Rules for the Unfortunate Soul That Was Brave Enough to Take the Job of Babysitting All Twelve of our Children At One Time

By: The Adults of the Weasley Family

This is the first rule for a reason. It was created with your best interest in mind. You will thank us. So without further ado here is the first rule. Never, ever let the children huddle. They are plotting against you and we guarantee you, they will make you cry. (Everyone)

Lily has started showing signs of accidental magic, so when she gets angry you'll want to get out of the way because things tend to explode. Don't take it personally, I'm her father and the last time she got angry, I got a flower pot to the head. (Harry)

Louis is easily influenced by James and Fred. Keep these three apart. I beg you. (Fleur)

All products of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes are your worst enemy. If you find them, hide them, better yet, destroy them. Failure to do so could result in a dire situation that requires a visit to St. Mungo's. Should you need to go to St. Mungo's, don't bother stopping at the reception desk. We're on a first name basis with every Healer in the Hospital so once they see the kids, they'll understand. (Everyone except Fred and Ron who made it clear that they strongly object)

Hugo believes that he has the natural ability to fly. This is not true. Please make sure his feet stay firmly planted on the ground at all times. If he asks you to fly and you're feeling generous, you may use Levicorpus on him but bear in mind, it makes him sick. You'll most likely have to buy another pair of shoes after he's through. (Hermione)

Fred and Roxanne are their father's children. Enough said. (Angelina)

Harry's Firebolt is to stay in the closet. The last time Albus decided to take it for a spin, we ended up having to buy a gallon of Skele-Gro. On that note, James is not allowed to try and mend bones. Your best bet is to Floo straight to Madame Pomfrey. Amazing, she is. (Ginny)

Wands are forbidden (except for you of course, you're of age). The kids know this but they will think that you don't know this. We have never given them permission to duel in the house or anywhere for that matter. We have not obtained "special permission" from the Ministry to allow them to do so. No matter how cute they appear to be, they are a lot of underage liars. Don't let their cute faces fool you. You will regret it. (Everyone)

Should any of them decide to break rule #6, a binding spell usually works well. Oh, don't make that face! It's not that bad. When you get desperate enough, you'll see what I mean. (Molly Weasley)

When Rose rants, it's mostly white noise. That is, until the boys steal one of her books and hides it. Then, she means business. You should be afraid. Be very afraid. In fact, call Neville Longbottom. He's the only one that can make them give it back. (Ron)

They should be fed by eight o' clock. If they haven't eaten by then, things can get very ugly, very quickly. (Everyone)

Dominique and Victoire get frustrated, they start speaking in French. Ignoring them is your best bet. Nodding and smiling is your second resource. It's what I do to their mother and they'll never know that you're not listening. (Bill)

The kids will hide your wand if they ever get the chance. Then they'll tell you that they heard something outside. Be warned, there is nothing outside. This is simply a ruse to get you out of the house and once you are out, they will make sure that you stay out. (Hermione)

Sugar Quills are not allowed before bed and for good reason. Have you ever tried putting a lot of unruly wizards to bed hopped up on pure sugar? My point exactly. (Arthur)

If you wear anything of value, stay away from Lucy, she's the youngest one of the lot but don't let that fool you. Lucy'll pull and tug until she pops your earrings or necklace. Plainly put, she seeks and destroys. (Percy)

I feel that it is my duty to inform you that when you bathe the younger ones, you will probably get wetter than they do. (Everyone)

If you happen to hear halted footsteps after bed time has passed but you see no body to go along with the sound, just grasp at the air until you grab a piece of cloth. Most likely, it will be either James or Albus coming downstairs to create some mayhem while they think you're asleep. (Ginny)

If you have stuck around this long and you don't feel like you've been run over by the Hogwarts Express, congratulations. We'll be calling on you again. You've done better than most of us parents. However, if you feel the need to run away and never give Ottery St. Catchpole a second glance, we understand. (Everyone)