Is anyone still reading this?

"You fucking idiot!" was the first thing he heard upon waking up. At first all that he could make out was an annoying static-like frequency that later sharpened to the familiar voice of his sister. After that, it felt like blaring alarms were ringing in his ears with the way Jordan screamed at his face. It took him a moment more to comprehend what she was screeching at him, wincing at the way her voice broke. She was practically going nuts with the way she spat and cursed at him, looking as violent and hostile as Gray had never seen her before. Her hair was in disarray, probably from the countless times she ran her fingers through. Her eyes were sparking with anger, cold and furious as they glared daggers at him. He saw no point in appeasing her anger, opting instead to reorient himself.

Gray tried sitting up, only to be halted by the sudden look of reproach in Jordan's eyes. Half of her body was on the hospital bed, her face merely inches from his. Gray could do nothing but stare at her bloodshot orbs. Her hands were gripping whatever it was he was wearing, making it hard for him to position himself properly. Her white-knuckled fists were shaking and she still hurled words at him that he couldn't properly comprehend.

How gentle.

He groaned when she moved a little to the right, no longer blocking the bright lights. Slowly adjusting, his eyes darted around the room, taking note of the sickly white walls and the lazy rotation of the ceiling fan. He was at the hospital.

"Fuck" he muttered, remembering his collapse back at his apartment. His voice came out raspy and weak.

"Fuck. Yes fuck Gray! Of all the things you could do! Of all the times you choose to be a stubborn idiot! You hide this! You were keeping this to yourself all along weren't you? " When Gray remained silent, Jordan clenched her jaw. She pulled back and looked like she was about to yell something else when a moment passed and she simply sagged and sighed in defeat. "You idiot" she whispered.

Jordan's right hand loosened on his collar, raising to roughly rake at her hair in clear frustration. She looked liked she had litanies to say with the way her mouth opened and closed. Her nostrils flared as she brought a finger to jab at his chest, emphasizing her words as she seethed at him, finding fuel to whatever fire that he had lit in her. "Cancer, Gray. Fucking Cancer! That's not something you keep to yourself. Favorite Spice Girl, yes, but cancer, definitely not! What are you even trying to prove, huh?!" Jordan said with renewed intensity, shaking him all the while. Her voice toned down in volume however her words still carried much of her anger.

Gray cursed again inside his head. This was exactly why he had chosen to keep his sickness from anyone. Their reactions would prove to be far more emotional than he could even comprehend or let alone handle. His head lolled to the side as a searing pain shot through him. His body felt exhausted and numb. He didn't know if that was just Jordan's weight or if his body had finally given up on him. Gray denied the former thought, he still had much to do.

"Get off me, Jordan" he pleaded weakly, his hands patting his sides to get enough leverage to sit up. His back hurt so much, probably from the reclined state he was in for many hours. Finally, his fingers touched metal. Gray struggled, gripping the rails of his bed with white knuckles. Another lance of pain shot through him as his IV tugged at his hand. Jordan was about to give him another earful when a pair of small hands firmly wrapped around her arm, gently dragging her off Gray. The weight that disappeared allowed him to breathe deeply, exhaling in a pained huff.

"Give him some space Jordan" a small voice said, making Gray look at the other occupant of the room. He instantly regretted his decision when he finally saw who it was.

Juvia was a mess. Her hair was bunched up in a lopsided bun and there were tear stains on her cheeks. Her eyes were no better than Jordan's. Some of the mascara she wore stained her lower eyelids. He could see the wet sleeves of her jacket from where her hands still gripped Jordan's arm. Looking at the floor, he saw her small stocking clad feet bare of shoes. She must've removed them from waiting and pacing for so long. That meant that they had been here for a while. He groaned again at the thought. Things just kept getting better and better.

He couldn't help but feel responsible for both their distress. This was exactly why he never bothered telling anyone. In the end, he would always be the one who wouldn't be able to bear the reactions of those close to him, specially these two women in front of him.

"Great, look what you've done asshole" Gray whispered to himself. The secret he had been working so hard to keep was now out in the open, bared to the two most important women in his life. It just took a moment of weakness for him to slip up. They just had to be there at the right place and at the right time to discover him in that state. Gray looked up at the ceiling and sighed, hating the universe for somehow conspiring against him.

For God's sake he was just going through his morning, brooding and sulking. He never expected to succumb to the sudden wave of pain and nausea that came, bringing him to his knees earlier on in his apartment. He remembered knocking off several objects before his body finally crumpled to the ground and his vision blackening out.

Looking back at the two women, he wouldn't be surprised if they were both upset with him. At this point he would even understand if they were angry. He didn't regret his decision though. He made it with the best intentions for everyone he cared about.

"Go sit down, Jordan. You're tired" Juvia ordered his sister gently, stroking the younger girl's hair. Jordan gave him one last accusing glare before trudging to a nearby couch, collapsing in it. Another moment passed by when another sob sounded from his sister. She was definitely gonna be upset with him for a while. Jordan tucked her feet beneath her, her body shuddering as she wept once again. Gray turned away, swallowing heavily. He never meant to hurt anybody, least of all his sister. Yes, he had made her cry plenty of times before, but never had he felt so much guilt.

The room was silent save for the slow whirring of the fan and Jordan's poorly muffled cries. Once again, Gray tried to sit properly, willing his arms to carry his upper body as he braced them behind him. He managed to get a comfortable position after a while, ignoring the silent lady watching him a few steps away. He was glad that Juvia allowed him to arrange his body without any help, at least in this he still had some sort of dignity intact. She made no move to approach him even after a minute of his struggling had passed.

Once he had settled, a glass of water appeared before him, along with a steady hand guiding his face to drink. He didn't dare look up at Juvia as she helped him. He only stared at her wrinkled skirt, drinking the water without really tasting it. His parched throat stung a little but he merely kept quiet, not ready to talk out loud any time soon. They'd have to wait before he could muster up enough courage and will to explain himself.

If I ever explain, that is.

Once he turned away from the drink without even finishing it, Juvia merely frowned and set the glass aside. She silently turned back to him, offering a napkin to wipe his chin of a few stray drops of water. When he made no move to take it from her, she took the liberty to gently dab at his skin. She took advantage of their nearness and looked at his dishevelled state. His pale skin could not have been any paler than it was now. He could've blended to the hospital wall if he stood beside it. His hair had grown longer, long enough to tie up. She guessed that it would be better to have it that way, noticing how his brows drew together in annoyance when a part of his too long bangs fell over his eyes.

She leaned back again, setting down the napkin beside the glass. Taking her hair tie and letting her own hair fall, she gathered up his locks and neatly secured it. Gray simply kept still and away from her all the while, simply opting to bow his head and close his eyes. He could feel her slim fingers running through his head, massaging gently all the while she gathered his dark hair.

Juvia was somewhat glad that he allowed her to offer a little help. There were still stray strands that fell over his face and Juvia tried her best to move them away, grazing his skin in the process. She could feel nothing but cold flesh. Now that she could see his face, she winced at the distinct thinness of his jaw and cheeks. He had even grown a light stubble and the circles under his eyes made him look hollow.

His eyes remained away from her, as if refusing to acknowledge that she now knew about what he was carefully hiding. It still hurt Juvia to even think about it. There was still disbelief in her, not wanting to accept that Gray had been sick all along. She was a little hurt that he had chosen to keep such vital information from her but knowing Gray, he probably thought it was the best for everyone. That is of course excluding himself.

She was torn between screaming at him for answers the way Jordan did minutes ago and simply crumpling in front of him and letting him see her sob, weep and deny what she had come to know. Juvia sucked in air with difficulty, feeling her chest tighten with the all too familiar emotion of sorrow. Looking at her old friend, her old lover, she felt like mourning.

The first hour of Gray's confinement was the worst. Juvia was tired to the bone, staying up all night with Jordan just waiting for any sign of Gray's awakening. She was starting to hate hospitals with how often she had come to them in the past few months. The doctors had confirmed their worst fears by breaking the news of his health. It wasn't an immediate diagnosis.

At first they thought that he had simply injured a lung when he fell or with how he had returned to his habit of smoking. A long series of expensive tests were conducted until finally his blood had eventually revealed everything. They had to wait for more or less five hours for everything to be properly explained.

It hurt to swallow, but Juvia did it anyway. "Gray?" She called out to him softly, hoping that her voice sounded calm and strong enough not to alarm him. Juvia hoped she could keep her emotions at bay. She wondered where his thoughts were and if he was even a little guilty. Juvia wanted to know if Gray believed he was justified in doing what he did. How could you not tell anyone that you were dying?

Her hands were balled together in her lap and her body was tense, waiting for any reaction. She knew that even thought Gray had already made up his mind, he would still listen to what she had to say. Juvia would try her hardest to reason with him, talk to him about what course of action to do now that the truth was revealed. Gray should not expect her to simply stand by and watch him deteriorate. She would do everything in her power to make sure he was cared for.

Considering the little time he has left.

Another minute passed by and she called out to him again, this time in a more persistent tone. She moved a little closer, their thighs almost touching. Gray remained still. She debated whether it would be a good idea to touch him again. Deciding to just go with it, Juvia moved her hand towards his, only to see him flinch away from her touch.

Juvia softly gasped, tears gathering in her eyes. A moment passed before a sudden surge of anger shot through her. Was he so against the idea of letting people in until now? He was already a grown man and he should have learned by now to know that everyone needed help eventually. Couldn't he see that all she was trying to do was support him? He was testing her patience and leniency. How could he sit there without saying a word to her? He had lied all those times he said that he was fine. Even if she had not specifically asked if he was ill, he still knew that it was information that was important to her. Juvia felt like she had been betrayed in some way by his silence.

Her anger seemed to rise and she was about to raise her voice, only for her emotions to quell when she saw his eyes shift in her direction hastily before drawing back down. In that instance, she saw what seemed to be guilt flash through his dull blue eyes. Juvia knew that he was holding back from her. Again she said his name.

She was ready to give up when he continued ignoring her. Juvia sighed deeply and shakily, unable to regain her composure and reign in her tears. She cried silently at first, keeping her eyes shut. Her shoulders shook with her repression and her legs suddenly ached.

"Gray" She cried out helplessly for the last time. She just wanted for him to respond, to tell her that everything was alright and that he was fine. She knew that she was being selfish and stupid in that sense but Juvia couldn't help but wish. This could not be true. It was all happening too fast.

The sheets rustled under her, making her open her eyes but she did not raise them to meet his. She stared at the blurry white fabric of his blanket, waiting with baited breath. At last, his pale hand entered her vision, gently reaching out to touch her face. His cold fingers eased her head up, making her look into his sunken blue eyes. What she saw was resolution in them, without any trace of regret. Juvia's tears intensified, making her throat burn and her hand fly up to hold his own cheek as he did with hers. His thumb stroked the length of her cheek, cold and rough skin smoothing over hers.

"Why? Why didn't you tell me?" She cried helplessly. The sorrow in her voice made Gray's chest ache.

She couldn't help but feel like everything was falling apart. It seemed to her as if all the misfortunes had been thrown into her life, drowning her in an endless battle to stay sane and happy. First it was her dreams, terrorizing her every time she closed her eyes and pushing unwanted memories albeit pleasant back into her life. Meeting Lyon had given her a short reprieve from all her troubles, making her hope for better things to come. She should have known better. Gray's return sent her in a rollercoaster ride of emotions within the past few months and she honestly could not keep up any more. Jordan being shot was terrifying and she thought that that was the last of it. Now this happens. She learns about Gray's condition and the possibility of losing him in the coming weeks or months. She was going to be insane.

Juvia was so tired of it all. She did not know what to do anymore. She had lost her composure so many times already that weeping in sorrow had already become routine for her. Juvia had hoped that she would be numb to the emotional stress by now but it never became easy for her. She wept for herself and for the ones that she loved. Moving her hands to cover up her eyes, she leaned into Gray. Juvia knew that she was supposed to stay calm in this situation but with everything happening and with the way she could do nothing to help made her just feel weak.

Sometime she feared that she was simply exaggerating, being a cry-baby for trivial matters. Yet with every sliver of control she tried to impose on herself, there would always be another load of problems to way her down and demand her tears.

Gray didn't speak a word.

Her head rested on his shoulder, needing to hide her face from his searching look. Gray remained still as she folded herself onto him, waiting for her to settle down just as he always did when she turned to him. He could feel her tears seeping into his hospital gown. He stared at the crown of her head, reaching to stroke her hair and wrap his arm around her to pat her back comfortingly. She had always been the one to cry for him. Her tears were like the ones that he could no longer shed for himself. That's why he simply held her. The last time that he had truly cried was that one rainy afternoon where he had learned of his father's death. It was also the fateful day that had connected him irrevocably to this girl.

He silently thanked her for her tears although it always hurt him to see her so anguished.

It was a little difficult to move his arm due to the several needles sticking out of it but Gray ignored the pain, setting his palm on her spine. He heard her mutter apologies and Gray's heart clenched a little at her desperate tone.

What the hell was this woman apologizing for?

" Stop that" He gently told her. He moved her closer to him, managing to carry a little of her weight on his lap. His legs didn't really hurt that much anyways. Taking a glance at his sister, Gray was glad to see that she had fallen asleep. Jordan's legs were thrown over the arm of the chair and her head was rested on the other side. Her chest rose in even breaths. He decided to talk to her at length later on when she would be less emotional.

Females. He sighed.

Looking down at the small lady in his arms, Gray resumed his ministrations, rubbing her back in circles and occasionally massaging her nape. She kept silent as she wept, allowing him to touch her. Even in his state, Gray thought that Juvia looked even more fragile than he was. The way she clung to him and curled into herself as if afraid of being harmed made a little of his strength return, if only to hold her tighter to him in a feeble attempt to show his protection.

She would understand eventually, he decided. He even thought that as selfless and as kind as Juvia was, it wouldn't be hard to comprehend that maybe she would've done the same if she was placed in his situation. Once he heard another whisper of apology, this time directly to his neck, he groaned. Gray backed her away a little, holding her at the waist. Her hands still covered her eyes but he gently pried her fingers away to take a proper look at her. Juvia's glassy orbs met his, seemingly pained at the sight of him as a new wave of tears flowed down her porcelain cheeks.

"Stop saying sorry Juvia. You did nothing wrong" He said in the softest tone he could manage. To him, he almost sounded defeated and honestly that was what Gray felt. He was almost ready to give in. He knew though that these two women would fight tooth and nail for him to want to live again, if not for his sake then for theirs. He was almost counting on it. When he had finished all that he had set out to accomplish then he would go happily into the next world.

Juvia hiccupped and wiped at her face, whimpering as she gathered strength to talk. Gray simply watched her with sad eyes. " If I had realized sooner-" was all she could manage before voice broke and her throat closed up.

Gray laughed at her without any real humor. "You wouldn't have, Juvia. I would've made sure of it" He eased her back into his chest, digging his fingers into her hair. He knew what she would ask next.

"Why" Juvia whispered onto his neck, her breath warming his skin. Her tiny hand settled above his heart. She was waiting for an answer, Gray knew. Still, he remained silent, choosing to savor her body against his with the little strength he had left in him. It wouldn't be long know until his body would completely fail him.

"I had to do it" He simply said after a while, not really giving her a specific reason. She would have to make do with his answer for know because he found no will to tell her everything at the moment. She struggled a little after his words, attempting to speak again. Gray prepared himself for what she might ask of him again, but instead Juvia settled back against him without a word.

A little relieved and confused at her lack of further questions, he settled back against his bed, pulling her on top of him. Gray was glad that they did not connect him into one of those machines that monitored one's heartbeat. He was sure that it would have been very annoying to hear his heart beat faster with Juvia on top of him. After all this years, she still made him feel like this.

Gray smirked at his own silliness, stroking Juvia's neck.

"You know I have more questions for you" She said softly onto his collarbone. "But for now, you have to rest. You were out for about 8 hours since we found you in your apartment. It was really terrifying Gray" Juvia looked up at him from her place on his chest, letting him see the fear in her eyes at the thought of seeing him motionless and thinking that he was dead. Gray swallowed deeply.

Juvia reached up to place a delicate hand on his cheek, stroking the prominent lines of his face. "Save your strength. Jordan will want more answers and she won't be as patient with you" She whispered as she slowly detangled herself from his embrace, sitting at his side.

"I know we've been through a lot Gray, and we've had our fair share of know as much as I do that you've hurt me before. And I've done the same to you. But please know that even if we have grown apart, you're still the one who taught me how to love" She said quietly, concentrating her gaze on a spot below his chin. "-and how it feels to be loved"

Gray swallowed deeply at how she finished. He remembered that dark and stormy day when she asked him if he loved her. He had said no at that time.

"Juvia" He croaked, willing at her to look at him. She gasped when she met his eyes, observing the way his blue orbs shined with barely contained tears. She had never seen him look so regretful.

"I love you"

"I always will"

He turned away, closing his eyes from her.