So, how've ya all been? I've been good, and i am finally back form the dead! With a new franchise, too!

I've had this idea for a while, but haven't had the time to write it. :( And because i love these guys so much, i'm just gonna say that I'm planning a bigger story for this series.

Ratchet and Clank are owned by Insomniac, blah blah blah...all that jazz.

P.S. See if you can catch all the references, one of them is just in-the-face obvious. ;)

Reviews always needed!

Storytelling in the Dark

Terawatt Forest. A quiet and mysterious place, filled with beautiful and mezmorizing plants, exotic predators (whose only wish is to just have a small taste of an explorer's body part), and the haunting calls of alien birds that echo through the massive tree trunks, sending a soothing melody to anyone who happens to pass by. It is the exact place that our four heroes found themselves slowly trudging through: tired, beaten and hungry, waiting for something to jump out of every corner and devour both their bodies and their souls...

"Can I kill him now?"

"No."

"I do not seem to recall the term 'mezmorizing' in my data banks. I am starting to wonder if such a word even exists."

"Me too, pal."

"But seriously, can I kill him now?"

"No!" The duo's reply spread through the deep undergrowth, echoing back in a sinister fashion.

The three "team mates" froze. Ratchet's fur stood up as he waited for some freaky mutant to tear them all apart. But the lombax's sensitive ears heard nothing but the typical haunted forest theme (oh, and also Quark's little narrative).

When realizing that no danger was about to jump out and eat them, the three sighed in relief.

"Though the captain is right about one aspect of this journey – we are all a bit too jittery."

"Well, I think it all kind of comes with the whole 'we-are-stranded-who-knows-where-with-crazy-robots-and-monsters-trying-to-kill-us-all' setting."

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious, squishy." Nefarious sniffed arrogantly.

The said "squishy" glared him. "I'm still trying to figure out who is worse: quark or you."

"They both have their flaws." Clank giggled.

Nefarious said nothing, but picked up the pace to try to get as far away as possible from his offenders.

"Yeah, sorry again for all the inconveniences, rookies," Cronk's voice came though the comm-link. "Must be hard to put up with that vile excuse of an AI."

"It was getting even colder in the haunted forest of peril, and the heroes still walked on, with absolutely no hope for salvation."

"It's fine, Cronk. Besides, Mr. President's little rant is starting to annoy me a bit more now."

"And the four trotted on, tiring themselves out even more than what they thought was possible.

Ratchet yawned, looking back at the green superhero with something between irritation and amusement. "I think it's getting pretty late."

Clank looked up a the tree canopy that was blocking up most of the sun's rays. "Are you certain? My internal time monitor states that it is not even sunset yet."

"Quark's speech now sounds more like whining than anything else, so yeah, I'm certain."

"I thought that was how he always talked." came Nefarious's quiet reply, earning a chuckle from the lombax.

Clank sighed. "Then again, you are right. We should rest now."

"Let's all tell scary stories!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Aw, come on, Doc, it'll be fun!"

"I said "no!", you green imbecile! What part of "no" do YOU NOT UN-!"

"Oh Lance! I don't care if your family is a race of blood-thirsty turtle zombie pirates! Or if you sometimes want to drink my blood!"

"Oh Janice!"

"Oh Lance!"

"Oh, from the love of...would you just hit him already?" Ratchet glared at the green superhero, who was now completely engulfed in the cheesy drama that Nefarious's frozen form was broadcasting.

"What? Are you bananas? This is the last episode of season five! Ya know, the one where Janice admits her infinite love! I wanted to go see it for ages!"

The "team", for lack of a better word, had some how managed to set up camp for the night. Well, not exactly a camp. In truth, it was just a bunch of logs that the four placed around an open camp fire in the middle of a clearing. The said fire was not really planned, and was actually the result of a poorly aimed blaster shot the doctor himself had unleashed while trying to murder a certain president. Quark was (fortunately?) unharmed, and the organic half of the team now had something to keep them warm. A win-win situation, really.

Now they were all sitting around the campfire, listening to Lance and Janice's soap opera. Which was ridiculous, as usual. But at least they were all alive, right?

Smooching noises were heard from Nefarious's frozen form, which made even Quark a bit sick. "Yeeaah, I think I should turn him off now, shouldn't I?"

"You do that."

"-DERSTAND!" Nefarious's high-pitched and forever loved scream came back. The robot glared furiously at his nemeses, grinding his metal jaw in irritation.

Remembering the previous conversation, Quark started pleading again.

"Alright, fine!" the robot finally gave in. "If only it'll make you shut up!" Taking an excited breath, Quark scooted closer, eager to hear some genius tale that may as well blow everyone away.

"Once upon a time there was a brilliant scientist and three idiots who took a stroll through a haunted forest and never came back. The End!"

Quark's eager countenance fell. The duo across from them raised their eyebrows. "Gee, you're optimistic."

"Well, what do you expect? Let me remind you that this is all your idea, and if you three hadn't decided to play hero all of the sudden, we would have probably been off this rock by now!"

Clank frowned thoughtfully. "But Doctor, why have you come with us if you did not want to?"

The villain muttered something about a "creepy parrot", so the other quickly let it go.

Quark pouted. "I wanted a story!" Then the pitiful look turned into a sparkling white grin. You could almost see a light bulb glowing right above his head..."I know! I'll just tell you about the early years of my superhero career! Ya know, like the time when I had to fight off an army of jello-eating demons with only-"

"Lemme guess: there were about a hundred thousand of them and you killed them all without any weapons?" Ratchet deadpanned.

"Don't be ridiculous! No one, not even ME would be able to pull off such a miraculous feat: there were only twenty thousand. AND I had my blaster!" Quark huffed, oblivious to the others' confusion. "But anyways: there I was, stranded right in the middle of an army of insane-"

Nefarious, meanwhile, totally freaked out. "No, no, and NO! There is absolutely no way in hell that I'm going to listen to this...this...this.." The villain tried to find a nasty enough word to describe the superhero. Failing, he went with a standard one. "this guy's voice again. I had to do that the whole time we were here!"

"What's wrong with my voice? Surely even my dear enemy would want to get a piece of Quark..."

"I would happily get a piece of Quark if only I could chop it off myself!"

"Woah! Relax, you two, jeez!" Ratchet threw his arms out between the two. "You'll have time to rip each other's throats out after we solved the Ephemeris problem!" Relief flooded the lombax's body as he watched the two sit back down. "Now, how about I tell a story."

The two only grunted in response. Clank watched as his friend calmed them down, slightly surprised at the amount of leadership skills the mechanic had portrayed. This was not a side that the robot saw very often. Usually, it was Clank who had to break the fights up, for it was Ratchet who usually started them. It was odd, finding a new trait in a person that he saw every day. Slightly amusing, too.

Quark looked at the lombax expectantly. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Story!"

"Oh, right...um..." Ratchet scratched his ear sheepishly. "Story...ah. Um." Despite being a full on famous, (holding the status "savior of the universe" as well as "the last of your kind" did that to you) he was an absolutely terrible public speaker. For as long as Clank knew him, Ratchet always managed to somehow make a fool of himself: whether in front of the camera or on stage. It was one of the reasons why he loathed Clank's show so much. He simply was not born a performer.

"Story, right. Ok, I got this: a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...there lived this...guy...who-who was a"

Quark's excited scream cut through the misty air: "Oh! I know this one! He was a Jedi, right?"

The captain's three team mates stared at him. "A what now?"

"Ugh, never mind. Go on."

"Ok, where was I? Oh, right. There lived this man, who was a...time traveler. Yeah, that's right.He had a ship that could travel any where and any when in the universe. He was more than a thousand years old, and had a dark dark secret clouding his mind..."

"Cut it out, will ya? You're starting to sound almost as melodramatic as Quark!"

Ratchet rolled his eyes and continued talking. The story that he told was something that even Clank had not heard of. Despite of "a couple" of hiccups, the tale left the little robot simply astounded. It was highly unlikely that the lombax came up with it himself. The myth told a story about time travel, of a low-tech planet on the edge of an abandoned galaxy, of friendship, tragedy, death, a war that lasted for hundreds of years, and of the sacrifices the hero had to make in order do end this war. By the end, Ratchet's voice was too sore to say a word, and it was pitch darkness surounding the four of them.

"Well..that was something." Quark muttered sleepily. "This guy sounds almost as amazing as me! I'll have to meet him sometime: ya know, get ice cream, chat about our hero work, all that jazz..." With those words, the superhero collapsed on top of the log as an unmovable snoring mountain.

Nefarious scowled. "Whatever. I'm going to sleep." And without a single word, powered down.

Clank looked curiously at his friend. "I have never heard such a legend before."

Ratchet shrugged carelessly. "Oh, it was just something a heard one of the locals on Veldin talking about as a kid. Remembered it for some reason."

"I wonder if such a man really exists."

"Nah, they probably just made it up." the lombax put his hand to his chin thoughtfully, as is remembering something. "Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure the guy talking was drunk."

Clank watched as the feline lay down on one of the logs. "Goodnight, Ratchet."

This was a tale that Clank remembered well after the Ephemeris incident. What the little robot didn't expect, was that this knowledge was something that he would need greatly when the time came.