Hey guys!

This is my very first Castle story. I wanted to write this as a one shot but may or may not continue you it. Let me know what you think!

She sat there, not really focusing on one thing in particular, but thinking every imaginable thought all at once. The loft was quiet. A steady snow was falling outside the office window blanketing the city. Out of her peripheral vision she made out the lights of the apartments around her and the steady stream of taxis breaking and accelerating down below. Lives were continuing on around her as she just sat in the dimmed apartment, the only light source; the fire in front of her and the light above the island in the kitchen. If someone were to see her, it would appear as if she were enjoying a quiet evening at home.

Up close, her knuckles were wound tightly around the stem of the wine glass she held, her knuckles, white, and her jaw clenched so tight it hurt her teeth. Her green eyes just hours before so happy and full of joy, now were sad and tired. She felt the tears, screams, and shakes trying to surface from the very pit of her stomach for the third time since she had returned home. Feeling the emotions coming back yet again sent her straight into defense mode. She dug her finger nails into her palm and pulled her cardigan even tighter around her midsection before it was too late. She sat this way, her eyes closed and feet pulled under her for five minutes until she felt as though she had control over the situation once more.

She kept telling her self she was fine. If she repeated it enough, it became true in her mind. Kate Beckett did not break down, she did not show weakness. She didn't spend years building up her walls to have them crash down around her so easily. Even being alone, she could not bear to let anyone see her so weak, Instead, she masked her pain and sadness in a bottle of cheap Merlot. She went to take another long drink when she realized she had already finished her glass. Her hand instinctively reached for the bottle. The once corked and cold bottle was now gone, not having provided the masking that Kate had hoped.

Instead, she drug herself into a standing position. Dizzy at first, and then steady, she tiptoed barefoot on the cool, wood floors into the office to get a good look at the city. The snow was still falling as she let herself fall into a trance, her gaze yet again not falling on anything in particular. Unwillingly, the events of the day flooded her memory.

She sat in the doctor's office, Castle at her side in hopes of hearing their baby's heartbeat for the first time since finding out she was pregnant. She had been overjoyed and antsy all day just waiting for the hands of the clock to sluggishly make their way around and around. Castle had been the same way, each throwing names back and forth for the last couple of weeks. When it was finally time, he drove them both to her appointment. The doctor had walked in so happy to see both of them as if he knew that everything was going to be okay. Castle held her hand beaming as the doctor squirted the gel on her flat stomach and moved the probe around in circles. His face quickly went from the happy grin to a very concerned and pained expression. Her husbands grip grew tighter around her hand and she felt the muscles in her legs start to tingle from nervousness. They sat in silence for what seemed to be hours but was only, at most, fifteen minutes. What the doctor said next shattered her perfect little world into a million pieces.

"I'm very sorry Kate, this is very common early on in pregnancy." He looked at the couple and took the probe away from her stomach.

She looked straight ahead not willing herself to see Castle's face, or let him see hers. She felt his lips on her temple. Such a simple gesture, such a small touch, was what lead her to her first moment when the feeling in the pit of her stomach started to rise. She shut her eyes and squeezed his hand a little tighter still. After a deep breath, she told herself what she always did when she felt her control over a situation was dwindling. You're fine. Easier to mask in such a situation rather than the one now because of the publicity of it, and the feeling of shock still enveloping her vision. The doctor spoke, then, but she only heard bits and pieces. Something about being young and trying again in a couple of months. So easy to say when you aren't the one living the nightmare.

When the door had finally clicked and she was alone with her husband, she snapped out of her trance. She looked over at him, tears in his eyes, and said the first thing since having her heat torn to pieces. "I want to go home." With that, he nodded, and she lifted herself off the table and walked to the door, out of the office, and straight to the car with Castle keeping stride. They drove in silence, the only sound coming from the city and those in it living their lives while two had just been ruined. When they finally got back to the loft, Kate went into the bedroom and simply laid on the bed locking the door behind her not wanting to be bothered. She must have drifted off because when she woke she was caught between reality and dreaming; the second time that feeling of pure and utter sadness tried to make its presence in her soul. She gripped the sheets and furrowed her brow to stop any emotion that might be developing. She was fine.

She finally got up, deciding the bed was not the best place to be at the moment, and walked into the center of the living room and kitchen. She stood not exactly knowing what to do. tTe sky was now dark purple and big, fluffy snowflakes fell all around. Sensing she was alone, she walked to the kitchen and found a note on the island.

Went for coffee in case the snow gets too bad. I'll be back in 40 minutes. I love you, R.

It was then, that she heard the door open and realized that the empty wine glass she was still holding had slipped from her grip and crashed to the floor shattering into a million pieces. Tears stung her eyes as she bent down to try and clean up the mess around her feet. Losing her balance, her foot slipped and stepped on a shard of glass. A shriek escaped her lips but was gone as fast as it had come.

"Let me help you." She heard him start walking toward her from the front door, his snow boots clunking against the wood. The glass she had scooped up dropped to the floor as she quickly hopped over the remaining glass and scurried to the kitchen to avoid him seeing her face. She was too embarrassed.

"Kate, let me see your foot." He reached for her arm but she quickly pulled away shaking her head, still not having the strength to face him.

He tried yet a third time, "Please Kate, let me help-"

"I'm fine!" She cut him off before he could finish his sentence. She turned around, suddenly feeling lightheaded, gripping the island for support. Her knees trembled and every muscle in her face was contorting in a way that was so not Kate Beckett. She tried one last time to truly be fine, but in that moment, the fourth time the demon from the pit of her stomach tried to surface, she let it. All at once, the tears streamed down her face as long and heavy sobs escaped her lips. Her hands were trembling and the muscles in her neck ached. She felt a pair of arms grab her shoulders and turn her around. She buried her head in his chest and gripped his shirt in tight, angry fists.

He held her tight as a scream escaped her lips, and more tears fell soaking his shirt. He tried his best to sooth her, but he knew the only thing he could do was be there to show her he loved her more than anything, that it was okay to be sad, and he was always right here.

Again, a scream was projected into his chest and she clung tighter to him, only wanting the pain to go away. "This isn't fair, dammit. Why did this happen?" She managed to voice her emotions through sobs and screams for the first time since they were told.

"I'm so sorry Kate, I'm so sorry." He too was absolutely devastated, and in that moment, he let his own tears fall and hit the top of her head. They both needed this moment to mourn over their loss, and to try and accept the pain. He had already cried, when she locked herself in the bedroom, and when he went to get coffee, sitting in his car, alone only wanting to have her wrapped in his arms. He knew, though, that she needed time, knew that she was not as easily broken as most were. This moment, although terrifying and unimaginably painful, was what they both needed.

"I love you so much. I'm right here, always." He continued holding her until her breathing calmed and her shoulders stopped shaking. He felt her start to loosen her grip but suddenly become so reliant on his physical support. He swung his arm under her knees and carried her to the couch where he laid her on top of him and held her again.

She felt herself regaining control but had no desire to let go of him. She lay on his lap like a child, but felt so safe just the same. She could feel him rubbing slow, soft circles on her back and breathing on the top of her head. "Rick, it hurts so bad."

He tensed but continued his actions. "I know, hun, I know. I'm so sorry." He rubbed her back and kept whispering words of love in her ear. This lead him to think of all the times she wouldn't let him see her hurt, or upset, or lost. She finally let him in her tall, brick walls, and trusted him to keep her safe, trusted him with her secrets, her past. It was a reminder that she was never alone in the journey. It was times like these that he realized how much he truly, wholeheartedly, loved her.

Eventually, he felt her body relax, and her breathing slow. The grip she had on his shirt relaxed and failed all together leaving her arms to fall a short distance to his stomach. Wish a quick motion, he moved their bodies to a parallel position on the couch, too exhausted to move them both to the bedroom. He laid there, listening to her breathing and feeling the rise and fall of her chest against his. Her head was resting comfortable just under his neck by his shoulder. The actions calming, and the soft glow and heat of the fire helped sleep to finally take over him. The snow out the window continued to fall, and the city enveloped by it continued to live their lives. All the while in that moment, inside the loft, the two, though broken, began the healing process that was now a bitter reality. But their was no reason or way either would face it alone. Because the things that had happened between them that night only showed how far they'd come, and how strong they would continue to grow and be. Love knew no limit especially for a broken cop, and a cocky writer. Such an atypical story with its twists and turns. The bond they shared, though, and the love they had, was enough to let them know they could make it through this, together.

Please review!

xoxo