A/N: I blame/credit illiana for giving me the push to write this down.

Warnings: References/direct mention of suicide.
(This one-shot is so not PC. As always, whatever I write in my fics may not accurately reflect my beliefs.)

Bumped His Head
An Uchiha SI

It's raining. It's pouring. The old man is snoring. He went to bed and bumped his head and couldn't get up in the morning.

I wished I hadn't gotten up – least of all because I remembered this rhyme.

I was nine, still in the Academy. Life was simple. Get up, go to school, come home, eat, train, sleep. Honestly, I kept my head down and did my best to please my parents – didn't really think more beyond that. Unfortunately, I must have been a klutz. During training one morning, when we had the day off, I slipped. When I came to, it was the afternoon.

I also remembered living a whole other life.

Have you ever solved a problem, feeling like you were barely following your own thoughts as you made one logic jump to the next? And by the time you found the solution, you could barely remember how you got there?

I mean, it wasn't as if I realized immediately that I had lived another life. At first I thought I had been the target of some enemy jutsu.

I'm pretty sure the crows were cackling at me as I jumped from the ground and started slapping at myself ineffectually. (Stop laughing. The reason for that sounded better in my head.

… ok there was no real reason. I blame the meshing of instincts from two different lives).

Anyway, realizing I was in the "Naruto-verse" felt like that; luckily (or unluckily) the little deductive skill I had from my previous life as a 25 year old carried over. I had only seen two anime that had kunai, and only one of them prominently featured head plates. It took maybe five minutes after I had woken up to come to the conclusion that I had woken up in the "Naruto-verse". Amazing the random things your mind retains.

Anyway, it took another day to believe it.

I was too busy dealing with the fact that I had been a girl, or rather that I was a boy now. A duuuude.

At least I hadn't had to deal with going through puberty as a guy. That might have been more difficult to understand. Still, for some reason, accepting that I was a guy was slightly more difficult than believing I was in a manga. Priorities, I know – I have none.

Maybe, I also wanted to deal with the whole gender issue more than what being in a manga would mean.

Seriously. All authors like to torture their main characters in some way or form. There's a reason why "happily after's" aren't a story by themselves. Real life is a big enough of a challenge, but capping reality with fictional drama?!

FML.

Ok, yea. Could you tell I was trying deny something that's a bit major? Like what my last name means for me?

Ah. Right. Forgot to mention, my last name's Uchiha.

Uchiha Yuki.

Shuttup. So what if the character for my name's also the one for fortune?

Anyway, the stages of grief?

I don't know them (goshImisstheinternet), but I probably went through them. It wasn't even so much as grief that I had lost everyone I knew in a different life (because it didn't feel like I had lost them), as much as I'M PROLLY GONNA BE A MASSACRE VICTIM.

I mean, I'm saying this now when I can't even remember how I died, but dying doesn't really scare me so much as how I was going to die.

Was it going to be long? Drawn-out? Painful?

The suspense was going to be killer.

Ok bad choice of words. But, yea. Suspense. (Worst part about horror movies in my opinion. Give me blood and gore, I can take that – laugh at it even because I could critique it and distance myself from it, but suspense?)

I spent maybe another week hoping that maybe I had just gone crazy. Then maybe another weekend stuck in a different stage of denial. Maybe I could change something…

I could convince the clan not to revolt.

I couldn't even backtalk my parents.

I could "persuade" Danzo not to give the order.

… and step near that old man who surrounds himself with kids? Chances are I'd die or find myself brainwashed in ROOT (I was betting on the former or both). At least I didn't have to worry about getting my eyes harvested since I didn't have the sharingan. Actually...scratch that thought.

I could ask Itachi not to kill the clan, maybe tell him what'd happen to his brother.

He was, what, four years older than me? I remember taking classes with kids five years older than me. I'd just toddle up to him and say….

#%^ I don't know.

This was the guy who killed his own parents, broke his brother's wrist,

LIKE WHO AM I KIDDING?

.

.

.

The benefit of being dumb is that you don't know when to quit. The downside of being just slightly smarter than dumb, but not being smart enough, is realizing that you should quit.

I took a bottle of sleeping pills and jumped.

In my defense, I forgot it was the same river that Shisui had died in. Also, it wasn't like I even really knew Itachi. How was I supposed to know he'd get the blame?

Yeesh. I mean I wrote a letter and everything. Granted, the ink might have been smudged between the booze and tears.

Aaannyway. It's not like I didn't strike back. I paid the Naruto brat to graffiti Danzo. Loaded the kid up with aerosols – mostly hairsprays. And before you start crying child endangerment (seriously? I'm in a manga with child soldiers), I warned him to use eye protection. I gave him goggles and everything.

And scuse me if he became a pyromaniac.

I never claimed to be mature.

(and it doesn't really count as grave desecration if the person never actually died right?)