A/N:

Again, a big thanks to Keyboard Caberet for looking over this fic and helping me out.

This is the final part to the story and I hope to write some more Joniss in the future.

The air is thick and filled with smoke. I can't breathe. The poison fills my lungs, choking me. I blink rapidly as I struggle to make out my surroundings. Why can't I see? I bring a hand to my face and feel wetness on my cheeks. The intensity of the smoke must have made my eyes water which only adds to my desperation. I have to get to her, where is she? I rub my eyes harshly and open them again, but all I see is grey. Dark grey. It's everywhere as I push myself to continue running, fighting against the pain in my lungs.

I'm doing this for her. What is she doing here? Prim is supposed to be in District 13, not the middle of a war zone. I hear a grunt that might be mine as someone pushes me out of nowhere and I fall to the floor. My ears are still ringing and I'm so off balance, but I need my senses to protect her. I push myself up again. I probably look like a mess right now - my wild, desperate eyes, my messy hair, my jerky movements - but I don't care. My heart almost stops when the grayness suddenly sweeps away.

But...

Everything has stopped. The air is too clear, the Capitol with its many fighters and weapons are too quiet, the aircraft's flying overhead too silent. I can feel my heartbeat loud in my ears, I can feel the sweat dripping down my neck. Then I make eye contact with my baby sister, and her eyes have never looked so clear. I know something is wrong as soon as I see my name forming on her lips. She's about to reach out for me, I almost have her.

Then everything comes crashing down at once. The noises resume, louder than before, the air more toxic. The bomb lands and I see my sister being blown to pieces. I scream so hard I'm sure I'm going to be sick. I try to run into the fire to save her but strong arms circle my waist and pin me firmly in place. I struggle and fight and try so hard to break free. Doesn't he understand? I have to get to her, I have to save her. He doesn't get it. I try to explain but a pathetic sob is all I manage to get out. I turn around and then I'm sobbing into Finnick's arms and he's gently shushing and cooing me - treating me like a baby.

Another bomb goes off somewhere and I jolt.

I gasp and sit up sharply. Trying to calm myself down, I struggle through a few deep breaths. My head throbs painfully and it throws me off balance, making my body waver slightly on the bed. I place the back of my hand on my forehead - it's boiling. I stumble out of bed, trying to ignore my disoriented state. I'm harshly reminded when the room starts to spin and I'm almost knocked off my feet.

"It was just a dream."I whisper to myself as I stagger across towards the window. I use the little strength I have to force it open - when did it get so heavy? I don't remember it being this difficult to open my own damn window. Then again, most of my memories of my life before the Games are hazy. When the window finally opens I shiver in my vest, but the cool breeze feels soothing on my forehead. I'd worked up a sweat in my sleep, that's why I feel so cold.

I fight against my body's reaction to the cold and force myself to enjoy the quiet whispering of the wind. I hesitate for a moment before I open up my mouth to repeat the same words that I've uttered so many times before. I tell the wind, "I am Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen years old. My home is District 12. President Snow is dead. Coin is dead. The Capitol is no more. My enemies are dead. Finnick is dead. Prim is dead. Cinna is dead. My loved ones are dead."

It's different saying it out loud in the open air, almost as though none of it is real. The wind carries the grief and pain away from the words, leaving me numb. I welcome the numbness.

That is until I sneeze from the cold. I sigh and turn away from the window. I debate crawling back into bed but the dreams are only getting worse. I don't want to go back to that. Instead I give myself a quick wash - I briefly wonder if I'll disturb anyone with the noise before I bitterly remember that there's no one around to disturb - then wrap up in the warmest clothes I can find and decide against grabbing my bow and arrows. I make my way over to the place I've been so many times before, except there's no restriction now; nothing to climb over, no other side. It's all together. I walk through the meadow and make my way to a rocky area so I can rest. I'm sure I used to be much fitter than this.

It's not as cold now. The sun is starting to rise and the soft warmth it brings makes me hum in contentment. It's taken a long time for me to overcome the grief of losing my sister - of losing everyone. It still hurts, their faces comes back time and time again to haunt me in my sleep, but I'm making progress. I'm beginning to let myself to enjoy things.

I'm not sure how long I sit there looking at the beautiful scenic view. I'm too mesmerised by the beauty of the field to look to the sun to figure out the time of day. What's there to worry about anyway? What other valuable thing will I need time for? Time doesn't mean much to me anymore - the days merge into one big blur.

If I go back now my food (courtesy of Greasy Sae) will be waiting for me. I don't have to worry about the things I did before. But I have a million different things that weigh heavily on my mind.

"Don't blow your brain by thinking too hard," a familiar voice from my right says

It's sudden and destroys the peaceful bubble that I've been basking in for the past few hours - Johanna. Should I really be surprised that my serenity was broken by her?

The only sounds I've heard so far today have been the rushing wind, the rustling of the field and my own breathing, so it takes me several seconds to process what she'd said. Trying to buy myself some time I dumbly reply, "What?"

She doesn't even hesitate to join me on the rock. She grunts slightly as she plonks herself down, and I feel briefly concerned for how she's recovering since... since everything blew over. I barely have time to register the thought before Johanna breaks the silence again:

"I said don't think too hard, you'll end up blowing out your brain. Then you'll really be brainless..." she pauses for a moment and amusement fills her face as she continues "...brainless."

The sound of an old nickname from an old... friend digs up an emotion that I thought was buried deep down inside of me, mixed now with both pain and warmth. Not entirely negative, in fact it's the most positive thing I've felt in a while, and somehow I feel just a little less heavy. I don't reply, the old feelings too overwhelming.

Johanna takes my silence as an invitation to continue, "You're quiet. Maybe I've come too late, eh? You lost your brain out here?" she smirks and playfully knocks her shoulder into mine. It doesn't make me smile like it should; her shove felt a little weak. It's almost as if she can see the thoughts running through my head because for a second she looks insecure. Then her expression falls back into it's familiar aloof mask, and she continues in a monotone, "Or maybe it blew up on the battlefield"

The shock of her abrupt arrival wears off and things begin processing again. My eyebrows knit together and I'm so shocked and confused I'm pretty sure they're probably touching. Why would she say that? Does she think it's funny? Or is it some sick joke to get a reaction out of me? I'm not in the mood to stay here playing mind games, wondering why she's brought up the war that I've still not recovered from, I get up. It seems like she expected me to leave, because she doesn't even flinch as I make my way away from her and travel towards my house. That annoys me.

I hadn't realised how hungry I was until I walked through the door and smelt the deliciousness that Greasy Sae had left me - the scent of eggs and toast is more enticing than usual, and it kind of lifts my spirits up. I'd probably find it sad if my stomach wasn't rumbling so loud.

It's a little pathetic how my mouth waters as I dish the food out from the pot and dig right in as soon as I sit at the table. I must have been out for a while if Greasy Sae hadn't stuck around to wait for me to finish so she could clean up - she looks after me so I really can't complain. I hear the door open when I'm halfway through my food, and I don't bother to look up as he puts the kettle on and makes himself at home. It kind of is his home, in a way. The only thing he doesn't do here is sleep, which I'm glad for - I've spent enough time travelling with him to know how loudly he snores. I may get lonely sometimes but I'd rather wake up in the middle in the night to silence than to Haymitch snoring and screaming.

I hear him sit across from me, and I pretend that eating my eggs and toast is taking up all of my concentration to avoid talking with him. I'm not ready to talk about it yet. I don't think I ever want to talk about it, actually.

"So, I take it you've seen her then?" he asks, in that smug tone her never seems to lose. I glance up at him for a moment and notice that he's put his cup of tea down to focus on me. There's no way I can get out of this now. It's not like I can change the subject effectively; I have nothing to report interesting enough to serve as a distraction. Maybe I can get away with saying as little as possible. I certainly won't say anything to encourage him to talk about her.

"Yeah." I reply, not bothering to stop shoving food into my mouth. Haymitch leans back. the smugness has disappeared from his face and that makes me even more nervous because things are starting to get a little too real now. Although we didn't leave things on a completely sour note, nothing has been the same between us, and I still feel guilty about the horrible things that I've said to her.

There had been a lot going on. Which is an understatement, but for some reason none of those things matter: it doesn't matter that I was emotional train wreck from all the crazy things that had happened and what I'd been preparing for. I hurt her. What she'd said earlier was uncalled for, but I've said a lot worse, and now that there's no war I've been left to dwell endlessly on how selfishly I broke her heart. Haymitch was one of the few people who'd sensed the awkward tension between us after the War. We hadn't acted like strangers, but our relationship just wasn't the same.

I hope it's not too late for me to make things right.

Her being here has brought to the surface memories that I've tried hard to suppress, and if she's here to stay I might need to start accepting that I want to try. But it's one thing to make a decision and entirely another to take action.

"How long is she here for?" I surprise myself with the question. So much for saying as little as possible. I can tell that Haymitch senses the curiosity - almost desperateness - in my voice, I can tell from the way his eyes glint tauntingly. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"I was just asking." I mumble through my last mouthful of egg.

I hear him take a long sip from his drink before he answers, "As long as she wants to. Potentially forever."

My head snaps up and I almost choke on my food. "Forever?" I don't even recognise my own voice, it's so high pitched and slurred around the food that's still in my mouth.

Haymitch grins at my reaction and I want to slap the smirk off of his face, but I have to play nice if I want any information, even if it is from Haymitch. "Potentially," he replied,"It all depends on… circumstances."

The look he gives me is a little unnerving and I begin to wonder what he knows. Johanna wouldn't actually tell him anything, would she? How close are they anyway? And why does Haymitch know so much? I hadn't realised they were friendly. Haymitch's words suddenly sink in, and my confusion takes a back seat.

"What kind of circumstances?" I try to put some bite into my question, but my curiosity over shadows it.

He slurps a few more sips and I cringe - I've told him a million times I hate that sound. Luckily for him, I'm so on edge about Johanna I can't focus on throwing the tissue I used to wipe my mouth at him.

"You're going to have to discuss that with her." he says.

I don't really mean it when I snap, "I don't want to discuss anything with her." I'm just annoyed that he's not telling me anything and I hate Haymitch telling me what I should do.

"Careful sweetheart," he pauses to take a sip – thankfully a quiet one this time, "one day your stubbornness is going to bite you in the ass."

I grumble and rise to throw my plate in the sink. Greasy Sae had berated me when I washed the dishes myself, so I just leave them there and sit back down. I need to do something with my hands, and I would have kept the plate in front of me so I could play with little bits of my food, but I'd been so hungry I'd practically licked it clean.

The sound of the door opening catches my attention, and Haymitch smirks at me before he downs the last of his tea and grimaces. I smirk back at him: serves him right for drinking so fast. My smugness is short lived, however, because it's not Sae that walks into the room like I was expecting. It's Johanna.

She doesn't look at me, her attention focused on Haymitch. So focused it seems as if she's deliberately ignoring me. It makes me even more nervous and I clench my jaw, the strain in my muscles temporarily distracting me from the tension in the room. I look to Haymitch desperately as he gets up and leaves us alone, giving us both knowing smiles.

He knows.

The thought of Haymitch knowing both relieves and terrifies me. I don't think he knows everything, because he doesn't look at me with disgust for the way I treated her, the way I feel he should. The guilt overwhelms me when Johanna tentatively takes the seat across from me.

We make eye contact for a moment and her eyes are so intense that I have to look away. They look brighter then I remember them being. I still feel her eyes on me as I examine the spotless mahogany table – courtesy of Effie.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I reply, still unable to look back at her but firm in my reply. Sure, what she'd said had been uncalled for, but I'd caused her more pain. A lot more.

"Look at me. Please."

I listen. I don't recognise her voice. This is the second time a voice has sounded different to me. Her arrival has thrown me off balance, my senses are all over the place - being a hunter my ears were everything to me, hearing a twig break from a distance was pure instinct.

I finally look at her, truly look at her for the first time in a long time. She does look a lot better, although behind the lightness in her eyes sits a painful strain, a little like the one I see on the rare occasions I look into the mirror (I don't care too much for looks anymore). Her strain isn't nearly as intense as mine, but it's still there. I've not made the progress that she has - as much as I hate to admit it, she's always been stronger than me, been more of a fighter.

Her hair is growing back, not as long as it once was but enough for her to style it nicely. Her nails look a little grubby, and another unpleasant feeling is thrown on to the pile of guilt. I remember Johanna whimpering away from the rain on training days. Is she still afraid of water?

Should I say something? Ask her how she's recovering? She may not be as well as I thought she was, she's still not completely herself. After the everything I wonder from time to time if any of us will ever really recover. Everyone else is out there, rebuilding their lives and I'm sitting here uselessly in my kitchen. I don't want to go out there and do what everyone else is doing, but I don't want the most productive thing I do for the rest of my life to be finishing a simple meal.

I've already asked Haymitch the same question but I need to hear it from her. "How long do you plan to visit?" my voice shakes a little and a familiar teasing glint fills her eyes. I almost cry in relief - I never knew I'd miss her stupid smug face so much.

She leans back comfortably into her chair and her eyes scan around the room, judging every detail, "It depends if there's anything interesting for me here." her attention shifts from the painted kitchen walls and settles on me.

I snort, and she raises an eyebrow, challenging me to say something. "There's nothing interesting for you over here." I tell her.

My words hang in the air and Johanna stares at me. The eye contact makes me uncomfortable, but I refuse to be the first one to look away - it's nice to know that the competitiveness between us hasn't faded away. A smirk slowly emerges on her face and I blink and divert my eyes to the sink behind her. I feel a little silly for getting so worked up about not being able to maintain the eye contact, but when your only real company is Haymitch (and Buttercup on rare occasions) things are bound to get a little boring.

"You never know," she starts, standing up out of her seat, "I may find something that intrigues me enough to keep me here."

I panic a little when she moves away from the table, suddenly shouting out "Wait!" It comes out louder than I intended, but succeeds in halting her exit.

She turns on her heel, looking a little irritated she responds, "What? Oh, and remember, inside voice brainless."

I roll my eyes at her, "Where are you going?"

"Why do you care?" she questions, tilting her head and crossing her arms. This conversation hasn't been going to way I'd hoped it would - all the things I'd rehearsed, everything I wanted to say to her if I ever saw her again have gone, my mind blank the moment she arrived.

I try to lighten up the conversation with some playful banter. "I don't care, I was just wondering if you were going to pass by Haymitch's so you can tell him to come over so I can have some better company." I try not to wince afterwards, hoping I didn't cross a line. When she smiles a genuine smile at me I can't help but smile back at her.

"I've been waiting for you to say something fiery, Girl On Fire." She was the last person to call me that. If anyone else were to say that to me I'd probably have an emotional breakdown, but when she says it it feels... right.

"Stay." I try to say it with command but just end up sounding desperate. I am so pathetic.

"If I stay do you promise to talk to me?"

Scoffing, I say in disbelief, "What are you talking about? I did talk to you. It wasn't a lot but it was something."

Johanna moves back towards the table. Sitting down she says mockingly, "Oh, I'm sorry, should I be more grateful you took time out of your busy day to talk to me?"

"Maybe I should have let you go" I retort.

Instead of replying she just shrugs. She hadn't sat directly across from me, where she'd been sitting before. Instead she'd taken the chair beside it, and now she stretches her legs so her feet rest on the seat next to me. Making herself comfortable she breaks the silence, "So there's a lot of space here in 12."

My face scrunches in confusion - where is she going with this?

"Yeah, I guess." my reply sounds more like a question. Johanna shifts again and I'm about to tell her to stop fidgeting when she begins to talk again, "Everywhere else is kinda… deserted, and as awesome as that Grubby Sae-"

"Greasy Sae."

Johanna shoots me an icy look and continues, "I was saying, as awesome as Grubby Sae's cooking is I'm not too keen on sleeping near her, and he thought of sleeping anywhere near Haymitch doesn't appeal to me either. I swear he's going to hurt someone in his sleep one day.

Oh.

Is she asking what I think she's asking? If sleeping near Haymitch doesn't appeal to her, is she saying that sleeping near me does? Haymitch said earlier Johanna may be staying for a long time, will she be living here for that time?

I keep my expression stoic. "I don't know," I pretend to think for a little, "I think Haymitch would appreciate the company."

She makes a look of disgust and cringes, "He's not my type."

I don't want to delve into this subject, so I keep the conversation moving, "If you're going to be so picky you might not have anywhere to sleep."

She huffs, realising that I'm waiting for her to ask outright.

"Please," She drags the word out annoyingly - a lot of things are annoying me today, "Can I sleep with you?"

A second later she realises what she'd just said, and I'm sure we both look as horrified as each other. Her cheeks turn rosy with embarrassment, and I'd probably find it adorable if the atmosphere wasn't so awkward.

Painfully, she stammers, out "Um, it's just that, I didn't mean it like that, of course I didn't, you know, I don't even want anything like that, well that's not entirely true one day we mi- but what I meant is-" her cheeks turn a deeper red and I feel so much second hand embarrassment I choose to ignore her word vomit.

Taking a deep breathe she tries again, "Can I stay here please? With you. In the spare room."

Offering her a teasing smile, I say, "Fine, but only because you asked so nicely. It can get a little cold sometimes though. I've got some spare blankets somewhere. You're welcome to stay here."

Johanna smiles appreciatively at me, "Thanks, I guess."

"Would you like something to eat?" I ask her after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

Johanna stops humming to answer me, smiling a wide mocking smile, "Well, aren't you the perfect little host?"

"Seriously? Don't make me regret saying yes to you." I retaliate.

Her smile stretches wider, "D'aww, you wouldn't kick me out would you?" She tilts her head to the side coyly, "Who else is going to keep me warm at night?"

Whatever witty response I had planned died in the wake of her… flirting? Whatever it is she's doing it's making me a little uncomfortable - if she keeps saying things like that, I'm going to end up imagining things I'm not supposed to. My feelings for Johanna haven't changed, and now we actually might have a chance. We've talked and broken the ice a little, but I can still feel the barriers. She's not completely closed off from me but she's not completely letting me in either.

I don't want to be the one to bring it up. We need to discuss us in time, but that time will be when Johanna decides.

"Does the offer for food still stand?" she asks "Because I would actually love for something to eat."

I think I have some food from the other day left over. Walking towards the cupboard I hear Johanna tapping her fingers against the table, the same tune she'd been humming earlier. The food container is right at the back and I have to practically climb in to retrieve it.

My curiosity gets the better of me and I have to ask, "What song is that?"

She replies, nut her voice sounds really distorted. I grab the tupperware and stick my head back out, "Huh?"

She sighs loudly - acting as if I've asked something of major inconvenience to her like for her to clean the house from top to bottom instead of merely asking she repeat herself. "I was asking you what you said. I couldn't hear you when you were on your little trip, that thing is like a walk in closet. Seriously, how big is that thing?"

I snort, and it's the first time I've laughed that genuinely in a long time, "Effie insisted on decorating, she wanted to 'liven up the place'. And what better way to do that than fill the kitchen with mahogany." I put on my best Effie voice, exaggerating her chirpy tone - it tires me out a little. I don't know how she manages it constantly.

Johanna smiles at me and looks at me with eyes full of warmth, "Sounds like her. What do you have there?"

I place the tupperware in front of her and sit back down, watching Johanna watch me move around made me a little nervous; I wanted to sit down as soon as I got up.

She looks at me disbelievingly, "Do you want me to eat with my hands? Where's the fork?"

I'm still a little flustered from her watching me, so I try to cover my embarrassment with snark, "If you're going to be living here you might as well learn where everything is. I can't do everything for you."

She clicks her tongue, "Charming."

"They're over there." pointing her in the direction of the forks, I take a look at the food. It doesn't look amazing but I know we've both had worse meals, she won't mind too much.

Sitting back down she digs right in to her food.

"Don't mind me" I mumble, watching Johanna eat the food like it's the first thing's she's tasted in months.

She moans into her food and I'm both disgusted and a little flustered from the noise she's making - the sounds that I've heard before, the sounds that I once made her make, the sounds that I sometimes hear when I close my eyes.

She really does think that Greasy Sae's food is awesome.

The only noises are the occasional appreciative groans from Johanna and the clattering of her fork against the plate. I silently watch her finish her meal - she grins proudly after her last bite.

"I'm gonna head up and shower, make yourself comfortable." I tell her.

"Oh don't worry, I intend to."

I nod at her one final time before I go upstairs. It's a little awkward when I leave - the nod was too formal, it occurs to me too late.

It's only when I sink into the tub that I realise I'd already washed this morning before I'd gone out, and I'm baffled for a while because it seems like a long time ago. I try to count the amount of days that had passed since I'd last seen my mother, but they all just seem to blur into one big mess. So much has happened today - everything has seemed to drag on, although I find myself content with Johanna's arrival. It could be because I've not been used to so much action in one day in such a long time, I reason as I settle more comfortably in the hot water.

I almost forget who I am in the bath. I'm so relaxed I don't even care.

I yawn and decide to get out before I fall asleep.

Running down the stairs, I jump off the last step and abruptly freeze. It's quiet, really quiet. I feel the hairs on the back of my hairs stand up, and I know that there's nothing to be threatened by out here, but my body has trouble processing the message: I'm tense as I walk into the lounge and jump when I see Johanna laying lazily on the couch.

She's watching TV without the noise. "Boo" she says dryly. I huff and move over to sit down by her. She doesn't sit up, simply lifts up her legs to let me sit down and rests them on my lap. I don't know what to do with my hands. so I put them limply on her legs. She raises an eyebrow at me, but doesn't say anything and goes back to watching the screen.

I keep glancing sideways at her profile. She's still so beautiful - the different lights reflecting on her face look pretty, and it's maybe a little creepy how I'm staring at her, but I can't quite bring myself to care. She's mesmerising.

I snap out of the weird trance I was in and notice how she blankly watches the screen. I can't tell if she's tired or if something else is on her mind and I don't know if us… living together means she trusts me to the extent that she's going to spill all of her problems to me.

I can't even deal with my own, but my heart aches to see her suffer. I want to help her, but I also don't want to scare her off. Plus, I can still feel a lingering tension between us, so instead of telling her about the feelings bubbling inside of me I decide to say something less intense.

"Why isn't the sound on?" I ask her. I feel the muscles in her leg twitch and I unintentionally tighten my grip around her.

"Too loud." She mumbles.

I laugh, trying to perk her up a little bit, "You know that's why we have volume control right?"

Eyes still fixed on the screen she says, "Still gives me a headache."

"Watching TV in the dark won't help with that."

The deep trance that she was in breaks at my comment, and her attention shifts from the silent screen to me. She looks like she's just realised where she is and glances around the room as if she's just realised that it's gone dark.

"Oh. It's approaching winter now, the sun sets earlier doesn't it?"

The sudden change in atmosphere throws me off a little. Her mood has changed since our moment in the kitchen, and I try to remember how long I had been in the bath - what could have happened in that time to make her this dazed?

Her legs slowly slide off my lap and immediately I miss their warmth and smoothness. She sits up and adjusts herself so one leg is tucked under her butt and she faces me. "Oh," she exclaims suddenly and so loudly that it makes me jump. She doesn't apologise for giving me a heart attack, just continues, "Haymitch phoned me earlier and asked if we wanted to go over for dinner and drinks."

I scoff, "Did he really need to say drinks? A drink is like mandatory with a meal for Haymitch. Actually he doesn't even need to use dinner as an excuse to drink."

"He's doing a lot better now though, he doesn't drink as much as he used to right?" Johanna replies softly.

I think a little - he doesn't drink as much as he used to, but it's still a lot.

"I guess." I shrug at her. We'd gotten a little off track, so trying to steer the conversation back I say, "What did you tell him?"

"I told him we'd be there in less than an hour."

I cross my arms grumpily. I'd just bathed and I was warm I really didn't really want to walk through the harsh cold wind, even if Haymitch only lived a few houses over. I tell Johanna this, and she looks at me in disbelief, "Are you seriously being a baby right now? Why don't you come and loosen up? Maybe the alcohol will make you fun for once." She pokes my thigh with her toe, a teasing smile on her face.

I feel my face slowly break out into a huge smile. It makes my cheeks ache; I've not smiled like this for a long time, but she just looks so damn adorable, and it's so refreshing to see that spark in her eyes. It's small, but it's something and I'm so overwhelmed I just feel happy.

My body isn't used to this much positivity and I'm so not used to being this happy, so I try to dial it back a bit and my smile slowly fades but I'm sure my eyes are still giving away how happy I feel. I must look so crazy and stupid right now, but Johanna just keeps a warm smile on her face.

I poke her toe then put my hand against my chest in mock offense, "What are you talking about? I'm way more fun than you."

She smirks, and I notice her eyes momentarily glance down at my chest, and I remove my hand that was idly resting on my breast.

"Oh yeah? Prove it." She challenges.

I narrow my eyes. She knows I'm way too stubborn to back down, "Fine.

I have so many layers on so I shouldn't be shivering as much as I am. I think I've caught a chill, and that only makes me more annoyed with Johanna for dragging me out. I glance at her walking next to me - she's not got as many layers as I have and she's fine. Before we walked out the door she'd laughed at my attire, which consists of the thickest colourful sweater I own that it was difficult to zip my coat up over (I struggled with it for ages, and in the end Johanna helped me like I was a child) and my animal hat that Prim had gotten me last winter ("It's a scarf, gloves and hat all in one" she'd told me when she proudly presented it to me).

"You're seriously cold?" I hear her muffled voice say when we're finally outside of Haymitch's door. She knocks loudly, so loudly Haymitch could be back in my house and still be able to hear it. The scarf/hat is so tightly wrapped around my face that only my eyes and a little of my nose is uncovered, and Johanna's voice sounds so far away it makes me feel a little dizzy. I wobble a little where I stand and Johanna stills me with a firm grip on my shoulders. She looks a little concerned but still mockingly says, "We haven't even started drinking yet, lightweight."

I loosen the scarf and my head clears up a little. Her hands are still on my shoulders and I take the opportunity to lean a little of my weight on her - she wraps one arm around my shoulders to hold me steady and I flush a little. "I just feel a little ill" I mumble.

Johanna knocks on the door and it's even louder than before, more aggressive. "We're out here freezing our tits off, you better open up or we'll have this little party without you!"

It makes me jump, and the door swings open. Haymitch's head pops out from behind the door, "Don't act like you wouldn't love that Johanna"

Walking in from the cold I smack his arm, then head straight to the dining area where a delicious meal is laid out.

I sit down on the side of the table that has two plates; I don't feel like sitting across from both of them. I can just about deal with them as individuals - both of them together would probably kill me.

They both enter the room a few seconds after I sit down, and I fiddle with my cutlery. Haymitch must have said something to Johanna before they came in because she looks flustered and Haymitch looks more smug than normal. Johanna coughs awkwardly into her fist and takes the seat next to me. Haymitch sits across from us and grins before downing his glass of water.

Water?

I look down at all of our glasses, all filled with water. Picking up my glass and inspecting it I start, "When you said dinner and a drink I didn't realise you meant," I pause to sniff the drink. There's no strong smell of alcohol, it is water, "water."

Haymitch's grin widens, "Sorry princess, I didn't realise water wasn't a drink."

I take a sip and place the glass back on the coaster before rolling my eyes, "I just assumed your 'drinks' would be a lot… stronger."

"Oh? I was going to put some wine out later, I didn't realise you were so eager to start drinking." I kick his foot when he starts pouring more water into his glass from the jug and it spills a little on the table. He looks at me with annoyance.

Johanna seems to compose herself and her skin returns to its normal colour, "Stop acting like children." She snaps at us.

My head pounds. This is going to be a long night.

"Let's just eat dinner already, what are we waiting for?" I ask irritably.

Haymitch throws his hands up defensively, "We'll get started now, I know you're eager to get to the drinking"

We all eat, and it's not as awkward as I thought it would be - we all manage civil conversation, at least as civil as we can be. Overall it goes really well, and even when we finish the meal and Haymitch brings out the wine we stay at the table and talk for what feels hours. I can't remember most of what was said but the way we all laugh and joke warms my heart and makes me feel like I'm part of a family again.

We finish about two bottles between the three of us - Johanna drank the most, which was a surprise. Haymitch offers to have us both over to save us going out in the cold and dark night, but I want a night of peaceful sleep (every so often throughout the night I sneezed, I'm definitely coming down with a chill).

I give a Haymitch a kiss on the cheek and thank him before I leave, and I can't even feel the cold outside, my heart is so warm right now and my skin is buzzing. It buzzes even more when Johanna hooks her arm through mine and leans into me.

"I had a good time tonight Girl On Fire." She mumbles into my shoulder. I have to push her head gently off my shoulder so we can both fit through the door safely. She doesn't seem really drunk, she's just tired and a little tispy, and I sigh in relief, realising I don't have to babysit her.

"I'd forgotten you had a sense of humour," she pauses for a while and her face shifts like she's concentrating really hard. Then she clicks her fingers, "even if it is rubbish." She nods her head proudly.

"Really? It took you that long to come up with that?" I tease as I strip off the layers I had on, the warmth of my house having hit me as soon as we walked in.

My house?

My house where Johanna now… lives?

Our house?

I feel a little nauseous; it feels like too much commitment, like Johanna and I are an 'us'. Maybe I'm overthinking this and I need some sleep.

"Shut up, I'm tired" she yawns a little too dramatically and stretches her arms. One hand hits me in the face and I slap it away in annoyance.

"I can tell" I retort dryly.

"Wait." She says so suddenly that it scares me. I freeze and I almost fall and lose my balance because I was still taking off my boots. I place my hand on the wall to regain my balance. I huff and look at her expectantly.

"Where am I going to sleep?" She looks genuinely distraught, and I would have thought she looked adorable if her question didn't make me a little nervous. I've already told her there was a spare room, but both of us are a little out of it and I'm pretty sure both of us are reflecting on the last time we… shared a room.

"I'll show you where it is."

My stomach is rumbling before I even have time to open my eyes. When I open my bedroom door the smell is stronger and my stomach rumbles again. I quickly freshen up in the bathroom - splashing some cool water on my face and rinsing out my mouth, I feel a lot more refreshed. My eyes look a little swollen but I've looked a lot worse. I normally don't use the mirror before I eat breakfast, but knowing Johanna is going to see me this morning makes me want to look… presentable.

I run down to the kitchen and I almost have a heart attack when I see that it's Johanna flipping pancakes, not Sae.

With her attention still on the food she says, "Morning sweetheart." although it's being patronising I still feel my face burn.

"Morning." I say, taking a seat at the table.

The only sound in the room is the pan sizzling. As she finishes up on the food and dishes it out she tells me, "I told Sae not to worry about feeding you like the baby you are. Why do you even have her? Can't you cook?"

She places the food in front of me along with some sweeteners and takes her seat across from me.

"She insists on cooking for me, it's not like I'm going to put up a fight against someone who's offering to put food in my stomach." I mumble through a mouthful of pancake.

She grimaces at me, "Attractive."

I stick my tongue out at her before I pour some lemon and sugar over my food. I finish my food before Johanna does, she still has half of hers to eat.

"So…" I start.

She pauses mid-chew and covers her mouth before she speaks - I didn't take Johanna for someone with table manners, but that's not the topic I wanted to start with her. "So?" she murmurs, encouraging me to continue.

"Do you remember much of last night?"

She finishes off the food in her mouth before she replies, "I wasn't completely drunk, I remember pretty much everything."

I absentmindedly trace patterns on the table with my finger. "How much is pretty much?" I ask softly, focusing on my finger making the patterns..

"Look at me."

My eyes snap from my finger to her and her eyes look so clear and determined, it makes my finger freeze.

Johanna takes a deep breath, "I'm not going to apologise for last night," she states confidently, "because I have nothing to be sorry about."

I close my eyes tightly and think back to last night when I'd showed Johanna to her room. I still remember smelling the alcohol on her breath when she'd leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I hadn't had time to process what was happening before she'd quickly turned to go into her room, whispering a quick goodnight before she closed the door. It was only when I was lying in bed that I felt that familiar buzz of electricity that only Johanna could make me feel.

I open my eyes, and my head pounds as they adjust to the brightness of the room, "I didn't ask for an apology, I just think we should talk about it."

Johanna scoffs bitterly, "I don't think that's a good idea, you made it pretty clear you don't like me that way anyway." I grimace at her tone and the memory of all the horrible things I'd said to her. Now that everything has settled down and I'm not in the same mindset I was in before the War, the horrible things I said to Johanna don't make any sense. I wish I'd never said them.

We're silent for a moment, Johanna looking more and more disheartened the longer the silence stretches out. I just need to collect my thoughts. I want to get this right for once.

"It's not like that."

Her dejected expression morphs into a confused one. I move my hand under the table to pinch my thigh: I need to maintain eye contact but it's so intense I need something to distract me a little from her burning gaze.

"The things I said they weren't true," I pause again to collect my thoughts, but Johanna takes the opportunity to jump in.

"Do you remember what you said to me?" her words come out fast and rushed and my stomach clenches because she's obviously trying not to show any emotion, but she's flustered and clearly upset. I try to blink as fast as I can, trying to hold back frightened tears. I'm responsible for the pain she's been feeling - maybe not all of the pain but some of it. I don't want to be the source of any of her pain.

"You said that even after the war there was no hope for us. That I'm…" she tilts her head in thought and as she says each word she counts along with her fingers, "Selfish, malicious and unloveable". I grind my teeth and I feel so sick hearing the words that I said. It feels it happened a lifetime ago.

"We both know those words were nothing, I didn't mean it. You're none of those things. I had to detach myself from you so I could focus my attention on fighting. I couldn't afford to think of anything else other than staying alive at that point and I was so numb and out of it back then. The truth is I love you."

Johanna's eyes widen in disbelief and so do mine. I hadn't meant to say that but it... wasn't a lie. I do love her, it's always been her. I tell her so, and she sits frozen in her seat.

"You love me?" she breathes out and slowly moves out of her seat, moving around the table and towards me so slowly - as if I'm a deer that will flee if she makes sudden movement. I push my chair out from the table and shift so that I'm still facing her.

She stands in front of me and I laugh nervously, "I think I knew it would be you from the moment I saw you at Training."

She smirks a little hesitantly, she seems so overwhelmed with everything that's going on, "I was naked that day."

I grin back up at her, "I know."

Her smirk slowly fades and she leans down to kiss my gently - I'm actually ready this time and I kiss her back. The kiss is so sweet and slow and I can't help smiling into her lips. I can't believe this is actually happening. Johanna starts to get a little more aggressive and I have to change the angle of my head to keep up with her. She leans back and I try to follow her lips.

She crouches so I'm looking down at her. I'm about to ask her to just sit on the chair next to me but she speaks first, "What does this mean then?"

"What do you want it to mean?"

She frowns slightly, "I don't want riddles anymore Girl On Fire, I want you to say it. Tell me. Do you want to be with me or not?"

Her bluntness throws me off a little, but I know what I want, "I want to be with you. I want you"

Johanna smiles widely at me, and I've never seen her so happy before. All the heartache that I've been feeling these past few months is fading away, being replaced with the feeling Johanna fills me up with. There will always be a hole in my heart, I will always miss those I have lost, but I will always have Johanna and she will always have me.

"I love you too brainless."

Although this is a happy moment there's still something nagging me, I feel my eyebrows crease, "I'm still sorry about what I said."

She shakes her head at me, "Forget about it. We were both in a bad place. Besides, I'm sure you have time to make it up to me." Johanna's hands caress my thighs and I swallow hard.

I still her hands, "Um, can we… do that another time, I'm really not ready yet."

Johanna just shrugs, "Another time then."

Johanna was right. I did have time to make things up to her. I had a lifetime to.

We slowly rebuild our relationship - like any recovery it takes time, patience and a lot of mistakes. Our relationship is still filled with snarky comments and arguments, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

Our days together were spent planting trees in the garden. Well, Johanna planting them and me lounging in the sun, watching her water and fertilize them.

We comfort each other when one or the other - sometimes both of us - have nightmares. They never truly go away.

Johanna still finds it difficult around water. Sometimes I bathe her, other times on my bad days I leave her to it, saying she's not sleeping with me unless she cleans herself. That normally motivates her.

I used to think I couldn't even dream about being happy one day with someone I love. I'm still shocked that this is reality - I keep waiting for Johanna to change her mind, every time I say or do something wrong I wait for her to change her mind about being with me. She never does. She sticks by me through the good times and bad times.

The reality is that Johanna Mason is better than any dream I could think of.

A/N:

Thank you for reading and for the lovely messages, this fic was difficult to finish because it's one piece that I'm so proud of and I've enjoyed writing it.

I'm open to suggestions for this verse or another AU on my tumblr everything-is-funnier-lying-down.