Mindset

Or Shintaro-Mentally-Turns-Into-An-Infant/Toddler-And -Konoha-Has-To-Take-Care-Of-Him

Summary: "It's like Shintaro's own mind has turned against him." KonoShin. Dedicated to ScarletBloomSword.

A/N: wow wat is this. so sorry if this won't come out the way you like, ScarletBloomSword, but hey i tried :) anyway i attempted to take a more humorous route but hey, what a surprise everything turned dark and serious and will later turn *coughs* mature. enjoy

Warning: AU, suicide, mentions of death and blood, canon divergence and headcanons GALORE.

Shintaro's eyes are bothering him.

It doesn't feel like there is an eyelash stuck in his eyes, and there certainly isn't any dirt caught somewhere. What Shintaro feels...it's a poke, like someone is prodding at him with their finger.

He shakes it off at first, believing it's just the beginning of a headache brought on from the lack of caffeine he's been drinking lately. Shintaro hasn't come out of his room in ages, not even to tell his mother to add soda to the grocery list. The reason he's mostly stayed in there for so long is that Momo's boyfriend has been staying the night at their house for the past few weeks, and Shintaro does not want to run into that asshat, thank you very much.

So Shintaro ran out of soda about two hours and is just starting to feel it. He seriously thinks about taking his chances and at least cracking his door open to yell, "Mom! Go get me soda!"

But if Momo's home, she'll probably have to stick her two cents in about him 'getting it himself' and Amamiya will laugh and Shintaro will sulk even more than he already does.

Which can't happen today because Shintaro has an online gaming tournament to play and he needs the sulking time shortened down to a minimum.

He only notices something else is wrong when he turns on his webcam to chat with Actor, about ready to discuss how they'll split their experience points after the tournament, because he sees his eyes.

They're crimson, the color of blood, and seem to be glowing.

Shintaro flails around when he first sees them, falling out of his seat at the computer and landing hard on his shoulder. The teen yelps in pain and scrambles back up to cautiously peer at himself on the screen.

Indeed, instead of his usual black eyes, there are red orbs staring right back at him.

The hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and Shintaro lets out a very manly shriek.

A little pop-up appears on the screen saying 'Actor has requested Video Chat with you. Accept or Dismiss?' Shintaro clicks 'Dismiss' faster than he ever has in his entire gaming career. There's no way he can let Actor see him like this. She'll think he's pulling some kind of prank and rip him a new one, and Shintaro would really rather get scolded for missing the video chat than for showing Actor his brand new eyes, because he'll probably get off with a lighter sentence.

Actor's weird like that.

The thudding of feet approach Shintaro's room, drawn by his scream, and there's a hurried knock on his door. "Honey," his mother calls, "is everything okay in there?"

"It would be okay if we had some freaking soda in this house!" Shintaro's voice borders on hysteria. The young man is more than a little freaked out at the newfound pair of eyes he finds himself with, but he's sure a few sips of his favorite drink will fix him right up.

There is a pause. His mother seems to be contemplating something.

"Well, then. I'm glad you're alright. I'll be going to work now, so take care of the house while I'm gone."

Shintaro lets out a wail. Mom somehow didn't get that he needed more soda and he needed it now.

After a few minutes of staring at the screen in complete silence, Shintaro shuts off his webcam and computer, albeit a little reluctantly, and crawls into bed. Maybe he just needs some rest. Yeah, that's it. His eyes are just strained from all the gaming he's been he takes a cat nap, everything will go back to normal.

The little black spots that appear in his sight seem to shout that Shintaro has jinxed himself. His eyes are closed and he can't see a thing, but he still manages to make out these squirming black things. They get bigger and bigger; it's not long before they're making a sort of horizontal, curved thing.

Shintaro screams into his pillow, wondering why he never can catch a break.

He feels the thing closing in on him, heavy and dark. It resembles a snake, Shintaro realizes, and the thought makes him cringe away in fright. He's never been good with snakes. Well, to be honest, he's never been good with slimy, scaly things in general.

Why couldn't it be a bunny? he thinks. Bunnies are good.

"Sorry," the snake hisses, obviously miffed, "to disappoint you, you foolish boy."

"W-what the fuck?" Shintaro squawks, leaping out of his bed. "Who are you?"

"Wouldn't you like to know, human?" the snake says 'human' like it's the most disgusting word its ever spoken. It rears its head back, staring at Shintaro with crimson, glowing eyes.

Eyes like his.

"You," Shintaro snarls, pointing a finger at the floating reptile. "You did this to me."

The snake tilts its head to the side. "I'm sorry. Are you angry that I saved you?"

"Save me? What are you talking about? Since when have I needed saving?" Shintaro pulls at his hair. A million thoughts run through his mind, and he can feel his heart beating way too fast.

His new levitating friend shakes his head admonishingly, as if Shintaro was some little kid he needed to reproach. Anger swelled in Shintaro's chest.

"Last Thursday," is all the snake says, and whatever rage Shintaro feels dissipates like smoke.

"Oh," Shintaro mutters. His fury is replaced by the cold feeling of shame, and he pushes the memory of last Thursday to the back of his mind. It's something he won't remember, can't remember. But his mind betrays him, and he remembers anyway. Images, unbidden, seem to flash before his line of sight.

Cranes. Paper cranes stained with blood, red blood that's the same color of her scarf.

He's suffocating.

He goes to the classroom where the familiar pair should be, but there are two vases of roses on both their desks.

He's being strangled.

Actor is saying something. He takes in her features, recognizing how similar she seems to another girl he used to know. Actor is more happy, though, more carefree, and everything is so wrong.

He turns off the computer without another word and tries to forget how he had pictured Actor with his hands around his throat.

He's choking.

Why is he alive? Why? Why? No one would care if he was gone. The people he could've called his friends are gone. His mother rarely talks to him. Momo is too busy with her boyfriend and singing career.

No one would notice for a while.

Really. They wouldn't.

The scissors are tempting him with their shine and gleam."Do it," they seem to dare him. "If you've got the guts."

The handles are red. Far too red. He raises the scissors and brings them down on his throat.

But he doesn't die. There's so much red, but he doesn't die.

He doesn't even feel it.

Shintaro throws the scissors away afterwards. Cleans them up and tosses them in the trash bin. He takes his bed sheets and soaks them in water before putting them in the washing machine.

No one notices.

He swallows the feelings of pain inside him, shoves them down until they rest at the bottom of his stomach, locked in safes and chains, never to resurface. After all, what good are dusty memories and ghosts when he has a couple new games to play?

Shintaro can't even kill himself. How pitiful is that?

The scar on his neck from his shears burns. He's the only one who can see it.

He still can't breathe.

There's something wet on his cheeks now, as he comes out of his little flashback. Shintaro raises a hand to feel it.

He makes a noise of protest. Tears, huh. He was never one for crying, so the feel of salty tears only bring him down further.

"Why me? I'm nobody!"

The snake looks like it smiles in response, flicking its pink tongue out with glee. "Precisely. You are nobody. You turn away from your own past, your feelings and regrets. You avert your eyes. That is why I chose you, Kisaragi, and that is why you'll be going on a little...journey."

Okay, it's official. The snake is even crazier than Shintaro. He has no time to protest, though, no time to scream or make a quick escape, before it lunges at him. His vision completely fades to black this time. So much for getting some more soda before he finally kicks the bucket.

A/N: wow much time so little quality writing. i may come back and proofread/edit later. depends on my mood.

anyways this is just the first chapter in a story that'll be about five to ten chapters long. this chapter was supposed to be only like 500 words, but then it was supposed to be like 3,000 cuz i wanted to put Momo in, but then i realized she should probably come in next chapter if i wanted the pacing to be any good so 1,500+ words is pretty what happened.

Envisage was first on my list of priorities, but then i remembered ScarletBloomSword's request and i got crazy inspiration for it so here you go.

I hope you enjoy, Scarlet~.