It's been ages since I posted anything, and I felt like sharing this little nugget. If you've read the original "Broken Pieces," you'll notice that I revisited a particular scene and took it in a new direction...enjoy!

And I also want to inform you that I took the liberty of rewriting BP, and as soon as it's typed I'll be reposting it! Details to come!

Days went by, then the days melted to weeks and months, until I realized I had been with Erik for nearly a year. In the midst of such continual upheaval my perception of time had shifted about so much that the year either felt like a lifetime or the split second it takes to blink, depending on my state of mind.

As I came to examine the dark, new instinct that had flared to life within me, I found myself stealing more and more glances at him, wondering at the same urges he possessed. I could hear in the music he played the depths of passion and desire that existed in his soul, and I would marvel at his genius in finding the right chords that would turn instinct into melody that would send my own passion spinning out of control. It took my breath away to hear it...it made my knees tremble and my body ache in previously unknown ways...I felt shivers run down my spine and warmth spread through my blood and I would begin to dream of him the way I had never dreamed of men before-

And whenever he caught me listening, he would send me away with a sharp word.

On one such occasion, I backed out of his room and put my hand to my cheek, feeling it burn as though in a fever. The snatches of song I had eavesdropped on were insidious and sensual, slowly shifting into the erotic, until finally I had no words for what I was feeling and it all became sensation, so like what I felt when Erik touched me months ago and before that miraculous burst of ecstasy. I had fidgeted and squirmed with unfulfilled longing until he became aware I was listening and sent me off.

I leaned against the wall in the hallway, my legs too weak to carry me and my breath still coming short. What was that music he was so adamant about not sharing with me? I waited until I could stand unsupported, then went back into his room.

He was at the organ, those potent notes still pouring forth at his command, his hands still teasing the keys until it seemed the whole instrument would collapse with the force of what it was feeling...or was that just me recalling what I had experienced at his fingertips? I pressed my hand to my stomach, the familiar heat stealing into my core as I watched him. His face was contorted with excruciating passion, his body stiffening and his limbs shaking but hitting the chords with unerring accuracy. I felt my own limbs melting and had to lower myself to the floor before I fell beneath the power of this devastating phenomenon. I couldn't breathe; he couldn't either. We gasped and panted and writhed as one, the music reaching its crescendo until it broke over us. I crumpled in a trembling heap on the floor as he let out a rough, savage snarl and broke off, the song coming to an abrupt halt as he snatched his hands back from the keys and clenched them into fists.

We stayed there for several long minutes, and I came to realize what had happened. The music hadn't given either of us that magic release, but it had certainly started a fire. Even though he stopped playing, I had to curl up in a tight ball as I strove to ignore the desperate urge screaming for indulgence. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him, sitting rigid and unmoving on the bench. Would he notice I was here? If he did, would he bend to desire and would I even try to resist?

My body hummed and throbbed and I twitched involuntarily, whimpering slightly. He turned at my noise and saw me, a tremoring bundle of limbs on the floor, and he froze. "Vivienne," he said, his voice harsher than usual as though something was caught in his throat. "What are you doing in here?"

"I'm sorry," I replied breathlessly. "I was just...listening." But oh, listening was too simple a word! What I had heard would make the most virtuous woman lie down and beg for surrender. The totality of it was almost a violation, but it made me hunger so badly I felt close to sobbing in frustration.

Neither of us moved; I stared at him and he stared right back, and the static intensity on the air transformed the moment to a powder keg, waiting only for one spark to ignite. The months of tension, the longing he inspired, and the instincts I had tried to suppress for so long felt like a wild animal inside me, a primal creature born of passion and lust fighting to run free. I shivered and let out another whimper. "Erik..."

He shot to his feet and darted over to where I lay, one hand against my cheek and the other untangling me from myself, unwinding my arms and uncurling my legs. He moved with strained patience, and I knew even in his state and despite his intentions, he would still give me the chance to refuse.

But I didn't want to refuse...

I lay back and drew him down to me, kissing him with no shame and no reservation. The world had ceased its movements for one simple truth: I wanted him.

I felt his hands again, raising my skirt and reaching for my undergarments. I shifted beneath him to take them off myself and felt my breath catch as he touched me, never hesitating to reach inside. I moaned softly and he breathed, "Dear God..."

Yes, Erik, I want you, I love you... I gripped his shoulders and arched my hips into that touch. "Erik, please..."

"You really want me." It wasn't a question, but a bare statement, and I nodded in affirmation.

He needed no further encouragement, moving my legs apart and lowering his body onto mine. I could feel him against me and I held tighter, bracing myself for pain, and when he entered me I gasped loudly.

He was motionless, his golden eyes staring down at me with concern piercing the desire. "Did that hurt?" he asked.

I shook my head. Desire made all the difference. What hurt before was now like a vital part I never knew had been missing. I felt no pain at all, only a mad need for him to keep moving. I didn't have long to wait; mere seconds after he knew I was all right he began to thrust, each movement abrupt and urgent. I felt myself inch closer to ecstasy, my breath coming in short gasps as every stroke sent shock waves through my body. I clutched him even tighter and looked up into his eyes, seeing them burn more fiercely with every passing moment. I could feel him deep inside me, and it was bliss...it was breathless anticipation...

He closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh, going still aside from a continuing tremble. I ran my fingers through his hair and leaned up to kiss him, trembling along with him. I was so close, surely right on the edge...

We stayed frozen in that embrace as I waited for him to keep going...please keep going...please!

He gave another weary sigh and drew away, leaving me sprawled on the floor. I followed him with my eyes as he turned his back to me and seated himself once more at the organ.

I sat up, confused, pushing my skirt back down to cover myself. I stood on shaky legs and went to him, laying my hand on his shoulder and kissing him on the cheek. "Erik?"

He ignored me, shuffling around the music perpetually strewn across the organ.

What was going on? "Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

"No," he replied. "You were wonderful."

"But I don't understand..."

"What is hard to understand? You were as perfect as I imagined you would be."

I was perfect for him, but was there to be nothing for me? Only this empty longing inside and his diffidence? He reached for a pen and some blank staves and I tried again with a few more coaxing, insistent kisses. "Erik, please..."

He brushed me aside. "Vivienne, I'm trying to work."

That finality, that brusqueness...he was dismissing me. He got what he wanted, and that was to be the end of it. I stood staring at him in shock, feeling the hurt stab into me like an icy dagger, then turned and fled into my room, slamming the door as hard as I could behind me.

I pressed my hands to my face, not knowing if I wanted to cry or scream and ready to do both at once. I should have known better; nothing good comes of that joining, whether or not it is desired. Men are just animals, thinking only of their own gratification. A woman learning that for the first time was to be pitied, but I was a fool to allow myself to be taught twice.

But I love him, I found myself thinking. I love him!

And yet he was no different than the first who stole so much from me. Loving him made me stupid enough to lay on my back, and he used me and turned me away. I should have known better, but I loved him! I loved him, and he did this to me!

I went into the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the bathtub and snatching up a rag. Choking on the tears I still didn't want to let fall, I washed him off me as I had washed the last man off, feeling even more wretched than I did back then. I loved him! He betrayed me and hurt me, and I hated him and was furious with him, and yet I loved him still! It wouldn't hurt so much if I could just stop, just turn off my heart and feel nothing for him, but even after this it was impossible. And the pain of it was all I could bear.

I ran from the bathroom and threw myself down on my bed, holding my breath in an effort to keep from sobbing. My lungs burned and my chest felt ready to explode, and I finally gave in, gasping for air and still unable to breathe through my tears. How could I stay here now that this had happened? But where would I go if I left? And how could I bear to leave?

There was a knock on my door and I shouted, "Go away!"

He opened the door anyway and walked into the room; I flung a pillow at him and wished to God I had something heavier to throw. "Come back for seconds?" I snarled, trying to sound fierce but ruining the effect with a sob.

"I need to talk to you," he said, his voice calm and controlled.

"About what?" I demanded. "Do you want to make this a regular arrangement? Pretend to be my friend for awhile then get me to spread my legs when the mood takes you?"

"Please, Vivienne, lay aside this spleen and let me speak."

"What do you think you can say? Do you think any words will make up for what you did? I should have known I couldn't trust you! No man can be trusted! He only wants one thing!"

"It's my fault," he said. "You weren't supposed to hear that music, I knew it would be too much for you. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you. I'm sorry, little phoenix."

"Sorry? That's all you can say? Erik, I love you, and what you did-"

"I know, Vivienne. You've been used by every man you've ever known, that stranger, your uncle-"

"Don't you dare talk about my uncle!" I screamed. "You could never be the man he was to me! It's only because of you that he sent me away and I ended up here!"

He stood there silently, staring at me as if he had run out of words. He crossed the room and sat next to me on my bed, and I moved away from him. "Go away!"

"No."

"Leave me alone!"

"No."

"What do you want?" I demanded.

"I want to make things right," he answered. "Whatever I should or shouldn't have done before, I shouldn't have behaved as I did after. You don't know what it means to me that you gave yourself to me, and you trusted me to treat you better."

"I trusted you not to be such a selfish pig!"

"So that's the problem?" he asked, laughing a little. "You're angry because you didn't get your pleasure?"

I sprang at him but he moved faster, catching hold of my shoulders and keeping me at arm's length. "All right, all right, now isn't the time to tease," he went on. "Forgive me, little phoenix. I was rude and selfish, and I forgot to be gentle with you."

I shoved his hands away and glared at him. "I trusted you, Erik, and you acted no different than he did. I consented to you out of love, but you still treated me like a worthless slut to be had and discarded. That's what hurt me. It had nothing to do with my pleasure, but your attitude once you got yours."

He hesitated, then reached out and stroked my cheek. I stiffened, but I didn't pull away. I still needed his touch, damn him, always so tender and never violent. He wiped away my lingering tears and said, "You're not worthless, Vivienne. You're the dearest friend I've ever had, and it's a travesty that I was less than a friend to you, not to mention a poor lover."

"What do you mean? You were doing fine until you left me on the floor without a word."

"I was too embarrassed to say anything, little phoenix."

"Why?"

He sighed. "So naive...I wanted to please you, but I was less of a man than I anticipated. I just couldn't last long enough."

I paused, feeling my face grow warm as I blushed. "Oh...I didn't realize..."

"How could you? There was my selfishness, in not doing you the courtesy of explaining myself and instead sulking like a petulant child."

"If I had known, I wouldn't have shouted at you..."

"Then I did us both an injustice," he said. "It was my mistake, Vivienne, not yours. Maybe there was nothing I could have done to prevent my own inadequacy, but I still should have been more thoughtful. Now if you'll give me the chance to make amends..." He stretched out on my bed, laying on his back and beckoning me to him.

I just stared at him, confused. "What are you doing?"

"You accused me of using you," he said, "and you weren't without cause. I'm simply returning the favor. Take your turn, Vivienne; use me as you will."

My eyes widened in amazement and incredulity. "Are you serious?"

"I've never been more serious in my life."

"But what's in it for you?"

"Absolutely nothing. You are under no obligation to allow me any satisfaction whatsoever, unless it's the satisfaction of watching you find yours. Go on, Vivienne, if that's what you want."

I still could do no more than sit and stare at him. It sounded so ridiculous...outrageous...demeaning for a man to submit to a woman. I reached out for his hand, tracing his fingers. "You would do that for me?"

He threaded his fingers through mine and replied, "I think it's time you took pleasure in it, little phoenix."

I paused a moment more, then edged closer, lingering uncertainty making me hesitate even as desire burgeoned within me. My heart pounded in my chest and I felt breathless and lightheaded.

He watched me hover and said, "Only if it's what you want, Vivienne."

Did I want it?

Yes I did.

I threw my leg over him and straddled him, looking down into his eyes as I felt fire surging through my veins. Taking his hands, I guided them under my skirt and petticoat to my still-bare legs and said, "Touch me."

He caressed my thighs and calves, and my skin tingled beneath his hands. I relished the sensation before I took his hand again and placed it between my legs. "Touch me here."

Oh my God... His fingertips moved in slow, deliberate strokes, just as when he touched me so long ago. He led the moment back then, but now I had a better idea of what I wanted. Still holding his hand, I guided him as I pleased, moving a little harder and faster. He picked up the rhythm in no time, and my grip on his wrist slackened and I closed my eyes, sensation stealing all thought. Hardly aware of what I was doing, I began to rock my hips, my body seeking a variation of that same rhythm.

His voice fell upon my ears, "Do you like that, little phoenix?"

I moaned in reply. "Keep going..."

I didn't have to tell him twice, and I whispered his name over and over like a prayer as I got closer and closer, finally crying it out in ecstasy. He stilled his hand, but I wasn't finished with him yet. I wanted as much as I could take, and more besides.

Trembling like a feather caught on the wind, I pushed his hands away, reached down to him, and unfastened his trousers. He was already aroused; I guided him into my body and he let out a groan.

"My turn," I reminded him.

"Your turn," he agreed in clipped tones.

I began to move above him. I had greater control like this, more power over my pleasure, and I went slowly to start with, reveling in the aftershock of the first climax. I could feel my heart racing, the fresh assault on my senses making me shiver more violently, and I clung tighter with my legs as I went faster. Inevitably, he began to move with me, and I heard his warning, "Vivienne..."

I slapped my hand down on his chest, startling him back from the precipice, but I didn't stop. If I stopped now, I would go insane. I closed my eyes and curled my hands into fists, my fingernails cutting into my palms. "Oh God," I murmured, "oh God..."

His hands were on my thighs again, stroking and caressing. I reached out and drew him up to me, holding him to my body. Tilting my head down to him, I kissed him on the lips and said, "Say I'm beautiful."

He moved his hands to my waist and replied, "The most beautiful little phoenix..."

Oh God, I couldn't take much more..."Say you want me..."

He kissed my neck and I moaned and whimpered in response. "Vivienne," he whispered, "you know I want you."

Oh God, oh God! "Erik..." I held tighter, about to lose control. "Erik..."

He clutched onto me and laid his head on my shoulder, still kissing me, and said, "Please, Vivienne, I can't hold on much longer..."

Euphoria swept me away at last, bursting upon me so I felt as if I would fly to the stars and fall to pieces in the same moment. I could go insane like this after all, and if he hadn't been there holding me, I probably would have. I didn't want to stop, I couldn't stop, and his touch kept me anchored, letting me know I had a safe place to come back to once this madness passed.

I finally went still, my strength abandoning me and leaving me weak and breathless. He was tense as a coiled spring against me, holding me tighter than he might have under other circumstances. He truly meant what he said, this was all for me and he would deny himself to let me have what I wanted. I didn't have to imagine the turmoil. I knew how it felt to have that wild animal screaming inside, desperate for satisfaction. And he had already struggled with it for too long...

I moved again, my tired muscles protesting but my will resolute. I went carefully, watching him to gauge his reactions and learning what riled him. He let out a tortured groan and said, "Stop."

"No."

"Vivienne, what are you doing to me? Don't tease me like this, I beg you."

"I'm not teasing," I replied, grasping his arms to steady myself as I carried on.

He pressed his face into my chest, resting his cheek against my heartbeat, and said, "I already told you, you don't have to do this."

I cradled him in my arms and kissed the top of his head. "It's what I want."

He sighed and acquiesced, thoughts of resisting me banished as his hands slipped beneath my skirt once more and steered me along, his palms against my thighs. I held him to me, my fingers buried in his hair, and I urged softly, "Let go, Erik...let go..."

He convulsed with a harsh gasp and this time I felt it, not blinded by my own need, the proof of his ecstasy filling me like fire. I gave a sigh as I came to rest, and he leaned back again, drawing me with him. I went willingly, wanting to stay as close as I could for as long as possible. I couldn't bear to leave this moment yet, not when we were still joined and I felt my love for him grow with every tremor of lingering delight pulsing through me.

"Am I forgiven now?" he asked, stroking my hair.

I closed my eyes, my ear pressed to the beating of his heart. His chest rose and fell with his breathing, as did I, and it was as though I breathed with him. "Stay here," I implored, "for just a little longer."

"I'm scarcely inclined to go anywhere yet," he replied.

I reached up for one of his hands and pressed my lips to his palm and fingertips. He caressed my cheek and held me safe against him, so gentle and so tender. I paused, then said, "I love you, Erik."

His fingers returned to my hair and he hesitated. "Little phoenix..."

"You don't have to say anything," I told him. "Just don't let me go yet."

I kept my eyes shut and let myself merge with him, our breath, bodies, and hearts in perfect rhythm. He held me in his arms and I felt my consciousness slip away from me, taking me to a place in my dreams where he held me just like this and told me he loved me. It was the most beautiful place in imagination, and I prayed soon it would become reality.