Beyond Wrong & Wonderful

by

C V Ford

U.S Dept. of Defense disc # 07734XXXXXX

EYES ONLY

Item: Post Third Impact Ground Zero survivor interviews, NERV personnel courtesy of Imperial Japanese Govt.
Additional Transcripts/media courtesy NERV and Japanese Ministry of Defense.

Interview #39

Subject: Professor Chiyo Mihama P.H.D.

Born: XXX-XX-19XX

Age: XX

Edjucation History:

XXXXXX Grammer School Tokyo, Japan 19- to 20- left age 10. Advanced five grades.

XXXXXXXX High School Tokyo, Japan 20- to 20- graduated, Keiron Award, class valedictorian, age 13.

Pacific Institute of Technology, Los Angeles, Calif. United States 20XX to 20XX. Graduated age 18.

Major: Electrical Engineering/Computer Science

Minor: Astronomy. Received 20XX Clayton Forrester Award of Advanced Achievment in Astronomical Studies.

GPA: 4.5 entire duration of enrollment.

Post graduate studies in residence at Lawrence Livermore Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Pasadena, Calif.: Various joint U.S./Japanese projects (CLASSIFIED).

Professional/Work History:

Asst. Administrator, Tech/Research Dept., Mihama Tech Industries Ltd. XXX-XX-20XX to XXX-XX-20XX.

Administrator, Tech/Research Dept., Mihama Tech Industries Ltd. XXX-XX-20XX to XXX-XX=20XX.

Liason between Mihama Tech Industries Ltd. & UN/GEHIRN. XXX-XX-20XX to XXX-XX-20XX. Three months.

Administrator: Maintenance/Systems Analysis Depts. NERV (non-MAGI systems). XXX-XX-20XX to XXX-XX-20XX (3 I Day).

Now part of joint team MAGI Systems Research/Maintenance. XXX-XX-20XX to present.

Interviewer: R. Edward Serling P.H.D., Maj. U.S.A.R.

Contents as follows:

ATTENTION

THIRD IMPACT GROUND ZERO EYEWITNESS/SURVIVOR DEBRIEFING/INTERVIEW IN PROGRESS

NO ENTRY TO UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL

Intro and preliminaries over, the major looked at the tiny figure sitting opposite him across the table. In spite of her record she did not at the moment, exude the confidence and professionalism one would expect from a leading scientist/engineer. At least in normal times. The AFTERMATH left far too many of the returnees, himself included, in a less than stable frame of mind. Some more so.

Nervous, with a look of apprehension , at times visibly trembling. Yet ... Appearances belied the true character of the person seated. The Japanese government allowed one of their top brains to be interviewed by him and according to the dossier as well as other sources, she was practically a national asset.

Though long since out of college, with an already impressive professional record, she was still quite young. Though in her mid twenties, she yet had much of the "little girl" about her, even still putting her hair in pigtails. The sharp contrast of the lab coat only emphasized her seeming vulnerability. Such was the plight of the premature genius.

Noticing her eyes wander to the pack of cigarettes on the table, he asked, "care for one?"

"Uh ... no," answering in perfect, accentless English. "I thought of taking it up but ... A habit like that wouldn't help. Not ... this ..."

The voice trailed off.

"If you want to post-pone, we can set it for later this week."

"No ... no ... I'd rather get this done now. Putting it off won't help ... Best to get it out of the way. I've been through this before ... just ... hard to do. No ... I'm as ready when you are ... ready as I'll ever be ...

The interviewer glanced at the sound booth to his right, getting the technicians' OK. The stenotype operator to the left at his machine, also nodding. Two others present, a Japanese Nat. Fed plainclothes leaned with his back in a near corner, arms folded, watching intently and a matronly nurse a couple chairs away, looking on.

Questionaire sheets in one hand he started to scrawl on the legal pad with the other and proceeded.

"What was the general mood at Tokyo 3 NERV before the JSSDF moved on the facility?"

"Relief but tense."

The officer noted a slight lessening of anxiousness in the subject. The start of the interview seemed a needed hurdle to have been jumped.

"Tense ... as in-"

"Everyone was so relieved ... glad. The 'war' was over. No more 'angels'. The enemy was gone." Her tension lessened even more. "At the same time we were going to be, as they say ... out of a job. Rumors were coming from all directions about disbanding NERV, keeping parts of it going, incorporating it into the armed forces/government ... things like that. We had no ... idea ... our own military was coming after us."

"Plans for the future?

"I intended to stay with NERV in some capacity in whatever form it would take after. If totally broken up I was going to try to grab up and take as many people with me to my familys' company."

"Mihama Tech Industries?"

"Yes. Too much talent I didn't want to see wasted."

"What was your position at NERV during this time?"

"I was adminisitrative head of the Maintenance/Systems Analysis Dept. They also had me working with Aquisitions and Communications."

"Anything to do with the MAGI system?"

"No. What we were involved with was organisation/maintenance of all non MAGI systems/communications. IT, LAN, satellite, data, admin, payroll, book keeping, inventory and the like. I was there partly because much of the related technology & software was supplied/designed by my familys' company & affiliates."

"Any interaction with Ritsuko Akagi?"

"Mostly as was needed on a professional basis. While our support was useful to her, the MAGI systems were worlds apart in configuration, makeup and purpose. My department had no access other than what was needed.

"I met with her not only as much as my duties allowed, but also socially, which wasn't that much. She was a heavy workaholic so it was only her very rare breaks, lunch and required social functions I could catch her at."

"Try to pick her brains?"

"Tried ... and that's about it. She was usually tight lipped and even more so toward the end."

"Any inkling of contact after Third Impact?"

"None. Considering what everyone experienced and the trial she would probably face, I don't think we'll ever see her again." The professors' face darkened. "Just as well ..."

"As for what you ... we ... went through, we'll get to that shortly."

"All right." Eyes widened slightly.

The Interviewer went on.

"Any interaction with General (then Major) Katsuragi?"

"Then, about as much as with Dr. Akagi. Now ... lots. Of course I can only speak in broad terms about our present working relationship."

"Of course."

"She's ... a lot more outgoing than Akagi ever was. Has to be considering she's taken over Gendo Ikaris' position."

"About Ikari ... did he-"

"THAT BASTARD CAN STAY IN THAT HELL/NIRVANA HE TRIED TO PUT EVERYONE ELSE IN!"

All in the room stiffened at the sudden outburst, soundman in the booth ripping off his headphones. All looked at the now not so small figure, hands gripping the table.

"The less said of him ... the better ... ," she spat through clenched teeth. "If he EVER comes back, I hope they ...

"Sorry." Tension drained, the hands relaxed.

"That's quite all right," the major replied. "We all know EXACTLY how you feel."

"Yeah ... " wry chuckle. "I guess you would ... I ... We all ... had a taste of Heaven ... or hell ... The most wonderful yet saddest, messed up experience I ... I ...

"It's OK," the interviewer again reassured. "We've all been through it."

"I'm never going to forget ... ever."

Glancing at the list, the major decided on a new tack.

"What is your present position at NERV?"

"I'm now part of the joint team managing/studying the MAGI supercomputers and related technologies. I'm not at liberty to say much but give the devils their due, the Akagis were nothing short of brilliant beyond belief! ... I've said too much already."

"The Eva pilots?"

"Saw them mostly at a distance. Passing in the halls, things like that. Shinji's the only Ikari I have any sympathy for ... I mean ... ALL THREE of those kids were messed up badly even before they arrived at Tokyo 3. And that father of his ... ," The small face darkened again. "We're only just beginning to decrypt his journals. From what I gather, he ... probably had less regard for his son as he did for humanity in general ... Using him like that. Using everyone ... ALL of us ..."

"We should-"

"It's ... OK ... OK. I'm fine ... ," waving him off. "I DO feel sorry for Shinji. I recently received an invitation to his & Asukas' wedding. From what little I've seen of them I can't think of a more unlikely pair."

"About Ayanami."

The professor paused while those about tensed as they inwardly glanced at their own experiences with the pale harbinger.

"From examination of what info we've collected, she was in a situation WAY beyond her control. As much as I feel sorry about her ... I ... I still get the chills when I think about her. She was ... after all ... the catalyst for Third Impact.

"Damn ... Gendo ... Clones ... of his own wife ... can you believe it? HIS OWN WIFE!" Mihamas' hands waved in emphasis. "There are indications that Yui Ikari not only went along with this insane instrumentality scheme but may have actually thought it up herself."

"Any thoughts on their motives?"

"The idea of attaining Heaven ... without God ... or a heaven of sorts. And that SEELE bunch latching on and going with it, backing it to the hilt ... insane ... No other word to describe it."

"Let's talk about your experience."

"Ye ee ssss?" The professors' eyes widened.

"Describe-"

"As in ...?"

"How about starting with the initial assault."

Looking down at the table, the professor paused a few moments.

"I was in the main admin offices when the attack hit. We just couldn't ... believe it! Our own military attacking us! It was only much later after everything ... EVERY ONE! ... came apart ... then back together. Well ... some of us ...

"All we knew was ... as you Americans say ... 'all hell broke loose'. They had orders to kill ... every one of us ... wether we were armed of not! I now understand why. They were as much pawns in that sick game as we were. But then ... it was total betrayal!

"My fellow countrymen gunning us down ... like diseased animals ... mass murder! Most of us didn't have weapons. We were scientists ... academics ... technicians ... paper pushers ... we-"

"Your actual transcendance/instrumentality-"

Not heeding the major, she went on, eyes intense.

"Bullets hitting everywhere, I grabbed a letter opener ... crawled under a table. Things happening so fast ... Couldn't think straight ... thoughts were a confused jumble. I could only think of what little I could do with a letter opener against a heavily armed man. I prayed for it to stop ... go away. I wanted to curl up in a ball, shut my eyes tight and wish it gone. I was ... so ... DAMNED ... scared.

"It wasn't like an Eva unit fighting it out some distance away. It was right there about to kill me! Me ...

"I prayed and prayed for it to stop ..."

Resigned to letting Mihama finish, the major urged, "And ... "

"I don't know how long it lasted. Seemed minutes & hours at the same time. It was then ... it did stop."

"Go on ... "

The professor took in a deep breath.

"The shooting subsided momentarily. I thought the slaughter was over ... it was ... But not the way I ... or anyone else ... wanted.

"So if-"

"What happened next was ... TOTAL ... BIZARRE ... MADNESS!"

Shaking, the tiny figure, eyes wide, looked straight into the interrogators'. The intensity wild and voltaic.

"Ever hear a MAN scream when he's scared? When he's really frightened of something? When it's something so totally out of control and he can't comprehend what it is let alone cope with at all?

"Sounds just like a womans'. Maybe a slightly lower pitch but just like a womans' scream. No manly type of yell ... an unnatural keening wail ... smashing your eardrums to jagged shards ... A rending tear into the soul. That's what men sound like under ABSOLUTE terror.

"Other sounds too," she added while shaking her head with blinking eyes. "Laughter(?). Cries ... of delight! The kind you hear little children make at Christmas and birthday parties. Squeals ... singing ... hysterical babbling. Some shooting ... some ...

"Are you all right? Can we get you anything?"

"No ... no ... It's OK! ... ." She shakily reached for the bottle in front of her. "This ... water's fine."

"If you can't go on, we can stop and pick up on this later."

"It's all right." She gulped the water down. " ... I'm OK. Let's ... finish this ..."

"Very well."

Shaking subsiding, she continued.

"More sounds. People shouting ... screaming things ... things like names of loved ones & such ... like ... 'You're not her!', 'NO!', 'But you're dead!', 'It can't be!' ... 'Stay away!'. 'Oh my God!' ... 'I love you!' (?) ... that kind of thing.

"I chanced a look from under the table ... her ...

The major stiffened, anticipating what the professor would mention next. "Her?"

"The Ayanami girl."

Stillness again descended on the room. All eyes on Professor Mihama again staring down at the table, a look of calm dread on her face. The major, policeman, nurse, steno, engineers, all having their own psychic depths dredged within.

"Yes ... ," the military man thought aloud, heaviness in chest. "The Ayanami girl-"

"She ... She just ... STOOD there ... With that impassive, expressionless look she always had about her. No regard for the chaos all around. Seemed not to notice at all ... Like she couldn't tell the difference from everyday or the hell we were in the middle of at that moment.

"I motioned for her to get under the table with me, then looked around to see if anyone else was close. It was then I realized ... she had been standing a couple feet ... off the floor! Floating! ... hovering! ...

"Oh yes ... ," sweat on the officers' face forming.

"I turned back quickly and ... there ... HE was ... "

The military man cocked his head to the side in puzzlement. "There WHO was?"

"Mr. Tadakichi!"

"Mr. ... Tadakichi?"

"He was a dog I had as a child," she explained. "A Great Pyranees. Mom and Dad got him for me when I was five. He was a constant companion. Went with me to America when I attended Pacific Tech. Died ... a year after I graduated. I cried for months after ... I've always missed him ..."

"But it wasn't-"

"No ... ," a look of resigned sadness crossed the subjects' face. "He wasn't ... It wasn't ... him."

"But you-"

"I wasn't thinking straight. Between being frightened & all the confusion ... I completely forgot myself. I was just so ... glad ... HAPPY ... to see him! I knew he was dead but I just wanted to hold on to him and hang on ... couldn't help myself.

"So I grabbed ahold of him tight & close. So ... happy ... Not for the longest time had I ever been so happy! Fear ... noise ... confusion. Death all around ... Didn't matter. I was just so WANTING to have him back ... wasn't thinking ... at all. ... then ...

"Yes?" All in the room asked from within though it was the major actually uttering it.

"I felt suddenly ... disembodied ... uh ... separated ... from ... yet feeling ... EVERYTHING! ... The ... rush of ... wind ... around ... through me. Traveling at incredible speed ... upward ... Upward to a vast spherical black mass of energy. I and thousands ... MILLIONS ... of others. Swarming in ... around ... through this mass and into the hands holding it, of a form of a colossal humanoid female entity ...

"Go on ... ," the major himself gripping the table in his own recall.

"Once entering this ... anomaly ... I was surrounded on all sides. Above and below, by ... vast multitudes of ... people ... floating ... swirling about me. Incredible speeds attained as we all swarmed about one another.

"Millions ... MILLIONS ... of voices laughing, singing ... of ... release ... joy ... Happiness beyond measure. In spite of it ... that chaos and noise ... It felt ... was ... peaceful ... Restful at the same time.

"I didn't feel it in just me but in everyone else. I was not only me ... but ... EVERYBODY! I knew everyone ... and everyone ... knew me. Every name, detail, thought ... emotion of everyone ... ALL ... AT ... ONCE! The very same time!

"At that instant we were all one person. One ... single ... thinking ... breathing ... individual.

"It was then everything changed around me and ... and I saw ... them ..."

"Who?"

"Two friends ... as they were from long ago ... high school. Yomi Mizuhara and ... Osaka!"

"Osaka?" Asked the major. His puzzlement helped quell the ingrained apprehensions from his own experience.

"Osaka is what we all called her as that's where she's from," the professor explained. "Her actual name was Ayumu Kasuga. A wonderfully strange kid. Looked at everything from angles no one else thought possible. We all thought the world of her. I ... still do ... all of them.

"We all kept in touch after graduation. Yomi became a nurse & dietician while Osaka became a teacher and later an author of childrens' books. The others were ..."

"It seems a lot of care giving and artistic types never returned."

"Never ... re ... turnnnn ... Oh! ... Dear God ... oh ... God I-

"THAT GOD DAMN ... IKARI!" Professor Mihama bolted up standing, fists clenched. Both plainclothes and nurse quickly sidling up.

"That BASTARD turned the whole f*****g universe upside down! ... shook it up ... and ... and dumped it out! Killed billions! If not killed ... what!? Trying to unify humanity into a single gestalt being? An ... oversoul? WHAT THE HELL ... WAS ... HE ... THINKING!? Doing everybody a big favor? MY GOD! Where does someone like that get off doing what he did! Where does ANYONE ... with something like that!? What kind of sick demons were rattling around in that bent skull!? Next evolutionary step? What the ... HELL ... does THAT mean!?

"We thought we were defending humanity. SAVING THE WOOOORLD! Fighting the big bad aliens ... keeping them from wiping us all out.

"And all this time ... it was nothing more than a sick little game between a bunch of super rich would be 'saviors' and a ... " she muttered unintelligably in an effort to down profanity. " ... twisted mind. With us, the 'angels', and every one else in the middle as expendable playing pieces. Ikaris' son included. His own son! I ... I ...

"I never thought it possible ... that there could be such a creature ... as a ... a ... a homicidal humanitarian!"

"If you want, we can-"

"NO! ... No! ... ," she replied, sitting down hard. "I'm ... finishing this ..."

"Yes but-"

"BUT ... NOTHING! ... but ... ," the professor calmed slightly. "I ... I ... I'm sorry ..."

"No ... don't be."

"But I am! I've never been sorrier since that day. I ... will ... never ... EVER! ... be the same."

"It's doubtful anyone will."

"I ... I know there's a hell. You ... me ... ," She gave a quick look around at the others. "We ... we all got hit with more than a look at Heaven, albeit a false one... so I KNOW there's a hell. As real as anything. And it's my dearest hope that Gendo Ikari, Ritsuko Akagi, Keele Lorenz ... and the rest of that SEELE bunch ... BURN! What they did was beyond unforgivable!"

"Your friends ... the two you had seen. Did they-"

"We were so happy to see one another. We were there ... in high school ... uniforms & all. I was 10 again! Walking the halls, my dog trotting with us. I expected Sakaki, Kagura, Tomo, Kaorin & Chihiro to show up at any moment!"

"Other friends of yours?"

"Yes ... ones who came back ... Thank God! On talking with them later, I learned they had similar experiences. Yomi and Osaka were trying to get us all back together! My guess is ... one convinced the other ... and they went looking for the rest of us."

"So they-"

"They were on either side of me. Telling me how great it would be ... how it could be like this forever. Reliving our good times when we were young and then some! It wouldn't have to end ... just go on and on non-stop. Even getting around to things we didn't try 'cause we were having too much fun doing what we were doing already.

"I wanted it ... so much ... but ...

"Couldn't ...

"Why?" The major asked himself as much as she.

"Didn't feel right. I wanted it ... not right. It was ... WAY ... beyond wonderful ... but ... not right."

"Right as in ..."

"Total, flawless fun & happiness? With no effort or chance of unfulfillment? No possibility of failure, loss or price? No ... challenge?

"I remember our good times but we had struggles too. Our conflicts ... bad times. Those were what made the good worth it. What good is doing your best when even your worst still makes you come off a winner?

"I don't think I said it right ..."

"I think I get what you mean. So ... "

"I ... had to leave. I had responsibilities. Even if in that dreamworld I was physically that little girl from long ago, mentally ... I could 'never go home again'. I'm different now than what I was then or even ten minutes ago.

"Couldn't stay ...

"... really nothing there for me ...

"I chose to come back."

"How did you know how to return?"

"I didn't KNOW how." Pausing with some exasperation. "I just knew I could and did. I know it's not an adequate explanation. As a scientist I have a responsibility to explain such seeming illogic but I can't."

"So you returned-"

"Yomi, Osaka and even Mr. Tadakichi did what they could to dissuade me but I had to go. It broke my heart to leave ... still ... does," she choked down a sob, pausing. "... But there was no way I could stay. Since then there have been times I wish I did ...

"God help me! At times, I want to go back! I'm scared if the opportunity ever came again I'd just might jump at it! ... And take the others ... ALL OF THEM ... with me! ... God forgive me ... I ...

Mihama, holding her head with one hand, other grasping the water glass, gave a long pause in an effort not to break down, nurse now sitting right next to her.

"I tried ... telling them ... of the real Heaven and the real way to get there as I have in the past but they'd have none of it. I wished them well. Wherever they are ... I hope they're ... happy ...

"I'll NEVER see them ... again ..."

The interviewer waited a moment before urging. "About your return."

His prompt seemed to snap her out of it.

"Next thing I know, I'm back under the table. Stark naked! Got my clothes on fast as I could but still stayed hidden til ... for hours it seemed.

"There was still some shooting ... Most of the combatants were either traumatized to incapacity or just in no mood to fight. A good number of our own security unit rallied. Many of our former attackers took off. Several military units not under SEELE influence were based near Tokyo 3 and not involved in the initial fighting. They managed to pull themselves together and impose a cease fire in the area.

"People who died in the initial assault came back without even a scratch. Others who went unhurt were never seen again. The first shall be last ... the last shall be first ...

"For a while it was pandaemonium ... chaos the world over. It was over a week before regular communications were restored. As soon as I could, I tried to get in touch with everyone I knew. Except for a few, I found most still with us ... Yomi and Osaka weren't among them ...

"I first contacted a friend in the Nat. Fed. Police, Tomo Takino. She was way ahead of me. She had already pulled some strings and had investigations going on top of the inevitable flood of missing persons cases."

"This the Tomo you mentioned before?

"Yes. She entered the law enforcement academy while still in college. She's now a liason between the police and ICPO (Interpol).

"I hoped it was only a bad dream somehow and they'd still be found. There hasn't been a trace ... Tomo's still searching. She and Yomi were close ... and Osaka ... those two ... Oh dear God! ..."

"Real Heaven and the real way ... ," the major mused. "It says in your dossier you're a convert to Christianity. Has it helped you cope in any way?"

"Yes. I accepted Jesus Christ as savior and ruler of my life my second year at Pacific Tech ... He ... He's now also the keeper of my sanity. I ... I ... I know I haven't been giving a good behavioral example of what a Christian should be in this interview."

"Quite understandable. Third Impact's taken a HUGE toll on most. We've seen clergymen break down & vent in some interviews like you wouldn't believe. Swearing like sailors! Not to mention the devout in other religions & belief systems.

"You are NOT alone."

"Not ... alone ... " Professor Mihama, face in hands, broke down. "Osaka? ... Yomi? ... "OH MY GOD! ... Oh ... sweet ... Jesus! ... OH DEAR GOD! ... nooooooo ..."

As the plainclothes and nurse escorted the scientist out, the major looked about.

His typing done, the steno, left hand to face and breathing deeply, stared at the floor, mopping at his face with a handkerchief. In the booth, the video tech, arms folded and looking down, stood in a corner, softly crying. The sound man, excriutiatingly stern faced and unblinking, gazed at his panel. As with the rest of the now less than three billion on Earth, they had their own stories, their own beyond deep, post Third Impact regrets and anguish.

Back in his hotel room, the officer lay on the bed, hands behind head and stared at the ceiling. The several months of this assignment, though weighing heavily, was something of a catharsis. One emotions filled interview after another had made him seemingly immune to venting his own. The tears of others helped keep his own to a minimum and he was glad of it. Now was one of the few times he allowed for it.

For the first in a long time, the tears flowed freely ...

END

Storyline (only) copyright © 12-6-2013 C V Ford

I left some dates Xed in the "dossier" section as to leave room for "expansion" if the Evangelion "rebuild" movies allow for it. Otherwise this relates to the TV series & End of Evangelion.

"Pacific Tech" is a fictional university depicted in George Pals' classic movie War of the Worlds (Paramount Pictures 1953). "Clayton Forrester" (Played by Gene Barry.) is the films' main protagonist.

Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of the copyrighted names/characters, places, & events mentioned in this work. They are the sole properties of their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase & enjoyment of their works.