Sam needs to be protected. Sam is a grown man. Sam is still so vulnerable. He has towered over Dean for years, and yet his shadow is covered by Dean's. Dean defends Sam's innocence, hope, and it doesn't work. It has always been too late and the devil himself saw to this, but Dean still knows it is his fault. Dean knows he is not enough. Sam leaves him again and again and it rips his heart open. Sam is his. His to defend, his to save, his to pick up. Sam is the definition of his everything and Sam can still walk away, a boy with his own will. Dean doesn't understand Sam. All he knows is complete rejection or total devotion, but Sam sees the grey. Sam makes promises to Dean and follows good intentions no matter the sacrifice and the world condemns Sam for it. Dean watches Sam try over and over and over and fail. Now, Sam will leave because that's what he thinks he has to do and Dean hates that Sam blames himself and Dean will let him. He treats Sam like a little brother and like a full grown man and he can't be disappointed when Sam is not both. Dean still manages to be though, and he's pretty sure he has broken his strong, valiant, independent, damaged brother. Then Sam speaks of failure and death and apologies for everything and Dean knows he has broken Sam.

Dean is his. His brother, his partner, his guide, his hope. Dean protects him and yells at him and loves him and hates him. He's had to watch Dean die, crumple, and fall apart. Over and over and over and over. Dean is always there for him, only wavering when Sam brings treachery (he's always so sure this is the time he will do right by Dean) and devastates their already far too shattered family. He can't stop it. Sam tries to fight for his brother, but his mind must be defective. He turns his love into a carefully constructed machine of purpose that will do anything to save Dean and in doing so, he betrays Dean. Always. Dean has been to Hell and Heaven and Purgatory for him, but Sam is the ruined one. Sam is the one who is giving his life for his brother while also leaving him like he has so many times before. Sam is going to die to close the gates to Hell and all he can do is hope to God that Dean still loves him. Dean is strong and so very brittle. Sam thinks this will be the thing to break him, but Sam knows it would be just a matter of time anyways. He slices his skin with a soldier's precision and bleeds himself like he has so many others, confessing sins of Judas. It is the end again and he is so sorry. He is always sorry.