Learning your way from Lonliness

The concert in the park had begun just as the sun was setting, and the children had been busy in the glorious orange light, running about, hiding around the trees, and dancing to the instruments that enlivened the waning day. Mina loved to watch her son James darting about, truly playing. It was a sincere gift, she felt, to have the time with him, for him, to simply let him be a child. Out of necessity she had been so busy of late, and excepting the times when she walked him to and from school, he spent a great deal of time alone, lost in his imaginary games, safe within the walls of their home. The invitation from Mr. Grayson and his daughter Elizabeth had been an unexpected and delightful excuse to take a break from her work.

Elizabeth had become a good friend of James' and when she and James sat for dinner he was often full of stories about Elizabeth and her magnificent house, and her father's horses and some of the treats she would share with him, (baked by her housekeeper, or bought by her father), things that Mina's meager budget would not allow. In a way she was grateful, both for the treats for her son, and for the fact that James never seemed to worry that such things were not found in their cupboards. It was simply part of being Elizabeth's friend, as natural and uncomplicated as the smiles she bestowed on him with her eight year old grin. Mina felt she was truly blessed that despite every difficulty they faced, her son was happy.

As the sun set and lanterns were lit the concert took on a different air, and families began to settle down on the blankets they had spread on the grass, some to indulge in refreshments they had brought, others to close their eyes to listen. James and Elizabeth had returned from their play to nestle in with their parents. James tucked himself into the crook of Mina's left arm and Elizabeth into her father's right, and since the two small families had set their blankets side by side, it forced Mina and Alexander just a little closer together. Mina felt a little shy, but not altogether unhappy at the situation she found herself in. Alexander Grayson was a handsome man with a regal bearing even though he was an expat American; or perhaps because of it. He put on no airs with his obviously American accent and use of American mannerisms. It had been Mina's observation that some fops tended to drift towards the English accent, which more often than not sounded forced, as did the expressions they tried to adopt. Alexander Grayson was simply himself, with no apologies for it; at least it seemed that way to her. It was hard not to appreciate the honesty in his entire being.

"Thank you so much for the invitation to join you at this concert Mr. Grayson." Mina whispered, not wanting to disturb the music, and not needing to speak much louder due to her proximity to Alexander.

"I was not certain that you would accept this time Mrs. Harper, considering you have declined on the other occasions." His words were not cruel, nothing about him was, at least as far as she had seen in his dealings with his daughter, and James, and the teachers at the school. (The sum total of the times Mina had seen Mr. Grayson). But the statement left Mina puzzled.

"I am sorry, and I must apologize for my bewilderment Mr. Grayson. To the best of my recollection this is the first invitation that I have received from you."

Alexander cocked his head and looked at Mini with confusion evident in his face. It was an odd look for Alexander, and it passed quickly as he collected himself. Mina could see the rapid thought processes flashing behind his sharp eyes.

"I had sent two other letters with Elizabeth's nanny, who reported to me that you had declined the invitations therein, politely of course."

"Not to cast aspersions on a member of your staff Mr. Grayson," Mina began, "but I swear to you that I have received no other letters from you, save the one James brought home this week."

"It would seem that I must offer you an apology then Mrs. Harker, and that I need to have a word with Elizabeth's nanny."

"Please do not be too hard on the girl Mr. Grayson. I am certain that there has simply been some type of misunderstanding."

"You have a generous spirit Mrs. Harker." He said nothing more on the subject of the nanny, but ire was visible in the set of his jaw as he turned his face back to the musicians.

"If you had received the letters Mrs. Harker?" Alexander asked very quietly.

"It would have been my sincere pleasure to have accepted your invitations."

A smile lit Alexander's face and his eyes brightened even as he continued to stare ahead.

"Then I hope that you might be free to take a walk with me this Sunday afternoon?"

"It would be my honor."

"No, it would be mine." He turned back to look at her. "I will send my carriage round to collect you and James. He can play with Elizabeth while we have our promenade."

"You are very generous sir."

"Elizabeth loves James very much, I think she sees herself as a little mother to him."

"And he loves her for it."

"Good, then we will see you Sunday afternoon?"

Mina was thankful that the dimming sun hid her blush.

"I look forward to it."

Oooo

Mina had come to know Elizabeth, and then her father (in a very casual way) when one day after school, as she had gone to collect James, she had found him and his little friend racing around the schoolyard. She had taken the occasion to speak to his instructor, Miss Lucy Westenra, about his progress in his first year of classes when Elizabeth's nanny had arrived, and become quite upset that Elizabeth had torn her dress.

"Your father has only just bought that for you Lizzy, he will be ever so cross at both of us now that you have ruined it." While the nanny had not meant to be cruel with her words the girl's eyes had begun to well up with tears, and James' along with her, not wishing to see his playmate upset.

"Perhaps I can be of help?' Mina had offered, "if you have a little time before you are expected home I can repair it for you. I don't think your father will even notice the little tear."

"Oh Miss, if you could." The girl had asked of her with wide-eyed sincerity.

And so the nanny and Elizabeth had gone back to her modest home, and Mina had carefully sewed the torn seam back together with tiny stitches. Elizabeth had been so pleased when Mina had found a spare piece of blue ribbon and tied it in her hair to make her smile again. And, as little children are so very honest, Elizabeth had told her father about Mina's kindness and pointed her out when next her father had come to the school. From even that first glimpse of him Mina had known that there was something quite special about the man.

Miss Westenra had provided a little more information about Elizabeth's father: that he was an American, that he was a widower, and that he had a great deal of money. That likely explained the nanny's fascination with him (along with how handsome he was), Elizabeth had reasoned to herself after their evening in the park.

While Mina looked at herself as mousey, her brown hair drawn up in a practical chignon, a pale complexion, and an altogether unassuming persona, Mr. Grayson's appearance was exactly the opposite, at least in her estimation. His pants were well pressed, his coats well tailored, though not ostentatious, his shoes smart and polished, and his eyes bright, sometimes with glee, when he looked at his daughter, and sometimes with an intelligent predation, when he sized up other men. His hair was dark, cut short, swept off his forehead in a manner that made his pale eyes (sometimes blue, sometimes green looking), and nose and cheeks look that much more angular. His mustache and goatee were thin, in the modern style, and framed full lips; he cut such a fine figure. Even his movements were elegant. So many of the ladies at the school would follow him with their eyes, Mina included, and to have been caught once made a blush rise to her cheeks.

He had nodded at her, in thanks she supposed, after Elizabeth had pointed at her dress, and the ribbon in her hair (the same blue one that day). His smile had been warm, and genuine. The image of it had stayed with her, reinforced when James had handed her the note from 'Elizabeth's Daddy'.

Sitting beside him on the blanket had been a moral challenge, keeping her mind from wandering to places that it had no right going. Once alone though, when she lay her head down on her pillow, once James was asleep, it was her time, and she let the pictures of his face ease her into her own dreams.

Alexander Grayson had first come to know of Mrs. Harker when Elizabeth had returned home from school and announced proudly that she had torn her dress and that James' mother had expertly repaired it for her, and didn't she look so beautiful with her new ribbon, in the manner of excited young children hardly taking a breath in between her thoughts. He had made a point to walk to the school himself the next day to catch a glimpse of this kindly woman who had helped out his daughter. Elizabeth had gleefully pointed her out, and when he had caught the woman's eye he had nodded in thanks, her blush had been delightful.

He had expected (and he did not know why) an older, more dowdy woman in this Mrs. Harker, but had been most pleasantly surprised by not only her youth, but by the general innocence of her face; which was utterly charming in its natural beauty. (Such a change of pace from the ladies in their rouge and powders who attended the functions of business with their husbands and fathers.) And, Alexander thought to himself, she bore more than a passing resemblance to his dearly departed Ilona. He had to admit that he was somewhat shocked by that discovery, also intrigued, and such things did not happen that often with him so it was a bit of a thrill, even though he kept his realizations to himself. Her smile was demure, as was the way she turned her face away from his glance. He made up his mind then to enquire after her, and Miss Westenra was more than happy to offer up the information he required.

Mrs. Mina Harker was a widow, a normally quiet woman with one son, James, who his daughter Elizabeth had adopted as her charge in as much as an eight year old could do such things. Miss Westenra did not know Mrs. Harker's particular circumstances but could comment that James was always clean and well dressed, as was Mina herself. She spoke well, and kept herself abreast of current topics, never gossiping. Miss Westenra believed that Mrs. Harker made her living as a seamstress; sewing fine dresses for fine ladies. Everything that Alexander heard only strengthened his resolve to make the acquaintance of this lady.

OOOOO

Sunday came slowly, as Mina tried to busy herself with work and with James to keep herself from thinking about what might, or might not happen on the walk that Mr. Grayson had proposed. It was so easy, (when one was lonely) to let one's mind wander away. Since the death of her husband Mina had been alone, except for James, and he had really become her entire world, possibly to the detriment of her person. For, when James was at school, or asleep, Mina was at a complete loss at what to do with herself, when she wasn't sewing of course, having no female friends to call on, or who would call on her. When the carriage arrived to collect them, she had been dressed and ready for well over two hours.

Carfax Manor was a wonder to behold, at least in comparison to the small house that Mina had called home with Jonathan, and now kept up for James. The very drive up to the front door was longer than Mina's whole street worth of houses. To see the façade properly for the first time made her tremble and second guess her acceptance of the invitation. Whatever could a man such as he want with the company of a mousy widow? Mina felt tears begin to well up in her eyes and she hastily dug for a handkerchief in her small bag to dab at her eyes before they became red and puffy.

"Mrs. Harker, Master James!" The call from the father was enthusiastic, as was the little bundle that flew across the front porch to hug James who had jumped from the carriage almost before it had stopped rolling.

"Mr. Grayson." The coachman offered Mina a hand to descend from the carriage and she gathered up her skirt so that she wouldn't trip over it. She tried to smile for the person who was walking towards her on the stone path.

"I am so glad that you have arrived." Mr. Grayson said, that same charming smile on his face.

"Thank you again for the invitation sir."

"Perhaps we can take the children inside before we take our walk?"

"Of course."

Mina allowed herself to be ushered up the steps to the front doors of the former Abby. Mr. Grayson himself opened the doors and the children rushed by him quickly into the large foyer. Mina could not suppress the small gasp that escaped her throat.

Alexander had to smile at that honest reaction, he knew that the place was grand, but such things were required when entertaining the English society that he had immersed himself in. To bring investors, and keep them, he had found that an outward show of wealth did far more than business acumen, at least in the beginning of such relationships. It meant nothing to Elizabeth and James, the latter of which had been tugged along the length of the foyer to the majestic staircase.

"Come and meet my new nanny, she says we're to have cakes and tea and she will read us a story." Looking back at his mother, and receiving a nod as permission James let himself be led up the stairs and away with a gleeful Elizabeth.

"May I show you the gardens Mrs. Harker?"

"Thank you, that would be wonderful."

The property of the mansion was vast, and setting out from the immense back porch from the glass doors of the atrium, Mr. Grayson proudly showed off his gardens. A path had been cut in the grass that wound through the carefully manicured bushes and flowerbeds. Mina could recall another garden of such splendor, though it seemed a lifetime ago; that walk through Kew Gardens; she wondered whether or not Mr. Grayson had employed some of the same gardeners.

"You'll forgive me that I don't know the names of the various plants Mrs. Harker, I hope. This garden was the delight of my wife, God rest her soul, and she directed most of the planting, I have left it to the gardeners since," he took a deep breath, "since her passing."

"Your wife had exquisite taste sir. I see Lupines, and Lily of the Valley, and Impatiens, and of course, roses. It is beautifully designed."

"I often come to walk these paths when my mind is troubled, the symmetry of the beds and the islands of color amongst the green grass help to calm me. I am glad to share it with someone else who can appreciate it as well. May I show you the water feature?"

"Please."

Alexander held out his arm and Mina curled hers into his elbow, allowing herself to be led past a larger boxwood hedge, which had previously obscured a small pond and its accompanying gazebo.

"I can see why you find this place so peaceful Mr. Grayson."

"Indeed. Would you sit with me for a while?"

"It would be my pleasure."

The breeding of a lady, Alexander thought to himself as he brushed a few stray leaves from the stone bench at the center of the gazebo.

"You have a beautiful home Mr. Grayson."

"It is a bit much for my tastes, but it serves its purpose I suppose, and it is the only home that Elizabeth has ever known. But for her laughter in the halls I suppose I would have sold it long ago."

"But it seems the exact place a man of your stature should be."

Alexander laughed, "I have stature do I?"

"Well of course you do. You're Alexander Grayson, everyone speaks well of you."

"And what do they say?"

"That you are a very talented businessman."

He nodded. "Well if that is the worst they say of me then I am a lucky man."

Mina giggled into her hand.

"And I can make you laugh, that must be another good thing about me."

"I am certain there are a great many good things about you sir."

"Why don't you tell me about yourself Mrs. Harker? I am certain you are a far more interesting person than I."

"Oh, I'm not really that interesting Mr. Grayson. Really I'm just James' mum, it's just been he and I since my husband passed."

"How long have you been on your own, if I might ask?" Alexander asked as delicately as he could.

"It's been two years now, James was only four. There was an accident at Jonathan's work. The company was ever so kind though, and they gave us a small pension. We owned the house, it had belonged to Jonathan's Aunt, and with me working as a seamstress, it's been enough to make ends meet."

"You are a seamstress?"

"I am, it isn't a large clientele, but there are still a few ladies who don't wish to shop from a catalogue, or who aren't comfortable trying on clothing in a public shop. They come to me."

"Elizabeth has shown me your work, I must say that your stitching rivals any of the shops in London."

"You are very kind."

"You gave my daughter a gift of your time and attentions, she has been missing that generosity. I lost my wife just over a year ago, although it seems a lifetime. It was a short illness, that was a blessing for at least she didn't suffer." Alexander smiled sorrowfully. "It was I that suffered."

On instinct Mina reached out and covered Alexander's hand with hers, squeezing it just gently.

"You might be the only other person I know Mrs. Harker, who can understand the profound loneliness that comes from such a loss." He turned his face away from the water to look into her eyes. Twisting his hand around to grasp hers his eyes flashed with a spark of sadness that Mina understood completely.

"It is the worst at night, when James has gone to bed, when the house is so very quiet. Your mind goes to all manner of places." Mina began to muse, losing track of where she was, and with whom.

"It does, some places most dark indeed."

"Mr. Grayson?"

"Perhaps you might call me Alexander now that we have shared this secret?"

"If you will call me Mina?"

"I should like that very much Mina."