A Day in the Life of the Phantom

By The Lark

Yeah, yeah, you all know the bit. Phantom isn't mine, nothing anybody recognizes is mine *sigh*

Chapter One: That Darn Cat

The Phantom is wakened by his monkey alarm clock. Irritated, he hurls it against the wall, and pulls the blankets back over his head.

He has no sooner shut his eyes, however, than an angry cat pounces on him. He tumbles reluctantly out of his coffin. "Alright, alright, I'm up…" He gives his teddy bear a good morning hug and pulls on his favorite blue and yellow golf pants. He is about to select a matching tank top, when the cat rips it out of his hands and slashes it with her claws.

Erik glares. "What? You got a problem with my taste in fashion?" The cat meows.

Erik looks insulted. "Fine. What would you have me wear?"

The cat dives into his wardrobe and emerges a moment later with a black hat and cape in her mouth.

"Aw!" Erik whines. "But I'm sick of wearing black! Don't you think I could use a little color?"

The cat hisses.

Erik stamps his foot. "What? Just because I'm a twisted freak who lives under an opera house, that automatically means I have to dress like a Goth?"

The cat simply drops the cape at his feet and looks up at him expectantly. He finally gives in and reaches down to put it on. "Fine," he growls. "God, who made you my mother?"

The Persian stands in the doorway, observing the scene with some concern. "Talking to the cat again, Erik?"

Erik frowns. "So? You talk to your hamster!"

Nadir looks embarrassed. "Keep Mr. Fluffy out of this."

Erik raises an eyebrow. "Mr. Fluffy? What happened to Mr. Fuzzy?"

Nadir's eyes well up with tears. "He died."

"Gosh Nadir, what is that? Five hamsters in six months! Not counting the poor goldfish." He gestures to a chair. "Sit down." They both sit, but the moment they are settled, the cat begins to hiss again. Erik looks nervous. "Uh, she doesn't like for people to put their feet on the couch."

Nadir gets up and heads out the door. "That's it, I'm out of here. I…uh… need to go make a visit to the pet cemetery! Yes, that's it. Later, Erik."

Erik sniffles sadly, scowling at the cat. "See what you've done? I can never keep any friends, and it's all your fault!"

The cat stares blankly, which he seems to take for an answer.

"It is not either because of my face! My face isn't all that bad." He lifts the mask to demonstrate and the cat flees the room in terror. Erik's eyes tear up. "I don't care what you think! My therapist told me not to listen to negative people. So there!" He looks a little uncertain, though.

Yeah, cut me a break. It's late at night and I'm high on caffeine. The next chapter will be slightly less weird.