Author's note: This is completely unrelated to my other story. To my readers waiting for an update to Bifurcation Theory it will be up very soon, as I intend to finish that one in the New Year. Thank you for your patience. In the meantime I hope you enjoy my latest Shamy fic.

I honestly don't prefer angst but I needed to work out my emotions and I prefer creativity over anger.

Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory and all characters and creative elements derived from the source material belong exclusively to Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady. They are just my paper dolls.

Chapter 1

Amy had spent Tuesday morning reviewing and sorting the individual primate records. The latest delay in her current project would allow her time to double check all the data before submitting her latest analysis. The meticulousness required for the task enabled her mind to stay away from the troubling thoughts she had about her relationship that were reignited during the previous evening.

1001001

Sheldon's prickly tone and accusation that "It's always sex with you" had startled her at first but after the initial shock had settled, it had hurt her severely. Combined with his agreement of Raj's ridiculous input Amy felt herself repeatedly swallowing a lump that formed in her throat. As the minutes passed it grew larger forcing a huge wet droplet to roll down her cheek which she caught with the back of her hand. She excused herself to the bathroom where she could corral her emotions. In the presence of the company in the apartment she could not broach her troubling questions on her mind with him at that moment.

Is this what you really think about me? About us

She returned to the bustle of the living area where Raj was cuddling Cinnamon and Sheldon was complaining that the pup was supposed to stay in her crate. She locked eyes with Penny who was throwing away her Big Gulp cup. Penny furrowed her brows sympathetically then stepped towards her, locked her hand around Amy's forearm and gave her a gentle squeeze. Amy felt like the hand was squeezing her heart and a floodgate of tears was getting ready to burst open.

"Sheldon, I'm just going to go now." She croaked while shuffling towards her belongings near the door and being careful not to look anyone in the eye in fear that she would display her inner distress.

"Aren't we going to have tea?"

She reached for the door but stopped to answer, "It's better if I leave."

"I understand completely. No amount of tea is going to help us settle down with all this commotion."

"Good night, everyone." Before there was a response she rushed down the stairs gripping her purse with white knuckle tightness. Jumping off the last step with both feet she locked her spine in a completely upright position like a gymnast sticking a landing then jutting her chin upwards she squeezed her eyes shut. She paused long enough for a chance to aspirate, first expelling a halted breath through her mouth and then taking in some lung filling oxygen through her nose. After each breath she slowly repeated a mantra.

Serenity now

Serenity now

Serenity now

By the time she was home she was furious and her tear ducts were dry. Except for the glow of her microwave's numerals and a bedroom lamp on a timer, her apartment was dark. She opted to keep it that way and decided it was the perfect time to employ her knowledge of aromatherapy's affect on sections of the cerebrum to help her relax. She poured lavender oil into a gray ceramic warmer, lit three white flameless candles and prepared herself a bubble bath; she needed to calm down before she would be able to think clearly.

1001001

Leonard glanced across the lunchroom table at Sheldon. "I better just get this over with and let you know that I've been invited to appear on Science Friday this week."

"You're headed to New York?"

"No, Ira Flatow is still recording locally this week. He is at the Thousand Oaks radio station KCLU 88.3, so I'll drop you off then drive over for the show."

"Let me guess, he's celebrating your experiment disproving my discovery? When will that man stop mocking me?"

"Sheldon, he is not mocking you. He is simply reporting news in the world of science. Are we going to add paranoia to the never ending list of your afflictions?"

"How can you say he is not mocking me? He didn't ask about any details about the discovery or what it means. He just wanted to point out all the embarrassing discrepancies. That's not reporting! That's yellow journalism!" Sheldon rose knocking down his chair as he stood.

Raj picked it up to get to his seat and using his soothing counselor tone suggested,"Sheldon you need to calm down. I think the cafeteria patrons would like to eat in peace this week."

Sheldon became conscience of the disgruntled faces glaring at him; he looked around at them unapologetically but sat down. "You again? Since when did you get the idea that everyone wants your opinion?" He ranted at a lower volume.

"You seemed pretty accepting of my opinion last night."

"Don't flatter yourself. When?"

"When I was giving you and Amy relationship advice, that's when." He slightly fish puckered his lips and wiggled his head with an "all that" attitude.

Sheldon was ready to argue against his assertion when a knowing look spread across his face, "uh – oh".

Leonard seized the moment to redirect the conversation. "Penny said you were both idiots towards Amy. Wait – not exactly. She said that you Sheldon were an ass and an idiot and that Raj was an idiot." He emphasized his knowledge by pointing his index finger across the table as he spoke about each one before continuing, "I however am in good graces this week because you are making me miserable and you Raj are allowing me to demonstrate what a good friend I can be." He leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms and he smirked, relishing his status with his girlfriend.

It was short lived as Sheldon chose one word as a point of emphasis. "I made you miserable? Excuse me but it's you who made me miserable!" He huffed, grabbed what remained of his lunch and left to the sounds of applause as he walked out the door.

1001001

Sheldon sheepishly knocked on the doorframe to Amy's Caltech lab.

Knock, knock, knock Dr. Fowler

Knock, knock, knock Dr. Fowler

Knock, knock, knock Dr. Fowler

"Yes, Sheldon." Amy answered softly without looking up from her paperwork.

The wary smile that he arrived with was erased. Amy usually greeted him with sparkling eyes even when she was in her professional mode at the university. Seeing her eyes and effervescent smile always made his heart skip a beat but it appeared she wouldn't be turning to share those with him on that day.

Cautiously he stated, "You haven't answered my calls or texts."

Amy reached over to pick up and look at her phone. "Oh, I guess I forgot I had silenced it earlier so I could concentrate on my work," she responded flatly.

"I also meant the one's I sent last night."

When she didn't respond he continued, "um– um I was just wondering if we'll be going together to the Cheesecake Factory or should I just go with Leonard and meet you there?" He stepped closer to look at her computer and peek over her shoulder to see what was diverting her attention.

"I have too much work to get done so I'm just going to stay late. It's better if you didn't expect me." She answered matter-of-factly.

Even when they spoke via phone he could hear a special joy in her voice but he noticed that it was missing at the moment. "Why has your work load suddenly increased?"

"Three of the monkeys became ill this weekend and yesterday four more started showing the same symptoms. They've ordered blood work on all the primates before we proceed. Depending on the results our work may be delayed two to six weeks. I promised Dr. Gunderson that I would get him the updated data sets and a report by Friday for his review. It will need to be included in our status report to the benefactors of the study."

"Betsy's not one of them is she?" Sheldon asked with concern in his voice.

Sheldon had enjoyed interacting with Betsy the capuchin monkey since their first meeting and Amy would let him know when she would be working with her so he could visit and watch. She would amuse herself by observing the two take turns making faces and then mimicking each other. On those days she kept a personal journal of their interactions so that she could revisit her notes when she needed a chuckle.

It was the sweetness of his question about the little creature that finally relaxed her enough so she could turn towards him. She felt too much tension to want to have the needed conversation at work so she avoided his eyes to conceal her anguish and lack of proper sleep.

"No. Betsy was already relocated but she's isolated for observation. Hopefully, she won't have to stay in quarantine for long. You know how she loves being social."

He chortled in agreement but suddenly began backing out of the lab. "This isn't some type of hot zone is it? We aren't all going to contract the ebola virus? Why haven't they put up biohazard signs? Amy we have to get you out of here!" He rushed towards her when she returned to her previous action of writing notes, grabbed her pen, threw it on her desk and pulled on her lab coat sleeves.

Amy threw her hands in the air, looked at Sheldon, then back at the pen and spoke calmly, "Slow down. Relax. The lab has been sanitized from ceiling to floor several times since Thanksgiving and I haven't had any primates in here since then. You know first hand that my demands on cleanliness are nonnegotiable."

"That's true but it is also known that cross-species transmission is possible. I know what happened in Reston, Virginia."

"Yes but these are institutional monkeys who are closely monitored throughout their lives and have never been in the wild or kept as pets. It is most likely that the diagnosis will be what we would call an upper respiratory infection. We've taken extra precautions because it's a wise and humane policy."

"Are you positive it's safe?" Amy nodded and he released her arm.

"Amy did you even get any sleep last night? Your face betrays your lack of REM sleep." For the first time since he arrived she looked directly at him and he didn't like the hurt he registered when he saw the redness and puffiness of her eyes.

"It's not the monkeys that are keeping me awake."

His stomach had begun to churn as he asked, "Amy, what's wrong? Are you mad at me?"

"I could ask you the same thing Sheldon Cooper. What's wrong? Are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you. Why would you think such a thing?"

"When you snapped at me last night ~ excuse me pre-evening ~ you gave me the impression that you are not happy with me or us." Her voice began to quiver so she returned to her paperwork.

Sheldon tried to find something to distract himself on the laces of his shoes or by calculating the number of floor tiles in the room. He was now certain about what had awakened him three hours earlier than his usual wake-up time. At first he assigned the cause to a pesky buzz from a gnat until he determined that the sound was coming from inside his brain. Following a trip to the kitchen for a small glass of water he returned to his bed and wiggled himself into the stiff vampire position he preferred. Sleep remained elusive, the buzz was replaced by an almost silent swoosh but the worst pestering came from a photographic memory. A memory of Amy Farrah Fowler played in his brain on an infinite loop. The swoosh came from the apartment door closing behind her followed by the sound of her voice.

"It's better if I leave."