Secrets.

Chapter Ten: I'm Not Crying if You're Not Crying.

WARNING: THIS FANFIC HAS BOYXBOY THEMES. MATURE LANGUAGE, SEX, DRUGS, AND ALL THAT OTHER GOOD STUFF CAN AND MOST LIKELY WILL BE MENTIONED. IF THAT KIND OF STUFF BOTHER/OFFENDS YOU, THERES IS A PAGE-BACK BUTTON FOR A REASON.

Disclaimer: I don't own kingdom hearts or any of its characters. All I own is my ideas.

Axel ended up passing out on the couch, and Roxas could find the heart to wake him up and tell him that he could sleep on a pallet in his room, just in case Lea came wandering around in the middle of the night looking for something to eat. So instead, Roxas got Riku to wake the redhead up.

"Why am I the one that has to wake him up? He is your boyfriend, Roxas." Riku raised a silver eyebrow, and Roxas shrugged, and then lightly kicked the ground in front of him. "Because he's a lot bigger than me, and I don't know how he reacts when he's woken up."

"So you'd rather me get pumbled?" Riku asked with a distasteful tone, his eyebrow still cocked high on his forehead. Roxas just nodded shyly and Riku sighed.

"Only if you carry Sora into our room."

Fuck, Roxas didn't even think about having to deal with Sora. "Can't I just wake him up and tell him to go to his room?"

"Nope, you have to physically carry him, Roxas. I do it, you can do it."

Now, Roxas wouldn't have had a problem, if he was actually strong. Sure, he acted tough, but that didn't mean he actually was! He hardly even weighed more than his brother, he highly doubted he'd be able to carry the brunette all the way down the hallway to Riku and his room.

"Riku, are you forgetting that you're made of muscle!? I can't-"

"Can't never could, Roxas. Now I have to deal with your boyfriend, you deal with mine." A sly smile crept onto the silverette's lips. Roxas sighed, got off the couch he was currently on and walked over to the love seat his brother was currently drooling on.

Ugh, Sora, if you drool on me, I swear to god… Roxas thought to himself, making empty swears towards the brunette in his head. He really, really didn't feel like doing this, but carrying Sora to his room sounded way better than waking Axel up and possibly getting punched.

Roxas shoved one arm under Sora's back, and the other under his legs. Somehow, he managed to pick his brother up bridal style, (though the brunette was much heavier than he looked.) and hobble down the hallway. The real challenge was opening the door to the room. It took Roxas about two minutes to actually get the door open, and once inside, he lightly set Sora down on the side Roxas' knew as his.

"See, told you that you could do it."

Roxas turned to see Riku standing in the doorway with a half-smile-half-smirk plastered on his lips.

"You already got Axel up?"

"Yeah, he went to the bathroom. I don't know why you were scared, and neither did he. In fact, when I told him you were afraid he said, 'But I'd never do anything to hurt Roxy.' Hes a real sweet guy, huh? Why couldn't Lea have come out like him?"

"Because Lea got his dad's genes and Axel got his mom's genes."

Riku nodded, then entered his room and patted Roxas softly on the shoulder. "Seems about right. I'll catch you in the morning, Rox. You have work tomorrow?"

"No, I took off because Axel thought it would only be fair that since he stayed the night over here, that I should stay the night over at his place."

"You looking forward to that?"

"Not really," sigh. "only because he told me he lives with Demyx, and Demyx hates my guts."

"Why?"

Roxas shrugged, not wanting to explain the entire to story to the silverette. Riku nodded, and then they both said their goodnights, and Roxas headed into his room. He noticed Axel had still yet to make it from the bathroom, but ignored it. It'd give him time to make the redhead a pallet.

Axel stared at himself in the mirror for a good while and noted that he was becoming shaky again. He slid his hand into his pocket and felt a ball of something he knew as his drug of choice—cocaine.

"I really shouldn't…" he mumbled softly to himself, he didn't want Roxas to know of his drug problem. It wasn't exactly something he went off and bragged about. The only other people that knew of Axel's problem were Demyx, of course, and Larxene. In fact, the blonde woman was the one who got the redhead hooked on coke.

Axel pulled the baggy out of his pocket and watched as the ball of cocaine rolled around in his hand. The white powder looked so tempting to him right now. He felt like if he didn't take a line or two, he'd go berserk. He had been through withdraw before, and it wasn't very pretty. He broke out in cold sweats, he shook uncontrollably, he became very irritable, and he continuously had to sit in front of the toilet so he wouldn't throw up on the floor. He didn't want that to happen again, at least, he didn't want that to happen in front of Roxas.

The redhead opened the sack full of coke, and poured a bit of it on the bathroom counter. He found a razor that had yet to be used, and tore it to pieces until only the blade remained. He then continued to cut up the coke and move it around into two lines. Next, he found a dollar bill in his pocket and rolled it until it was in the shape of a straw. After preparing himself for the sting, he snorted the first line.

"Ahh…" Axel sighed, and his eyes rolled back into his head in pleasure. He then continued to rub his nose uncomfortably, until he was ready for the next line.

The second line wasn't as near as bad as the first. He tilted his head back and let the powder turned liquid drip down his throat. It tasted absolutely disgusting, but the redhead had become accustom to the taste by now.

Axel pinched the bridge of his nose, and continued to let it slide down his throat. Both his nose and his throat became numb, and that's when there was a knock on the door.

The redhead almost jumped out of his skin, and then he heard a voice he had recently come to know and love.

"Axel?"

"Yeah, Roxy, I'll be out in a minute!" Axel replied and hurriedly sealed the bag of coke and stuffed it back in his pocket. He then chunked the razor blade into the small blue trashcan next to the toilet, and wiped the access powder off both his nose, and the counter top. Axel did one more once over in the mirror and noticed that his pupils were dilated. Hopefully the blonde on the other side of the bathroom door wouldn't notice.

When Axel opened the door, Roxas smiled. "What'd you do, fall in?" He joked. Axel pushed out a small laugh and nodded, nervously scratching the back of his head. "I suppose I did."

Roxas' smile never diminished, and he took Axel's hand in his own. He pulled the redhead down the hallway, to the door just before Sora and Riku's.

Once the door was opened, Axel scanned the room. It was painted a dark blue, and Christmas lights were trimming the tops of the walls. Some posters were here and there, but there were more pictures of Roxas as well as other people. Axel assumed those people meant something to the blonde. There were pictures of Sora, Riku, some chubby raven-haired boy, a girl with curly brunette hair, and a boy with wavy dirty blonde hair. Some of the pictures were just of those people alone, some of them were of the people with Roxas, and some of them were group pictures where Axel assumed Roxas had gotten to take the picture for him.

"I made you a pallet, but you can sleep on my bed if you want to, I don't mind taking the floor." Roxas offered, and Axel shook his head. "Don't worry about it, Roxy."

As the blonde watched his boyfriend he noticed something… off. Axel had been blinking a lot more than he normally did, as well as sucking in his cheeks, and fidgeting around. He didn't want to say something, but he really wanted to know what was up with his boyfriend.

That's when Axel maneuvered his way onto the floor and a medium size white ball dropped from his pocket.

The redhead obviously didn't notice, but Roxas did, and he snatched the ball from the floor and held it up. "Axel, what's this?"

When Axel looked up to see what Roxas was talking about, he literally wanted to find the nearest cliff and jump to his death.

With a sigh, he mumbled "Cocaine." under his breath.

Of course, Roxas heard the redhead but he didn't want to believe what just came out of Axel's mouth.

"Beg pardon?"

"It's coke, Roxas, okay? I didn't want to tell you because, well,"

"Because you're a fucking drug addict and didn't want me to know? How long did you plan on hiding this from me, Axel? Huh?! How long!?"

Axel was more in shock than anything. Was Roxas really yelling at him? He did plan on telling the blonde, but only after he had been off it for a while. He wanted Roxas to think of him as strong willed. He wanted Roxas to be proud that he smashed his addiction all by himself, but now…

"Well?!"

The redhead flinched slightly at the force behind Roxas' words. He was really angry, wasn't he?

"Roxas, I promise, I was going to tell you. I wanted to get help first, but you found out before I could and—"

"Is this why you were in the bathroom forever!? You did drugs in my house! I invited you in and you disrespect me as well as everyone else that lives here," Roxas was in full-rage mode right now, so much to the point he wasn't even thinking about the words coming out of his mouth. His only mission was to get the point across to Axel that he was an idiot for doing drugs. "maybe Lea was right about you, Axel. You're a drug addict; you have a kid that you don't even see. You're a fucking loser."

And as soon as those words passed Roxas' lips, he regretted it.

Axel sat there in shock. He felt his heart fall into his stomach, and the acids eat away at the organ itself. His normally bright emerald eyes were now dull, and he just stayed there, motionless.

"Axel, I didn't mean that, I—"

All the redhead was able to do was put his hand up in order to get the blonde to stop talking. Roxas expected Axel to say something in his defense, but he didn't, in fact, he did the total opposite. He agreed with the blonde. "I know I am. Trust me, you aren't the first person to tell me… you were just the last person I expected to say it.." Axel sighed, then pushed himself off the floor and walked out of Roxas' door without giving him a chance to protest.

Roxas tried to chase after Axel, but by the time he made it outside, Axel was already driving out of the parking lot. A swirl of emotions filled Roxas' chest and he collapsed to his knees then cried, and it wasn't just a plain old cry, it was a multitude of sobs.

"Hey, at least he knows what's up now."

Roxas looked back to see Lea standing in the doorway where the sliding glass door normally sat with his arms crossed across his chest and a huge grin dancing on his lips.

"Go away…" Roxas let out a stifled cry, and turned back to the parking lot. He could still see Axel's car sitting there, even though the parking spot it had taken was now empty. He felt like such an idiot. So Axel had a drug problem? Why couldn't he have helped him through it instead of making him feel worse… if he could go back, he would've never said those things to Axel. Axel was the sweetest guy he had ever met, and the first flaw he actually let the blonde see, the blonde basically called him worthless. Roxas hated himself.

"You shouldn't feel bad, you were just being honest. I could've told you about his little drug problem, but I thought it'd be more fun if you found out yourself." Lea chuckled deep in his throat, which caused a rage to now consume the tiny blonde boy.

Roxas picked himself off the ground and turned, then ran at the redhead as quickly as possible. Lea didn't even see the fist coming for his face for the second time that night.

Again, Roxas wasn't strong by any means, but when his fist met Lea's eye, you better believe it swelled up instantly and several of the blood vessels popped, turning his eye red.

"What the fuck, Roxas!?" Lea growled.

Now of course, it wasn't enough force to knock Lea out such as when Axel punched him, but it was enough to send him stumbling backward, covering his eye and groaning in pain.

Before any other punches could be thrown, a man with messy silver hair walked outside and separated the two. A man better known as Riku. He made both boys go inside and sit on separate couches. With an aggravated pinch to the bridge of his nose, he began,

"So, why the hell are you two having a fist fight at one in the morning?"

"This little blond fucker punched me for no reason!" Lea almost yelled, which earned an angry look from the silverette. "If you don't quiet down, I'll give you a second black eye. Sora is still asleep, and I plan on keeping it that way. If he wakes up because of one of you two, you're dead. Understood? "

Both boys nodded in fear of the aggravated man in front of them. Riku was not someone you wanted to fuck with, especially if he was half-awake and obviously angry.

"Now, I'm going to ask you this again, why the hell are you two having a fist fight at one in the morning?"

"Roxas has his panties in a wad because he found out the truth about his druggie boyfriend." Lea snickered, which caused Roxas' blood to boil in his veins.

"Shut up you asshole! I swear to god I will—"

Riku put up his hand in order to silence the pissed off blond. "Roxas, what did I say about what happens if you wake up Sora? Inside voices." The silverette reminded, and Roxas sighed, trying to get the anger out with the air that escaped his lungs.

"Look, Riku," Roxas began, making eye contact with sea green orbs. The look in Riku's eyes was one of understanding, even though he was obviously tired and quite annoyed that he was still up at this hour. "I kind of flipped out on Axel, and he left."

"Why'd you flip out on him? You two seemed to be doing just fine earlier."

"We are, or, we were, until I said some things I shouldn't have. I wouldn't blame him if he hated me."

"I highly doubt he hates you, and I'm sure he'll forgive you for whatever you've said to him, but that still doesn't explain the fist fight."

"Right after Axel left, I was pretty upset, and this dick over here decided to make it worse by rubbing it in my face." Roxas glared across the room at the redhead, who despite his currently black eye, was still smirking like everything was a huge joke.

"I wasn't rubbing it in your face, Roxy. I was just saying, I told you so. Axel isn't as wonderful as you guys think he is."

Riku's gaze moved from Roxas to Lea, who was leaned back into the love seat with his arms crossed behind his head. Even though Lea and Riku had been friends for years now, he still hated the redhead's immature and selfish attitude. The silverette was sure that Lea deserved to get his eye blacked, otherwise he was sure Roxas wouldn't have punched him; Roxas just wasn't that type of person.

"Lea, you can't seriously believe that I'd think only Roxas had something to do with this. You had to be provoking him in some way."

"I wasn't provoking him, I was just reminding him of Axel's flaws."

Riku raised an eyebrow, and frowned at the redhead. "Seriously, Lea? Their relationship could be at stake and you wanted to remind him of his boyfriend's flaws? Does anyone remind Namine of your flaws?" The silverette challenged, Lea scoffed.

"I have no flaws."

Axel drove a few miles down the road until he came upon a cheap motel where the dimly lit yellow sign flickered on certain letters. He chose this place for two reasons, and two reasons only; one, he was flat-ass broke at the moment, and two, he had nowhere else to go.

After finding a parking spot, he walked into the small lobby. Behind the counter was a small old-time tv back from the 90's, and keys hung on hooks. A male with blonde hair and a toothpick in his mouth was looking through a magazine with his steel-toe boots resting on top of the counter like he really just didn't want to be there. He looked extremely bored.

"How can I help ya?" The man spoke, still looking at the paper in front of him. At first Axel wasn't sure he was being spoke to, but after looking to his sides and behind him, he realized he was the object of the man's attention for the moment. (Even if he never did look away from the news paper.)

"Oh, uh, can I get a room for the night?"

At this point in time, the blonde man put the newspaper flat in his lap and made eye contact with the lanky redhead. "If ya can pay fer et, sure." The man confirmed with a head nod. "Rates are $25 a night, more with company."

Axel fumbled with the wallet in his pocket, but eventually was able to get out the twenty five dollars. The man took it with a nod, and tossed a room key at the redhead. "Room eight. Sweet dreams." And the paper was back up once again.

Axel pocketed the keys and exited the lobby. The motel was small enough that Axel found his room with little to no difficulty.

Of course, the redhead didn't expect high quality, with the way the place looked on the outside, but damn, he couldn't believe a health inspector didn't come and shut this place down!

On the ceiling was a brown splotch, with green and yellow growing around it, obviously mold. The bed hadn't been yet made from the last guest that used the room, and the sheets were covered in stains visible from the doorway.

Axel didn't take another step in, in fact, he did a one-eighty after tossing the keys on the desk (that was covered with old food from the last guests) in the corner, and walked out. There was no way in hell he was about to sleep here, he'd rather camp out in his car.

Once the redhead was back to the safety of his automobile, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and realized that this entire time both Demyx and Roxas had been blowing up his shit.

10 New Voice Mails

17 Missed Calls

22 New Messages

Axel shook his head when he looked through each message. Most of them were along the lines of 'Where are you!?', but some of them seemed more concerned, those being the ones from Roxas.

Axel sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, he typed in his voicemail password and held his phone up to his ear, his red case almost blending into its surroundings. After a moment of ringing and a pre-recorded female's voice, he pressed number 4, and instantly his ear was filled with a very upset sounding Roxas.

'Axel, I know you're mad at me, and, I don't blame you. I'm mad at me too. I shouldn't have freaked out like that. You said yourself that you wanted to stop, and I guess I didn't want to hear that because all I could think of was that my boyfriend just did drugs in my bathroom," awkward laugh. "but, I'd really like for you to come back. I'll understand if you don't, just, please contact me soon so I atleast know you're alright. I miss you…"

And then the message cut off.

Axel sighed and removed his phone from his ear then hit the end button. His thumb hovered over the redial button for a while, before he finally decided that staying at a comfy house with his boyfriend sounded much better than camping out in his car tonight.

The phone rang two and a half times before it was answered, and before Axel could say a word he was greeted by an unfamiliar voice. "Axel, it's Riku, get down here ASAP. We have a serious problem." The the line cut off and Axel sat there in a state of shock for a moment, but that moment didn't last long, because he was speeding down the road hardly a second later. Axel didn't know Riku, but he didn't have to to know that the tone of the silverette's voice meant something bad was happening, and the entire ride there, Axel couldn't help but think that if he would've been there whatever this emergency was could have been avoided.

He sped down the highways, honestly not giving a fuck about the consequences if a police officer saw him. Something was happening, and he had a creeping suspicion it was something to do with Roxas.

The redhead made it back to the apartment complex in expert timing, sloppily parked, and ran up to the sliding glass door. Before he could even knock so someone could let him in, he saw the problem Riku had told him about hardly five minutes ago. On the floor, was Roxas, crying, with blood flowing like a river out of his left nostril. He was seized up in a ball, Lea was laughing, Riku Sora was panicking, and Riku was trying to comfort the shaking blond.

Axel practically ripped the door open and walked over to Roxas as quickly as possible. He got down onto his knees and desperately searched Roxas' eyes for the answer to what was wrong with him.

"What happened?" The redhead asked breathlessly, cradling the blond's head in his lap.

"We think he overdosed." Riku stated calmly, and Sora let out an upset squeak, then hiccuped and buried his face deeper into his boyfriend's chest.

"And you didn't take him to a fucking hospital!?" Axel practically growled. He stared down into Roxas' eyes, which were now glazed over. His pupils and grown to the size of dinner plates, and his blinking was out of control. It was quite a sight, a sight that scared Axel almost to death. His poor Roxas was on the floor, almost dead, and the only thing anyone could think to do was tell him to come help.

What would've happened if Axel never called back? Would they've let him die in hopes that he would've came down and fixed himself? "Idiots…" Axel said harshly under his breath, and began gently patting Roxas' cheeks.

"We didn't want him to go to jail for cocaine possession." Riku stated simply, which earned an angry chill to run up Axel's spine.

"So you'd rather him fucking die!?"

"Well if you wouldn't have brought the drugs over here in the first place-"

"Riku, don't lecture him." Sora scolded, and Riku shut up.

After Riku got things settled between both Roxas and Lea and went back to his bedroom, the blond went back to his room as well and plopped down on his bed. He let out a long sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. He wasn't used to all this drama courtesy of his new redheaded boyfriend.

He did feel bad though, for treating Axel the way he did, he felt as if he owed the redhead a phone call to apologize. Well, after eleven phone calls sixteen text message, and seven voicemails, the blond gave up and tossed his phone to the foot of his bed.

Roxas had a lot on his mind, a lot of those thoughts being ones that concerned Axel, but some of them concerning himself, and how he'd get Axel through it. The blonde had a habit of looking around as he thought, and at one point his eyes found the object of his little explosion. A little ball of cocaine in the middle of the pallet he made for Axel.

The blonde got up and snatched the ball into his hand. He looked over it and let it sit in the palm of his head. He wanted to know what was so great about this white powder. What made it so amazing that it even got Axel hooked on it? After a few moments of contemplation, the blonde made up his mind and opened the baggy.

Roxas dumped some of the contents onto his desk, and moved it around with an old pokemon card he had laying around. He got it into a perfectly straight line and began searching for something to use as a straw to snort the substance. He ended up finding a mechanical pencil and took it apart so only the plastic tube was left. Once done with that, he snorted his first line.

The blonde felt nothing but agitation in his nostril, so he figured he didn't do enough. He poured out more than the first time, and this time made three lines.

The first two were gone within an instant, and the third sat unattended as Roxas let the nasty tasting powder turned liquid drip down his throat. When majority of it was down, he felt pretty good, and snorted the last line.

Within minutes after the drippage from the last line was over with, Roxas felt uneasy. The happy feeling he was feeling before was gone and was replaced with panic. He could feel his heart thumping against his ribcage at an alarming rate, and his body began to tense up. He rushed to his brother's room, and of course both he, and his silver-headed boyfriend were sound asleep.

"Help!" he managed to squeak out before a trail of blood began to stream out of his left nostril and he collapsed on the floor and seized up into a ball.

Riku was the first out of bed, and was right at the blond's side. Next was Sora, his big blue eyes searching his brother's figure in panic.

"Riku, what do we do?" Sora cried out, obviously scared out of his mind.

"Get me his phone, we need to contact Axel."

Sora didn't waste any time with questions, he quickly ran into the blond's bedroom and grabbed the blue cellular device from it's resting spot on the bed. Once he was back to Riku, the silverette quickly found Axel's number and called the redhead.

"Axel, is he going to be okay?" Sora asked, clutching on to his boyfriends upper arm.

Roxas wasn't looking any better, and that worried Axel, especially since the people around him refused to take him to a hospital because they were scared he'd get charged with possession. What idiots. Axel thought to himself as he stared at Roxas' twitching form. He scooped the blonde into his arms and carried him to his room. Sora and Riku followed closely behind the redhead and watched as he set his boyfriend down on his bed and ran his fingers through his hair. Roxas felt warm, too warm, so Axel got Sora to get a damp rag to put on the blond's forehead.

An hour passed, and Axel stayed by Roxas' side to make sure the blond's condition didn't deteriorate. Eventually Roxas fell asleep, and Sora and Riku went back to bed, both pissy as fuck because of the scare. Axel stayed awake though, and held Roxas' hand while he slept.

Thankfully, before Sora went back to his room he had turned on Roxas' television so the redhead wouldn't be bored out of his mind the entire time, but even so he spent most of his time watching the sleeping blond, and mentally punching himself for bringing drugs into his house.

"I'm sorry Roxy, you almost died and it's all my fault." Axel stated softly, and frowned. It really was all his fault. He was an idiot. A complete and total idiot and Roxas almost payed the price for his stupidity.

After the sun had been up for around three hours, Roxas' eyes cracked open, and Axel was on him like butter on toast.

"Roxy, you're awake!" The redhead exclaimed, a huge smile plastered on his lips. Roxas gave him a confused look at first, but then smiled. Axel had come back!

"Yeah, and you're , Axel I'm super sorry for what I said, I just-"

Axel held up his hand in order to stop the blond. "Dont worry about it, Roxas. I'm just glad you're okay."

"Okay? Why wouldn't I be okay?" The blond was now sitting up, and Axel was sitting right next to him, stroking his hair lovingly. "You overdosed last night, Roxas. What made you think doing that much coke was a good idea?"

Roxas sighed, and shrugged. He had totally forgotten about last night until now, and he felt completely awful. He was sure he scared the life out of not only Axel, but Sora and Riku too. "I don't know. I wanted to see what was so great about it."

"By almost killing yourself? You had Sora in a panic. And Riku refused to take you to the hospital. You could have died, Roxas."

"I wasn't trying to hurt myself, Axel." Cerulean orbs slightly glared at the redhead. "I was trying to find out what got you hooked."

"You wanted to become addicted to it to?" Axel raised an eyebrow, and Roxas shook his head.

"No, I just wanted to see why you did."

Axel frowned, and looked away from his boyfriend. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Roxas, I was stupid when I started using it, and I was stupid for thinking bringing it over here was a good idea."

Roxas noticed his redheaded boyfriend's sudden sullen attitude and felt horrible. "Axel, don't worry, I'm not going to do it again, and I'll help you stop using. No matter what. I'm right here, by your side."

The frown removed itself from Axel's lips and was replaced with a smile. "Thanks, Roxy. That means a lot."

Roxas leaned to the side slightly to give Axel a sweet kiss on the cheek. "You're welcome, Axel."

So this chapter is a bit of a blah, but I hope you like it.

I'm going to start on chapter four of The Alphabet, so, yeah. If you enjoy that, look for the update.

Reviews=Quicker Updates.

Love you all,

~CapnCole~