Only Harry Shall Have Incredibly Timely Escapes

By: Tezza1502

Disclaimer: I'm flattered if you think so, but I do not actually own Harry Potter.

Notes: Harry finds out a bit about what's going on…

CHAPTER 2 - I'm a mushroom, didn't you know?

When Harry next opened his eyes, the sun was quite low in the sky over the Weasley's land, and heading lower. Sitting up, he groped around for his glasses. Putting them on, he saw the pitcher of water someone had left beside his bed, and poured himself a glass. Draining that one, and another two after it to wash down some more painkillers, he finally was awake enough to start thinking.

'Okay, I didn't do anything really embarrassing this morning, other than speak my mind, so I should be clear on that front.' Harry didn't count vomiting on the headmaster's robes amongst the embarrassing stuff. It was a running joke at Hogwarts that Dumbledore's wardrobe choices were nausea-inducing. Quite a few of his fellow students would actually be jealous of his chunky outburst this morning. 'The old man, heck, most of them will be annoyed and curious as to why I drink at the Dursleys. Since I'm apparently not going back there, I don't have to bite my tongue about how they treat me. While their 'intervention' at King's Cross seemed to work when we got off the Hogwarts Express, I wouldn't bet the contents of my Gringotts vault that it would have lasted the whole summer. And once I tell the Order a bit more about how they've treated me, I can imagine a few of them wanting to 'sort' the Dursley's out. Which would have eventually come back on me, with interest, if I was going back there at some point.'

Shuddering, Harry continued to think.

'So, let them prattle on for a bit, then ask about the death eaters. If its as big as they are making out, then that should distract them away from my summer habits quite nicely.'

With a general plan of attack and evasion in place, Harry got out of bed and made his way to the bathroom to freshen up. That done, he headed downstairs.

-o-o-o-o-

"Evening, all." Harry said simply as he slipped into a seat at the end of the long table in the Weasley's kitchen. "How is everyone?"

"Harry!" The startled cry came from random people around the rest of the kitchen as they became aware of his presence.

Molly Weasley bustled over to where he was seated and stared down at him with a conflicted expression on her face, and her hands on her hips. "Well, what do you have to say for yourself, young man, about the state you turned up here in?"

Harry twisted and looked up at her, and let some of how he had been feeling the past few weeks show on his face. "My friends almost died trying to help me that night in the ministry. My godfather did die, right in front of my eyes. Voldemort possessed me. And everyone decided that the best thing for me was to be abandoned, alone, for the summer to cope with all that on my own." He stared at her rapidly flushing face with a raised eyebrow. "Be thankful that drinking and smoking is all I did."

"Oh Harry." Molly let out a plaintive cry as she swept Harry into a long, smothering hug. Everyone else winced as they began to see recent events through Harry's eyes, and privately agreed that they'd probably take up drinking too, if they were stuck in those circumstances.

"Mrs. Weasley?" Hestia Jones said from the doorway. "You might want to wind up that hug. He's turning blue."

Molly glared at the impertinent female Auror until she realised that Harry was, indeed, struggling feebly within her grasp. "Oh." She gasped as she released the teen.

"Gaah! Air!"

"I'm sorry, Harry." Molly apologised, ignoring the snickers that were coming from the rest of the room. "I was just…oh you poor dear…going through all that…what were they thinking…"

"Mrs. Weasley?" Harry finally had enough oxygen in him to begin functioning properly again. "Could I have something to eat, please? Maybe a sandwich? I haven't had a proper meal since Hogwarts finished."

"What?"

"At all?"

"Didn't those muggles feed you?"

Various shouted questions came from the people in the room.

"Um, no. Or at least, very rarely." Harry sighed internally. 'Time to inject some reality into what people think my life is like at the Dursleys.'

"They never wanted me there, you see. Right from the start, I was an unwanted burden to them. My aunt never liked my mother, mostly because mum was a witch I think, and they took that out on me. From the time I was dropped on their doorstep wrapped in nothing but a blanket and a note pinned to it, they have disliked my imposition on their lives, and shown that dislike at every opportunity. Heck, until my first letter from Hogwarts came along, my bedroom was a cupboard under the stairs."

Various oaths and curses flew around the room. Harry looked around, confused.

"Why are you all acting so shocked? I figured you all knew about it, and approved. After all, Dumbledore stuck me there in the first place, and he knew what went on there. I would have thought he'd have told you all about it. Plus. he's the one that's had people from the order watching and guarding me all this time. Surely they would have noticed something odd about how I was treated, and asked." He shrugged at the shocked expressions that were looking at him. "Meh. I don't have to go back there anymore, so forget it." He looked at Molly. "I'm not going back there, am I? I mean Tonks and Lupin said so, this morning. He wouldn't make me go back there, would he?"

"No dear. You won't be going back there, to those… people." Mrs. Weasley stated as she reached out and ran her finger's through the teen's hair soothingly. "Ever!"

Harry sagged slightly as some tension in his body drained away. "Thank you." He sighed. "Now, about that sandwich…"

-o-o-o-o-

As Harry silently ate his way through a tall stack of ham and cheese sandwiches, people began to filter back into the Burrow's kitchen, some of them vaguely familiar. He tried very hard not to sigh loudly and roll his eyes every time a new person came in the room, spotted him, and gasped as if they had walked in on Merlin sitting on the loo. By the time that reaction hit double-digits, he was seriously considering taking his plate and returning to bed for the duration.

"Hello, Harrykins!" A Weasley twin plonked down on a chair next to him, slapping him on the back as he did so.

"Enjoy your nap?" The other twin finished as Harry started choking on a mouthful of sandwich. Another thump to the middle of his back cleared the obstruction.

"You two did that on purpose, didn't you." He stated.

"Who, moi?" Fred and George pointed at each other and looked affronted at the accusation.

Harry snorted. "Meh, Dudley hits harder. I'll live." He waited until both of them wore horrified expressions on their faces before grinning and marking a tick in an imaginary win column. "Point to me, I think."

The twins giggled nervously with relief, grateful they hadn't overstepped the mark with their primary (only) investor. "Using past trauma to traumatise us, Harrykins?" Fred exclaimed.

"Full marks indeed." George patted his head condescendingly.

"We're so proud!" They finished together.

"Gits." Harry chuckled. "So, what's been going on? The order pulled me out of Privet Drive so fast, I puked. Why the general level of freaking out? What's Voldie done this time?" While he remembered what Remus and Tonks said earlier, he wanted to see if there was more information available.

Fred and George shared a sombre look between them. "We're not actually sure. The word up and down Diagon Alley hasn't been too clear."

"There's weird stuff afoot, but we can't make heads or tails of the rumours."

"Fred! George!" Molly shouted from the pantry. "No more. The headmaster will be returning soon. The Order will discus the situation then, while you kids stay upstairs." She directed that last comment directly at Harry. "Its nothing you need to worry yourself about."

"Oh yes, 'cause that's worked so well in the past." Harry grumbled as he got to his feet and brought his plate to the sink. "I'd best get upstairs then, seeing as how its getting crowded in here. Or is there a cupboard I could make do with, under the stairs." Throwing a gimlet eye at Mrs. Weasley, he turned and left the room.

As he passed out of earshot, he heard a sarcastic "Nice one, mum." from the twins.

-o-o-o-o-

"Tonks!" Harry shouted as he entered the living room and came up behind the young Auror. "I need a favour."

"Gaah!" Tonks, who had been deep into a discussion/flirting outrageously with Remus, jumped a foot in the air. Her hair also went bright red, before cascading through a multitude of colours as her heart rate returned to normal. "Damnit Harry, what'd you do that for! I nearly peed myself." She shouted as she spun around and glared at him.

"Um, constant vigilance?" Harry shrugged. "And it was funny."

Tonks' eyes enlarged and began to glow a fiery red. Her hair turned jet black, and began to writhe of its own accord. Her mouth stretched unnaturally wide, and sharp pointy teeth became visible, as she took a few steps forward and loomed over him, growling menacingly.

"Wow, that looks really cool." Harry commented, impressed.

"That's it? That's all the reaction I get?" She grumbled. "I've made grown aurors wet themselves with this." She pointed to her face.

"Meh." Harry shrugged. "Its spooky 'an all, but its not the worst thing I've ever seen up close."

"What?" A few people around the crowded living room exclaimed.

By now, Tonks had returned to her public face. "Oh really. Enlighten me, then."

"Lemme see…" Harry tapped his chin in thought. "Troll. Basilisk. Werewolf. Dementors, repeatedly. Acromantula. Nesting dragons. Voldemort, also repeatedly. Snape's underwear." He looked her in the eye. "Want me to go on? I've got heaps more, if you want."

"Is he shitting me?" Tonks looked over her shoulder at Remus. The rest of those present waited to see what the former defence professor would say.

Remus, for his part, had face palmed the moment Harry had started talking. "No."

"oh" Tonks squeaked. Turning back to Harry. "Right. Um. What did you want again?"

"I want to go to Gringotts to get some money for some new clothes. Now that I'm permanently free of the Dursleys, I thought I'd get some decent gear, now that they can't immediately burn it as soon as they see me in it. And since everyone seems to think that I'm made of glass, I figured I'd ask for an Auror escort. Plus, your not that much older than me, so your fashion-gland wouldn't have shrivelled up just yet."

Tonks looked at Harry with a raised eyebrow. "…sure."

"Really?" Harry blinked with surprise. "Just like that?"

"Just like that." She replied.

"Wow. All of a sudden you've become my favourite person." Harry grinned. "Gimme a tic, I've just got to go and grab something from my trunk." He spun around and raced up the stairs.

"Tonks…" Remus groaned.

"What? The look in his eye says that he was gonna go, whether we gave him permission or not." She raised an eyebrow at in his direction. "I'm just making sure that he has an escort when he does."

"But Dumbledore-" Someone said on the far side of he room.

"-to the best of my knowledge has no legal power over the kid, except when he's in Hogwarts during the year." Tonks finished. "If he wants to shop, I say let him."

Remus led her over to a corner by the arm and threw up a privacy charm. "Where is this attitude coming from, Tonks? You were happy to go along with Albus' order's before now. What's changed?"

Tonks exhaled loudly. "You saw the condition of that room those animals stuffed him in, Remus. Heck, you saw the condition he was in! For all intents and purposes, he was under bloody house arrest! And for what?" She poked him hard in the chest. "We have never been given a decent reason for it, other than he 'needs to be there for his own protection', and 'its for the greater good'. No details, just a bunch of empty platitudes. It's a load of bollocks, and you know it."

She stepped back. "So, if he wants to get away for a bit and do some shopping, I say let him. And, he's smart enough to realise that going alone would cause problems for him down the track, so he's asking for an escort. That he's asked the cutest Auror on the force is just a coincidence, I'm sure." She finished with an impish grin.

"I'm sure." Remus replied dryly. "You know they'll still have a go at you about being irresponsible, and not following Dumbledore's orders."

"Well, I haven't actually been given specific orders to confine Harry to the Burrow. And the weird stuff that's been happening, hasn't been happening anywhere near Diagon Alley. Nor Muggle London, which is where we'll probably end up, at some point. And even You-Know-Who avoids messing with the Goblins. So we should be more than safe tonight." She shrugged, before her expression hardened. "And if anyone tries to call me irresponsible, I'll open up a can of Mad-Eye's finest blend of Whup-Ass on 'em. I'm a bloody Auror, for Merlin's sake! If I've earned the right to wear that uniform, I can bloody well handle escorting a teenager shopping!"

"Alright. Alright." Remus said soothingly. "I'm on your side. I'm just saying, be prepared to face that when you return."

Tonks grunted as she dispelled the privacy charms. She then spotted Harry, who was waiting patiently for her. "Damn, you really do need a new wardrobe, don't you." She muttered as she took in his oversized shirt and jeans, shoes held together by gaffer-tape, and a jacket that had been repaired so many times, it looked more like a quilt.

"Uh-huh." Harry agreed, bouncing from foot to foot. "Lets get going before the headmaster shows up, and decides to chain me to something."

"Give my excuses for missing the meeting, won't you Remus." Tonks throws over her shoulder as she leads Harry out the front door.

"Mine too, Mooney." Harry added as he crossed the threshold.

The last thing Remus heard was Tonks asking when Harry ever had the misfortune to see Snape's underwear. Turning around, he finds that the rest of the people in the room are staring at him. "What?" He shrugged helplessly at them. "She's an Auror, and he's Harry Potter. It wouldn't be worth the spell damage to the Burrow to try and stop them."

-o-o-o-o-

Apparating them both into the Apparition point in Diagon Alley, Tonks pulled a grey cloak out of a bottomless pouch on her belt and wrapped it around Harry.

"No use inviting trouble if we don't need to." She stated as she pulled up the hood to cover his face.

"Thanks for this, Tonks." Harry said appreciatively.

"Not a problem." She replied. "How did you know that Gringotts would be open this late? Its not the sort of thing most wizards know."

"Well, between my second and third year, I was pretty much left to my own devices for about a month. I'd just fled the Dursley's due to a bit of accidental magic, so I stayed at the Leakey Cauldron until it was time to go back to Hogwarts. Everyone seemed to be okay with me exploring Diagon Alley without any real supervision, even with a nasty escaped convict roaming about." He shrugged. "Best time of my life, so far. No-one forcing me to do anything, or save anyone, or anything. No demands, or nagging, either. It was just me, and whatever took my fancy. I learnt more about the wizarding world in those few weeks than at any other time, before or since."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh. The adults that run my life tend to treat me like a mushroom. Y'know, kept in the dark and fed crap until its time for me to fulfil my purpose."

"Damn, that's cynical." Tonks spared him a sidelong glance.

"That's my life." Harry sighed. "Anyway, one of the things I found out was that Gringotts never really shuts. They just have busy times and less-busy times."

"True. Comes in handy if you've forgot to do the shopping, and haven't got any galleons on you, and you want some takeaway to eat after finishing a killer graveyard shift."

By this time, they had arrived at the entrance to the bank. Quickly finding a teller, Harry asked to be taken to his trust vault. As they walked to the subterranean railway tracks, Harry asked if the Goblins sold money pouches, and if so, what sort of features could be charmed onto them.

"Why are you after something like that, Harry?" Tonks asked. "You can pick up something like that in a few places in Diagon Alley. No offence." She said to the Goblin leading them, who scowled at her.

"Well, I'm about to spend a lot of money in and out of the magical world, so if I can get some sort of bottomless pouch that I can put both Galleons and Pounds into, great. And I'm guessing that Gringotts would have the better security features on theirs. Or at least the nastier ones." The disturbing grin now on the goblin's face led him to believe that he was spot on with that assumption.

"Fair enough." Tonks allowed.

"Indeed we do, Mister Potter." the goblin finally spoke. "If you wish, we can stop in here and you can choose one before we head down to your vault." He gestured to a doorway just before the entrance to the tracks.

-o-o-o-o-

After a bit of to-ing and fro-ing, Harry eventually bought a wide strapped shoulder pouch, made of dragon hide, that had four bottomless compartments in it. It was charmed to be weightless, fairly damage-resistant, fire-resistant, and any other -resistant he could think of. Plus a few anti-theft surprises. It also would not open to anyone but him. It cost a fair bit, but Harry figured it was worth it, seeing as how it would probably last a lifetime.

Longer than his lifetime, at any rate.

Tonks suggested that he get the Potter crest embossed on the flap, so it would be easier to identify. Harry surprised both her and the Goblin by not knowing what the Potter crest looked like.

Finally, they got down to Harry's trust vault. Scooping Galleons, Sickles and Knuts into one of the pouch compartments until his arms got tired, he eventually slung it over his shoulder and exited the vault, grabbing a stunned Tonks on his way out.

She finally shook off her shock halfway back to the surface. "Damn, that was a lot of gold." She muttered.

"Yup." Harry agreed.

"You took a lot out of there. Aren't you worried about not having enough to pay for Hogwarts, or anything?"

"Nup." He shook his head. "It refills every year."

She blinked at that. "From where?"

"Dunno."

"You don't know?"

"Nup. I've asked, too. But no-one will say anything until I'm older."

She looked at him, shocked.

Harry gave her a sad grin. "Mushroom, remember. To be kept in the dark at all times."

-o-o-o-o-

Back in the foyer, Harry exchanged a lot of Galleons for an obscene amount of money. Stuffing that into another compartment, he was finally ready to leave. Pulling up the hood of his cloak as they left the bank, he asked Tonks if she wanted to eat before or after they went shopping.

"Well, Madame Malkins and Gladrags are both shut, this late in the evening, so I'm guessing we'll be going shopping in muggle London, right?" Harry nodded. "Well, lets eat first, then. The shops on that side of the Leakey Cauldron will be open for a while yet."

-o-o-o-o-

After a filling meal, Tonks dragged Harry through several department stores, ploughing a mighty swathe through quite a few menswear sections, as well as Harry's supply of cash. He was quite happy for his companion to take the lead in selecting his outfits, though he did insist on getting himself a heavy trench coat, 'cause he thought it looked cool.

Having dressed himself in some of his purchases, and shrinking and shoving the rest into the third compartment of his shoulder pouch, they finally headed back to the Leakey Cauldron. Tonks bought them both a butterbeer, before leading them through the hidden brick entrance to Diagon Alley.

"Hnh. I remember it being busier at this time of night, when I stayed here a couple of years ago." Harry commented as they walked up the nearly deserted alley.

"Yeah, well, You-Know-Who wasn't back yet then, was he?" Tonks grunted.

"I s'pose." Harry replied softly as they passed the entrance to Knockturn Alley. Even at night, the light from the street lanterns seemed to be that bit more reluctant to shine in that particular direction.

"C'mon. Lets get back to the Burrow so we can catch Molly's rant. She should have built up a good head of steam by now."

Harry snorted. "Why? She going to start without us?"

"True." Tonks giggled as she reached out to grab Harry's arm. With a double twist of magic, they Apparated away.

-o-o-o-o-

One prolonged twisting sensation later, Harry and Tonks were at the border of the Weasley lands.

"Damn, apparating really does suck as a way to travel." Harry groaned as he shook his head to clear it. When his companion didn't utter a smart-arse remark at his discomfort, he looked at the young Auror. She was staring straight ahead with a rapidly paling expression. "What?" He followed her line of sight to the Burrow.

It was in flames, with bodies strewn about the front yard.

"Oh shit."

-End of Chapter-