The snow was falling softly on his rugged yukata. With as little movement as possible, he pulled it tighter around his body. It was cold; if he continued sitting here, he'll freeze to death. Maybe that isn't so bad, he thought. People said that freezing to death is the best way to go – you go numb, drift into sleep, and dream of the most precious and beautiful memories while your body shuts down. He chuckled. Do I even have any beautiful memories?

Truth to be told, Sakata Gintoki didn't want to die here; he had so much will to live. Unfortunately, his body was at its end – with no food, and nothing to drink, having walked for days aimlessly, it was truly a wonder he lasted so long in the first place. He collapsed at the graveyard, and couldn't help himself but laugh; the world was too cruel. It was a true miracle he managed to get up and lean on one of the gravestones. For a second, he hoped that maybe someone will come to the grave with food. It wouldn't be the first time he survived like this.

The weather getting worse realized his fear – no one would visit a graveyard on this cold. Gintoki turned his head around to check the other tombstones but everything was empty. He sighed weekly, but still didn't make an effort to move. Ah well, it was a lousy life, it may as well end here.

No, you still can't die here.

He jerked his head to see who was talking to him. No one was there.

"Must be the cold. It's really getting to me." He chuckled weakly. "Well, I apologize, but I can't talk to you now."

And with that, he started drifting to sleep.

If you fall asleep now, you'll never wake up.

Gintoki frowned. "And what's it to you if I don't wake up?"

There was no answer. Sighing in slight annoyance, he made himself more comfortable.

Live beautifully until the end.

The voice, the hallucination, made his head jerk up. It was a thing he told long ago to someone. If it were different circumstances, he would've probably remembered who it was, but right now his mind was too numb. Still, the words echoed in his mind.

"If you have the time to think of a beautiful ending, why not use the time to live beautifully until the end." He muttered and mustered all his strength to finally move.

With great effort, the ragged samurai stood up and slowly started walking towards the city. By the time he left the graveyard behind him, Gintoki noticed the snow has stopped. He was still cold, and he hoped moving would make him feel better. It was quite the opposite; the more he moved his body the more awake he felt and the cold air was mercilessly reaching him to the bones. He still pressed on; there was nowhere to go back to, only death, and once you decide your course of action, dying isn't anymore an option.

The city was empty. No one bothered to go outside on this awful weather. People were all inside their houses, where it was warm and light and Gintoki felt a pang of envy. The thought of settling somewhere and making himself warm made him frustrated; he was too tired to do any of those things. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind, feeling another pressing matter he had to deal with soon; finding food was priority.

As he was planning his next move for that evening, he felt something collide with him and fall on the ground. As he looked down, Gintoki saw a small girl, no older than ten, looking at him, eyes full of tears. Before the thought reached his mind, he had already offered the child his hand, which she took after pondering a bit.

"I'm so sorry, mister, I was running, and I didn't see you there. I'm so, sorry." She said, trying to suppress the tears.

Gintoki patted her on the head and. "It's okay. Watch next time where you're going." He managed to smile weakly in a pathetic try to calm her before she starts crying. He was wondering if the tears were there because she actually collided with him, or was the ground harder than she expected.

It seems the smile he gave to the girl calmed her a bit, because little girl nodded and turned around. After a couple of steps, she stopped and slowly turned around.

"Hey mister, aren't you cold?" She asked him.

"Huh, why would I be cold?"

"Because those clothes look cold."

"I am not cold."

"Do you live here?" The little girl pressed on.

"No, I'm just passing."

"Oh…"

The girl was just staring at him, curiosity all over her face. It annoyed him. Why was she attached to him? Doesn't the kid see he's busy?

"Are you hungry?"

"… No…"

His stomach gave him away. The girl smiled a big grin and stood in front of him. He stopped.

"What now?" He groaned.

"Wait here."

She ran towards the shopping district. Just what is she up to? Doesn't even matter, I should find food soon. Gintoki raised an eyebrow and started walking again. He didn't have time for child games. Maybe if things were different he could indulge her, but considering his state, it was highly unlikely.

"Hey, please, wait!" A voice echoed far behind him.

He turned around and saw that same girl holding a package. There was steam rising from it, and the smell, reaching his nose, made his stomach clench painfully.

"I- I had some money so I bought you this, mister. Once again, um, I'm sorry I bumped into you…"

Before Gintoki could say anything, she ran away, apparently embarrassed by the whole thing. With no strength left, he picked up the box and inspected it. It was wrapped tightly and judging by the weight, it probably could be divided in at least two meals. A rush of gratitude passed through his body and with a soft smile, he started looking for a place to sleep.

Street lamps were finally lit as the sun set a while ago. By this time, Gintoki passed whole district without finding anywhere to sleep. He scowled at the sky. Maybe I should just make myself comfortable in one of these back alleys.

He was not really fond of this idea; back alleys were still what was considered to be outside, and the wind was getting stronger. At this point he even regretted leaving graveyard, remembering how peaceful and quiet it was there.

"But, hey, at least I solved the food problem. That's something." He muttered to himself, in an attempt to stop pessimistic thoughts flooding in.

He didn't even notice when he entered the residential area, but made a small triumphant noise when he saw an old, shabby house that appeared to be empty. He approached it and immediately understood why it was abandoned – the whole building was about to collapse. Still, shelter was shelter, and the chances of it collapsing that night are bare minimum so he decided to play with the fate.

It was cold inside the house; it felt like the very walls assimilated all the winters for so many years, radiating their own chill. Gintoki turned around to see if there's anything to use as a place to sleep, but there was hardly any furniture – one broken chair and two shelves that were missing many pieces. There was also a broken plank which he used to strengthen the door, so the intruders don't come in easily. A strong whistling of the wind made him realize the windows were broken too, and that this won't be a really comfortable night. Gintoki nonetheless concluded that everything beats staying out in the open on a night like this.

He made himself comfortable in a corner of the room, far away from the windows. It was pretty dark and he'd be harder to spot, if someone enters the room. He finally opened the box with food, the small but very precious gift a little girl gave him. It was too dark for him to even bother identifying what type of food it was, and he took couple of bites before looking. He felt his stomach churn and protest and the urge to vomit became so strong, he pushed the box away from him.

Resting his head on the cold wall his attention was drawn to a series of rustling noises and high pitched squeals. It was only natural that an abandoned house would be infested with rats or mice, but for Gintoki this meant light sleep, something that he really wasn't looking forward to. Sitting more comfortably, and placing the now carefully wrapped food box into his lap, he slowly began drifting to sleep.

A loud thud echoed through the room, and Gintoki instinctively reached for his left shoulder, the place where his wooden sword used to be for so many years. His hands only grasped thin air, and a rush of panic spread through his body. He felt so vulnerable without protection. Cursing inwardly, he looked around the room. There was nothing. The critters were probably just running around, interacting with things around him.

Making sure there was nothing to pose the danger, his body finally relaxed enough and his breath stabilized.

As he felt sleep finally taking over him, he glanced one last time at the box and remembered the little girl. Maybe this is why he lives, after all. There are still good people in this world. Maybe one of them needs protecting.

A/N: I decided to edit this fic as part of getting back into shape after a very serious writing block. Every chapter is going to be changed, for the better I suppose, and it will also help me expand on all my OCs, and see which direction to move the plot. I am also glad that the current arcs haven't destroyed this story, since it will diverge immensely from the canon, and I have never been happier about it than now.

I lost all my notes and charts for this story so currently I'm progressing on memory and what I have already written. I am also planning on releasing some one-shots about OCs' pasts as the story progresses, and plenty of headcanons and little anecdotes on tumblr, so if you want to know more, keep your eyes on my tumblr (the-punmeister).

I apologize so much for the wait, but I promise you it will be worth it.

Yell out.