Okay I think I'm ready to start a new fanfic. Need something to do during this hiatus and with the holiday coming up. This one's centered around detective Amanda Rollins, no surprise. It's far from a lovestory though. I am however a Finanda shipper so it's leaning that way if any. But this one will be dark, I'm warning you. I'm taking Amanda very much OC but I'm trying to work in Fin as well as Olivia, Nick and Cragen. Not sure about Munch yet though, I adore him but I find him so hard to write for.

It's going to be a group/squad effort to get Amanda out of the jam she'll get herself in. Amanda will spiral a whole lot out of character but I think we've already seen on the actual show that she goes to great lengths when it comes to her family, especially her sister, so I'm taking her even further.

It's set like somewhere in-between the episodes with Kim (& Jeff) visiting so Jeff is not dead, Amanda hasn't shot him and another very important thing; I'm leaving out her gambling addiction. Not that I don't like it and all but I do think that Cragen in a way meant what he told her - he'd give her one more chance. And with what Amanda does in this fic, well Cragen would have to fire her. Leaving the gambling issues out at least there's a chance she'll be able to rejoin the squad (but just a chance, you have to keep reading to know the outcome *lol*)

Oh and "my" killer have religious undertones. Undertones may be an understatement. He's a religious nut frankly. I have nothing against religion though, it just fitted this fic so I apologize if I step on any toes. He's sick, pure evil and just uses religion as an excuse. The first segment of this chapter is his POV in case that's not obvious enough. I'm keeping his identity hidden though to keep a bit of suspense for later.

English isn't my first language (I suck at grammar even in my own language & rely heavily on my spell check) and I know nothing more than what I've seen on the show and others like it about the US law & justice system. I've only been to NY twice so my knowledge of the city is limited too but thankfully there's Google. I try to do research but at times I'm sure I'll be at fault.

I don't own any of the characters in the actual squad but the killer is all mine (not that I should be proud of creating such a beast though, I must be a bit sick).

That's it I guess. I hope you like it and that you will let me know if you do. I wanna wish you happy reading but I'm afraid this fic won't be that happy so let's just leave it at that and get this thing rolling...

Chapter 1: Genesis

"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour" (Peter 5:8)

He was doing good in this world. He knew that he one day would stand face to face with God, the Earths creator, and be rewarded for his good deeds. Earth wasn't ready for him though. God's people had been corrupted, spoiled, rotten as they tried to take control of their own way of life and forgotten that God had them protected if they just surrendered. He was doing his part of God's plans, trying to correct what was wrong with this place. Mankind just couldn't see it yet.

He wasn't without fault. He had doubts too in the beginning. He had doubted his own actions. Wondered if what he was doing truly was the right way to go about it. But God had proven over and over to him that it was. He was a God sent. His mom had known it. She had told him that so many times. As he grew older God also told him. His mom had told him though that he'd been in contact with God from a very early age. The very first time God contacted him he'd been in church with his mother. She'd told him the story often. He'd been barely two years old as he suddenly started talking gibberish. Almost like he talked in tongues. Then a ray of light had come through the large church window and a cross had landed on his forehead. He'd moved his head but the cross had followed. She'd painted it, the cross, for him on a piece of paper many years ago and he had it with him in his wallet anywhere he went as a reminder of what he was. A God sent, placed here on earth to correct the wrongs.

He remembered the next time God had appeared to him. He was five and later at the hospital the doctors had tried to tell him and his mom that he had an epileptic seizure caused by the infection he had and the high fever. He knew though, his mom knew the truth too. God had appeared, again through a ray of light through the window even though it was the middle of winter. God had talked to him this time. Save me. That's what he'd said; "Save me."

It had taken many years for him to figure out what God had meant. But now he knew. God had asked him to save his creation, to save his Earth and his people from destruction. And that's what he'd set out to do.
He did question himself in the beginning. Surely everyone had to ransack themselves at one point. He'd done that and now he was secure in his beliefs and his actions. He was doing good, taking lost souls and surrendering them back to God so he could give them the final salvation.

These days he could spot a lost soul like others could spot a green apple in a pile of red ones. They were so many though so God had given him a chance to choose which one he would save. He'd chosen the one who burnt the brightest to him. They happened to be blonde women with blue eyes. The light poured through them almost like they were transparence, their blonde hair almost vanishing in the light and the blue eyes glowing through the light as they tried to seduce him. These eyes tried to lure him, tried to deceive him to spare them. It wasn't the women's fault though, they didn't know any better. Something had happen to them somewhere along the way, they'd been hurt so badly it was no turning back. They'd been forced down the wrong path and it wasn't really their fault. They were scorn. Turned bad. His job was to save them.

In order to save them he needed to take them back to that initial pain though. Needed to make them realize they needed to be saved. That he was doing them a favor. That he hurt them only to set them free.

He'd refined his method over the years, knew what would make them surrender the fastest. Finding their Achilles heel was part of the method so once he finally had them in his possession he could break them down within a day or two. Some took longer though but he was committed to his task. He wouldn't let the lost soul slip out of his grasp. They would surrender before he freed them. They would be rewarded in the end once they finally broke down and confessed to their sins.

The very first vessel he had helped to cross over had been one very close to him. His own sister. She had never confessed to her sins though and he feared he would not meet her in God's kingdom once his time finally came. He hoped though that her last thoughts had been of retribution. It had looked like it all those years ago as his hands held her under the surface in the river in their home town. Her blue eyes had stared up at him and they had looked like they were pleading for something. Pleading to be forgiven for her missteps surely.

God had taken his mother though and he couldn't get his head around that in moments when his fate wobbled. She'd been the carrier and birthmother of one of Gods own and he couldn't understand why God hadn't spared her life like he spared Maria Magdalene. Cancer was one of those mankind made illnesses, a sickness occurring only as mankind spiraled out of God's control. Mankind had killed his mother. Not God. But he knew God could spare lives and he sometimes wondered why his mom's hadn't been. God always had a plan though. He figured maybe it was so he would work harder to stop the disease to spread further. His mother had in a way kept him on a leash. Now that she was gone there was no one that held him back.

He did work as fast as he could. It took time though. He needed to find the right souls. Or rather the wrong souls. There had been times when he perhaps had been too fast in his decision making, the souls he had set free were always bad but perhaps he should have made sure they were so bad they deserved his help. He was after all an elite force. There were others that could take care of the semi-bad ones. Gang members, drug dealers and thieves were shot and killed every day. He saw the news. There were other God sends out there who could take care of the lowlifes. Or they'd simply kill themselves, amongst themselves. Mankind was good at clearing out their own vermin.

He also had his job and social life to take care off. Trying to hide the fact he was a God send took it's time too. But he had to do it. Unfortunately they lived in a time where a God sends might be looked at in the wrong way. Misunderstood and not respected for his work. The world wasn't ready to understand yet. They would not understand him. Not yet. One day his message would spread though. He was sure of it. In the meantime he had to pretend he was one of them. Work, pay your rent and from time to time socialize with the normals. His mother had told him that.

In-between that he found his lost souls, stalked them, scared them and then took them only to set them free. God's work. He took pleasure in it. God let him enjoy the method. It was his reward from God, well except for the big finale when he would be given a spot in God's court. He was looking forward to it but in the meanwhile he enjoyed the task at hand. He made sure these women thanked him before he sent them to God.

It had been a couple of months now since he'd been able to do God's work. He had one little mess to clear up but it would soon be taken care of and then he could fully pay attention to this new soul he'd found. He'd known from the very first time he'd spotted her that she was one of his. She'd burnt so brightly it hurt his eyes but still her blue eyes had pierced through his closed eyelids. He knew he had to have her. He'd stalked her a little by now, gotten some information, seen just how much her present actions hurt her. She was a little bit special. She still had some purity to her being. He was sure this was a soul that would appreciate being released to God. He would enjoy having her in his possession. He would enjoy the time when it finally came. She would be his. Shay Williams would be his.

The last day of April. On a street in Greenwich Village, Manhattan

Olivia stopped the car with a screech and Fin jumped out of the passenger door before it came to a full stop. She rarely saw him run but now he ran and she had to hurry to keep up with him. There were officers at the front door to the five story apartment building but most action seemed to be happening to the right of the building and that's where Fin headed. Two uniforms were sealing the scene with tape. Fin saw a familiar face and the detective from homicide at the 6th precinct that had called him helped Fin & Olivia pass the uniforms.

"They're in the back," he let the two SVU detectives know and they hurried down the alley. Fin's heart broke a little as they turned the corner and he got a look at the scene. He had to turn his back to the scene for a while and take a deep breath just to ready himself for what he had to take on. He met Liv's big brown eyes briefly but didn't find any answers there. She put her hand on his shoulder though in an attempt to give him courage and he appreciated it even if it wasn't barely enough for the scene they'd walked into. He looked up to the blue sky and then turned back to face it. He approached Amanda and got down on one knee a yard or two from her and whispered her name. When she didn't move a muscle he tried her name again.

Her head moved slightly as though he'd pulled her back from her own thoughts. It took a while longer before she moved though. He gave her time. She moved her head just slightly to one side and he saw parts of her face through her blonde strands. He could spot a line of blood across her cheek. Her skin was so pale the blood stood out even more. The blood wasn't hers though.

Her head turned back down once she established it was Fin that had called her name. For a moment she hadn't been sure. Perhaps hoped it would be Kim. That this was just a bad nightmare. Not real. Not happening.

But it was. In front of her on the pavement, having dropped four floors from a window in the apartment building to their left, laid the lifeless body of Kim Rollins. In her lap laid the head of her baby sister, with eyes staring blankly to somewhere to the side of Amanda's own. Her cheek was still warm under Amanda's touch and she tried to pretend her sister was just fine. Her hand that she held with her own was still warm but no blood was pumping through it any longer and it was to still. Her baby sister's blood was soaking through her jeans, a warm sticky feeling that now started to feel cold against her skin. Blood had spread to her hands and she had traces of it on her face that she wasn't sure how it ended up there.

It was all a blur. She'd gotten a phone call. From someone. Who? She couldn't remember. It was about her sister though. She'd fallen from a building in the Village, she was badly injured. Were they sure it was her? she had to ask. Amanda didn't even know her sister was in New York. Whoever had called said they'd been able to identify her, it was Kim Rollins, resident in the state of Georgia and that was her sister right?

How could this have happen? Police were at the scene, the ambulance was on its way. She got there as the paramedics backed away from the body, there was nothing they could do. The patient was dead when they got there. Amanda just remembered crying out for them to save her as a policeman tried to hold her back. One of the paramedics just shook his head at her and that's when it sunk in. They were backing away since there was nothing they could do. She looked to her sister's body as she felt her legs give in. The policeman held her up and another one stepped in to help out. But Amanda started screaming and got up again with her own force. She'd fought herself free and rushed forward. The policemen still trying to get her and she fell, crawling the last of the way.

She managed to get a hold of her sister's hair as the policemen tried to hoist her off, away from the crime scene as any good policeman would. You could not disturb a crime scene. Amanda knew this but at that moment all she could think about was her sister and that she couldn't be dead. She screamed and kicked, got a hold of her sister's head and held tight. Someone tapped the policeman's shoulder, told him it was okay and then they let go. She sat up, crawled closer, put her sister's head in her lap and stroke her chin, blood on Amanda's hand coloring her sister's pale skin. Amanda had tears running down her face since she got there but holding her sister's lifeless body in her arms made her start to cry uncontrollable. Mixing sobs with heartfelt shrieks making the uniforms around her turn away to spare her embarrassment for her public display of inconsolable grief.

Amanda didn't care about anyone around her though. She couldn't even see them. She could only see her sister's staring eyes, life gone from them. She could only see that scrawny little girl that followed her everywhere for so many years. The little girl, the maturing girl, the young adult, the adult not really acting like an adult. The only person she'd ever been able to love. The person she'd been hurt for loving but never stopped to love anyway. She could not be dead. She was the only constant thing – person - in Amanda's life. She saw no life without her. She wanted no life without her. And then she'd been blank. For how long she didn't know. But then she heard her name. Was it time to wake up? Come out of this nightmare she was in?

Fin had been able to reach her for a moment but now she seemed to slump back into whatever haze she felt the need to hide in to bear this, he know for her, devastating situation. And he knew he needed to reach her. A CSI agent had already disturbed him.

"She needs to get out of the crime scene," the harsh looking, short Asian woman told him. Fin gave her an angry stare. The homicide detective from 6th pulled the agent back but Fin heard her complain again how Amanda was disturbing the crime scene. Fin reached out and touched the side of Amanda's arm slightly. He feared he was going to scare her but she didn't move. She'd gone back to the static position she'd been in once he got there. He moved his hand over to her back and came in a little closer.

"Amanda," he tried again and got a slight movement. Her blonde hair dangled a little and not from any wind. Not a single breeze today, there was a strange heat over the city today. Warmest day of the year so far and it seemed to have put a lid on the entire city. They were in a pot, calm for now but once the lid was off it would all boil over. Fin feared it. And now he wasn't talking about the weather.

"Amanda," he said and rubbed her back a little harder. He felt her spine through the thin layer of fabric. Her back was crunched over her sister's head in a very protective manner.

"We need to get you out of here, Amanda," he tried but saw her clench her sister's hand a little harder once she finally registered what he was saying.

"I'm so sorry boo but there's nothing you can do for her now. They'll take good care of her okay. We'll get Warner to take care of her okay? Melinda. You trust her right," Fin tried getting his hand around her upper arm a little. She let out a low, almost silent cry. He got in even closer, his knee so close it touched her back and he got his hands around both her arms. He immediately felt Amanda tense up and she tried to bend forward to get away from him. Fin shot a look over his shoulder and caught Liv's eyes. She quickly got up by his side. With joint efforts they got her to release her solid grip on her sister. Amanda stayed quiet but resisted with her body. Liv talked calmly to her, whispered that everything would be okay.

Once they finally got her up off the ground she started making noises though as she began to cry again. Her jeans were drenched in blood and there were some blood on her shirt as well. Fin didn't care and latched on to her the only way he knew to get her to not fight her way back to her sister. He hugged her tight, forcing Liv to let go of Amanda's arm and then pushing Amanda backwards against the brick building. She was crying hysterically again with a wildered look in her eyes. Liv had to cover her own mouth with her hand because of the heartfelt scene that took place. Fin got her up against the wall and then crumbled to the ground with her as her legs gave way again.

At this point Nick and Cragen came rushing down the alley. Their frantic eyes went from Amanda to the body on the ground that had been her unruly sister and then back to Amanda and Fin again. Nick took a step closer to Olivia and then gave her arm a squeeze with his hand as he saw the sadness on her face. He felt like hugging her but didn't, he was in need of a hug though but manned up for no good reason at all. Cragen looked almost as grief stricken as Amanda, he'd never been able to hide his compassion very well which was something his squad appreciated him for though.

For now the only one who could handle the situation was Fin and that was because he had to. He'd never seen Amanda this way and it freaked him out. All they'd learnt from the phone call they received not long ago was that Amanda's sister had died, nothing suspicious, it seemed she'd fallen out a window. The problem had been Amanda, she wouldn't let anyone near her sister's body. Fin had just been arriving back at the station from an early out of station interview with Liv and got her to jump back behind the wheel again. He told her what little he knew and where to drive.

And now here they all were. Amanda was still screaming but less intensely and she wasn't fighting him any longer. Her limbs had gone numb and it felt almost as he was holding on to a puppet. For now though he could handle being her strings.

The homicide detective approached them. He gave the captain a slight nod and gave everyone else a quick look to acknowledge them.

"It looks as though she fell. Or jumped," he added the last part discretely. No one really knew what to think. Falling or jumping left her dead either way.

"An accident," he said and got a few nods.

"No," Amanda screamed and got everyone's eyes on her. Fin felt her body tense up a little as she sat up.

"No," she repeated, "never. She was killed. Someone murdered her." The homicide detective looked to Cragen for help but none came.

"Sch, sch," Fin tried, "it's an accident Amanda." But she shook his head at him, almost violently. And she looked desperate.

"No. No, Fin. She would never. Someone killed her please believe me," she pleaded. He looked her straight in her eyes and he saw her determination, she was weak but determent.

"Please Fin," she begged and he nodded.

"It's going to be fine, let's get you to the hospital okay," he said and started to pull her up. Cragen and Liv were quickly there to aid him.

"No, someone killed her," Amanda kept pleading. Her legs weren't carrying her but Fin had a good grip on her and the ambulance was nearby. The paramedics had been waiting around after seeing Amanda's reaction and figured they might be needed after all. Fin was thankful for this. His own strength was wearing down quickly seeing his partner in such distress. They got her into the ambulance with joint efforts. Fin stayed with her while Liv jumped back down out onto the pavement. They heard Amanda plead for someone to believe her as the doors closed. The light on top of the ambulance started spinning and then the engine started. The bus made a brief noise, warning people around to stay away, before they pulled out of there.

Liv met Cragen's eyes but didn't know what to say. She turned to Nick who just gave her a nod. Her eyes went past the sad looking homicide detective before they landed on Kim's body which the technicians now were going through. Liv looked up to the floor that Kim allegedly fell from. She saw an open window that she figured must be the right one. She looked back down to the body.

"There was nothing suspicious about the scene," Liv thought to herself, "knowing Kim, her mental problems and drug use, falling wasn't a far reach in this situation. But Amanda thought she'd been killed? Murdered? Why? How?"

Liv's eyes narrowed as she kept thinking. Cragen spotted it, Nick as well and they all looked to where her eyes were at, the body. Why was Amanda so determined she'd been murdered? How could she know? What did she know?