

Edward Nygma looked at the note and saw an extremely complex riddle involving obscure references to Celtic mythology.

- as soon as he solved this riddle.

…

END OMAKE!

…

Up next, the Sailor Senshi Space Sword Art Conference Arc! Featuring! Even MORE Crossovers! Seriously, I have a problem! Crossover Addiction is real!

Might post it here or, depending on how long it might be, give it it's own story. Hopefully some time this year? Sorry this one took so long.

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.