Thank you all so much for the review, follows, and favorites, they really mean a lot! Sorry this is later than I planned!

Chapter 5: The Choices We Make

Alex walked into Emma's room, and was not surprised to see Jo already there playing with the baby. "Hey," Alex greeted as he walked closer to them.

"Hey," Jo replied in a monotone voice, not turning her attention from the baby she was entertaining.

"Rough day?" Alex asked as he began to check Emma's stats.

"Yeah like you wouldn't believe! I lost two patients this morning, so I decided to check the pit for something to cheer me up, you know something cool, like an impalement, bus crash maybe a severed limb or two." Jo explained.

"So you're telling me you went to the pit hoping that someone would be severely injured, to cheer you up?" Alex confirmed as he checked Emma's bandages, causing the baby to cry.

"Well when you put it like that I sound like a horrible person, but yes that it was I was doing." Jo said as she picked up the baby and began to gently comfort her. "So any way I was down there and sure enough some guy hydroplaned and crashed his car into a tree. He had massive internal injuries, broken bones, and probably a brain bleed. Then just as I was about to examine the guy Stephanie showed up, and I told myself that I was going to stay strong and not give another case to her, but then she looked at me with those damn 'my boyfriend broke up with me by confessing his love to another women at her wedding in front of all our friends' eyes, and I know it's been like a month and a half but I gave in." Jo explained.

"So you came up here hoping to con some surgeries out of your very attractive boyfriend." Alex said as he chuckled at his joke.

"Well you are quite attractive, that wasn't my plan. I came up here to hide out, I figure if I don't see any more patients than this day can't get any worse." Jo confessed.

"Oh so you just thought that no one would notice you were missing for the last six hours of your shift?" Alex questioned as he gave Jo a skeptical look.

"Nope, all my patients are dead, so who will notice?" Jo questioned.

"Well how about instead of just hoping no one will notice you're missing, you scrub in with me and have an actual excuse for your absence. I have a tumor resection to keep you occupied, and it might even cheer you up a bit." Alex said as she took Emma, who was now sleeping, from Jo and put her back in the crib. He took an extra moment to look at the baby, knowing he had to talk to Jo soon, but he just couldn't seem to find the right time.

"Oh so you're trying to cheer me up by bribing me with a poor tumor riddled child?" Jo joked as she followed Alex to the nurses' station.

"Fine, these would be horrible things to cheer us up if we were anything but surgeons, but we plan on fixing them so that makes us not so horrible." Alex defended as he gave Jo the patients chart. "He's in room 1823, you can prep him."

"Will do," Jo said as she began to walk away.

Alex glanced at Emma's room before calling after Jo. "Hey, we ah need to talk tonight, okay?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, sure is something wrong?" Jo asked, noticing the somber tone in Alex's voice.

"No, I just have something to tell you." Alex said.

"Okay, you're off at midnight right?" She asked.

"Yeah,"

"Okay, well I'm done at eight so I'll just wait up for you at home." Jo said as she walked off to go prep the patient. Alex smiling at her before walking off.

Jo was sitting on Alex's couch later that night, when she heard the front door open. She glanced at the clock and noticed that it was only ten. Assuming that it was Cristina she didn't bother to get up, and was surprised when Alex plopped down on the couch next to her. "Hey, you're here early." Jo commented as she leaned over and kissed him.

"Yeah, Arizona showed up early, and said I could head home, and who am I to deny more time with you." Alex said, dreading the conversation he knew was only moments away.

"Aww aren't you sweet," Jo said in a mocking tone. "So what did you want to talk about?"

Alex cringed mentally not wanting this discussion to happen, though he knew it was necessary. "It's about Emma," Alex said hesitantly.

"Is she okay, did something happen?" Jo asked locking eyes with Alex for a moment before he looked down.

Alex hated this, he didn't know how Jo was going to react and it crushed him. Ever since that night that she showed up on his door step bruised and broken he promised himself that he would never do that to her. He vowed to himself that he would do everything that he could to prevent her from feeling that pain again, whether it be physically or emotionally. He knew deep down that it wasn't him that was doing this, it was bound to happen, but he was the one who had deliver the news, so in Jo's eyes it would be him doing this to her. He swallowed the pit in his throat before answering Jo. "No, she's fine I promise," He reassured as he regained eye contact. "She's being discharged tomorrow." Alex said bracing himself for Jo's reaction.

"What?" Jo asked a bit taken back by Alex's news, she knew all along that this day had come, but she didn't think that it would happen this soon. "How, she just had surgery three days ago, and she's going to be on dialysis, she's not ready."

"It was a minor procedure, she's healing great, and you know that she can do outpatient dialysis." Alex replied.

"Yeah, well do they have a family to take her, one that knows how to take care of a sick child, that will take her to dialysis every other day, and that will respond to a page about a kidney immediately, do they understand how much dedication she will take." Jo spit out as fast as her tongue would let her. She was worried, she had grown attached to her tiny patient and didn't want her to grow up with all the struggles that she did.

"Her social worker assured me that the family was qualified to take care of her needs, and that they understood what was required to care for her medically." Alex assured her as he took her hand. "She will be fine, and I will be the one doing her transplant, so when she gets her kidney you can see her, plus she will come to me for all of her checkups, if we notice anything abnormal we will tell her social worker and she will look into it."

"You know as well as I do that you can tell social workers about abuse, but that doesn't mean that something is going to be done. She's already been beaten and abandoned by her parents and now you're letting her get put into a system, that you know as well as I do is not kind to kids. Alex can't you do something, I mean we could take her!" Jo blurted out before clasping her hand over her mouth.

"Jo," Alex sighed.

"No don't say anything, I'm serious we could take her, we know better than anyone her medical condition and it would be good practice for when this little one comes." Jo said placing her hand on her stomach.

"That's why we can't do this, trust me I'm not saying that because I don't want to, I know that her future doesn't look great in the system, but we're surgeons Jo we don't have the time to care for such a needy child, and we are going to have our own baby in six months, that's going to be a lot to handle. Plus you have to be certified, and that's not something you can do over night," Alex said, he wanted more than anything to spare Jo this pain and take the child in, but he knew her judgment would be clouded by hormones and emotions, he had to be the logical one even if it made him the bad guy.

"I know, I already looked into it and it isn't that hard, if we both get certified it doesn't even matter if we aren't married, they just have to do a home visit, and if there are extenuating circumstances due to medical condition we can be granted emergency custody. We don't even have to be certified, we just need to prove that we have a safe place to stay and the immediate means to care for her medically. Trust me if two doctors ask to care for a sick child there isn't anyone else who can take better care for an ill child." Jo confessed.

"Jo, even if we could get custody we just can't take care of a sick baby right now, the house isn't ready and we aren't ready. It just isn't possible right now, we need to focus on us, and getting ready for the baby."

"Damn it Alex, why won't you even just think about it! Is it so hard for you to care about anyone but yourself for once in your life?" Jo yelled, immediately regretting her words as soon as they left her mouth. "Alex, I'm sorry." Jo tried to apologize, but Alex had already stood up and crossed to room.

"No, you're not think logically, I'm not thinking about myself I'm thinking of everyone involved because tell me Jo what happens in a few weeks when they actually begin the certification process and determine that two doctors with their own baby on the way may not be the best option for her. She deserves someone who can give her their undivided attention. That's something we can't do right now, we just can't." He said before leaving the room.

Jo sat back down on the couch and held her head in her hand, she knew deep down that Alex was right, now was the worst possible time to take on something like a sick baby. But she couldn't help but feel bad, she had been abandoned as a baby and she wished that someone had taken her in and given her a safe and stable home. She had hoped that she could be that for Emma, no matter how unlikely that seemed. She didn't mean to hurt Alex like she had, she wasn't thinking, she knew that when it came to the people he cared about that Alex would do anything for them, she was in the wrong calling him selfish, and she knew she had to make it right.

Jo stood up from the couch and slowly made her way upstairs. She slowly opened Alex's bedroom door before stepping into his room. "Alex?" She asked when she didn't see him. She then watched as the bathroom door slowly opened and Alex stepped out. "Alex, look I'm sorry I-"

But before Jo could continue her apology Alex cute her off "It's okay, I know that you didn't mean what you said, we were upset and we both said things that we shouldn't have."

Jo let out a sigh before taking a seat across from Alex on the bed. "I know that now isn't a good time to take in a child, especially a sick one, I get that. I just feel like we are fixing her up so she can be treated like shit for the rest of her life."

"She's young, people always want to adopt babies, so maybe she will find a nice loving family to adopt her." Alex said as he took a seat next to Jo.

"I was a baby, and no one adopted me plus she's sick people looking to adopt babies want perfect happy babies that aren't sick." Jo replied.

Alex took her hand in his, he knew that Jo had a point she was a baby when she was put into the system and no one had adopted her, but he knew that he had to remain optimistic. He wouldn't admit it to Jo but he had grown attached to Emma, he wanted nothing more than to take her home with them, but he was worried that they wouldn't be able to handle it. They were both so busy all the time and they did have a baby coming in just six months. Taking on a sick infant wasn't something they needed on their plate at the moment. "I know that the odds aren't in her favor, but she is still my patient so we can monitor her, so even though we can't take her, you will still be able to see that she is doing well. And maybe in a few years, when you're not a resident and our baby is older, we can look into fostering and if Emma hasn't been adopted yet then maybe we can take her, now is just not to right time."

Jo looked at up at Alex, "Do you mean that?" Jo question, a bit surprised that he had even brought up taking Emma in the future. She knew that the odds of them getting Emma a few years down the road were slim and deep down she hoped that Emma would find a family that would love her as much as she deserved to be, she just wished that they could be that family.

"Sure, why not?" Alex said as he put his arm around her. "In a few years, when we are both attendings, and our little guys is in school we can look into fostering, just not now okay?"

Jo nodded as she wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and rested her head on his chest. "So she is leaving tomorrow?" Jo confirmed.

"Yeah the social worker is coming to get her tomorrow at 11." Alex replied.

"I have surgery at 10:30," Jo shared and Alex could her that she was doing her best to fight back tears. He loved her more than her had ever loved anyone else, he cared about her more than anyone else, and he knew that Jo felt the same way. So it still amazed him that she still tried her best not to cry in front of him. Crying wasn't something that either one of them did much of, they had both grown up in situations where crying was viewed as weakness, unless you were crying to get out of a sticky situation, so it was something that they didn't like to do around people.

"You can come say goodbye before your surgery, you can do her final checkup at 9 if you'd like." Alex offered, giving her a light squeeze.

"Yeah, that sounds good." Jo said sadly.

"Hey I'm going to jump in the shower, want to come with?" Alex asked, not really wanting to leave Jo alone.

"No I'm good, I'll take one in the morning, I think I just want to crawl into bed." Jo admitted as she sat back up, separating herself from Alex.

"Okay," Alex said as he stood up. He turned so that he was standing in front of Jo and gently lifted her chin so that she was looking at him. He gave her a sad smile before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I love you," He reminded her before heading into the bathroom.

As soon as she heard the water Jo cradled her head in her hands and sobbed. She cried harder than she ever had before. She had grown attached to Emma in the weeks since she was admitted and she thought that she would have more time with her. She wanted to take Emma and run far away, just her, Alex, Emma, and the baby. The only other time she had felt this much pain was the day she was convinced that the hospital was shutting down, and that she would never see Alex again. She felt like she was losing her own child, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Jo didn't realize how long she had been crying for until she heard the shower shut off. She quickly scrambled under the covers and turned so her back was to the bathroom door. She tried her best to control her sobs, but they kept coming. She had managed to stop them just as Alex opened the bathroom door, and she hoped that he hadn't heard her crying.

Alex paused for a moment before exiting the bathroom, he could hear Jo sobbing in the bedroom and it broke his heart. He felt like this was his fault that he had caused this pain, though he knew that there was nothing he could do about it. He waited until he no longer heard Jo before he opened the door. He quickly threw on a shirt and some shorts before crawling into bed next to Jo. He caught a glimpse of her puffy eyes and he could see the tears still running down her cheeks as he shut off the light. He then moved closer to Jo and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him.

Jo tried to resist Alex, she knew that he was trying to make her feel better but she didn't want him to. Deep down she knew that he was right, they couldn't take Emma on right now, and that this wasn't his fault, but she couldn't help but blame him for this. She felt like he was giving up on Emma, and that she was the only one that cared for the child. After pretending like Alex wasn't there for a few minutes she finally gave in and turned around in his arms. She rested her head on his chest and let the tears fall, eventually letting a few sobs rip through the quiet night.

Alex could feel Jo's tears on his shirt the second she placed her head on his chest. Every sob she let out was like a knife to the gut. Jo was in pain and there was nothing that he could do to make her feel better. He spent the rest of the night holding Jo until she cried herself to sleep, reminding himself that this was the right thing to do. It was the only thing he could do, this was not his fault.

Okay so this took me waaayyyy longer than I wanted it to, but I struggled to get this chapter where I wanted it. Also I don't know anything about how foster care really works so that stuff that they talked about was all made up, I have no idea if it actually works that way. Also tomorrow is Grey's night, and a good episode of Grey's always makes me want to write! Thanks for reading, I love to hear what you guys think!