Patience is a Virtue
but Jason Todd was never a saint.

Characters: Dick Grayson, Jason Todd
Setting: Time Skip

If you must mourn, my love

Mourn with the moon and the stars up above

"So that's it," Dick kicks a stray rock to the side, watching it bounce through the newly planted grass. Droplets from the late night rain that still cling to the blades roll down from their perches into the dirt. The sun dips below the horizon. "You're just gonna leave me like this?" He lets out a hard chuckle. Short. Humorless.

A final drop of rain hits the shoulder of his jacket. He shoves his hands into his pockets, clenching his fists into the leather. He almost expects a response. "That's not fair." A frown tugs at his lips. "That's not fair, Jason." The breeze ruffles his black hair, the final chill from the Gotham rain. It hasn't stopped raining since it happened. Since he - Dick shakes his head in a futile attempt to clear away the dark memories that insisted on drowning him.

He looks up at the gray sky. It's only a matter of time before the rain starts up again. It's only a matter of time before the world started up again, before the buildings lit up and the subway filled with people on their morning commute. Business as usual; as if nothing happened.

Dick glares to the side, refusing to look directly in front of him. He isn't ready to look at him. His stomach clenches as if someone shoved their fist into his abdomen and squeezed. Pull it together, Grayson.

"I should," he stops, running his hands through his damp hair. "I should have been there. Fuck." His clenched fists shake. "I should have been there for you."

Dick's spine stiffens, his eyes train at the branches of a nearby tree. Studying them. The dark leaves flourish in the rain, its roots travel deep into the Earth. "I didn't think," his voice cracks. "I didn't think you would go after him. I didn't - I thought you would wait. Wait for Batman - like he told you." Dick runs a hand under his nose, sniffing into the black leather. "He told you to wait for him. He taught us that. He gave us shit about being patient all the time." His voice rises, no longer attempting to conceal the vulnerability, the hurt, that now seeps into the words. There is no one here he needs to be strong for. "Always go with a plan. He taught us never to go alone. Never go alone. Especially - especially not for the Joker." Dick's eyes water. "He told you to wait. Why couldn't you just wait for him, Jason?"

His knees buckle and he crouches down onto the balls of his feet. Eye level.

Dick's gaze drifts to the gray stone in front of him. "You never were one to wait, were you?"

His eyes glaze over, focusing and unfocusing on the words etched into the concrete. Straight. Even. Permanent. Its wrong. It shouldn't be there. His name doesn't belong on the rock. Not yet. He feels the overwhelming urge to throw up.

Here Lies Jason Todd.
1999 - 2014

He falls back, soaking his jeans. His legs propped up in front of him. "I - I miss you, baby brother. I can't keep pretending. I'm not alright. I'm not."

Dick stares up to the heavens, the clouds roll up in the sky. "I've been staying at the Manor. And Alfred - Alfred has made chili dogs every night. Your favorite. Every damn night. I don't think I've had so many chili dogs before in my entire life. And, honestly, I can't decide if that's a good or a bad thing yet." Dick smiles, the act should feel foreign on his lips, but after everything, it didn't. It felt right. Like they were sharing an inside joke.

"And Bruce," Dick continues. "Bruce is going crazy, you know? He loved you. I know you didn't think he did, but he did." He smiles. "He does." He can't tell if the water on his face was from the rain or him. Probably both.

"I - I don't know what to do, Jason." Dick chokes back a sob. "I do - I don't know how to f-feel." He stutters, holding nothing back. He wrings his hands together. "I want to yell, and cry. I want to throw up. I - I want. I want him to suffer." His breath shudders. "He's in Arkham. Batman put him in Arkham." He snorts. "He doesn't deserve that. But - but Bruce says it's the right thing. Revenge isn't the answer and I know that - I know that." Dick smirks, "but it sure as hell would make me feel better." The smile falls from his face. He sighs. "It doesn't really matter anymore, I guess. I just wanted you to know -" he rests his hand on the cold stone. "I wanted you to know. I love you. I'm sorry."

Then he laughs. He laughs until his sides hurt. He can almost hear Jason with some snarky ass comment in the wind. The son of a bitch could have been sitting on his own gravestone right in front of Dick for all he knew. "Are you finished?"

Dick laughs harder. The laughs turn into gasps of breath, turn into sobs. His fingers dig into the dirt and his teeth bite into his lips.

By the time he stands and straightens his jacket, the sun is far below the horizon and the moon is high in the sky, distorted only by a thin layer of clouds. Ignoring the mud and grass stains on his jeans, he turns back to the manor. Dick smiles up at the stars, abnormally bright after the rain that, momentarily, drew away the Gotham City smog. Even if only for a little while. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."

Song is You by Keaton Henson.

thanks for reading and reviewing

Natalie