"Hey everybody, it's about to start!" A loud voice rang out over the intercom of the Playa De Losers as everyone filed into the TV room, even those who looked less than happy to be there, such as the perpetually angry Eva and a slightly less angry Leshawna.

"We have like two minutes before it airs, guys, calm down." A smiling teen grinned, walking in with his guitar and handprint shirt. "Anyone taking bets on who'll win?"

"Me hope Sam wins!" A voice from the back of the room said in a deep voice, her scaly orange skin matching the orange bean bag chair she sat on.

"I dunno, Dakota, Sam's not exactly a fearsome competitor." Beth walked in with a huge bowl of popcorn covering her face, which was quickly snatched by Izzy, who was hanging in the rafters, whisking it over to Owen. "I was looking forward to eating that..." She sighed.

"Kiss it goodbye, Beth, you'll never see that popcorn again." Noah said, sitting beside Cody on two reclining chairs. "Anyway, my bet's on Mike, he seems pretty worthy."

"I hope Gwen wins." Cody sighed, lovestruck.

"Of course you would." Noah smirked, sneaking a bite of Owen's popcorn, which Owen surprisingly allowed.

"I hope Jo wins. She's a real competitor, even if she's rough around the edges." Brick smiled sweetly.

"Sounds like somebody's in lurrrve!" Izzy popped down from the rafters and grinned, poking Brick.

"Guys, it's starting!" Owen grinned, shoveling more popcorn into his mouth, occasionally handing it to Noah, who would take a handful and pass it back.

"Coming from you somewhere in Muskoka, we welcome you to the newest season of Total Drama! Where we take you all the way back to the newly semi-decontaminated Wawahnakwa Island!" An invisible voice narrated over a black screen, lights flashing occasionally.

"Di-did the narrator say semi-decontaminated?" Noah shuddered.

The opening frame shows what the campers presume to be Chef Hatchet's hand clutching an orange manila folder, panning out to reveal that they seemed to be in a prison, Chef being escorted by a guard, walking past several inmates, one of whom made kissy faces at Chef and the guard. Chef looked vaguely concerned as Chris's voice rang out from somewhere off camera.

"And the Crusty Cockroaches have a big lead over the Soiled Stinkbugs!" Chris's voice continued off camera, Chef's face increasingly concerned.

"Cram it Mclean!" Another prisoner shouted from off camera as well, the owner chuckling idiotically.

"Lightning slips past Duncan, and the heat is on, yeah, look at that!" The camera pans over to reveal Chris in an orange jumpsuit, watching two bugs fight. "That's what I'm talking about!"

"Is it just me, or is Chris less, y'know, sane, than usual..." Harold asked, having slipped over to Leshawna, sitting on her lap. Leshawna shoved him off, but quickly pulled him to her side again.

"Yeah, I saw that too..." Geoff said, pausing from his make out session with Bridgette.

"Well well well, look who finally came to visit me after a whole year." Chris said, glaring at Chef.

"C'mon." Chef sighed, glaring back. "You've finished your sentence for dumping toxic waste."

"Whatever, think I'll stay right here, got everything I need." Chris flashed the camera a grin.

"Is he serious?" Cody asked Noah, attempting to sneak a bite of popcorn, but Noah swatted his hand away and handed Owen the popcorn.

"-Including," Chris rummaged in his pockets. "Chef 2.0!." He pulled out a small cashew that bore a disturbing resemblance to Chef. "From a cashew."

"He's definitely dropped off the deep end." Bridgette added.

"Ooh, I've been there! It's fun, my mom actually went into labor underwater!" Izzy popped up over by Bridgette, scaring Geoff.

"That explains so much, and yet so little..." Noah continued to defend the popcorn from Cody's increasingly desperate attempts to obtain some.

Chef slipped the manila folder into Chris's cell. "What's this?" Chris asked, suspiciously.

"Yo contract." Chef explained off camera. "The producers greenlit another season." Chef said. "So, you in?"

The camera played dramatic music for a second, panning in on Chris. "It is on!"

"This can't end well." Tyler sighed. "It reminds me of when I jumped off that 50 foot cliff and broke my ankle."

After the opening played, the camera opens on Wawahnakwa Island. "Welcome to Total Drama All Stars. After my involuntary yearlong vacation..." The camera cuts to Chris on the Dock of Shame, air quoting the last bit. "I really need to be in a familiar environment, surrounded by the people I love... To hurt." He gave a smirk and an evil laugh.

"Almost forgot he has no soul, although just for a second." Noah said, relenting and allowing Cody to take a handful of popcorn, who wolfed it down greedily.

"It's a condition of my parole." Chris grinned. "Except for the hurt part, eh, that's all Mclean!" He pointed to himself. "So, I'm bringing back 14 TD All Stars to battle it out in the most dangerous, death defying, One Million Dollar competition, ever!" The robot standing next to Chris revealed the million dollar case, the chopper blowing away some stray bills.

"Give or take." Leshawna laughed. "Hey, that robot's new."

"Oh, he's not exactly new, Leshawna." A high pitched sweet voice came from the seat behind her, revealing Dawn, meditating on a lawn chair. "He is a tortured soul who endured much pain for this show."

"So he's an intern or whatever?" Anne Maria said, filing her nails absentmindedly.

"And here they are now!" Chris smiled, panning up to the helicopter. "From Revenge of The Island, Say hello to..."

"-Multiple Mike!" A hand shoved an apprehensive looking Mike off the chopper, Mike flailing as he fell off camera.

"AKA, Chester," Chris said, as Mike gasped, clutching his back and pinching one eye. "-Svetlana," He gasped, switching personalities again. "Vito," His hair slicked back and his eyes narrowed.

"Oh yeah, Vito's back!" Anne Maria cheered happily, dropping her nail file to raise her hands in a cheer.

"And Manitoba." Chris finished, Mike seemingly reverting to normal, though Manitoba's scream of "Crikey!" gave him away. "Mike's crush, pushover turned powerhouse, Zoey." The camera cut back to Chris, who smiled and pointed upward.

"Huh, Mike!" Zoey jumped after her boyfriend.

"Athletic non-supporter, Lightning!" Chris said, as the newly white haired Lightning looked down at Zoey.

"You call that a dive? Watch this!" He began, but was cut off by Chef's boot kicking him off the chopper. "Sha-ugh!" He clutched his butt in pain.

"You know, white hair kind of suits him." Harold added.

"Yeah, all he had to do was get struck by lightning. Kind of ironic, actually." Trent laughed, taking a break from strumming his guitar.

"Bubble Boy brainiac, Cameron." Chris added.

"This is highly illogical!" Cameron protested as Chef tossed him off the helicopter.

"Gregarious mutant loving gamer," Chris said, as Chef walked over, carrying Sam by his shirt. "Sam."

"Sam!" Dakota squealed. "That's me!" She added.

"Challenge throwing dirt farmer, Scott!" Chris said.

"What's a dirt farm?" Justin asked from the back of the room.

"It's where the owners refuse or cannot afford helpers, gosh!" Harold said, hugging Leshawna, who pushed him away, hiding a blush.

The camera cut back to the copter, where Scott was clinging desperately to Chef's leg, Chef prying him off and tossing him down with the others.

"Bossy bruiser, Jo!" Chef added. "Who dominated, until her underling turned on her."

Brick brightened up considerably at this statement. "Go Jo!"

The camera cut back to reveal Jo resisting Chef's efforts to shove her out of the plane, throwing him off. "You're a dead man, Mclean!" She shouted, before Chef body checked her off the copter, Jo screaming, and Chris laughing.

"Hey!" Brick growled.

"And, from the original cast..." Chris began. "Cranky know it all CIT, Courtney!" Chef walked onscreen, carrying Courtney in by her ankle.

"This is not in my contract!" She screeched at Chef, pointing accusingly, Chef glaring and dropping her.

"Courtney's bestie turned boyfriend stealer, Gwen!" Chef carried Gwen over his shoulders, tossing her down too.

"He wasn't her boyfriend at the tiiime!" Gwen screamed.

"Actually, he was." Geoff added.

"Well, they were already pretty much in splitsville by that point." Bridgette added, defending her friend.

"Broody bad boy Duncan." Chris stated.

"Bring it on!" Duncan barely looked up and fell calmly.

"Devious Diva, Heather!" Chris said.

"I hate Chriiiis!" She screamed.

"We all do." Trent said. Everyone else booed at Heather's appearence.

"Loveable lame-brain, Lindsay." Chris added, Lindsay flapping her arms.

"I'm flying!" She grinned, before realizing she was in fact, not, and plummeting.

"Super fan, Sierra!" The camera cut to Chris. "Total Drama's number one stalker- Uh, blogger!"

"Nice catch, Mclean." Noah grinned.

"For Cody!" She cannonballed without Chef's intervention, sending the other contestants scattering, and causing a massive splash.

"Oh man, she's back to crazy again, isn't she..." Cody shrunk back into his recliner in defeat.

"And..." Chris gave a more malicious grin. "Feral freakshow, Ezekiel!" The camera cut to Chef dropping Ezekiel by his hoodie, revealing the homeschooled hobgoblin was still green and freaky, snarling.

"The vents feel so empty without him." Izzy said genuinely.

"What?" The cast shrieked, with Lightning coming in late.

Ezekiel plummeted, hair coming back slightly, tongue out, but was interrupted by a plunger grabbing on to him, and Chris laughing. "Kidding!" The robot retracted the plunger."No way is that guy coming back again." Chris said, snapping his fingers, causing the robot to fire off the plunger, Ezekiel screaming as he was rocketed to the other side of the island. Chris sighed happily. "Man, it's great to be back!"

"Taking bets on when Zeke comes back?" Trent said, several contestants handing him various increments of money, most notably Eva handing him some form of European currency, before sheepishly replacing it with a dollar.

"I predict that he seeks revenge on the one who hurt him." Dawn said sagely, sneaking a bite of Owen's popcorn. "Episode 9." She handed Trent a ten dollar bill, earning shocked looks from everyone else.

"Heavy better, I see." Trent smirked, pocketing the bill.

"Can I change my bet?" Noah asked.

"Sorry, all bets are final." Trent said, shrugging.

The camera cuts to off the coast of Wawahnakwa, everyone having made it, groaning in pain. "Greetings old friends." Chris walks by, robot wheeling in behind him.

Heather coughed up a starfish, throwing it away. "I am not your friend!" She said.

"Aw, somebody misses their hunnybunny!" Lindsay hugged Heather's hair.

"Who, Alejandro?" Heather scoffed. "As if!" She shoved Lindsay off her. "I'm glad he isn't back, that handsome jerk."

"Heather miss Al!" Dakota chuckled.

"Lindsay!" Tyler gasped

"You're gonna pay for my dry cleaning." Courtney, soaked, glared at Chris.

"No I'm not." Chris smirked. "New contracts, 'member?"

Confessional:

"Same old Chris, same old disgusting island." Courtney flicked a fly out of her way. "What was I thinking?"

"One million dollars, probably." Eva snarked, walking over and grabbing some popcorn from Owen.

"What is with all the popcorn stealers?" Owen whined, pulling the popcorn out of Eva's hands. "From now on, only Izzy and Noah get popcorn!"

"But I brought it in!" Beth added.

"And Beth." Owen smiled, handing her a handful.

"In fact, we've got a lot of big changes for this season." Chris threw his hands in the air."For one, the island is now 100% toxic waste free!" He smiled, Sam walking up to him, angry, octopus on his head

"What? I only came back to get up close and personal with some toxic goop!" He put his hand on his hips. "So I can become a kick butt mutant like my gal Dakota." He smiled, holding out a photo of him with Dakota.

"Yay Sam!" Dakota grinned and clapped.

"Gee, too bad. Guess it's gonna be all pain, no gain for yah, huh." Chris laughed, as the octopus took Sam's picture, him grabbing it back angrily. "On the upside, I've upgraded the accommodations." The robot wheeled over a big TV. "This season, the losers still have to sleep in the stanky old cabins." Everyone moaned in disappointment, Courtney adding a "Are you kidding me?". The camera panned out slightly, revealing a nice, huge hotel. "But, the winners get to stay in the all new, eco friendly Mclean Spa Hotel!" The camera cut to Mike, Cameron, Scott and Heather cheering."Complete with butler, hot tub, and 24 hour masseuse. And in honor of your All Star status, I'm dividing you into teams based on your past performances." Chris grinned. "Heroes, VS Villains."

"Courtney's a toss up... On one hand, she's a bitch, so villains is the obvious choice, but on the other hand, Chris was never one to play fair." Trent speculated.

Confessionals:

"Obviously I'll be on the villains team." Heather smirked. "And I'll be running it by lunch."

"Heroes VS Villains?" Gwen sighed. "Guess Duncan and I won't be on the same team." She laughed. "Unless Chris considers Duncan a hero. Yeah right."

"Heather, Duncan, Lightning, Jo, Scott, and Gwen." The camera panned over the contestants reactions, robot tossing Gwen over with the others.

"Gwen's not a villain!" Cody protested angrily.

"From now on, you're the Villainous Vultures!" Chris proclaimed.

"Sha-team!" Lightning thrust his hands in the air.

"What? Why am I on the villains team?" Gwen whined.

"Because you stole my boyfriend and became the new Heather!" Courtney shrieked, standing up taller.

"Yeah, what she said." Chris smirked, nodding.

"Oh bullshit!" Cody growled.

"It's Chris, dude, he probably planned this." Noah comforted him.

"But I've done so many good things!" She emphasized. "I'm not a villain, I'm nice!"

"Yeah!" Cody smiled, smitten.

"Being bad is cool!" Duncan put one hand on her shoulder. "And now we're on the same team, so that's good, right?"

"I guess..." Gwen slumped over.

Confessional:

"Oh man, I only came back for Gwen!" Duncan moaned.

"Yeah, and I only stayed away because of Sierra!" Cody said.

"She better not sulk the whole time, or I might as well be dating Courtney." He added, arms crossed.

"Mike, Zoey!" The two stared lovestruck into each other's eyes. "Cameron." Cameron brightened up. "Sam, Courtney, Lindsay, and Sierra." The robot wheeled the crazy purple haired stalker over with the others. "You're the Heroic Hamsters!" Chris finished.

"Excuse me." Courtney began. "How are hamsters heroic?"

"It was that, or the Heroic Hippos." Chris smirked.

"Hamsters it is!" Courtney threw up her arms defensively.

"Wait a minute, they have seven people to our six!" Jo protested."No fair!"

"I needed the seat on the plane for that Ezekiel prank!" Chris shrugged, earning a glare from Jo. "Fine, you can have the robot." Chris relented, pushing a button and sending the robot over to them, beeping.

"I thought your robot could talk." Scott smirked.

"Meh, the communications chip cacked while I was in the hooskow." Chris shrugged.

"Was that English?" Lindsay asked Sierra, the robot wheeling over to Heather.

"Keep your distance, toaster!" Heather pushed the robot away.

Confessional:

"Ugh, there is something about that robot I just don't like!" Heather said, shuddering.

"Poor Heather, she doesn't know..." Dawn smiled, despite herself.

"Know what?" Owen asked, in between popcorn handfuls.

"Oh, nothing." Dawn sighed.

"This year's challenges all nod to classics from the past." Chris said, from over by the TV. "But with harsh new twists to make this the toughest Total Drama season ever!" He smiled, hands together. "Your first challenge? Find the key to the spa hotel, and you'll do it in a homage to Total Drama's first ever challenge. Cliff diving into water infested with ravenous sharks!"

"Ulp." Scott swallowed, shuddering.

Confessional:

"Ooh..." Scott was sitting over the toilet in the fetal position, eyes wide in fear, shaking. "Ok, so maybe I have a phobia of sh-sh-sharks... Can you blame me?"

"Poor dude, man, being in a robot suit must have sucked." Geoff said. "No wonder he's scared of sharks."

"A year in a life support system will do that to a guy." Noah said.

"Once you dive into the water, try to avoid the sharks long enough to snag a key." Chris explained, showing Chef kicking an intern off of the cliff, into the pool below, swimming and getting a key. "And, choose wisely. Only one of those suckers is the real deal." The sharks high fived. "Assuming you live long enough to reach dry land, a teammate will drive you to the hotel in one of the baby carriages from Season 3's 'Race Through Central Park'." Chris walked over to the buggy, driven by an intern, jumping in. "First team to unlock the spa door, wins. And, someone from team loser will be going home tonight. Meet me at the base of the cliff in fifteen minutes. Chop chop!" The buggy drove off.

"Wait, shouldn't we change into our swimsuits or something first?" Mike called after Chris.

"Sorry, no time!" Chris shouted back from off-screen. The camera cut to the cliff, panning over to the forest, where everyone was walking.

"Ugh, I said, keep away from me!" Heather hissed at the robot, who was still tagging along behind her, the other villains (and Gwen) up in front.

"So, Sierra, what brought you back?" Sam asked the tall girl in front of him.

"I wanna win for Cody!" She grinned. "We would have won last time, if I didn't accidentally blow up the plane..." She rubbed her arm sheepishly.

"Oh yeah, your hair grew back nicely." Sam smiled encouragingly.

"He better no be hitting on Sierra." Dakota pouted, clearly jealous.

"Thanks!" It's tough to be apart from my man, but it's too dangerous for him here!" Sierra said, motioning around her.

"I am not her man, by the way." Cody looked around bitterly.

"Look at it this way, if you and Gwen don't work out, there's always her." Noah smirked, earning him a soft punch from Cody.

"And I'm sure I can handle it long enough to win the million!" She said happily.

Confessional:

"I miss my Cody-bear..." She put her head in her hands. "So much!"

The camera cut back to Heather shoving Jo out of her way. "Excuse me!" She said haughtily.

"Watch it, Old Heather!" Jo added angrily.

"You watch it, Newbie." Heather responded.

"Ugh, guys, just because Chris labeled us villains, doesn't mean we have to act like villains." Gwen said. "We're a team, we should work together as a team!"

"Alright!" Lightning said, with similar reactions from the rest of the villains.

Confessionals:

"Heh, no way is that going to happen." Heather scoffed. "I-"

"Don't trust-" Jo added

"Anyone-" Duncan pointed at the camera.

"On this-" Scott scowled.

The robot beeped.

"Team!" Lightning finished.

"Huh, I think that went well." Gwen smiled, the screen splitting to reveal all of them laughing, the villains (excluding Gwen) with fire behind them.

The camera cut back to Courtney glaring at Gwen angrily. "Ugh, Courtney keeps glaring at me like she's trying to set me on fire!" Gwen sighed.

"I'll give her a glare back for ya." Duncan smirked, before snarling at Courtney, who simply turned away. "Uh, hello, Courtney?" Duncan looked concerned, rubbing the back of his head and waving. "Hey?"

Confessional:

"Uh, I'm used to having girls yell at me, even punch me, but blank me? That-that's just wrong!" Duncan said, eyes concerned, but quickly realized his folly. "Pfft- I mean, whatever."

"Smooth." Noah said, sneaking the last handful of popcorn from the bowl, which cued Beth to go make more.

"Tell me what I miss!" She said as she walked out.

"Psst, I think Duncan wants you to yell at him, y'know, for old times' sake." Lindsay said.

"My girl's so smart sometimes!" Tyler grinned, earning laughs from everyone else to burst out laughing. "What?" He asked, defensively.

"Seriously?" Cody smiled. "Lindsay's nice, and she's got like, huge boobs, but she's not the sharpest tool in the shed."

"Dude, she's my girlfriend." Tyler glared.

"What's the point, he never listens." Courtney said bitterly. "Besides, it's over between us. He's a bad boy, I knew it couldn't last forever." She turned and glared. "But Gwen? I thought we were friends." She sighed. "Last time I make that mistake."

"No she didn't." Anne Maria piped up. "That bitch has not over it scribbled on every surface."

"Huh?" Lindsay stopped and shook Courtney. "You know how to stop making mistakes? Teach me!"

The scene cuts to another side of the island, another beach. "Ahahaha, greetings, All Stars!" Chris came in on his jetpack he acquired last season, blowing sand in everyone's faces. "Here are your carriages. Blood red for the Villainous Vultures," He motioned to one. "And purest gold for the Heroic Hamsters." He motioned to the other. "You've got thirty seconds to pick your carriage drivers. Starting... Now!"

"I'll drive!" Scott placed his hands on the bar, before Jo shoved him aside.

"No, I'll drive!" She growled.

"Sha-please!" Lightning joined in. "You're the slowest go-kart driver ever!"

"Yes, but I'm also the shopping cart racing circuit champion!" She added triumphantly.

"Woah, I didn't know that!" Brick said, impressed.

Confessionals:

"No I'm not. I just said that because-" Jo smirked, shifting her eyes back and forth.

"Gotta respect championship status. Jo drives." Lightning finished.

"Oh." Brick sighed. "Honestly though, tricking Lightning like that, while underhanded, is pretty smart."

"Aw c'mon!" Scott was carried away from the cart over Lightning's shoulders.

"But Jo, wouldn't you make a better diver, since you're so athletic?" Gwen walked in.

"Nobody tells me what to do, Gothball!" Jo said. "And don't even try to kiss me."

"That made no sense whatsoever." Geoff said, as Beth walked back in with more popcorn. "Although that would be really hot." He added, with most of the guys nodding in agreement.

"Ooh, Beth! You missed Jo tricking Lightning and some other stuff!" Izzy kidnapped the popcorn again, stuffing her entire face in before handing it to Owen.

Confessional:

"After three seasons of kindness, I'm reduced to evil kisser status?" She growled. "For the last time, Duncan and Courtney were over before he and I started!"

"It won't get more true just because you say it more." Beth sighed.

"You can't steal a boyfriend if the boy is free!" She finished.

"Ten seconds!" Chris announced.

"You can do it!" Cameron said, earning a nod from Mike.

"Maybe you should do it!" Zoey pointed at Mike.

"Ugh, Lindsay will do it!" Courtney shoved her into the carriage, where Lindsay fell in face first.

"Ok, everyone but Jo and Lindsay, up the cliff you go!" Chris pointed towards the cliff.

Cut to everyone gasping for breath at the top of the mountain, Chris somehow waiting for them. "Sha-first!" Lightning slid into view, not even winded, everyone else following behind him, Sam collapsing onto Cameron.

"Fang!" Mike, Zoey and Scott shrieked, as the camera revealed a severely not unmutated killer shark waving to them with an evil smirk.

"Oh, so that's where the semi-decontaminated comes in..." Beth said.

"Who?" Gwen asked, looking down at the shark infested waters.

"Who's the best key spotter, and, who's dead in the shark infested water." Chris turned to the camera, evil smirk on his face. "Find out when we return, on Total Drama All Stars!"

"Ten bucks says Scott chickens out." Anne Maria placed a ten dollar bill in Trent's hands, who had become the go to guy for bets for some reason.

"I don't exactly think that's fair, Anne Maria, that shark put him in a coma last season, of course he's not going to jump." DJ piped up.

"Well, yeah, but mama needs a new can of hairspray!" Anne Maria smirked.

"I dunno, I think Jo will force him to jump." Brick said, laying down a ten dollar bill as well.

"Places people, it's diving time!" Chris said as the camera panned over the teams. Most notably, Scott was shivering and clutching his shoulders in fear, the rest of the contestants mostly unfazed.

"A-after you, I insist!" Scott shoved Heather in front of him in line, laughing nervously.

"One diver per team, at a time." Chris said, threateningly holding his air horn. "The next diver has to wait until their teams carriage returns." He said. "Ready, set-" He blew the air horn.

"Woohoo, Lightning Strikes!" Lightning cannonballed off the cliff, followed by Courtney, who shrieked.

"Didn't he say one diver at a time?" Geoff asked Bridgette

"The question isn't whether he said one diver, it's whether he cares enough to dock them points." Noah pointed out.

"Uh, Courtney's on the heroes side, guys." Beth pointed out.

"Oh yeah. She's such a colossal bitch that it slipped my mind." Geoff said, laughing.

"Sha-bang!" Lightning punched Fang in the nose, followed by Courtney. "Sha-score!" Lightning came up with a key, jumping in Jo's carriage.

"Yes!" Jo fist pumped, running off with the carriage. "So long, suckers!"

"And the villains take the lead!" Chris announced, Courtney swimming furiously, passing a sniveling Fang being comforted by the other two sharks.

"Go, go, go!" Courtney jumped in the carriage.

"Which way is the hotel again?" Lindsay blinked in confusion.

"Ugh, never mind, I'll do it!" Courtney growled, before Chris came in, wearing his jetpack.

"Up-pup-up-up, no tradesies! Gotta stick to your designated driver!" He smirked.

"Fine, just push!" Courtney glared at Lindsay, who remained oblivious to her hostility.

"Okay... how do you push again?" Lindsay nodded, but her blank stare made it clear the lights weren't all on. Courtney screamed in frustration as the camera cut away.

"Listen, you don't like me, and I really don't like you." Jo was jogging, pushing the cart along while glaring daggers at the smug Lightning.

"What's not to like?" Lightning smirked, kissing his biceps.

"You're kidding, right?" Jo said, eyebrows raised. "Point is, we're the strongest members of our team, agree to stay out of each other's way until the teams merge?"

"But then it's every champ for himself." Lightning said. "Starting with number one, and that's me."

"I thought he knew that she was a girl, after she got eliminated." Brick said, confused.

"I'm honestly not sure he has the mental capacity to remember genders, he's still not clear whether Cameron is a girl or not." Trent said, shrugging.

"Yeah, yeah." Jo rolled her eyes in annoyance, as they reached the hotel, Lightning jumped out and shoved the key in the hole, which refused to budge.

"C'mon key, get in the lock!" Lightning growled angrily.

"It doesn't fit because it's the wrong key, Brightning!" Jo glared at him, arms crossed in annoyance. The two teams passed each other on the way back, Lindsay smiling obliviously.

"Ugh, wrong key!" Courtney tossed the key to the ground when it failed to open the lock.

"When do you think they'll find the key?" Eva growled. "Because I have better things to do and watch right now if this is going to take too long."

"The key that opens it will be the last they try, promise!" Noah smirked.

"Wow Noah, you're really smart!" Owen grinned, earning an annoyed look from Noah when he didn't get the joke.

"Ooh, maybe they left a window open?" Lindsay clapped her hands.

"That's my girl!" Tyler grinned, fist pumping in the air.

"That's... actually not a bad idea, considering her track record." Noah said, baffled at Lindsay's mildly competent suggestion.

"C'mon, c'mon!" Duncan urged Jo to move faster, fists clenched.

"Y'know, a lot of my blog readers were mad about you guys hooking up." Sierra walked up to the two, smiling, oblivious to their mild annoyance.

"I don't read her blog, but I'm fairly ticked off about it, yes." Cody growled, attempting to sneak another mouthful of popcorn.

"But I get it." She smiled. "Love is love! Just like me and my Cody-Wody!" She swooned off camera.

"Ugh, seriously, I thought we were over that! I do not like her!" Cody growled as Noah pushed him away from the popcorn bowl, while the rest of the cast snickered.

"Yeah, we're just like you guys." Gwen rolled her eyes.

"Here comes Jo! How bout a kiss for luck." Duncan smirked, puckering his lips.

"Ew, please no!" Cody growled, shielding his eyes.

"Uh, no time!" Gwen was about to comply, but when she saw Sierra staring at her creepily, she shoved Duncan away.

"Thank you Sierra!" Cody grinned, fist pumping. "Words I never thought I'd say."

"Woah-oh-oh-aaah!" Duncan lost his balance and plunged off the cliff, landing calmly in the water, he snatched a key and dodged Fang's bite, leaping into the carriage when he left the water. "Let's roll!"

"Hurry up, they're still ahead of us!" Courtney growled at Lindsay.

"FOR CODY!" Sierra dived into the water. "Yee-hah!"

"Oh, think she's ok?" Mike asked a concerned Zoey, looking down the cliff side. Down in the water, Sierra was punching and kicking the sharks effortlessly.

"Oh, I found one that looks like Cody!" She held up a suspiciously Cody shaped key.

"Why is there a key shaped like me?" Cody said, concerned.

"The question is not why, young soldier, it is why not?" Izzy cackled madly.

"Ugh, I don't know where you learned to push a-" Courtney began, but was cut off by Sierra's scream of delight. "No, wait!"

"So-ugh-heavy!" Lindsay struggled to pull the cart.

"Sorry, I had a big breakfast." Sierra said sheepishly.

"Listen up, short pants, I'm in charge." Over with Jo and Duncan, Jo was apparently laying down the law. "Get in my way, and I'll make your life a walking nightmare."

"Ha! Trust me, I don't wanna be in charge, but feel free to knock yourself out trying." Duncan laughed, earning a confused look from Jo.

"Really?" Jo asked him as they reached the hotel.

"No go, it's a dud!" Duncan sighed when they tried the key.

"Way to pick the wrong key, Dud-can!" Jo said, annoyed.

"Ha, good one!" Duncan smirked.

"Thanks?" Jo seemed confused by his statement, not used to complements.

Confessional:

"Wow, finally someone who appreciates my killer zingers!" Jo smiled.

"Oh come on!" Brick huffed, clearly jealous.

"Aw, Cody key's too small, back we go!" When Sierra, Lindsay and technically Courtney reached the hotel, Sierra attempted to force Cody's key into the hole, but failed, leaping back into the cart, crushing Courtney. "Do you hear something?" She asked Lindsay, who shrugged.

"Need I even say that's what she said?" Noah asked Cody, who was blushing profusely. "Because I think it's a little bit of a low hanging fruit."

The scene cut back to the cliff, where Zoey and Mike were standing, Mike stretching. "Oh, there they are!" She pointed to Lindsay, who was sweating and seemed quite out of breath, collapsing on the beach.

"Good luck!" Zoey kissed Mike, who froze up, babbling, he backed up into Gwen, sending her off the cliff as well.

"Awwww, they're so cute together!" Katie turned to Sadie, who nodded.

"Yeah, they're so totally made for each other!" Sadie said.

"Woah, nice sharks!" Gwen said, as the two sharks grimaced at her, Fang rising up, Mike having hit his head.

"Gwen!" Duncan gasped, before a rock conked Fang on the nose.

"Sorry!" Zoey said, using Mike's medallion as a slingshot, she tossed three more rocks, knocking Fang out as well as the other two sharks.

"Thanks!" Mike shouted up to his girlfriend.

"Woah!" Heather said, genuinely impressed.

"Cool!" Sam agreed, chuckling.

"Well, after all the times he saved me, I owe him one!" Zoey said, embarrassed by the attention

"I'm glad she's finally stepping out of the damsel in distress thing." Bridgette grinned, having concluded her makeout session with Geoff. "Good for her!"

"Hurry!" Gwen leapt into the cart, urging Jo forward.

"You think I don't know that?" Jo said as she raced along.

"It's all yours!" Sierra jumped out of the carriage, letting Mike in.

"Wait!" Courtney gasped, crawling out of the carriage and collapsing on the sand.

"Hmm, so that's why it felt so lumpy." Sierra said, confused.

"Darnit!" Gwen said, key not fitting.

"Ugh, how hard is it to pick the right key?" Jo growled, clearly out of breath, Gwen jumping in the carriage.

"Guess you should have been a diver, huh." Gwen said, mildly annoyed. Mike passed them, pushing himself along with a stick, as Lindsay was staggering behind, collapsing onto her knees.

"No, back we go..." Mike said, propelling himself off camera, Lindsay falling face first into the dirt.

"Here goes!" Sam said, cannonballing.

"Finally!" Heather said, screaming as she fell.

"No!" Sam fell into the water, the sharks converging on him.

"SAM!" Dakota screamed, hyperventilating, shocking everyone in the room. "SAM IN DANGER!"

"Ca-calm down, Dakota, they wouldn't air it if he died!" DJ quickly attempted to comfort her, fearful.

"Oh... Sam okay?" Dakota seemed calmed by this, but kept biting her claws.

"I'm sure of it." DJ smiled.

"Ah!" Sam's hands breached the surface, only to be pulled back under. Heather grabbed a key and swam off, jumping in the carriage.

"Suckers! She shrieked at the heroes as Jo ran off as Sam resurfaced, scratched up and bruised, key in hand.

"See, he's ok!" DJ said. "Relatively.

"I haven't been this tired since I ran that septathlon!" Jo heaved, over at the hotel.

"A septathalon is a marathon running seven normal marathons." Harold added, when Justin looked like he was about to ask a question. "Only the strongest dare compete."

"Damn, that's kind of impressive for a seventeen year old." Leshawna said, eyes wide.

"Kind of?" Brick challenged her.

"Sorry I insulted your girlfriend, dude." Leshawna smirked.

"She is not my girlfriend, I just don't think her efforts should be diminished like that!" Brick turned away, face red.

"Sure she isn't." Leshawna smirked.

"It doesn't fit!" Heather leapt back into the carriage.

"Ugh..." Sam and Lindsay both groaned, Sam collapsed in the carriage, and Lindsay pushing, clearly winded.

Confessional:

"I wanna win the million so I can spend it on a lifetime supply of lip gloss, but I forgot how hard this is!" Lindsay said. "Never thought I'd say it, but no lip gloss is worth this!" She folded her arms.

"It's your turn man." Duncan growled, annoyed. Scott was clinging to a rock and refusing to move, shivering, Lightning attempting to pry him off the rock.

"No, you can't make me!" Scott shrieked.

"Ha, pay up, buzz-cut!" Anne Maria smirked at Brick.

"Wait, he could still go!" Brick said.

"Yeah right, you just want to delay the inedible!" Anne Maria said, not noticing her mispronounced word.

"Oh yes I can!" Lightning grunted, tugging harder.

"Here comes Lindsay!" Courtney shouted.

"Good luck, not that you'll need it." Mike gave Zoey the thumbs up, Zoey smiling and diving off the cliff.

"You have to dive, it's you or the robot, and I'm pretty sure the robot isn't waterproof!" Duncan said, Scott still resisting.

"Yeah, but it's sh-sh-shark proof!" Scott shivered, eyes wide.

"He's got a point." Eva said, apparently going back on her decision to leave.

"And the heroes take the lead for the first time in this challenge!" Chris announced as a determined Zoey got in the carriage.

"DIVE!" Every villain yelled at Scott, who stubbornly refused to budge, before Lightning finally pulled him off, knocking the robot aside.

"Told you!" Brick grinned.

"Wait up, he hasn't gone yet!" Anne Maria said, panicked.

"Now who's stalling?" Noah smirked.

"Can it, Nose boy!" Anne Maria shrieked at him.

"Beep-boop." The robot wheeled to the edge of the cliff, beeping in apparent fear as the cliff edge crumbled under it. The robot fell off the cliff, bouncing off the rocks, the other contestants watching as it fell, cringing in sympathy as It fell in the water.

"So long and good riddance." Heather smiled, the robot sinking, sharks swarming almost immediately, they didn't seem to make a dent.

"Hey, it is shark-proof!" Owen smiled.

"Uh, look again." Trent said, concerned.

The robot sparked and sputtered, the sharks backing away from it in fear, before it exploded, sending the person inside careening into the sky.

"Who is it?" Owen asked, confused.

The camera panned up as the person reached the top of their arc, revealing the person inside to be Alejandro, albeit with a new 5o' clock shadow, longer hair, and frayed clothes. He winked at the camera and grinned.

"Ok, well that was unexpected." Noah said, shocked.

"I said he was a tortured soul who endured much pain for the show." Dawn smiled serenely, not even fazed by the revelation.

"He looks so hot with that stubble, Katie!" Sadie squealed, Katie rapidly nodding in agreement.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Heather shrieked, all the other contestants in similar states of disbelief.

Confessional:

"Last thing I remember, I was burned to a crisp by a volcano," Alejandro was reclining in the confessional, legs crossed. It was easier to see now that his hair had grown over his back and his shirt was torn and stained with sweat. "And Chris sealed me up in that robot suit, to 'heal'." He put air quotes around the word heal. "It feels so good to be free after all this time! I must thank Scott for his cowardice!" He smiled.

"Wow, dude looks pretty banged up." Geoff said. "I always wondered what happened to him after Heather kicked him in the goody bits and sent him sliding off a cliff..."

"Yes!" Heather shrieked, with the other villains saying similar words of approval as Alejandro landed, catching the key in his hand. He suddenly looked down as his legs wobbled and he fell over, causing all the others to cringe.

Confessional:

"I was stuck in that robot suit for a year! My legs are so asleep, it's like they're in a coma!" He said, lifting one leg up and shaking it. "Wakey wakey...nothing." He sighed.

"It's entirely possible his legs are in a coma from lack of use, his muscles should be pretty atrophied." Noah said, earning confused looks because of the big words he used. "Ugh, I mean, his legs are really weak." Everyone else seemed satisfied with that answer.

"Wrong key, so much for our lead." Zoey said, downtrodden, as they left to get another key, Jo came by, pushing Alejandro up to the hotel.

"Huh!" Lindsay gaped as she recognized Alejandro. "Jalapeño?" She asked. "When did you get here?"

"Best. Lindsay. Name. EVER!" Geoff burst out laughing, joined by the rest of the contestants soon afterwards.

"Silly Lindsay," Alejandro smirked as Jo carried him up the steps.

"Trix are for kids!" Cody threw up his arms."Called it!"

"Why is she carrying him?" Brick blurted out.

"What was he supposed to do, make him crawl?" Bridgette asked.

"Yes!" Brick and Geoff said together.

"I was here the whole time!" He said, smiling as he fit the key into the lock, which caused the door to open. "Finalmente!" He grinned, Jo concurring, although in English.

"The door is open!" Chris flew in on his jetpack. "The Vultures win!" The heroes groaned.

"So who's getting tossed?" Trent turned to the rest of them. Let's all toss in our opinion, make it a one dollar potluck bet?"

"What's with you and betting now, Trent?" Bridgette asked, confused.

"Oh, Leshawna and Harold got me into it on the Aftermath during TDWT, really makes it more interesting." Trent shrugged, placing a dollar on the table. "I say that Sam goes first, guy doesn't seem like he'll go far."

"Do you really think that's healthy?" Bridgette asked, but shifted her eyes back and forth. "Five bucks on Sam too."

"Hypocrite." Trent smirked. "It's all fun and games anyway."

"We bet on Cameron." Katie and Sadie each pulled out two quarters, earning annoyed looks from everyone. "What, we only carry change!"

"I say it'll be Sierra." Noah said, laying down two dollars.

"I hope not!" Cody shivered, placing a dollar and some change. "I'm with Katie and Sadie."

"Izzy bets Zoey will go home!" Izzy tossed in two dice, a pack of gum and a chewed pencil.

"Dakota only have credit card." Dakota sighed. "Dakota say Cameron go home."

"I think it should be Courtney!" Justin tossed in an autographed photo of himself.

"Yeah!" Beth, Eva and Harold agreed, putting in a dollar each.

"I'm going with my Bridgey-Bear!" Geoff nuzzled his girlfriend fondly.

"I say Sam'll go." Dj said, throwing in a quarter, making everyone sigh. "I don't like making heavy bets!" He said sheepishly.

"Me too. He's a fine guy, but he's no soldier." Brick shrugged, tossing in a dollar.

"I'm going with whatever psychic chick over here picks." Anne Maria said, tossing in lipstick.

"Lindsay will vote herself off." Dawn said, adding a beaded bracelet.

"Aw heck nah, not again!" Tyler sighed. "I guess I vote her too, maybe then I'll get to see her again." He tossed a signed baseball.

"You carry that around with you?" Owen asked, adding a bag of chips to the equation. "Uh, this is hard, they're all so nice!" He sighed. "Whatever Izzy said."

"Ok, roll the clip, Noah!" Trent said, smiling.

"Welcome to the first elimination ceremony!" Chris grinned, revealing the villains to be seated in the stands. "How do you like the new peanut gallery, eh?" He asked. "Now the winners can watch the opponents give someone the boot before they head to the spa hotel for a deluxe dinner!" The peanut gallery grinned and high fived.

"Hey, even though I technically didn't do anything wrong..." Gwen walked up to an annoyed Courtney, hands behind her back.

"Do I need to say anything?" Beth said. "She kissed her boyfriend, that's not nothing!" She frowned. "I would never cheat on Brady like that!"

"I'm sorry about the way the whole 'Duncan' thing went down." She said, pulling a bouquet of flowers out from behind her. "I picked these just for you." She smiled.

"Is she hitting on her?" Owen asked obliviously. "Cuz that's what I did to get Izzy to forgive me for the whole, 'shoving her in the path of an escaped psycho killer' thing."

"Who said Izzy forgave you?" Izzy smirked, causing Owen to shrink back in fear. "Just kidding, I totally wasn't even that mad in the first place!"

"But you punched me in the face." Owen said, confused. "It kind of hurt, like, not as much as a plane falling on me, but it did hurt."

"Oh, that was just for the cheapo pick up line. 'getting up to bat'? Jeez, if I wanted cheesy requests for some loving time, I would have asked Cody!"

"Hey..." Cody sighed.

"Achoo!" Courtney sneezed.

"Oh no, you're allergic?" Gwen shrunk back, keeping the flowers away from Courtney.

"Told you you were a villain!" Courtney scowled, sneezing more.

"Before we start, I need one winner to volunteer for a special reward." Chris announced.

"I don't like the way he said special." Justin said.

"Ha, sha-Lightning!" Lightning slid over to Chris, who smirked.

"Great!" Chris smiled even more.

"I really don't like the way he's smiling." Beth said.

"Your reward is spending the night in exile on Boney Island with all the hungry wild animals!" Chris grinned

"That's not a prize, it's a punishment!" Geoff said, confused.

"It's Chris, what else would it be?" Noah said.

"Aw, how is that a reward?" Lightning asked.

"Because there's a Mclean Invincibility Statue hidden somewhere on Boney Island!" Chris announced, holding said statue in his hand. "Find it, and you're golden."

"Now he tells us." Scott growled.

"This year, you get to vote by placing an x on the 8x10 photo of the person you want to eliminate." Chris said. "Now, get voting." He pointed to the outhouse.

Voting:

Sam, Mike, Zoey, Cameron, Sierra and Courtney all file their votes without problem, Courtney being sure to show the camera she was voting for Lindsay, but Lindsay holds a picture of Courtney up, thinks for a second, and instead sharpies the x on her face instead.

"Okay, the following people are safe." Chris held a tray of thankfully not radioactive marshmallows out. "Cameron," He flicked one at the scrawny nerd.

"Aww..." Katie, Sadie, Cody and Dakota all sighed.

"Sierra," Chris tossed one to her.

"Dangit!" Noah groaned.

"Yes!" Cody said. "I'm free for today!"

"Zoey," Chris added, Zoey smiling gratefully.

"Izzy lives to guess again!" Izzy said, not even acknowledging she was wrong.

"Darn, oh well." Owen sighed.

"And Sam." The last marshmallow landed on his Gameguy.

"Aw c'mon!" Trent said.

"I mean, why would you keep him on your team?" Eva said.

"You didn't even vote for him!" Bridgette said.

"Yay, Sam's safe!" Dakota squealed in delight.

"Lindsay, you're on the chopping block for your terrible driving skills. And Courtney, you're on the chopping block for making Lindsay drive."

"C'mon, Courtney, leave the island!" Eva shouted, the rest of the people who voted for Courtney nodding.

"Yeah, what's the matter with you?" Lindsay asked her.

"And the loser is..." Chris said as the camera focused on the two back and forth for a couple tense seconds."Lindsay!"

"Aw man, I'm gonna go wait by the check in desk, guys..." Tyler sighed, getting up and leaving.

"Thank goodness!" Lindsay threw up her hands in relief. "Wait, do I have to ride that scary catapult thingie?"

"Nope!" Chris grinned maliciously. "This year, we've got a brand new elimination device!"

The camera cut to a giant toilet at the end of the dock of shame. "Behold, the Flush of Shame, patent pending!"

"That is the most vile thing Chris has done since at least last Tuesday!" Noah said, revolted.

"Ewww!" Everyone on the heroes team said, except for Sierra, who took a photo.

"Well, see you guys. It's been-" Lindsay began, before Chris pushed the button and cut her off, sending her flushing down the toilet, a wave of toilet water washing over everyone except Chris, who had an umbrella in his hands.

"Hahahahaha..." Chris giggled, tossing the umbrella aside. "Who will be flushed into the history books next, find out when we return, on Total Drama All Stars!"

"Ok, Dawn, Anne Maria, and Tyler... Who is not here right now, you guys get to split the winnings." Trent divvied up the money and objects, giving each of them their items back. "See you tomorrow?"

"We really don't have a choice, anyways." Geoff said.

"Well then, I guess we will!" Trent smiled as everyone left the lounge, chatting about the episode.

Final Tally:

Cameron:

Katie, Sadie, Cody and Dakota

Mike:

N/A

Zoey:

Izzy and Owen

Sierra:

Noah

Courtney:

Justin, Beth, Eva and Harold.

Sam:

Trent, Bridgette, Geoff, DJ and Brick.

AN; So, this came into my head, and I deeply regret absolutely nothing. I've always liked the idea that the Playa De Losers people all get together to watch the show (or in this case, Chris makes them for some reason, probably ego) and this came into mind. B is watching, but is still not a talker, or a better, Staci had her mouth duct taped shut and is broke, and anyone else I left out was unintentional. This is just an excuse to rewatch All Stars, and yes, they will be voting every week. And yeah, Trent's kind of a gambling addict, after TDWT Aftermayhem, I kind of like the idea of him being the betting type of guy. They will be seeing into Mike's mind like we do, because it's necessary to the plot *no idea how though, cartoon logic*, and Lindsay will be joining us next week and so will every contestant that gets voted off. If the island sinks like it is rumored to, there'll be a bit of chaos in the final chapter. Well, be sure to review and tell me how awful this was. I hope since I wrote it, it's not considered MST3K'ing.