So, this is kind of my challenge to myself. I'm writing one fanfiction for each episode of Merlin. Some are one-shots, some are longer stories. I ran out of ideas for fanfictions so this is how I'm dealing with that. If anyone has any prompts for me, feel free to leave it in a review and if I write it after I finish writing these 65 stories, I'll dedicate it to you… so, thanks. And I give you Season 1 Episode 7.
Summary: This takes place when Merlin killed Sophia and her father. What if Arthur wasn't as unaware as Merlin thought? What if he saw everything? One-shot.
Story 7: Time For The Truth
Arthur's POV:
I couldn't control myself. It was like I was looking down on my body as I did Sophia's bidding. How could I be so foolish to spend all that time with her?
I saw everything I was doing, but it wasn't me. I could see it and feel guilty about it, but no matter what I did, I couldn't change what was happening. I felt like a puppet on a string. I had to watch as Sophia's father blasted Merlin against the wall. I didn't even know if he was okay. I had to watch and do nothing about it.
As I followed Sophia out the door, I couldn't look back to see if Merlin had stirred. I couldn't look back to see if he was unconscious. No matter how hard I fought, I could not regain control of myself.
I had to traverse the forest until I arrived at a lake, far, far from Camelot. I knew no one would find me out here, no one in their right mind would think to look here. Perhaps eventually as Uther's search grew more frantic they would find my remains, Arthur mused. But I have my doubts. I am never going to have the proper burial my birth entitled me to. I was going to die a coward, a pawn in the witch's game.
As I descended into the water, I tried harder to fight it, but I was powerless. I could hear her words, words that sounded strange and foreign to me. Words that pushed me further from my body. I wouldn't even be able to wiggle my fingers. But I was aware of everything. Painstakingly aware. I had to watch and do nothing about it.
I had always thought that I would die in battle. It wasn't something I thought about often, but as prince and future king, I thought it was inevitable. In the few times I considered it, I always thought about an honorable and glorious death. Saving a damsel in distress from some bandits, fighting for my people, something like that. But this? There was no glory in this. I allowed my emotions to get the better of me. I was foolish. How many times had my father told me to be constantly vigilant? How many times had I been taught not to let me heart rule my head? I threw everything I had learned away for some girl.
I was startled out of my reverie by a new voice. It was deep and was speaking in the same strange language Sophia and her father had been using. I recognized the voice, but I couldn't figure out why it would sound so familiar. Magic was outlawed in Camelot, so how did I know a sorcerer's voice? I was aware when there was a sudden burst of light and Sophia's influence on me disappeared. There was only one possibility. Sophia was dead. For the first time, I felt the weight of the water crushing my lungs. I couldn't have moved if I wanted to. This time I was paralyzed, not from the magic enslaving me, but because I had been without air for too long.
I wanted to revel in the fact that I'm back in my body. But by then, I was too far gone. Water was filling me, going in my nose, mouth, ears, anywhere it could. I was drowning and resistance was futile. I was struggling just to stay conscious, holding onto the fragile threads that were keeping me alive. Just as I was slipping away once more, I felt warm arms wrap around me and suddenly my lungs were filled with air. Glorious air. I wanted to breathe it in deeply, but I couldn't. I was torn between my need to breath and my need to get the water out of my lungs. I was only able to keep my eyes open for a couple of seconds. In that time I saw through big black spots, that it was Merlin who had saved me. I struggled to open my eyes fully and look around. But I couldn't. I was so sleepy. And Merlin was here. How was he here? And suddenly, I understood. It was he that killed Sophia.
For some reason, that thought didn't frighten me. It reassured me that I would be safe. It was with that recognition that I let the black waters of sleep pull over me.
When I woke up, I was in my bed. My head hurt worse than when I drank too much mead at the tavern. I squinted and saw Merlin and Gaius sitting at the end of my bed. My memories crashed back on me. I remembered Sophia and how she nearly killed me. And Merlin…
I sat up far too fast, making my head spin. Merlin had saved me. Using magic. There was no mistaking it. He used the same language as Sophia and her father. But he didn't use it against me, he used it to save me. I knew I should be angry, I should be furious. But I just couldn't make myself. I was too tired from nearly drowning to muster up any level of fury.
Gaius put his hand on my shoulder concerned. "You need to rest sire," he told me. "You gave us quite the fright."
I winced as I leaned back against my pillow. My head was throbbing. "What happened?" I groaned. I knew what had happened, but I was wondering what they had told my father. My jaw nearly dropped as Gaius explained their story. It was ridiculous to say the least and was undeniably not something they could tell my father.
I saw the fear in Merlin's eyes, which sealed my decision. For now, I would play along. I would let them believe that I believed I tried to elope with Sophia. I would let them have their moment of relief. I would question Merlin about it later.
Merlin's POV:
I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief once Gaius and I left Arthur's chambers. He believed us. He really believed us. I was so scared that he wouldn't believe it. I mean the idea of me knocking him out when he has no knowledge of my magical powers is nearly laughable.
I ran some errands for Gaius before I went back to Arthur's chambers to check on him. When I got there, Arthur was gone.
I looked around his chambers, half expecting him to jump out from behind his changing screen or come out of the wardrobe. When that didn't happen, I scoured every inch of his chambers. My heart had dropped to my stomach. Why did bad things always have to happen to him? I knew this whole keep Arthur alive because he is your destiny thing wasn't going to be easy, but I didn't think it was going to be this difficult. It seems someone is trying to kill Arthur every other day.
I froze when I noticed something on Arthur's pillow. I picked up the leaf, looking at it curiously. It looked familiar and suddenly I knew where it came from. Then my eyes widened. I knew where Arthur would be. But I didn't know how. How did he figure this out?
I ran to the stables, not bothering to answer the questions of the servants that were taking care of the horses in the stables. I was fuming, I couldn't believe the nerve of him. Did Arthur realize how dangerous this was? He apparently realized that Sophia and her father were no longer a threat, but there were so many other people that wanted him dead. There were magical threats, men that would get ten thousand crowns for killing Arthur. This was just reckless. Regardless of how able Arthur believes himself to be, he should know better.
I saddled my horse in record time and took off. If Arthur saw me now, he would be proud. I knew the path all too well, having travelled it many times in the last three days. Sure enough, when I got to the Lake of Avalon, Arthur was sitting propped up against a tree.
I walked over to him and sat next to him. "I got your message," I told him, dropping the leaf on Arthur's lap. I tried to sound as angry as possible, but I was more relieved that he hadn't managed to get himself killed on his ride here.
"I knew it would catch your eye," Arthur said, not taking his eyes off the lake.
I didn't say anything. I didn't really know what to say. We sat in silence for a moment until Arthur broke it. "You know Merlin," Arthur said slowly, twiddling the leaf between his fingers. "I've prided myself on keeping servants near to me that I know I can trust and more importantly servants that can trust me in return."
I felt a stab of guilt in the pit of my stomach. He knew. "I've known from the first day that I can trust you. You saved my life." More guilt twisted in my stomach. "And I thought you trusted me in return." I'll give it to Arthur. He knows exactly what he is doing.
I looked down at the ground. I never dealt well with the guilt card. My mother used it on me all the time as a child and without fail got what she wanted every single time. "Oh, you don't want to go to the well and fetch some water? Well I really didn't want to go through hours of childbirth." Or "Merlin dear, can you go clean these dishes? I'm so tired after slaving away to make this meal just how you like it." Guilt and I just do not mix.
"I wanted to, I really did Arthur. But you have no idea what it is like being like this. I was born like this. I could levitate things with my mind before I could talk. My mother had to constantly watch me when I was younger, until I learned how to control my magic. I grew up with one friend, one! And then I came here. I spent five minutes in Camelot and saw someone beheaded for their magic. Do you know what that was like? My mother told me Camelot would be a clean start, but I had to hide who I am more when I got here than I ever have before. Then I met you and you were spoiled and a huge prat. But some dragon in the castle told me you were my destiny, so I had to save you and I pulled you out of the way of the witch and then I became rather fond of you and got to a point where I didn't want you to die. So I couldn't tell you because then you would want me dead yourself and if you didn't want me dead, surely you would tell Uther, because, he's your father," I said, speaking a mile a minute. I couldn't seem to control myself. I had been sitting on this for weeks now. I finally gathered the courage to look up at Arthur and was shocked to see he was shaking with laughter. "Arthur?" I asked uncertainly.
"You really are an idiot, aren't you Merlin," Arthur said, struggling to compose himself. "You saved my life. What could I sentence you to death for? Being overly loyal to the crown?" Arthur fell into a fit of laughter as his own joke.
I rolled my eyes as I patiently waited for Arthur to stop laughing. "No, but seriously Merlin," Arthur said, looking at me with utmost sincerity. "I am not going to tell my father about this, because I don't think he would understand, but I meant what I said before. I need servants who can trust me unconditionally."
"It's not that I don't trust you… I do trust you Arthur," I said softly. "But you have an obligation to your throne. If I were in your place and you in mine, I wouldn't expect you to confide this in me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. But it's not you I don't trust. It's Uther."
"I believe you," Arthur said and then he hesitated. "But no more secrets?"
I hesitated and Arthur immediately picked up on it. "What is it Merlin?" Arthur asked impatiently.
"My whole life has been one big secret. I don't think I can just turn that off," I explained. It was a poor explanation, but I didn't know how to put it into words. How do you explain to someone that lying about who you are has become second-nature. It makes you sound insane.
Arthur bit his lip. "Can I ask you something?" He asked me uncertainly. "And will you promise that you will answer it honestly?"
I didn't hesitate. I owed Arthur the truth. "Yes sire," I told him.
"Why don't you just stop using magic?" He asked me. "Wouldn't that make your life easier? You wouldn't have to worry about getting caught. And then you wouldn't have to worry about getting killed. I know if it weren't for the fact that you saved me from Sophia I probably would have had you killed if I found out. I'm still not happy with the fact that you know magic." A guilty look came across Arthur's face. "I don't want to be scared of it, but I am," he admitted.
I was shocked. I hadn't understood until right then what Arthur had been talking about when he said he trusted me unconditionally. Arthur would never in a million lifetimes have shared his fears with someone he didn't truly trust. Arthur was intentionally making himself vulnerable to earn my trust. "I could no more stop using it than stop breathing," I said. I tried to find the right words to explain to him what magic was to me. "For as long as I can remember, it's always been there. I often find myself using it without thinking, to stop someone from falling down. To see things more clearly. To prevent something from happening. And honestly…" I hesitated, but then I remembered how honest Arthur had been with me. I would not withhold information from him. "And honestly, I wouldn't stop using it, even if I could. I have been able to do so much with the help of magic, including save your life and Uther's and I don't even know how many others – I've simply lost count. To give up a gift like that, no matter the burden it would relieve, it just wouldn't be right. It would be too selfish. Would you give up your throne just because it would be easier to abdicate than to rule so many people?"
Arthur stared at me shocked. I felt like I was inside a cage. Several moments passed before he spoke. "I suppose when you put it that way, I understand why you wouldn't stop," Arthur admitted grudgingly. "But I still don't see why that means that you can't confide in me."
"It's not that I can't confide in you, it's just that there are some things that it would be safer not to know," I told him.
"Okay, then don't tell me that stuff. But if there is something to do with this magic stuff that's safe to tell me, tell me. No more big secrets," Arthur told me.
"No more big secrets," I agreed after a moment. I couldn't help the relief that was overwhelming me. Arthur believed me. And he wasn't going to have me killed. As I lost myself in the peace of the moment, the only thing I could think was how much easier it would be to save Arthur's life if I didn't have to sneak around behind his back to do it. I chuckled lightly at my joke.
Arthur looked at me curiously. "What's so funny?" He asked.
"Nothing," I told him with a shrug.
Arthur got that look in his eyes. The look that said he was going to do something that I wasn't going to like. Sure enough, Arthur punched my arm. Hard. "Ow!" I cried out. "What was that?"
"A friendly punch," Arthur said with a shrug.
"I think you keep forgetting that I'm not as thick as you," I told him, rubbing my arm.
I knew what he was going to do, so I was able to duck under his arm and jump to my feet causing him to attack the ground, not me. Arthur was quick to follow, chasing me around the forest. I couldn't help the laughter that escaped me. This was the first time since I came to Camelot that I truly felt free.
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