a/n I own nothing

"Oy! Why'd you nick my roast?"

Swallowing down the roast that he had, in fact, just stolen, James answered, "There isn't any left Padfoot, most likely because you took it all. You eat your roast first, anyway, so that slice was left for me. Don't try to pretend otherwise."

"That's not the point, Prongs. You should have asked. Manners and all that."

This elicited an undignified-but not unwarranted-snort from the girl sitting across from them.

"No need to be like that, Lily. It's your boyfriend who's the thief."

"Sirius Black, I've had the, erm, pleasure of sharing a supper table with you lot nearly every day for the past seven years. You have no room to lecture anyone on table manners, dear."

Sirius deliberately filled his mouth full of mashed potatoes before retorting, "Yoo wove ush ennheywhay, wiw-"

"Ignore this git." James said, smacking his friend's shoulder and turning towards his girlfriend. "Hullo, love."

"I was planning on it. Hullo to you, too. Why so late from practice?"

Particularly careful to only respond in between bites, at least for tonight, James relayed everything that had gone wrong in the last three hours. He was about to explain why he'd had to escort his unconscious keeper to the hospital wing when Sirius interrupted.

"Greenhouse Three. DA classroom. What's this, Prongs?"

James glanced at the parchment unfolded in his mate's hand, the parchment which must have dropped out of his pocket when he sat down, which-Oh, fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Keep your cool. "That? Erm. Just a list…"

"I can see that…"

Now Sirius, Remus, Peter and Lily were all looking at James with interest, so he struggled on, "Various places in the castle…"

"Obviously. Get hit by a bludger at practice, by chance? I mean, Prongs, what is it for?"

Remus, leaning over Sirius's shoulder, read a few lines, "Potions classroom. Astronomy tower. "

Struck with sudden inspiration, James spurted out, "The goat! Fourth year, remember? And the potions cupboard, last year? Jumping toadstools!"

"Jumping toadstools, James? Are you trying to come up with new phrases again?"

But Peter, understanding what James was getting at, spoke over Lily. "The toadstools were second year-we had to sneak in and nick 'em. But why write our pranks down, Prongs? That seems-"

"Daft." Said Remus, simply.

Sirius spoke for them all, "Are you trying to get us busted? We've gotten away with most of these!"

"We've only a few months left, boys. We've got to do something fantastic to celebrate end of NEWTs next month…"

This earned another ungracious snort from his girlfriend. "Really, James. You ought to do it before NEWTs to keep everyone's spirits up…"

"I love you, you know that?"

Sirius interrupted them both, "Sorry to interrupt what was undoubtedly going to be sickening display of mush, children, but the question remains. Why write it down?"

"Well," said James a bit pompously, as if it were obvious, "we don't want to repeat ourselves. That would be embarrassing."

"Fine. Keep better track of it, yeah? This," reprimanded Sirius, waving the parchment in James's face, "in the wrong hands," nodding towards the head table, "could earn us detention for the rest of the year."

"So could your little display, Padfoot, but point taken."

James was about to ask for the damn list back but Peter piped up. "We're here. Might as well run through the list, yeah? No one's paying attention. You'll keep quiet, won't you, Lily?"

Sirius answered, "She's cool, mate," and continued down the list. "Charms classroom. Doxies?"

"Not our most original work, sure," James affirmed, "but we can't beat ourselves up about it."

"History of Magic?"

Remus smiled, "Right, the chalkboards…"

"Took two weeks for Binns to notice. But Prongs, your memory is rubbish. You forgot the courtyard and the teacher's lounge, both fifth year shining moments, and the thing in the owlery, which was some of our best work. And in the library we switched the herbology, history, and transfiguration sections, but we didn't go near the restricted section…"

Lily spluttered, choking on her carrots.

Damn. James watched his girlfriend in equal parts horror and concern, because she had figured it out. "You alright, Lil?" He didn't wait for an answer, though, and tried to placate his best mate. "I must have gotten confused, Padfoot."

"Alright, Evans? " When she nodded that she was fine, Sirius continued. "The prefects' bathroom? What'd we ever do there?"

Lily had finally swallowed her carrots, but she looked ready to swallow him alive. She began to say, in a murderous tone, "James Potter, you-"

But James had never loved Peter more for distracting them all by mumbling something incoherent through his mouth full of sandwich. He spit food over half the table, yes, but James made out what he was trying to say. "Right, Pete. Remember, Padfoot? We changed the taps to smell like rotten potions ingredients…"

Remus burst out, incredulous, "That was you? I was a prefect, you idiots. I couldn't use the bathroom for a week!"

Sirius disregarded him completely and pressed on, "The heads' office? Prongs. We never touched the heads' office."

Lily disregarded Sirius completely and spoke up, "James. A word, please? In private?"

Sirius flinched on his mate's behalf. Although her voice was dead calm, it was obvious by her pinched face and pursed lips that she was upset about something. He glanced between the livid head girl and James, who wouldn't meet her gaze. Both of them were flushed with…embarrassment?

A horrifying truth clicked in his brain.

""Oh. OH. Fucking hell, you two. Aarrrggh. Why? Why would you write that down?"

"Yes, James dear, why would you write something like that down?"

James had the sense to look sheepish when he tried to explain, You said we should keep track, love. I just, you know, didn't want to miss anywhere…"

"I didn't mean literally write it dow-"

Sirius was going over the list again now that he understood. "You two hormonal idiots haven't missed anywhere, by the looks of it, Lily. Boys dorm, Prongs? Really? That's just wrong. Quidditch pitch? Changing rooms? Gryffindor stands?"

Remus chuckled, "I knew you two were ridiculous, but that is-"

Sirius had only paused for a breath, apparently, because he continued his disgusted tirade in full force. "By the lake? In the lake? What is wrong with you two?"

"Sirius Black, you've no room to criticize us. No reason to be jealous, either, just because I get to snog James and you don't." Reaching out her hand, she demanded, "Give me the list."

He clutched the list to his chest protectively. "Oh no, I don't think so, Evans."

"Accio list."

"Damnit."

She was perusing the list from the top down, blushing furiously, but James thought she was more embarrassed than angry. So was he, come to think of it; making a list really hadn't been his brightest idea.

He started to apologize again only to have Lily cut him off with a wave of her hand.

Her brow was furrowed when she looked up to him and gave her verdict, "Sirius was right, love, your memory is rubbish. You left out the common room, the stairwell going up to your dorm, the covered bridge-"

"Lil-"

"Behind that tapestry-the one with the troll?"

"Gross."

"Merlin, you two."

"Lily," James tugged at his collar. "Maybe we should discuss this in private?"

"Yes." Affirmed Peter.

Sirius added, for good measure, "Any time we're not around would be great. It's bad enough to hear about…"

"James, love, if you're going to make a list only to lose it and embarrass me, at least make it an accurate account. We've been dating seven months and we've done a lot more than this implies." She added as an afterthought, rather defiantly, daring any them to question her, "I refuse to apologize for brilliant snogging."

"You're mad."

"No," James corrected Peter. "She's fantastic."

"That I am. The trophy room. Oh! The corridor just off the kitchens?"

"Oh yeah. That was nice."

"Nice?"

"Brilliant. You are a brilliant snog and a perfect girlfriend."

"You two need to get a room."

"You've completely left off Hogsmeade, but we'd need another sheet of parchment. And James, you left off the fourth floor passageway, behind the mirror?"

"But we haven't…"

Lily merely raised her eyebrows and gave him the look. That look. He flushed for what must have been the twentieth time in as many minutes.

"Oh, OH."

"You two really are awful, you know that?"

Lily agreed wholeheartedly, pushing her plate away as she stood up from the table, "Right you are, Remus. We are-"

James rose from his spot as well, adding, "-vile, debase creatures."

"We'll catch up with you lot later."

"Don't wait up."