THE UCHIHA CHRONICLE: THE BRO CODE
By finish line

xii.

"Bros don't set up other bros on blind dates."

Sasuke Uchiha glared at the poor smartphone trapped in his death grip under the table. He ignored the talkative girl who sat across from him and focused all of his precious attention on forcing the smartphone to vibrate and blink and just freaking cue that someone texted. Or called. Or just something to save him from the freaking hellhole.

He needed reason. He wanted to get away so badly from the humble diner where he was having dinner with an unknown girl whose face was too much caked with makeup. A call from Naruto Uzumaki—the Idiot—would even brighten up his night even just by a notch. Of course, he would shower colorful curses upon the Idiot, because had the Idiot not intervened in his life, he would not be in the freaking blind date in the first place.

Sasuke would take all—hell, he would even give—just to get away.

"Sasuke, are you all right?" asked the girl. He was so sure that she had introduced herself the moment she appeared in his line of sight, but he held so little interest on the information to even care. "You look... well... you look constipated."

Was he really? Sasuke angled his phone from under the table so he could see his reflection from the dark screen. Surely, he looked constipated, and for a second, he thought he could use the good old "my stomach hurts" statement to get away. On the second thought, he would not want to embarrass himself.

So he did the next thing that came to mind.

"Someone's calling," he mumbled, pointing to his phone. He hastily placed his smartphone against his ears and feigned talking to someone. "Hello."

He was halfway through a sentence, when, surprisingly, his phone rang. His eyes snapped toward the girl in front of him—who looked really, really, really insulted—and he didn't know why, but he gulped. He looked at his smartphone and realized that it was an alarm he had set a few hours ago.

Sasuke stared back at the girl and pressed the "Dismiss" button on the alarm. Next thing he knew, ice-cold water was being poured down on him, the cold seeping through his dark shirt and into his rigid body.

If he had just been considering the thought a few moments prior, then now he was certain he would do it. He would kill the certain Naruto Uzumaki who had set him up in the blind date in the first place.

Sasuke was still not in the mood two hours later as he sat on his bed. He had already changed into a comfortable pair of jeans and a white V-necked shirt and was then leaning his back against the headboard of the bed. He glared at nothing in particular and thought of why he was so unfortunate to have ever met and befriended the Uzumaki.

Don't get him wrong. He appreciated the camaraderie and comfort of being friends with the idiot, but really. Going as far as setting him up on a date was so not right on so many levels.

Sasuke's glare heightened as he remembered how and why he got to befriend Naruto when they were in kindergarten. He thought of how idiotic and mindless his five-year-old self must have been.

Five-year-old Naruto Uzumaki grinned toothily as he sat on the seat in front of Sasuke. Sasuke was, for the lack of better words, amazed at the drawing of the red circle with green dot on its upper part that Naruto was holding.

"You want this 'rawing?" asked the blond boy, still grinning from ear to ear.

Sasuke's jaw was still hanging. "Whoaaa, that a tomato?"

"Uh-huh," answered Naruto. He laughed boisterously. "I'm reeeaaallyyy good, 'ayt?"

Eyes wide in awe, Sasuke could only nod.

"You want more tomato 'rawings?" asked Naruto, his wide blue eyes glinting in childish mischief.

Sasuke blinked and thought that "Hey, yeah! He wanted more tomato drawings!" so yeah. He nodded his head in affirmation.

"Then you're my best friend now!" Naruto proclaimed.

If being best friend with the blond would mean more tomato drawings, then Sasuke was more than willing. Of course, he failed to realize that he could easily draw a tomato with just a red-colored circle with a little green dot on its top.

"Oh, OK!"

Thirteen years later, Sasuke Uchiha found himself regretting ever saying those two short words. If it was even possible, his already heightened glare turned even sharper.

He was really stupid and gullible back then that he wanted to vehemently deny that he had had such a conversation when he was a kid. Sasuke nearly shuddered. Nearly. Because he was angry.

Tightly grasping his poor smartphone—he made a mental note to buy a new one—he dialed Naruto's number. He wanted someone he could blame for everything that was happening to him then, and who better be his poor verbal punching bag but Naruto?

On the third ring, the blond idiot answered.

Not wasting any precious second of his life, Sasuke angrily asked, "What was that all about?"

"What, Bastard?" asked Naruto. He was oh-so-obviously feigning innocence.

Sasuke seethed and breathed in through his gritted teeth. "You fucking brought me to that diner, left for the bathroom, then never returned. Next thing I knew—"

The dark-haired boy heard the blond laugh from the other end of the line. It was a laugh so obnoxious that Sasuke felt like a vein in his head popped. It was almost a minute later before Naruto had responded.

"It was just a date, Bastard! Nothing to get your panties in a twist."

The room temperature dropped into a scary negative integer. Anyone who would probably enter the young Uchiha's room—like his mother, who hastily closed the door and left that moment she was supposed to enter—would feel the cold biting into his skin. Sasuke's eyes were almost lifeless.

"You're going to pay for this," the Uchiha said.

Naruto chuckled. "Riiight. And Sakura-chan will know that you were the reason why all boys she liked avoided her—"

Sasuke felt a muscle in his cheek tick.

"—until Kiba, that is."

Naruto laughed further and Sasuke felt, for the first time, the negative temperature in his room. (Of course, if he had just checked the settings of his room's AC, then he would realize that the coldness was caused by a malfunction in his AC).

His mind was blank. It was a first, but that did not give enough reason to be so royally pissed off. Sasuke's thoughts wandered to a conversation with the idiot a few days before his unwanted date. The idiot was spouting nonsense about bro code rules (and some "amazing" bro-ness bro-hood) before Sasuke said he would never (in his entire life) join the stupid bro-hood.

It was then that Sasuke realized why he landed on the unwanted date. He felt his breath hitch. He really, really, really did not want to admit it, but despite being an idiot, Naruto was clever.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed and after breathing calming breaths into his system, he finally caved in.

"... I thought bros don't set up other bros on blind dates," he mumbled, a red tint painting the tips of his ears.

Naruto was silent in the other end of the line. That was not good.

Sasuke decided to take back what he said.

"Idio—"

"LEGEN... wait for it! ...DARY!" Naruto yelled and Sasuke's eyes hardened. "YES! HE FINALLY JOINED THE BRO-NESS!"

Beep. Beep. Beep.

As Sasuke stared on the screen of his phone, mulled on his own idiocy and gullibility. Fuck my life, he thought.

"And that, kids, is how your Uncle Naruto cornered me into joining his bro-hood."

notes Review? :)
inspired by How I Met Your Mother and www. brocode. org.