Ivan and Amelia, Sitting in a Tree

Story One

In which Ivan says something he will sincerely regret.

Russia had never seen America outright cry before. Sure, he'd seen her break down into tears a few times during her Civil War when she had been overcome with a freakish split-personality and she'd cried after Japan had attacked Pearl Harbor and after 9/11. But he'd never seen her straight out sob just for the sake of sobbing.

But that was exactly what she was doing. Quite suddenly, America had burst into tears without any warning. She sat on his couch and cried and cried and cried like a small child. It wasn't pretty crying, either. Her face was red and it looked like she had little rivers running down her cheeks.

Needless to say, he had no idea what to do. Because of his sisters, he was fully aware of the complexities of female emotions, and he was no stranger to crying thanks to Ukraine. But she cried so much that it was commonplace and it was easy to get her to stop. But America? No. She didn't cry like this, ever. And if she did, she made damn sure no one else would see it.

Several nations were over to discuss some trading deals. Thankfully, Russia was not the only one bearing witness to this very uncomfortable moment. Germany and the Italy brothers sat nearby, all of them gaping and shifting uncomfortably as America snorted when her snot began to run down her nose. England looked like he was in between yelling at her to knock it off or crying himself. France seemed to be contemplating something while Canada twitched, unsure if America would be open to being comforted.

Russia was sitting right next to her and he could feel everyone look at him expectantly, like he was expected to do something. He really wasn't sure how he could possibly be of any assistance, but he sighed. He supposed he did have the most experience when it came to calming a crying girl.

Thanks, Ukraine, he thought quietly. After a moment, he tentatively placed a hand on her back.

America stiffened and looked at him, frowning. However, she just hiccupped and then buried her face in her hands, a new round of ear-splitting wails reverberating off the walls of Russia's large house.

Once upon a time, Russia had longed to see America break down like this. But now that it was happening, he couldn't believe he'd ever wanted it.

England managed to catch Russia's attention. Russia glanced up at him, frowning, and read England's lips.

Calm her down.

Russia's eyebrows shot up. Me?

Yes, you! England's massive eyebrows furrowed.

You do it!

England sighed and then stood to make an attempt. He knelt down in front of America and cleared his throat.

"Amelia, sweetheart," he said slowly. Her crying didn't get any quieter and he was forced to raise his voice. "Amelia, why don't you tell me what's got you so upset, hm? Do you want to talk about it?"

In a surprise turn of events, America mumbled, "N-no!"

Everyone was shell-shocked. America always wanted to talk. The fact that she didn't want to say anything was… well, frankly, it was alarming. Russia couldn't count the many times he had cringed while America made her various seemingly trivial displeasures known to a plethora of family members, cashiers, politicians and… well, Russia himself. She was loud and made sure everyone knew everything about her.

So with this new piece of information, the room fell absolutely silent save for America's continued wailing.

"Now, Amelia, how are we supposed to help you if you won't tell us what's wrong?" England asked, his voice a bit strained. He was starting to sweat. "Do you want to speak privately? I'm willing to listen."

"No!" She shook her head furiously and Russia noticed suddenly that his hand was still resting on her back. "I don-don't wanna! Leave... hiccup… leave me alone!"

"Amelia…"

"Leave me alone!" Her sobbing grew in volume and England stood up, nearly yanking his hair from his head.

"OH, NOW THAT I WANT TO HELP YOU SUDDENLY DON'T WANT TO TALK?!" England stomped his foot on the ground. "SAY SOMETHING, DAMMIT!"

America glared up at him furiously, anger sparking in her blue eyes. "Shut up, Arthur! Focus on taking care of those massive eyebrows instead of annoying the shit out of me! It looks like Chewbacca wiped his ass on your forehead!"

England let out a wild gasp while France burst into uproarious laughter.

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU IF YOU WON'T LET ME?" England yelled. France jumped up from his seat and attempted to drag England out of the room. "DON'T YOU WANT HELP, WOMAN?!"

After England was (forcibly) escorted out by France, everyone else was left to continue to deal with America's sobs.

Germany suddenly stood and walked forward briskly. "I've had much experience with Italy. I'm sure this will be easy."

Everyone else looked a bit doubtful. Germany cleared his throat.

"Now, now," he said awkwardly as he stiffly patted her head. "Stop this crying. It's foolish."

Faster than a bolt of lightning, America punched Germany swiftly in the stomach. Germany let out a loud whoosh of air and crumbled a bit. Italy dragged him back to the couch to sit down and catch his breath while Romano snickered.

"Maybe… maybe I can help?" Canada piped up. No one looked at him as he walked over and nervously mumbled, "Um… Mia? Can you please stop crying? Please?"

America didn't so much as react and neither did anyone else. Canada continued to plead, not that anyone noticed or heard.

Russia sighed, realizing that he was their last hope, as strange as it was. He began to rub soothing circles on her back and repeated quietly that everything was going to be okay.

To everyone's shock, America's crying began to subside. She leaned into Russia and relaxed, her sobs becoming nothing more than sniffles. With red-rimmed eyes, she looked up at him and smiled sweetly.

"Thanks, Ivan." She blew her nose on a tissue that Romano offered her. "I feel much better now."

Russia smiled and said, without thinking, "So, your period's pretty bad this month, huh?"

He was swiftly knocked unconscious. When Russia woke up, he was in a snowbank in Siberia wearing a Captain America t-shirt with the words "I'M AN INSENSITIVE ASS" written in permanent marker on his forehead.

It was at that moment that Russia realized he might have said the wrong thing.