Hello and Welcome to the One And Only Bond Girl Reunion (OAOBGR)!  As your host tonight (I'll go by the name "Jo") I'd like to point out a few things.

First, that the women who appear to be about 60 are the earliest Bond Girls from the late 50's and early 60's.  We've polled them and a unanimous vote told us they'd like to go back to looking like they did in their spy-shagging days.  Can do….

*POOF! *

Much better.

            Second, the Punch Bowl.  Please note that it is not at all drugged and that all strange behavior that I'm pretty positive will soon be exhibited is the result of the girls's own… issues.  The lo-Cal éclairs (don't worry, they're completely devoid of taste) and Unsalted rice cakes are also safe to eat.

            Third, direct your attention to the tables set up around the campgrounds that has been rented (the local banquet hall was to small) for the function.  Please do not buy from the saleswomen at them, as their products are often faulty with false claims to attract the consumers in the area.  But most of us are not at any great need for kiss-proof lip liner and lipstick at the moment.  At least I certainly hope not.  And avoid the vendors in the back, who are targeting James himself.

            All right- hope you've got that: not everyone who looks 20 actually is, the "food" is fine, and don't buy anything.  Here comes James!

*Sean Connery strolls up to the podium.  Several girls faint.  A few quietly cock guns under the folds of their meager skirts. Most yell out proclamations of love and ask how he could leave him.*

*Close up of Roger Moore's face.  James raises an eyebrow and adjusts papers.  He begins his speech.  Those who could still hear after noisy helicopter, "car", and motorcycle chases (in all of which they were forced to sit uncomfortably close to James.  I wondered about that.) were enthralled that James had multiple talents, none of them are related to speaking in front of a crowd.  Nevertheless, this is the first time some of them have seen him in broad daylight, which is exiting enough to make the blondes swoon and the brunettes pull out weapons.*

James:  It's wonderful to see you ladies.  *papers fly away.  Girls dive for them.  Their James has, after all, touched it.  Possibly more than once!!!*  Um.  It's nice to see…. all… of you.  *camera angle changes.  Pierce smiles self confidently*

            Some of you… it's been so many years.  *babbling*  Atlantis… Mr. Biggs… Kananga… Those two guys who finished each others sentences *under his breath, chuckling* gay! *laughing as he continues* … The man with the Golden Gun… That ship… the Aztec plant that was going to wipe us all out… M… Q… *chortling* Moneypenny…. *quickly slides dial of watch.  Seconds later, dozens of bullets have stuck to the magnetic surface.  Brushing them off his favorite piece of Jewelry, Sean coolly remembers that he is a confident womanizer.  He addresses the whole campground full of girls, reminding himself that a few hundred is even *better* than 1.*

            But then, there was you, darling.  Gorgeous.  They had to pull me away from you.  And now that I'm back by you. *all of them run up, crowding by the stage and stretching perfectly tanned arms toward James.  He gulps and speaks quietly into his watch*

            Q, make sure *it's* ready.  *Roger smiles nervously up at the crowd, wondering why he came.  O yeah- hundreds of women.*

Jo: *Bumps Pierce off the podium with a well-swung hip.  He gives her the old Bond-look and she makes a rude gesture.  He sighs but then looks back out at the dangerous females who are so *interesting* to him.*  Sorry, that's all for now!  But I promise that we're coming back- we still need to introduce Jimms here to his illegitimate children and grandchildren.  And a surprise guest- the first Bond-girl of all… that's right, his girlfriend from 6th grade!  And his psychologist is hoping that he'll make a confession and pay child support.  Actually, I can feel him breaking down so I think he might cry.  *Halle Berry slinks onto the podium, drapes an arm around Pierce's shoulders and seductively asks him if she's late.*

            *Jo grimaces* Ai. I'll include as many answers to reviews as we can fit into the 24-hour long OAOBGR, so review!  And tune in in a few days!