Kay, so, my muse and I were drinking together last night, and we saw this post on Tumblr:

"Evil twins" AU/Fanfic where Rose/Ten run into an alternate dimension version of themselves, only in this AU dimension they're bad. As in using the TARDIS to travel the universe and steal/cause trouble/do evil things, Ten and Rose in black leather and hanging all over each other and evil!Ten grabbing Rose's ass and her purring and real!Ten/Rose can't decide if they're confused or horrified or god maybe just kind of turned on even if it's wrong.

The alternate title to this is: I have no idea what I'm doing with my life anymore.

It happened during a flying lesson. Rose had once again made her doe eyes at the Doctor, who had succumbed even before he admitted it, and before long, she was struggling with the controls as he stood back and winced occasionally.

"Right, okay," he said finally, reaching forward. "Think it's time to let her down."

"Nervous I'll wreck the T-bird?" she asked with a tongue in teeth grin.

"Yes," he said, raising his eyebrows and giving an exaggerated nod.

"God, you are such a worrier," she pouted, stepping away from the controls.

"Tell you what, when you get a slightly psychic spaceship that can travel in time, you can let whoever you want fly it," he said, glancing back at her as he tried to restore the normal flight patterns.

"Rude," she sniffed. He was about to retort when the TARDIS let out a groan and tilted, throwing him over the console and Rose into his back as they both grunted. There was another strange, warped sound, and the lights flickered as the whole ship began to shake.

"What's happening?" Rose demanded as she moved away from him, holding onto the console for dear life.

"Dunno," he said, reaching for different controls to try to steady the ship. After another moment or two, the shaking stopped suddenly, and they glanced around warily as they straightened—only to be immediately thrown to the floor as the ship lurched and the lights went out completely.

The Doctor sat up with a groan before turning, touching Rose's shoulder lightly. "Okay?"

"Yeah," she said, shaking her head a little as he got to his feet. "What the hell was that?"

"No idea," he said with a frown, holding his hands out to help her to her feet before turning and pulling the monitor to him. It was likewise blank, and he glanced around in concern. There was emergency lighting on, bathing the room in a sickly glow, and there was still a strange groaning echoing around them.

"I didn't do this, did I?" Rose asked suddenly, and he glanced down at her horrified expression.

"No," he said quickly, putting a hand to her cheek. "No, no…you are not the most…comfortable of pilots, but I was watching you…nothing you did should have caused anything like this."

"So I didn't hurt her?" she asked, biting her lip.

"No, of course not," he said with a small smile, running a thumb over her cheek as she leaned into his touch a little. His breath hitched a little, and he pulled back hurriedly with a sniff. "Nah, this is something else. Tell you what, though…we must be somewhere. Maybe we can get some answers outside. C'mon."

He darted toward the doors, pausing a second to grab his coat and shrug into it. He opened the door a crack and peered out, but given that he didn't instantly die or get shot at, he decided it was safe to venture outside. He slipped out the door and looked around as Rose followed, closing the door behind them.

"So where are we then?" Rose asked as she stepped forward, automatically lacing her fingers with his.

"Um…an alley, I think," he said. "Not a great view."

"Well, come on, then," she said, grinning up at him and pulling him toward the street. "Let's see where the great and powerful Doctor landed us this time."

"I didn't do anything!" he sputtered as he allowed himself to be dragged away. "I was just trying to land. See, and I was so nice to you when you thought it was your fault."

"That's what you get for being rude before," she said, completely unapologetic, and he raised an eyebrow at her.

They made their way out of the alley to find themselves amidst some sort of bazaar, with colorful booths lining the street and various merchants calling out their wares as a crowd wandered between them. The Doctor and Rose glanced at each other as they merged with the population, glancing at the different items on display.

"Hold on," the Doctor said slowly, looking around as his face brightened. "Oh, lovely! Rose Tyler, I know where we are!"

"Great," she said cheerfully. "Care to share?"

"Caltuthian street fair," he explained. "It's…just…immense. And has everything you could imagine. Food, clothing, technology, entertainment…"

"Not the worst place we've crashed," she acknowledged, looking around with renewed interest.

"We didn't…that wasn't…we didn't crash," he said with a pained expression, which she returned with a doubtful one of her own. "We just…had a slight…malfunction. And, really, this is the best place for it to happen, 'cause if there's anywhere I can get parts fit for a…well-aged TARDIS…it's here."

"Wonderful," she said. "You do that, I'll go check out the rest of this…immense market."

"Oi!" he called after her as she detangled her fingers from his and stepped away. "What've I said? No wandering off!"

"I'm not wandering off," she said, glancing back at him, but still moving away.

"Yes, you are," he said, his voice getting a little squeaky. "What you're doing, right now, with your feet, it is by definition wandering off!"

"It's a market, Doctor," she said with a roll of her eyes as she paused to turn fully to him. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"No telling, with you," he said, arching an eyebrow. "The whole planet will probably combust…after an asteroid hits…and some leviathan rises from the sea…"

"God, I am not that jeopardy friendly!"

"Well…" he said, his eyes crinkling a little as he tilted his head.

"I'm not!" she insisted. "You do your…TARDIS stuff, and I'll be right over here. Promise I won't wander far."

She seemed to hesitate for a minute, then stepped closer to lean up and kiss his cheek lightly. "Such a worrier," she said, then skipped away as he stared after her, the soft feel of her lips still very present on his cheek.

He let out a breath and shook his head ruefully. Even though he knew nothing could come of it, he couldn't stop or deny the way she was able to set his every nerve ablaze with the simplest of touches, something that had only gotten worse since the night he'd spent holding her in his bed after Mickey had left. He also couldn't stop the fantasies that cropped up unbidden, like what would have happened if he'd turned his head just slightly to the left when she'd leaned up, how she would have reacted if he'd brought a hand up to bury in her hair as his lips caressed hers—

He shook himself, willing himself back to the real universe. It would never work. He was a few centuries her senior, and still cursed to outlive her. Not to mention the whole interspecies aspect of it. Not that they weren't compatible. No, he was certain they'd be wonderfully, gloriously compatible—

With growl of frustration, he turned aggressively to the nearest stall, looking over the different gears and cogs in a desperate attempt to distract himself. Within a few minutes, he was happily immersed in a world bits and bobs, collecting pieces that would either help with diagnosing the current problem or be interesting to add in later. He had his arms full when someone tugged on his arm, and he looked down to see a flushed Rose grinning up at him.

"Time to go," she said quickly, and pulled him away from the stalls.

"Interesting wardrobe decision," he said carefully with a frown as he took in her apparently new purchase. It was very…tight. Yes. Tight. And…leather. And…tight.

"You know you love it," she said, throwing him a wink over her shoulder, and his eyebrows shot up.

"Rose, are you alright?" he asked, confused.

"Yep," she said, jogging a little ahead of him—right past the alley where the ship was parked.

"Um, Rose?" he called, jerking his head into the alley, and she came back slowly, wearing a little frown. She'd changed her make up as well. She had stuff on her eyes that made them look…sort of…smokey…

"Weird," she said, then shrugged and ran to the ship as he hurried after her. She pushed on the door, the glared up at it when it refused to budge. "Oh, c'mon, this is not a good time…"

The Doctor shifted the items in his arms to give himself a free hand to reach for the key, unlocking the door wordlessly. She flashed him a grin and darted inside, and his eyes narrowed a little as he followed her.

"God, what a place," she said as he dumped his purchases on the console. "We shoulda come here years ago!"

"Rose," he said, turning to her. "What is—"

He meant to ask what was going on with her, but the words died in his throat when she was suddenly in front of him, pressing up against him as she pulled his head down and brought her lips to his. He froze, his brain spinning through the possibilities. Possession? No, she still sounded and moved the same…well, mostly the same, aside from a little extra sway in her hips. Intoxication? No, she'd learned that lesson on Gytal, after the hypervodka incident. Poison? Also unlikely…she knew better than to try random foods or drinks without him anymore, after that time she'd turned purple and spent four hours throwing up what appeared to be marmalade, which really was a shame, since it also meant she no longer allowed marmalade on the ship—

Focus.

In a sudden burst of inspiration, he brought his hands up to her waist, running his fingers over the fabric and trying to gauge exactly what it was. It wasn't until she nipped lightly at his bottom lip did he realize he still had yet to break the kiss. A kiss he was having a hard time forcing himself to pull away from, because it tasted just like her, and while it was definitely…firm, it lacked the roughness of Cassandra's assault. No, this felt like Rose, he thought, as his lips parted without consulting his brain, allowing her tongue access. He heard a small groan, and realized only after the fact that it was from him. A very…confident Rose. An extremely confident and talented Rose—

But Rose wouldn't do this.

The thought was like a bucket of cold water being dumped over his head. He pulled away hurriedly, drawing in a sharp breath as he pushed her away gently. He frowned at her dark, hooded eyes as he reached for his sonic screwdriver.

"I dunno what's happened," he began, but she cut him off again.

"Brown?" she asked, stepping back and looking him over with a distasteful expression. Then her face cleared and she gave him a tongue in teeth grin. "Ohhh…trying to look all trustworthy, huh? Gotta say, I'm not big on it, but it does make you look uncomfortably straightedge."

"Straightedge?" he asked, nonplussed. He glanced down at himself, then back at her. "Rose, what are you talking about? This is what I always wear. Well, sometimes the tie gets a day off—"

"And sometimes it pulls extra duty," she said with a coy smile, her fingers wrapping around it and tugging it from beneath his jacket.

His jaw dropped, and he took a hurried step back from her, only to bump into the console. He cleared his throat hurriedly as she followed his move, keeping an unnerving —though slightly intoxicating—lack of distance between them.

"Rose, I think you might have absorbed something," he said, trying desperately to keep his voice even. "Some sort of…sort of neurotoxin or something. Um. I think we really need to get you out of those clothes."

"Really?" she asked, arching an eyebrow and stepping back. "Well, if that's how you want to play it. As you wish."

She unzipped her leather jacket and pulled it off, and he swallowed hard at the black camisole she wore underneath that fit her like a second skin, petering out into lace at the top of her breasts and cutting into a v at the valley between them.

"So Doctor," she said in a husky voice as she toyed with the zip on her pants. "How're you gonna cleanse me of thoseneurotoxins?"

oOoOo

In the market, another pink and yellow girl—who had wandered much further than she'd planned—was sighing wistfully as she ran a hand over the silk fabric of a long, red nightgown with a dangerously high slit and scandalously low neckline. It would be such a waste for her to buy it…things like that weren't bought to be worn, they were bought to be taken off, and it had been a long time since she'd had anyone take anything off her. Not that she really wanted anyone to. Well…no one that was willing, anyway.

She sighed again when a pair of warm brown eyes danced through her mind. She and the Doctor were so close, and knew each other so well, but they were constantly dancing around this invisible line between them. Every now and then, she thought she'd catch a look in his eye before he realized she saw him, but it was always gone before she could be sure. What she was certain of was that all the little touches he bestowed upon her were slowly driving her mad, because they were never quite enough. She seemed to be living in a constant state of sexual frustration anymore, especially since Mickey had left. It was just that morning that she'd been reaching for something in an upper cabinet, and she'd felt his hand on the skin that her shirt had revealed as it rode up. She could feel him inches behind her, and for a moment, she'd thought about his hand moving up her ribs, his long fingers feather light, and his head lowering to kiss her neck—

And then he'd been calling her name and looking at her like she was a lunatic as he held out the box of cereal he'd gotten down for her. She'd stammered something about not being hungry anymore and run out of the kitchen, her face on fire. When she'd reemerged, he didn't even comment on the strange behavior…he never did. He was too good at holding people at arm's length to ever talk about it, because just talking about it would be admitting that there was something between them.

The flying lesson had been in an effort to distract herself, and it had worked…though not quite the way she'd planned. Still, at least she had gotten some space to get her head on straight before they were back in the TARDIS…alone…together…but not.

She slid the material of the nightgown through her hand again, wishing she had a reason for such an extravagant purchase.

"You should get it," said a soft voice by her ear, and she froze, eyes wide.

"Wh-what?" she stammered after a second, turning her head to look up at the Doctor.

"You should get it," he repeated, raising his eyebrows and nodding at the nightgown. "It'd look amazing on you. Not to mention the floor."

Her jaw dropped when he actually winked at her, then reached around her to pull the nightgown from its hanger. She frowned when she noticed that his arms weren't clad in his usual brown with blue pinstripes, but black with white pinstripes.

"That's…different," she said, turning and reaching up to finger the deep red tie he wore instead of the brown and navy swirly one she adored. He arched an eyebrow as he brought his arms back around, folding up the nightgown.

"Not really," he said, frowning a little. "Definitely no match for pink," he added with a small smile.

He glanced up, looking around briefly before tucking the nightgown into his bigger on the inside pocket. Her mouth fell open again, but before she could say anything, he was taking her hand and tugging her away, looking completely nonchalant, while she felt like they had stolen the crown jewels.

"What are you doing?" she hissed.

"I told you, it'd look amazing on you," he said. "Dunno why you hadn't nabbed it already. We should probably get going, though, before people start realizing how much of their merchandise has disappeared. Plus…it needs a test run," he added, grinning down at her.

She stared at him, too stunned to retort. What the hell had gotten into him?

"Doctor," she said slowly. "Have you…dunno…eaten anything weird since we split up?"

"No," he said, pulling her around a corner and reaching into his pocket for the TARDIS key. "I thought we said we were gonna eat at that restaurant on Lorpida, the one that was so gratefulthat we were there to help with that…ah…mysterious fire," he added with an eyebrow waggle.

She stared at him, then around at the alley. This wasn't the same one they'd parked in before.

"Hang on, did you get the TARDIS working already?" she asked.

"No, I told you, I was going to get some parts," he said, frowning at her as he held the door open for her. "Shouldn't take long. Once I figure out what went wrong, we should be on our way in no time."

"Right," she said, stepping into the comfort of the console room. At least one thing was still the same. Maybe the ship could help her figure out what was wrong with the Doctor. "Listen, Doctor, maybe we should—"

Her suggestion to go to the infirmary was cut off when he spun her around and crashed his lips down on hers. She froze, then melted as his hand snaked around her, his hand resting firmly on her lower back as he pulled her closer. She let out a small moan as his tongue flicked across the seam of her lips, raising her hand to run her fingers through his fantastic hair. He backed her up a few steps without breaking the kiss, until she felt the console behind her, and pressed himself against her—

That was not his sonic screwdriver.

"Wait," she said with a gasp, pulling herself away from him. This was not the Doctor. Something was obviously very, verywrong, no matter how good it felt. He wouldn't do this. He'd never allow himself.

"Hmm?" he murmured as he dropped his head and skimmed his lips over the sensitive skin of her neck, and she let out a hiss of pleasure as she shivered.

"Something…something isn't right," she choked out, her hands grasping his biceps as she tried to remember the difference between pushing and pulling.

"You're right," he said, raising his head quickly.

"I…I am?" she asked, suddenly wishing she'd been incredibly wrong and he'd simply had a sudden and drastic change of heart.

"Of course," he said with a rakish grin, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the silky nightgown. "You haven't tried this on yet."

oOoOo

"Now, Rose, just…just stop that," the Doctor said, his hands raised defensively as he eyed her.

"Oh," she said, letting go of the zip on her trousers. "Did you wanna do it, then? Guess the neurotoxins have to be handled…carefully."

"No, it's not…" He trailed off, completely at a loss. His hesitation apparently spurred her on again, because she'd stepped forward and pressed her lips to his neck as her hand went to the knot in his tie. His eyes fluttered closed, and he tried to ward off the heady feeling he was getting as blood rushed to areas not usually quite so well supplied. His hands hovered over her hips as he catalogued all the reasons this couldn't happen, the top one being that she was obviously under the influence of something at the moment. "Rose," he said, in what was meant to be a commanding voice, but came out as a groan as she ground her hips against his.

In a flash, an idea came to him. He stood up straighter and moved his hand over hers, tugging at his tie and pulling it off. As soon as it was over his head, she pulled him down again to kiss him hard, and he ran his tongue over her bottom lip—in order to keep up the ruse, obviously. His hands moved to her hips again, and he turned them, walking her backwards towards the jumpseat until her knees hit it and she fell backwards. He was panting slightly when the kiss broke suddenly—he was a very method actor—and he reached down for her hands, looping his tie around her wrists before securing it to the rail above her head.

"Overtime for the tie again?" she asked with a tongue in teeth grin, her eyes dark.

"Apparently," he said, stepping back and taking a deep breath to clear his head. "Now, something is very, very…not right here."

"Yeah," she agreed, and his eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You're still clothed. And in that…boring brown, too. Honestly, what were you thinking?"

He stared at her, thoroughly confused. Rose loved his suit. And she'd never, ever said it was boring. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and scanned her, but found nothing amiss. He frowned, running it over her again.

"Doctor, if you're scanning to find out how turned on I am, there are much more pleasurable ways of finding out," she said, and his jaw dropped. No detectable toxins, no…unnatural change in body chemistry—though a few more dangerous chemicals were through the roof—no foreign substances. But this clearly wasn't Rose. Unless…

"Rose, do you remember why we landed here?" he asked, testing his theory.

"The TARDIS crashed," she said slowly, as if she was talking to a particularly slow child. "You went out to get parts."

"Yeah," he said, deflating a little. So much for that theory.

"So, are you gonna do something about this?" she asked, nodding up at her bound wrists. "Cause if not, you could at least untie me and let me take care of it myself."

"What did we do yesterday?" he asked, now desperate for his theory to be correct, because otherwise, he wasn't going to be able to hold out.

She made an irritated noise, then paused as she considered his question. "Well, there was that con we pulled on Figlorax, then the coup on Madrogora—"

"The what?" he asked, stunned. Well, that certainly explained a lot.

"Doctor, what the hell is wrong with you?" she demanded.

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "I'm just not your Doctor. And you are definitely not my Rose."

oOoOo

"Just…just…hang on," Rose said, pushing the Doctor's hand away as he held out the nightgown. "This…this isn't right."

"Oh…" he said slowly, leaning back a little. "That's the game we're playing? Well, that would explain the pink."

"What?" she asked, confused. "What's wrong with pink?"

"Nothing," he said with a shrug. "Just a little…young and naïve for you. I liked the outfit you were wearing earlier, but," he said, tracing the zip of her hoody, "I can definitely work with this too."

He leaned down and kissed her again, one hand tangling in her hair as the other pulled down the zip on her hoodie, his knee nudging it's way between her legs. She let out a sigh as his tongue ran over hers, and his long fingers ran over the top of her newly exposed bra.

"Doctor," she moaned as he bit gently at the skin just under her ear, completely ready to believe that he was simply done dancing around the issue. Then a thought struck her that made her pull back quickly and slide out from between him and the console, pulling her hoodie around herself again.

"What's wrong?" he asked, a confused frown on his face.

"I've never been to Lorpida," she said slowly.

"What're you talking about?" he asked. "We were there last month. You set the grease fire, then I burst in, all heroic—"

"I did what?" she shrieked. "I thought you said it was mysterious!"

"Yeah," he said, arching an eyebrow. "To them."

"I wouldn't…we wouldn't…" She trailed off, staring at him, then resolutely zipped back up her hoodie. "You're not the Doctor."

"Yes, I am," he said, looking concerned now as he grasped her upper arms. "Rose, what's gotten into you?"

"You're not my Doctor," she said, correcting herself. "I…I need to go."

"Rose, wait!" he called after her, but she was already running out the door.

She sprinted through the market, trying to retrace her steps back to where she remembered the TARDIS being, ignoring the…wrong Doctor as he continued to shout for her, and the strange looks they got as he chased after her. She rounded another corner—and barreled straight into the Doctor, in all his brown-pinstriped glory.

"Rose!" he shouted, grabbing her and pulling her into a tight embrace, and she clung to his neck gratefully. "Rose, where were you? I—oh."

He stopped suddenly, and she pulled back to see him looking over her shoulder at the other Doctor.

"Think I've got something of yours," her Doctor said, arching an eyebrow as the other Doctor looked between them in shock. "A certain leather clad pink and yellow human."

The other Doctor's expression turned wary, eyeing Rose's Doctor. "Are we going to have a problem?"

"Not so long as you get back to where you came from," her Doctor said, still holding her tightly. "I've got what I was looking for."

"Where is she?" the other Doctor asked, narrowing his eyes.

"This way," her Doctor said, jerking his head back the way he'd come. He turned, his hand twining with Rose's as he headed back for his TARDIS. The alley he was parked in was only a few feet away, and someone was yelling the minute he opened the door.

"What the hell, Doctor?" a voice said. "Get me all hot and bothered, then say I'm not your Rose, then just leave, and—"

Rose's eyebrows shot up when she saw the other version of her on the jumpseat, tied to the railing with—she glanced at the Doctor, her Doctor, who was flushed and definitely missing a tie.

"You what?" the other Doctor demanded, sounding angry.

"Oh, like you didn't try to get in my knickers," Rose snapped.

"WHAT?" her Doctor and the other Rose both shouted.

"Just…can we please just…let them go?" Rose asked, suddenly incredibly tired.

"Yeah," her Doctor said, letting her go and stepping over to the other Rose, untying her quickly. Then he turned and, using the sonic screwdriver, neatly took of a hunk of coral from a strut. He handed it to the other Doctor, saying, "This should get you enough juice to get back to your universe."

"Yeah, thanks," the other Doctor said as his Rose pulled on her leather jacket. "We'll just…be going."

"Think that'd be best," her Doctor said, eyeing him.

They nodded at each other, while the Roses merely arched an eyebrow at each other, then the other Doctor tugged his Rose away. The Doctor let out a breath once they were out of the ship, and reached an arm out to pull Rose closer.

"Glad to have you back," he said, kissing her hair. "Once they leave, the TARDIS should be alright too. They were sort of…cancelling each other out."

"They were not nice people," Rose said with a frown, looking up at him.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "Although…they might have been right about one thing."

"What's that?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.

He looked down at her, his eyes dark. One of his hands moved up to brush over her cheek, and her breath hitched as he leaned down. She let out a sigh as his lips touched hers, reaching a hand up to his hair. This kiss was different from the other him, less force and more tenderness, but still confident as his tongue caressed her bottom lip. He groaned as her nails scraped over his scalp, his hand on her cheek moving to tangle itself in her hair as his other drew her closer.

She made a disappointed mew as he broke the kiss gently, and he chuckled, his thumb running over her cheek again.

"It's come to my attention," he said, his voice husky. "That it's going to take at least an hour for their TARDIS to leave."

"Really?" she asked, leaning forward and running her tongue over his neck just under his jaw, smiling against his skin when he drew in a sharp breath and tightened his grip on her waist. "What do you think we should do to kill the time?"

"Oh…I could think of a few things," kissing her again as he leaned down and hooked his arm around her knees, lifting her into his arms before carrying her deeper into the ship, intent on putting a much better use to his bed this time.