AN:

I wrote this story for Nanowrimo, so it all kind of happened in a haste. Sorry in advance for major mistakes.
Rating T for language and selfharm in later chapters.

!SPOILERS FOR THE SEASON FINALE!

Prologue

She walked away from the Latimer's house, not daring to look back. She hadn't even got the change to explain she hadn't known about Joe and Danny. Beth's cold grey eyes had been piercing right through her as she voiced what she had been thinking the whole day.

'How could you not know?'

When she was sure she was out of sight Ellie started to run. Panic and anger took over as she ran blindly through the empty streets. There was no traffic to slow her down and luckily no-one who could look at her like that.

She didn't know she had been heading to the Traders hotel until she found herself being let in by a still neatly dressed Alec Hardy. When had she unconsciously decided that she wanted to see him out of all the people she knew? And why did the man look like he had been expecting her? It was half past three in the morning for God's sake!

'Here.' He handed her a glass filled with water.

She was still trying to recover her breath and her hands were shaking, spilling water on carpet. He gently took the glass from her weak grasp and held it for her as she managed to take a few sips. 'Thanks.' she breathed.

He pushed her lightly back into the only comfortable chair in the room and sat down opposite, on the bed, himself. A comfortable silence settled between them as he patiently waited for her to speak.

When she finally felt like she wouldn't burst into tears as soon as she would say anything Ellie looked up at her superior.

'How could any adult be in love with an 11-year-old boy?' she asked. 'Is he a paedophile? 'Cause he didn't do anything and the pathologist said there was no record of abuse on Danny, either historic or recent and I asked Tom and he said Joe never touched him, so what does that make him?'
She swallowed back the lump that was forming in her throat and searched Hardy's face for any sign of emotion that would tell her how he felt about it.

He bit his lip. 'Why do you need a category?'

'I need to understand.' she realized she must be sounding rather desperate, but could you blame her?

He took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling, carefully choosing his words before he turned his gaze to Ellie again. 'Well...' he started tentatively, 'Just because he didn't abuse either boy... It doesn't mean that he wouldn't have gone on to.'

'Doesn't mean he would have either.'

'No.' he quickly agreed. 'We'll never be sure.'

For a moment they were both silently looking at each other, Hardy's expression full of honest compassion and Ellie's face a mask of disbelief and denial.

'He said he was in love.' he continued quietly. 'Maybe he was romanticizing to justify what he felt. Or...or maybe that's as it was. I-' He shook his head helplessly. 'I mean- I don't have these answers. I don't- People are unknowable and...' he sighed a quick glance towards Miller told him this wasn't helping. 'You can never really know what goes on inside someone else's heart.' he trailed off. The words meant more to him than to anyone else, but this time he found it hard to block out his own feelings

She didn't notice the change. 'I should have seen it.'

'How?'

'I'm a bloody detective.' She knew it was low, but it was the only argument she had. 'Miller the brilliant copper who was lying next to the murderer.' she paused. 'I want to kill him.'

Though he had known she would, at some point, say this, it didn't hurt any less that, now, she actually did.

'When did you suspect?'

His gaze dropped to the floor. 'Last day or so. There was an email account on Danny's missing phone. He only had two contacts. It was just Tom... and Joe, so...'

She processed that information. There was indeed no chance he could have been suspecting him before. Somehow she was glad for it.

'All along you said: "Don't trust".'

'I really wanted to be wrong.' He really did. Seeing Ellie like this he was painfully aware of yet another bunch of lives he had destroyed.

There was nothing more to be said, they were both aware of that, and yet Ellie was reluctant to leave. There were so many questions she wanted to ask. About Joe, about him, about herself. He wouldn't answer any of them.

'I- I should go.' she muttered eventually.

He grabbed her wrist as she stood up, surprising even himself. 'No.'

She simply watched him.

'I mean, you shouldn't go out on your own...' he added a bit embarrassed. Nice one, Hardy, you're really good at keeping yourself under control. Of course, he had been caring for her a long time now, that was only natural, but now this happened he felt somehow responsible for her. He had already come through this (more or less), after it turned out his wife had been betraying him, and although his situation might have been a bit different from hers, it was comparable. He could make sure she wouldn't fall as deep as he did, restrain her from making the same mistakes. If only she'd let him help. Which, he was afraid, she wouldn't.

'I just walked from the Latimers on my own, I think I can manage.' She cracked a smile. 'No need for you to go out.'

'Just make sure you're not alone.'

Was he warning her? Maybe. She nodded, though she was not quite sure what he meant.

He nodded silently and released her. 'Give me a call when you're at the hotel.'

Ellie opened the door, little surprised that her boss remained motionless on the bed. 'I will.' She promised and she stepped outside.

'Oh, and Miller?'

She turned, doorknob in her hand.

'I'm sorry.'

She shook her head, not that he could see it: his gaze was still fixed on the ground. 'Good night, Sir.'

AN:

Thanks for reading :)
I'm not sure if I should post the rest, so please review and tell me what you think?

TBC...?