I do not own Warm Bodies. It's just awesome.

R and Julie: The Simple Life

Hello again! Hope you're interested in another story! If so, then let us begin.

Chapter 1: Seven Days Make a Week

R and Julie were engaged and planning to be married in a week. When they announced their engagement to Julie's dad and Nora (who already knew) and Marcus (who did not know but wasn't surprised in the least bit), everyone expressed sincere happiness. Colonel Grigio even poured them each a glass of wine to celebrate. The taste didn't suit R, but the gesture meant a lot to him so he drank it and felt fuzzy for a while afterward.

Marcus and Nora immediately set about telling everyone they knew and everyone they did not know about the engagement. The news received positive reception until the next day when R and Julie came home to find Marcus tending to Nora's bruised and swollen right-hand knuckles with a damp, cold cloth. Nora insisted it was nothing important, but Marcus threw her modesty right out the window by regaling them with the impressive tale.

Marcus and Nora had been out at the market area, trading for some needed supplies. Several humans, newly reborn humans, and recovering Corpses were at the market as well. Some people were trading, some were just out enjoying the fresh air. It was a peaceful community scene. Until a young blond guy approached Nora.

"Hey, pretty Nora," he said, leering at her.

"Hey, Steve," Nora responded absently, shrugging him off.

"Heard your friend's shacking up with a Corpse." He edged suggestively into her personal space. "Kinda kinky, huh?"

Marcus noticed the growing tension from several yards away and politely excused himself from his conversation, making his way toward them.

"Bug off, Steve. Leave me alone."

Nora tried to move around him, but he blocked her way. Marcus arrived at Nora's side.

"Hey, man. She said she wants to be left alone," he said quietly, trying to keep the peace.

Steve cut his eyes at Marcus. "Stagger away, Corpse-y. Go find some brains."

Then he refocused on Nora. "Come on, Nora. I got a question for ya. Tell me, is everything always stiff on a Corpse? Might be worth getting bit, ya know. "

Nora had enough. Before Steve could react, she reached way back and asserted herself, punching him directly in the face with all her might. Apparently, angered and sans firearm, willowy Nora could hulk out and punch like a crazed boxer. One shot was all it took and her unfortunate opponent had to be guided, bleeding profusely, to the medical tent while Nora was ushered quickly home by a jubilant Marcus.

"Oh man, was she quick! BAM! Punched him right in the nose! Might even be broken! Ha!"

Marcus was practically giddy. He leaned over and gave Nora a smacking kiss right on the cheek. She waved him away with a flutter of her unbruised hand, laughing.

"Maybe Dad should give you a Purple Heart," Julie suggested, impressed.

R was the only one not making light of the situation. Brow furrowed, he considered Nora and her injured hand seriously.

This is bad. I had no idea this was going to happen. Maybe we should reconsider our plans. "Nora, I'm so sorry. I'd didn't mean for this to happen."

The room was silent for a moment.

Can they hear my thoughts? R wondered. Are they thinking the same thing? Am I the only one?

Julie looked at R with fire in her eyes, ready to speak. Marcus beat her to it and voiced the sentiments of everyone else in the room.

"Bro, that guy was a moron. And I will kick you in the babymaker if you say anything that stupid again in your entire life. That's a real threat too 'cause I know you're gonna be needing that equipment real soon."

A blush crept over R's handsome face as he rolled his eyes and looked away. The girls murmured in agreement.

"I'm an even better punch with my left hand, buddy." Nora glowered at him. "Don't even think about this being your fault!"

Marcus, still holding Nora's damaged hand, turned back to her, immediately sank to one knee, and stated emphatically, "I love you, Nora! Marry me now! We'll spend the rest of our lives together, just punching people!"

Nora laughed, "Oh, get up!" she huffed and heaved him to feet.

Marcus managed to keep a gentle hold on her bruised hand throughout the display. He even kissed her swollen knuckles and gave her a teasing wink.

Three days before the wedding, an elderly woman showed up on their doorstep with a dark suit in her hands, offering it to R.

"My son was about your height," she explained kindly. "And I think it would fit you. I can even make alterations to it if need be. Would you be so kind as to accept it?"

R was bewildered at the notion that she thought he was helping her.

Then a quieting thought occurred to him. Maybe she needs this like I needed my vinyl. He felt deeply touched by the gesture.

"Thank you," R replied sincerely. "I'd be very grateful for your help."

Her name was Marie. R introduced her to Julie, who promptly hugged her and brought her straight into the house. Together, Marie and Julie chatted, worked, and fawned over R in his suit. In the end, the clothing was special and fit him quite well.

Marcus performed an impromptu rehearsal wedding for them in his own indomitable fashion the next day. They were standing in front of the house, discussing the upcoming ceremony. It was misting slightly, but Nora hadn't yet opened her umbrella. She rather liked the rain.

Marcus suddenly turned, commanded R to kneel in the mud, and take Julie's hand. R complied and knelt before her. Julie grinned at him. She sensed rather than saw the big clear umbrella Nora opened and held over their heads.

"Alright, R. Repeat after me. Julie, I pledge my life to yours forever. I promise to do everything you say. I promise to never leave farts in the sheets and always leave the toilet lid down. I promise to always be your ready and willing boy toy and hold your hair back whenever you puke. I promise to change all the diapers of our many children and let Marcus mooch off us anytime he wants. I promise to do all this and much more now and forever."

R managed to repeat most of what Marcus said with a straight face. When he mentioned the diapers and babies, he and Julie both blushed. Nora struggled to contain her giggles enough to hold the umbrella still over them. When R finished reciting the peculiar vows, Julie pulled him up from the mud and kissed him. Then she kissed Marcus' cheek and hugged Nora while R and Marcus eyeballed each other.

"Toilets and diapers?" R questioned Marcus, squinting his eyes.

"Eh," Marcus shrugged casually. "You were gonna have to do it anyway, man."

Finally, Julie turned to her father standing off to the side and hugged him too. He had silently witnessed the entire display with no reaction but a single raised eyebrow.

"That was great and all," she said, glancing at Marcus with a smirk. "But will you still marry us, Dad?"

Colonel John Grigio looked relieved.

"I was hoping you'd say that. Anyway, I guess you can't expect any better from a brain-eating Corpse," he stated dryly.

They all stood in shock for a moment.

Did he just make a joke? R thought, stunned. No way.

Marcus laughed first, good-natured as always. Then he held out his hands in front of him in an overly theatrical zombie fashion and intoned dramatically, "Mmm, toliets and diapers and brains!"

Everyone laughed. Even Colonel Grigio chuckled. He and Marcus shook hands. The preparations for the wedding moved forward.

The day before the wedding, R was so nervous he couldn't seem to do anything right. He dropped everything he tried to hold. He forgot so many things that he finally just wrote down whatever he wanted to remember. Then he would forget where he had put the paper. He tangled his words so much he eventually gave up talking and simply nodded or shook his head during social interactions. He was a glorious mess. And the idiot in his head was having a field day.

Nora approached him early that evening, coming right in the open door of the bathroom as he was brushing his teeth.

"Hey, R."

He jerked in surprise, dropping his toothbrush in the sink. Again. He grumbled at the inanimate object and picked it up.

"Bad day?" Nora inquired sweetly.

R shook his head and resumed brushing his teeth. Why are you in the bathroom with me, Nora?

Nora sat on the closed toilet lid and hugged one leg to her chest, rested her chin on her knee, and stared at him intently.

Okay, Nora, I can't take much more anxiety right now.

"What?" he asked, quietly, tensely.

As always, Nora spoke directly.

"Are you having second thoughts about getting married?"

R carefully placed the toothbrush down without dropping it and turned to her.

"No," he answered honestly, looking her in the eye.

"Okay, sit," Nora commanded, gesturing toward the tub.

"In the tub?" he questioned. Are you kidding?

She nodded.

"Yeah, it's comfortable. Trust me."

He did as instructed, sitting down in the dry, empty tub. Hey, you're right; not too bad.

He faced her, feeling foolish.

"R, if you don't want to get married, you need to say something quick. Time's running out."

R shook his head. "I do want to get married," he said emphatically. "It was my idea, remember? I'm just nervous about being in front of people. Something might go wrong. Somebody might say something. Anything could happen."

Nora smiled.

"R, who are you doing this wedding for?"

R didn't have to think about it at all.

"Julie. I just want to be married to her. This is how it goes, right?"

Nora nodded thoughtfully, then said, "Then just keep your eyes on her. Just like you've always done. And you'll be fine."

She rose and approached him. He panicked for a second.

She's not going to drown me, is she?

Nora did not attempt to drown R. Instead, she kissed the tips of her fingers and touched them to his forehead in an affectionate manner before winking at him.

"And remember to go to the bathroom before the ceremony."

As Nora straightened up, they noticed Julie standing in the doorway, taking in the unusual scene. R, fully dressed, sitting in a dry bathtub, Nora hovering over him. Grinning mysteriously at Julie, Nora sashayed out of the room without an explanation. Julie, a bewildered expression on her lovely face, had only one statement.

"Why are you dressed in the bathtub?"

R couldn't answer her. He just shook his head, chuckling. Oh man, I love this life.

Oh wow! Deepest thanks to lulamae-golightly for your phenomenal review! I'm speechless and that never happens. Like, seriously, never. :)

Thanks to Arrowshot, Miss Altaira Wesker,DestinyXinderStar, WhiteWolfWoman, EchoedMelodies, FireCrystal1092, Alana-kittychan, amina90, woahtherePotter, Dragon-Wolf-Mustang Rider, Jordan091294, Enchanted19, Fullmetal chibi-chan, HeartsBurstIntoFire17, Lady Shaye, Radwoman, Super Hero Geek, cheers4life, vickydetos, GreendayU294, Kaze Hatake, FarrahMack, sweetfrogie, and TheEpicDuck123 for your support. You are marvelous!

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