Written to Rocks - Imagine Dragons. Crosspost from AO3.

Tony swore if Thor didn't stop replacing the tower erotica with porn featuring Loki, he was going to scream. He'd had beyond enough of staring at the long, straight lines of Loki's body (even female Loki, in that one video or three, was far too angular for his liking), and while he'd like to include Thor in Masturbation Mondays, it just wasn't working.

Of course, Thor being, well, a god, Tony wasn't exactly sure what he could say to make him stop without calling his mortality into question.

"Hey, Thor, so I'd really like to not be watching your brother's ass any more."

Somehow Tony didn't see that going over so well.

He sighed and looked forlornly at the lovely covers, promising so many breasts and so many tiny waists but which had all been replaced by Loki. He frowned and wandered off to find the other Avengers to ask for suggestions.

"No."

"But Bruce, this is important!"

"No, Tony."

Tony sighed dramatically and flopped onto the workbench beside Bruce, who was wearing a welding mask and was doing something particularly fascinating with sparks. Tony watched for a moment before sitting up and moving closer.

"What are you doing?" he asked curiously, poking Bruce's shoulder when he didn't respond. He continued to watch. "Is that a mini quantum particle accelerator?"

"It is!" Bruce agreed, turning to him with a huge smile on his face. "Here, hand me that wrench."

Tony spent a full hour and a half watching Bruce fiddle with the little machine before remembering what he'd gone to the laboratory for.

"Do you think I could maybe use that accelerator to warp all of the Loki porn out of the universe?"

Bruce rolled his eyes and shooed Tony out of the lab.

Tony didn't even get to string the words "Loki" and "porn" together before Steve slammed his bedroom door in his face.

"LOKI PORN! I WANT IT OUT!" Tony shouted through the closed door, hoping Thor was off smashing porcelain cups in some cafe somewhere and not in hearing range.

"I CANNOT HEAR YOU!" Steve shouted back, and proceeded to sing something that sounded suspiciously like Tiny Tim.

Clint wholeheartedly agreed with him and was all for just gathering up all of the converted DVDs and burning them in an incinerator. Tony looked at the huge mound of disks they had gathered in the center of the living room, and decided that they would need a bigger incinerator.

And he wasn't quite so sure he was ready to burn all of them, not with Thor eyeing them from the kitchen suspiciously.

"Nick, this has to stop." Tony plopped his hands onto Nick's desk and looked at him pleadingly. Nick Fury looked back up at him in exasperation and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose to stave off an impending migraine.

"This is not my problem, Mr. Stark," he said, his words bitten off like he was trying very hard not to shout. "You're a big boy, you can handle this like one."

"He is a god. A GOD. Who could probably kill me with his pinky if he tried, and who's completely fucking infatuated with his miscreant of a brother." Clint nodded along beside him, and Nick wondered if his gun had any bullets in it.

"And in addition -" Tony continued, before Nick interrupted him.

"OUT!" he shouted loudly, standing up and glaring violently at Clint and Tony over his desk. "Both of you, out."

As Tony and Clint left, looking rather dejected, Nick sat back down and pulled a bottle of whisky out of his bottom desk drawer.

"This isn't in my motherfucking job description," he muttered under his breath as he unscrewed the bottle cap and took a healthy swallow.

Pepper was of the opinion that Loki was actually rather good at making porn, and Tony wondered if he could offload the disks onto her and just let her and Thor have at them.

Unfortunately, there was really only one TV worth watching porn on - the one in the living room - and there weren't any days of the week that started with L. Loving Loki Day sounded particularly hideous to Tony, and he vigorously shook his head from all the images those words produced.

"Natasha, you have to help me," Tony pleaded as he knelt in front of her in supplication. "I can't deal with this anymore. I've seen far too much of Loki's bits in the past few weeks, and I just really want to see boobs."

Natasha rolled her eyes at him and huffed. "And I suppose you couldn't just tell Thor this?"

"Are you crazy?" Tony hissed at her. "We wouldn't even get to watch the news if I hadn't declared porn viewing for Mondays only. We'd be watching Loki dancing, Loki fucking himself with a doppelganger, something like that. You try telling Thor you don't like watching porn with his brother in it and see what he says."

Natasha sighed. Tony looked up at her, adopting his best puppy dog face that Clint had assured him was 100% foolproof.

"Please, Tasha, you have to help. What kind of country is this where a guy can't jerk it with his best friends around him to the porn he wants to watch? Huh?"

"Steve would be scandalized if he heard you saying that," Natasha said, a smile flickering around the corners of her mouth. She frowned at Tony's exaggerated pout for a moment before sighing and rubbing a hand over her face. "Alright, alright. I'll think of something."

A few days later, Natasha handed him a leather bound book. Tony eyed the cover before rolling his eyes.

"Natasha, I've read the Kama Sutra, and it's not exactly the most exciting thing in the world."

"Open it, birdbrain," she snapped back, crossing her arms over her chest and tapping one black heel on the floor.

He eyed her skeptically before opening the book. His eyes were assaulted with brightly coloured pictures of couples in sexual positions with small descriptions and details underneath.

"Cosmo clippings," Natasha said, leaning over and smoothing out one of the pictures' taped corners. "Unfortunately there weren't any gay ones, but I'm sure they won't mind."

Tony skimmed through the whole book; each page was filled to the corners with these clippings.

"Natasha, you are a genius," he said, wrapping her in a tight hug which she squirmed to get out of. "God, you're absolutely brilliant," he said, grinning at her. "This should keep them occupied for quite a while."

"Thor!" Tony said one Saturday night as the Avengers were relaxing in the living room and watching Bill Nye the Science Guy. "I would like to propose a trade."

Thor looked at him. "A trade?" he asked curiously. "What do you have that I could possibly wish for?"

Tony held out the book. Thor looked at it skeptically.

"It's a book that will add spice to your sex life," Tony explained. "I think you and Loki will enjoy it greatly."

Thor took it from him, not opening it. "And what would you like in return, Anthony?"

"I want to watch porn with girls with big boobs and questionable morals on Monday. I wish for my porn back, like porn not featuring Loki," Tony said, growing braver with every passing second. It was too late to turn back, anyway. Steve eyed him cautiously, and Bruce, not tearing his eyes away from the screen, subtly slid a pillow over so Steve wouldn't faceplant on anything too hard if he happened to faint this time.

Thunder rumbled in the distance as Thor's expression grew stonier by the minute.

"You do not think my brother desirable, Anthony?" he asked, his voice barely controlled. "You do not find him erotic?"

"No, no, it's not that," Tony said, holding up his hands. "It's just...you know, I'd like to watch something else from time to time."

And there was the lightning as a storm blew in over Brooklyn. Thor glared angrily at him before grabbing Mjolnir and the book and stalking off.

Thor tossed the book across the room in Loki's general direction. Loki, without even looking up from the yoga catalogue he was currently engrossed in, flicked his hand lazily and it fluttered down gently onto the table in front of him.

Thor plopped himself in an armchair next to Loki's and glared at the fire, Mjolnir still clutched firmly in his hand.

Finally Loki sighed and snapped his brochure shut, looked over expectantly at Thor, who was still glaring into the flames as though he could cause them to go out through sheer willpower.

"What is it this time?" Loki asked. "Disagreements with your Midgardian friends, again?"

"They do not find you desirable, brother," Thor said, turning to him with a pout on his face that Loki found irresistibly cute, regardless of whatever Thor was saying.

Loki smiled at him and ran his hands through golden strands for a moment before turning to look at the book Thor had thrown at him.

"This is?" he asked, looking at Thor inquisitively. Thor rubbed a hand over his face and gestured halfheartedly toward the book. "The Man of Iron said it would add spice to our sex life. I was not aware that we needed pepper to make love, but I thought you might enjoy reading it in a break from your spellwork."

Loki giggled a bit at his brother's literal interpretations of everything before cracking open the book and examining the pictures inside. He blushed violently before snapping the book shut, grabbing Thor by the wrist, and dragging him to his chambers.

"Are you sure this is right?" Thor asked, looking doubtfully at Loki. The instant they'd gotten into Loki's bedchambers, Loki had pushed him into a chair before opening the book to the first page and setting it on the table beside him, pointing at the first picture. The silhouettes of the people in the first picture had the man sitting in a chair; the woman was seated firmly in the junction of his thighs, her legs draped over his shoulders.

Thor watched as Loki undressed, the soft golden flames in his fireplace dancing across the planes of his back. He swallowed roughly, feeling his erection stirring curiously in his trousers, and hastily unbuttoned and unzipped them, kicking them off to pool at his feet along with his underwear. Loki scooped them up a few moments later along with the rest of his clothes and ran off, stark naked, to deposit the clothes somewhere.

When Loki returned, he quickly sat himself down in Thor's lap and draped his arms around Thor's neck, smiling at him. Thor smiled back, a little unsurely; they had never done this before.

"Should I take off my shirt?" he asked, fingering the neckline of the V-neck Natasha had insisted he wear that day. He made to take it off, but Loki stopped him.

"No, no, leave it on," he said, grinning. "It's nice. I like it."

"As you will," Thor murmured, running his hands across Loki's body. His fingers found their way to Loki's chest, pinching the tiny pink buds until they hardened and a blush blossomed across Loki's skin. Loki whimpered softly into the crook of Thor's neck as Thor continued to pinch and play with his nipples.

"Mm." Loki's moans were hot against Thor's neck, and Thor could feel Loki's cock stirring weakly against his stomach through the cotton. He moved one hand from Loki's chest, trailing his fingers down the sensitive skin of Loki's stomach - Loki giggled at that, though he'd never admit it -, before curling his fingers around Loki and gently pulling upwards.

Loki gasped as Thor gently pumped his hand upwards, rubbing his thumb across the slick head and smearing sticky fluid across Loki's skin as Loki's erection slowly, but surely, grew fully hard. Thor would have been more than content to sit there and stroke Loki's pretty cock until he came, but Loki pushed his hand away.

"Wait," he murmured breathlessly. "Wait, too fast. I'll come before we get to do this," he whined as Thor gently teased his nipples with his tongue. Thor looked up at him, and shuddered at the melting desire in Loki's green eyes.

"Wait, please, Thor," Loki begged, and oh, he had said please, and if that wasn't just lovely of him. Thor resumed his ministrations on Loki's chest with renewed vigor and grinned as he felt Loki starting to tremble in his tight hold.

Loki's entire body tensed and Thor waited, waited for the spattering of warm come against his stomach and chest and was surprised when it didn't happen. He pulled back, looked down. Loki had a hand wrapped tightly around his cock, too tightly; his face was a contorted into a sob of pleasured agony as he denied himself. Thor felt his mouth go dry as he watched Loki's erection twitch helplessly against his tight hold.

"Loki, why'd you...?" he asked, looking into his brother's teary eyes.

"With you," Loki whimpered, finally taking his hand away. "Like that," he said, canting his head in the general direction of the book.

"Alright," Thor whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Loki's swollen mouth. "Alright."

Loki took a few calming breaths to steady himself while Thor gently stroked his hair, careful not to do anything too stimulating.

"I'm ready," Loki said finally. Thor removed one hand from Loki's hair and gently tapped three fingers against his lips. Loki's mouth opened dutifully, and Thor couldn't stifle the groan he made as Loki's silver tongue rolled over his digits, coating them thickly.

"Up," Thor murmured, and Loki rose up on his knees, allowing Thor to trail one hand underneath him, the tip of his middle finger pressing in gently.

Thor worked him open patiently, his fingertips brushing lightly against Loki's prostate and sending sparks of pleasure up Loki's spine. Loki pouted a bit, but Thor laughed and only reminded him that he hadn't wanted to come earlier.

"Right. Now how is this supposed to work, exactly?" Thor asked after he'd finished stretching Loki. Loki looked at the picture speculatively before inching closer to Thor.

"Like this, I think," Loki said, flinging one leg over Thor's shoulder, quickly followed by the other, so Thor's cock was nestled beautifully in his cleft. Thor placed his hands on the tops of Loki's knees to stabilize him.

"Is this safe?" Thor asked inquisitively, looking at him. "You won't get hurt?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "I am a god, Thor," he says, shrugging. "I think I'll be able to deal. Now get in me, already, I've waited long enough."

Thor helped Loki ride him in long, hot thrusts, watched Loki's cock bob flushed and pressed against his stomach, admired the way Loki bit at his lips and sobbed like he couldn't get enough air.

"You're gorgeous like this," Thor breathed in awe, running a finger down the vein on Loki's erection and marveling in the full-body shudder that ran the length of Loki's spine. His other hand was currently occupied, placed over the top of Loki's right knee to keep his leg on Thor's shoulder.

Thor smoothed a hand across the inside of Loki's left thigh, admiring the strained muscle underneath all that smooth milky skin. His fingers wandered over to rub at Loki's hole gently, and Loki sobbed something that sounded like a prayer and a curse and his name all at once.

"Loki, my darling," Thor whispered, pressing a kiss to the inside of Loki's knee. "Come for me, can't you? It'll feel so good," he breathed as he stroked the tight, velvety skin of Loki's sac with his thumb. Loki cried out and clamped down around him, his legs shuddering against Thor's shoulders.

Loki screams and convulses in Thor's lap as he comes, his legs slipping off Thor's shoulders as he splatters Thor's charcoal V-neck with white. Thor bites roughly at Loki's neck as Loki's walls milk his orgasm from him, and he pulls his brother's sweaty body closer to him as he rides it out with short, deep thrusts that have Loki twitching bonelessly against him.

The following Monday, all of Tony's DVDs are in their proper cases, and Thor is nowhere to be found.

Natasha just struts by the living room that Monday night, looks at Tony, and mouths the words "I told you so."