Hey guys! I'm super, super sorry that its taken me so long to update. This was a really difficult chapter for me to write and when you read it I think you'll see why. Along with the fact that I've had literally no time or close to enough sleep, I just haven't been able to get it written. I would like to say the next update will be soon but I can't promise anything so you can probably expect the next update in may. I just have really busy school years now. I should be able to get out a lot more during the summer though! I just want to let you guys know that if it ever seems like I've abandoned the story because I haven't updated in a really long time, have no fear, it has not been abandoned. I probably will never abandon this story, but if I did, I would definitely tell you guys. I love you all so much and I can't thank you enough for the support you guys have given me.

Enjoy!

XXXX

When Tsuna opened up his eyes, he was squinting against the blinding white of a bright room. Rhythmic, constant beeps filled the room and Tsuna shut his eyes. He didn't have to open them to know where he was.

Another damn hospital.

Again.

At this point, Tsuna was about sick to death of being injured. He was sick to death of being sore and he was sick to death of Ieyoshi.

Tsuna's eyes snapped open.

Ieyoshi.

Oh god no.

His eyes watered and Tsuna didn't know if it was because of the sudden brightness or because of the fact that his brother was dead and Tsuna had left him to die. His eyes blurred with tears and he knew the answer to that question.

This isn't what I wanted.

He didn't deserve to die.

Tsuna didn't know if his brother deserved to live. He honestly didn't. But he didn't deserve to die. No one did. Tsuna wanted to believe that if his brother had the chance, if things had been different, Ieyoshi could have changed. That he could have led a good life. He'd always wanted to believe that.

And his brother being dead meant that could never happen. It wasn't that Tsuna would miss the Ieyoshi that he knew. The Ieyoshi he knew was cruel and abusive. The Ieyoshi he knew victimized himself constantly and blamed the world for all of his problems. But Tsuna was upset because of all that Ieyoshi could have become that would no longer be possible. There wouldn't ever be any possibility of Ieyoshi being different. Because now he was dead. While he was alive, there could be change, there could be happiness. Tsuna could have his biological family back together and happy. Ieyoshi could have been happier. Nana could have been less lonely. His father could have come home and they could have all been happy together. Maybe all these things never would happen, but they could. It was possible.

And now that wasn't possible because Ieyoshi was dead. A lifetime of possibilities, gone in the blink of an eye.

A lifetime gone in the screams that Tsuna hadn't even been sure he'd heard.

"Good morning Tsuna." A nonchalant voice came from his right side. Tsuna's head snapped to the side. Which was a mistake, considering how impossibly sore Tsuna was. Reborn blinked up at him with shiny black eyes, Leon sleeping in his hat. "How was your nap?" Tsuna detected a hint of sarcasm.

"Erm, how long have I been asleep?" He asked in a tentative squeak.

"Asleep? You were initially asleep for roughly two days, spent the next two in and out of consciousness and drugged unconsciousness, so you probably don't remember much, you slept for approximately sixteen hours and now you're here." Reborn answered simply and Tsuna was terrified. Reborn was being too nice. It was creepy. It foreshadowed dark things to come.

"Ah." Tsuna wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. He wiped away the tears leaking from the corner of his eyes. He was wiping them away almost immediately with a bruised and wrapped hand, as if he was ashamed to be crying for someone who had caused so much hurt and destruction. Suddenly, Tsuna remembered.

"Reborn where's Hibari?" He asked, a hint of panic coming into his voice. On the inside, in a split second, he was already being overwhelmed with anxiety. He couldn't remember what happened. He didn't know if Hibari was safe.

Oh god.

Had Tsuna failed him?

Had Hibari died?

No he- Hibari couldn't die. Hibari was an immortal, intimidating figure in Tsuna's mind. He wouldn't die he couldn't die he wasn't dead that was impossible but what if Tsuna had failed him he'd failed his friend and now he was gone-

Tsuna inhaled sharply, his voice catching. He could hear the beeps getting faster as his heart rate sped up and he didn't want to scare the nurses especially when they could be attending to someone who needed them.

"Hibari got well enough to go home." Reborn explained without reprimanding Tsuna for freaking out so quickly and Tsuna would probably be eternally grateful to Reborn for that. "He is more used to extreme strain than you are and was able to get over it quickly. Not exactly tip top condition, but once he'd determined he was well enough to go home there was no stopping him. You should be able to go home after today."

"Reborn, how did we survive?" Tsuna asked in a small voice, pulling the blankets up more. He was almost afraid to ask because he knew that he'd still failed. And he was ashamed. He should have been able to protect his family. But he wasn't, in the end.

"After you passed out, you instinctively froze all of the flames near us." Reborn answered. "But don't try to change the subject." Tsuna was too exhausted to even think about arguing. He didn't know what the subject was but thank god Reborn was about to commandeer the conversation. There was obviously something he wanted to talk about. Tsuna would have rather talked about the fact that he nearly died, again, but he was just grateful to be alive and Reborn didn't seem to care that much about Tsuna or Hibari's near death experiences. Tsuna glanced around the room.

There was his family, not the family he'd been born into, but the one he'd built, strewn across the room, fast asleep. They all looked exhausted, dark circles under their eyes and like they'd lost weight. Anxiety had given them the presence of being thin and pale. Gokudera and Yamamoto had jammed themselves into small, uncomfortable folding chairs, curled up and fast asleep in odd positions in the style of someone who was used to sleeping next to a hospital bed. Lambo and I-Pin were fast asleep in their arms. Nana had been given the cushioned hospital chair and slept nearly upright by Tsuna's bed, hand resting on his bed protectively. Ryohei was laying on the floor, where someone had slipped a pillow under his head and tossed a blanket over him. He rolled over and snored every once in a while, scratching his stomach. Tsuna glanced to his left, where Fuuta had been given the second cushioned chair, where he slept, hugging a blanket to his small body.

It was a testament to how much his new family loved him and it made his little heart want to burst with joy. He was so lucky to have people who cared about him this much.

Tsuna wished Hibari was there, but Hibari had to rest. He still had his own injuries and he wouldn't want to stay in this crowded room. He decided he would see Hibari as soon as possible.

"Fon left to go get you food when you began to wake up." Reborn explained without Tsuna asking. "We didn't find a body, by the way." Reborn added, in a more serious voice. Tsuna blinked. "Rokudo or Ieyoshi." So this is what Reborn wanted to talk about.

"Rokudo probably got away." Tsuna said quietly. "He had a thousand back-up plans for each back-up plan. He probably didn't want to or expect to lose, but he had a plan just in case. He had a plan just in case everything that could have gone wrong did." Reborn nodded.

"And Ieyoshi?" Tsuna glanced at the hitman.

"Don't you already know?" Reborn rolled his eyes.

"Baka-Tsuna, I want to hear you analyze it. Assessing outcomes of a situation is one of the skills of a boss." Tsuna blinked, hard, and a heavy weight settled on his heart. He had forgotten. With Ieyoshi probably presumed dead, he was the only living Vongola candidate. Technically. Tsuna suspected that Xanxus would probably end up as Decimo and Tsuna would end up as Varia Boss, but that was a plan between him and Xanxus, which didn't technically follow the rules.

There were only three people with Vongola blood left in this world and Tsuna couldn't imagine that Nono was going to last very long.

It made Tsuna want to cry that through his actions, Ieyoshi had inadvertently caused what he didn't want to happen the most. He'd made Tsuna the Vongola candidate. The only candidate who had rights by blood to the position of boss.

Oh god.

"Seasons have passed in the time it is taking you to answer, Baka-Tsuna." Reborn reprimanded him. Tsuna snapped to attention.

"He's probably dead." He responded. "I don't think he would have had a back-up plan and that button pushing was completely impulsive. There was no one who would have been willing to protect him."

"Natural response." Reborn said in an emotionless voice. Tsuna took those words to mean that he had done something wrong. He thought about it more.

"Were there any remains at all? Or could they just not identify them?" Tsuna saw a malicious glint in Reborn's eye which meant he was on the right track. Tsuna wasn't sure he wanted to be on the right track any more.

"No. No remains at all."

That wasn't right. There was no way the fire could have burnt the bones completely. Not in the time frame Tsuna imagined they had. The entire building had been on fire, someone would have noticed, the fire deparment would have already been on its way or Vongola would have already been on its way. So that meant it couldn't have been too long before the fire was extinguished, but certainly not long enough to burn every single piece of flesh off of Ieyoshi's bones and then burn the bones so completely that there was nothing left. Tsuna paused.

So no remains. Vongola was thorough and this was a serious matter so Tsuna was going to operate under the assumption that they hadn't just missed them. So that meant that either Ieyoshi had survived somehow, or someone had taken the remains out.

"Reborn, was there anyting else missing?" Tsuna asked softly. "Anything that wouldn't have burnt that was missing?"

"Now that you mention it, if you will remember the mini trident Rokudo had. That was missing." Reborn seemed pretty happy.

But had the trident gone missing before or after the fire? Not before. Tsuna had seen it lying on the ground, right before they were engulfed in flames. Rokudo had left Hibari's body by that point, and he hadn't grabbed it. So after.

Someone could have taken both the remains and the mini trident.

But how?

"Could anyone have gotten there before Vongola?" Tsuna inquired. "Into that room I mean."

"No." Tsuna didn't question that. He could always speculate about the curious strokes of fate that would have created extraordinary exceptions, but for now, he was going to look at the rational side of things. Things he could determine and predict.

There was no way Vongola would have missed something as significant as the trident and the other Vongola candidate's remains.

Unless.

Tsuna shut his eyes quickly.

No.

No.

Unless someone Vongola had found both and taken them. Hadn't reported them. That meant a traitor within Vongola.

Damnitdamnitdamnitdamnit.

Tsuna wanted to say it was impossible, but he had gotten a look at the way Vongola was currently running and it was possible. Someone had gotten onto the team sent out for the remains, and someone had collected both the trident and the remains of his brother. Why?

The first thing that came to Tsuna's mind was Estraneo. They were after Rokudo, they would have seen the trident, known it was Rokudo's, and perhaps suspected the remains were Rokudo's. Even if they weren't, they would have taken the remains for testing anyways, to make sure it was or wasn't Rokudo.

Who else would have motive?

Maybe the Vindice. They were after Rokudo for breaking mafia laws. They could have thought the same, taken the remains in for testing.

Tsuna couldn't think of any reason why they would take solely the remains and he doubted there were two separate people who each took one thing. But both Estraneo and Vindice could work. Estraneo, presumed gone for a long time, could have infiltrated Vongola. Vindice, powerful, mysterious, could have possibly been there and escaped the notice of anyone in Vongola. It was possible.

"Either Ieyoshi survived and took the trident, or Estraneo or Vindice got in after the fire and took the remains and the trident." Tsuna finally answered. Reborn had been looking at him expectantly for a long time and Tsuna hadn't wanted to disappoint. But he felt that he had. Reborn obviously already knew all of what Tsuna had just said and was expecting him to add more.

"Think harder." Was all Reborn would say on the matter. Tsuna refused to get frustrated. He was sure he'd thought of everything, but he refused to get frustrated because Reborn was being really nice to him and he really didn't want that to stop.

Tsuna mulled over the times anything could have occurred. Way, way before Tsuna had gotten there. While he was there. Before the fire. After the fire.

During.

Shit.

"Something could have happened during the fire." Tsuna said out loud. Reborn grinned.

"Better."

"But I mean- isn't that impossible?" Tsuna asked, confused. Surely they would have been killed or gravely injured. Reborn bounced up and down, looking impossibly happy at this seriously unfortunate development.

"Nothing is impossible when it comes to mafia, Baka-Tsuna!" He swatted Tsuna in the head lightly, but Tsuna still cringed. "Now, you should wake up your family. They've been waiting days to have a coherent conversation with you." He bounced off of Tsuna's bed.

"Reborn-san, why are you being so nice to me?" Tsuna inquired quietly. He twisted the blanket in his hands. Reborn and nice didn't belong in the same sentence. Reborn turned around and toddled closer to the bed, his expression never changing.

"Well, Baka-Tsuna, the weight of your world as you know it has indeed been dumped on your shoulders, what with your brother presumed dead, you defying your father as you did, and Rokudo on the loose. Not to mention the Varia-," Reborn squeaked out nonchalantly and Tsuna was beginning to realize that Reborn was unspeakably angry about everything Tsuna had hid from him. Tsuna winced. He couldn't even imagine what Reborn had already done to Dino. "Not to mention the fact that you are being trained to take over both Vongola and the Varia at the same time and at this point your actual intentions seem quite fuzzy to anyone who can't read minds, unlike I, and that soon I'm going to have to kill you because you thought you could hide information from me!" Reborn ended the rant cheerfully. Tsuna wanted to curl into a ball and die. Reborn patted the bed. "Don't worry, Baka-Tsuna. In a few days, you'll never associate me with the word nice again." Reborn turned around and hopped out of the room without another word and Tsuna was wondering if it was possible to suffocate himself with his own pillow.

Tsuna wanted to wake his family up immediately, but he was a little hesitant. He had failed to protect family. Yes, subconsciously, ultimately, he had, but it wasn't the same. Not only had he failed to protect Famiglia, he had failed his biological family. Ieyoshi was probably dead and they knew it. They knew Tsuna hadn't done a thing about it. And what hurt the worst is that Tsuna may have been able to do something about it. At the time, it would have risked both his and Hibari's life, but he probably could have done it. He could have saved his brother. But he didn't. Because in a split second, he valued his and Hibari's life over Ieyoshi's. He thought, for a moment, that some people mattered more than others. And that was appalling. Tsuna had thought for a split second, that not only some lives had more value than others, that some lives mattered more than others, but he had thought that he had the right to decide which ones mattered more. Tsuna had basically left his brother to die and he didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry at the irony because he always thought that if one brother were to kill the other, Tsuna would be the one to die. It didn't really matter if he laughed or cried though. They meant the same thing.

And he didn't know if his Famiglia knew this, he didn't know if they had thought about it as deeply, but he had, and he didn't know if he could face them knowing that he had played God. That he had chosen who got to live and who had to die.

His own brother, of all things.

He had thought that his new family was worth more than the old one. And that was still true, in a strange way. As a whole unit, it was better. The last unit couldn't even really even be called a family anymore. But the fact that he literally put someon else's life first on the grounds that they mattered more….

And yes, Hibari's life had mattered more to him. But his life did not matter more in general.

Tsuna desperately didn't want to think about this because if he took a step back and looked at it all, he knew he couldn't live his life like this. Not as boss of the Varia, not as boss of the Vongola. He couldn't honestly, deeply, truly believe that every single life holds that same value, matters as much, and run a criminal organization. It just wouldn't work.

Tsuna rubbed his face, ignoring the feeling of the bandages against his skin. He didn't want to think about this, he didn't want to make a decision, he didn't want to determine the lense through which he would look at life right now. But he couldn't say that he didn't have to decide now because he did have to. His decisions were already affecting the lives of others. The defense of Vongola- he had probably already killed people. He had tried not to, but he must have killed some. He tried not to think about it then and he'd done a good job but now he had to face the morality of what he was doing and decide if he was going to care or not.

If he decided not to care, Tsuna didn't know if could still be considered himself. Caring was such a fundamental part of his identity, that to suddenly decide he wasn't going to care about the value of human life….

He didn't want to think about it.

It was time for him to wake his family up. Staying alone with thoughts like these wasn't good for him.

XXXX

It took a couple minutes for him to wake everyone up, but when everyone was finally awake, he was hugged so much and so tightly that it hurt. There were yells of "Tuna!" "Geigei!" and "Jyuudaime!" Ryohei was so excited to see Tsuna that Tsuna could hardly make out a word he said. The kids wouldn't let him go and Yamamoto was bombarding Tsuna with questions about what happened.

"Come on Tuna! What happened? It was your big boss battle, you can't not tell us!" Gokudera scowled at Yamamoto.

"This is serious, idiot! It was real life, not a video game!" Yamamoto just grinned. Tsuna glanced at his mother for a moment, quickly remembering the whispered cover story Yamamoto had given.

"How was it, though?" He asked Tsuna. Tsuna exhaled, trying to give him a soft smile. He really did want to look happy for everyone, but he just wasn't feeling up to any of this. He felt like they would understand if he told them, but he didn't know how to tell them. Yeah, I'm really sorry but I'm kind of bummed out that I left my brother to burn to death and decided that some lives have more value than others and I'm really just having a rough time dealing with the morality of my situation right now. Do I have to act happy now?

"It was….intense." Tsuna finally answered Yamamoto. Tsuna almost said he'd never had to fear for his life like that before, but that was far from the truth. He had been afraid for his life like that before. He had been afraid that his brother was going to kill him. "Uh…..yeah that gang leader was pretty scary." He added, desperately trying to keep cover. He wasn't sure how much Nana knew or suspected. But being attacked and beaten by a gang leader sounded like a pretty good cover to explain his injuries and was actually true in a strange way. Nana reached over and stroked his hand, smiling softly.

"Where did this happen, Tsu-kun? You never told me."

"Oh, just in an old school." Tsuna answered, trying to put in as much of the truth as possible. A worried look crossed Nana's face.

"That school that burned down?" Tsuna swallowed and shifted uncomfortably.

"Uh, yeah, but I was already out before that happened. Reborn told me that the police said some of the delinquents had been smoking and accidentally started a fire." Nevermind the fact that the place was blown to pieces. Nevermind the fact that anyone with any sense would know that fire hadn't been started by a cigarette. Nana probably wouldn't check. Or maybe she already knew the truth. Tsuna honestly couldn't tell behind her pleasant expression. A relieved look crossed his mother's face.

"Oh thank god. I was very worried for a moment." A huge smile came across her face again. "I'm so glad you're safe now!" Tsuna smiled gently back at his mother, a smile that came much more easily. "Though, I do wonder where Iey-kun is. Reborn-san told me he was staying with a friend for a few days, but Iey-kun hasn't called or anything." Nana added absent mindedly.

Tsuna almost threw up.

Everyone in the room stiffened. Tsuna saw Yamamoto's eyes flick towards him frantically.

"Tsu-kun?" Nana asked, concern creeping back into her voice. "Are you okay? You don't look very good. Should I call the nurse?" Tsuna shook his head, swallowing hard again.

"M-mom can I speak to you alone?" Tsuna tried to shake off the stutter but his voice trembled violently when he spoke. Nana's eyes widened.

"Of course Tsu-kun. What's wrong?" Tsuna glanced tentatively over at his family, who were not quite sure whether they should leave the room or not.

"Jyuudaime-," Gokudera started, reaching forward to touch Tsuna's shoulder, voice softened considerably.

"Alone, Gokudera-kun." Tsuna added quietly, voice shaking. Yamamoto touched Gokudera's arm, making eye contact with Tsuna and nodding firmly, eyes harsh. At that moment, Yamamoto seemed like the pinnacle of stability while Tsuna was trying to pretend like his bottom lip wasn't trembling pathetically.

His family slunk out of the room slowly. When the door closed behind him, Tsuna turned back to Nana, who was leaning forward in her chair, clasping his bandaged hand.

"Tsu-kun, what's wrong? What happened? Does it have to do with Iey-kun?" Tsuna nodded weakly.

"M-mom, I-I'm so s-sorry." Tsuna hated his stutter. It made him feel more weak and helpless than he already was. His mother was jus about to get the news that she had lost one of her sons and Tsuna couldn't fall apart too. He had to keep it together, if only for a moment.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about, Tsu-kun." Nana said gently, stroking his hand. Tsuna sucked in a breath and shook his head, trying to keep his tears back.

"Yes I do. M-mom, Iey-kun was a part of the gang." Nana's eyes widened.

"What?" she asked carefully.

"Iey-kun was part of the gang. I saw him there. H-h-he was still in the building when it burned down." Nana immediately dropped Tsuna's hand and jerked back in her seat, looking as if she'd just been slapped.

"What?" She asked in disbelief, her voice hardly above a whisper.

"M-m-mom, Iey-kun's dead." Tsuna blurted out, having trouble actually saying the words to his mother. It was so simple, just the words Iey-kun's dead. When in reality, it didn't even come close to portraying the truth of what had actually happened. And yet, two words held the same, devastating impact.

"That c-can't be true." Nana started beginning to shake. "Iey-kun is j-just s-staying at a friend's. He c-can't be dead."

"I-I'm so sorry." Tsuna's vision began to blur with tears. "Th-th-," Tsuna had to stop because he couldn't tell such a blatant lie to his mother. There was nothing I could do. He could be told there was nothing he could to a thousand times and he would know it wasn't true. He could have done so many things. He chose not to do anything. He had chosen to taunt his brother prior to his death. He had chosen to allow Ieyoshi to die. And why? Because Hibari mattered more? Because that human life in particular didn't have enough value for Tsuna to risk his own? Because it was dangerous, because it was hard? Those were all pathetic reasons. "I d-didn't know what to do." "

Nana didn't answer because there were tears streaming down her face and her breath was beginning to come in short gasps and she cried. After a few minutes, she choked out,

"Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Th-they didn't really know and R-reborn thought I should be the one to tell you." Tsuna forced out between heavy breaths. Honestly, the reason why could be simplified to Reborn decided to use this as an opportunity to train me. Which Tsuna found extremely upsetting. The death of his brother was being used as an opportunity for the betterment of Tsuna, not as the tragic event that it was.

Tsuna reached out to touch Nana's hand.

"I'm so sorry, Mom. I didn't know what I could do and I th-thought you'd already been told." Nana let out a loud sob and shook her head.

"I-it's o-okay Tsu-kun." Tsuna wanted to rip his own hair out. No, it's not okay. I let him die. I could have done something. "D-did he help do this to you?" Tsuna hesitated for a second, before nodding.

"Y-yes. I-I'm so sorry M-mom. I l-left him to d-die." Tsuna covered his face with his hands and took deep breaths, trying not to cry. He had cried over his brother already, but watching his mother do it made the thought even harder to bare. Nana sprang up from her seat and grabbed Tsuna, hugging him tightly.

"N-no, it's not your fault. He w-wasn't your responsibility." It was his responsibility to protect his family, to try to proect the precious human life around him. It was everyone's responsibility. Some people just forgot to take it seriously.

Tsuna buried his face in his mother's shoulder and felt his mother press his head against his hair.

"It wasn't your fault."

XXXX

Yamamoto was the first one to peek his head in after about an hour.

"Tsuna?" He asked softly. And in that second, Tsuna hated his name. Tsuna was a constant reminder of Dame-Tsuna. Tsuna was the one that fucked everything up. He was the one who couldn't do anything to save his friends, his family. He was the one who struggled to even live in his own household, who struggled to survive in his own family, the one who had experienced so much hurt and loss and neglect from his father, his mother, his brother, the one who had experienced so much abuse from bullies at school, the one who hadn't been able to talk for fucking years on end. Sometimes he really hated being Tsuna. "May I come in? Or do you guys need another second?"

Nana wiped tears from her eyes and stood up.

"No, you can come in Yamamoto-san." She smiled gently through her tears at the black haired boy. "I'm going to go clean up and get something to eat. You two can talk." She leaned over and kissed the top of Tsuna's head before leaving the room. Yamamoto crept in tentatively.

"Tsuna?" Tsuna wiped his eyes again and gave Yamamoto a weak half smile. Yamamoto walked over to Tsuna's bed and sat in the chair recently vacated by Nana.

"Takeshi, can you not call me Tsuna right now?" Tsuna asked quietly, before rushing to finish the thought. "I know it sounds really stupid, I just- it's a little bit too much of a reminder of my failure." Which sounded infinitely stupider to Tsuna but he didn't know how he could say it. He did, however, trust that Yamamoto-no, Takeshi would be the one to understand. If no one else did, Takeshi would.

Takeshi seemed taken aback at the request and sudden use of his first name, but he nodded, reaching out and resting his hand on Tsuna's shoulder.

"Tsunayoshi, then." Tsuna didn't know why or how, but somehow hearing his full name made him feel better, stronger, more like the unwavering, powerful force that had faced Rokudo, that had stood up to his brother, that had decided he didn't need the love of a neglectful father. Tsunayoshi was the one who had been strong and it gave Tsuna the chance to dissociate from the absolute screw up he had always been and would always be. They sat in silence for a moment, before Takeshi asked, "It's Ieyoshi, isn't it?" Tsuna let out a loud breath.

"Yeah." He answered weakly. "It's just- oh God he's dead and I don't know what I could have done and why I even did why I did and even when I think I do everything's so messed up and confusing and, I mean, like, I decided his life wasn't worth it, I made that decision and I don't know what to do, or say, or feel, and I don't know how to go on without constantly thinking of the morality of the things I've already done." Tsuna stopped, choking up. "And it's ridiculous because he's dead and what's making me upset is the morality of the things I've done." Takeshi breathed out.

"Oh, Tsunayoshi. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I let my brother die." Takeshi gave him an even look.

"Tsunayoshi, you weren't just deciding for yourself. You were deciding for Hibari too. You had another person to take care of besides yourself and you made the right call."

"Someone died." Tsuna snapped. "How can that possibly be the right call?" Takeshi tightened his grip on Tsuna's arm and Tsuna looked down at his hands, folded on his lap, on top of the covers, bandaged and bruised.

"You can't save everyone, Tsunayoshi. People make their own decisions and you can't change them. No matter how much you want to save them, to help them, some of them don't want your help. And you can't take that away from them. You can't force them to live your way and you can't force them to care about life. They have already determined their own lives and there's nothing you can do." Takeshi explained quietly. "There's just nothing you can do."

"I can't kill them Takeshi. I've already killed and I'm disgusted that I have and I can't do that again. And you can't convince me it's okay to do it." Tsuna said, shaking his head and gripping the blankets. Takeshi reached over and grabbed Tsuna's face, forcing him to look at him.

"No, it's not okay to kill. It's not okay to value some lives above eithers. It's selfish and terrible but sometimes you have to make a terrible and selfish decision. You have to decide what matters more to you. And it's terrible and awful but you don't have to do it all the time. But times will come in the future when you will have to make those decisions and you will have to live with them." Tsuna rubbed his eye with his wrist.

"That doesn't solve everything." He flicked his eyes down from Takeshi's face.

"I know. You're going to have to come to your own conclusions yourself." It had been easy, so easy to be comfortable with the killing and the hurting when Tsuna had been surrounded by people who did it for a living.

And that was terrifying.

Tsuna suddenly lunged forward and hugged Takeshi tightly.

"Please don't ever leave me." He whispered into Takeshi's shoulder. "I need you." He felt a hand in his hair.

"I don't plan on it."

XXXX

How'd you like it?

So yeah this was just a really difficult chapter for me to write mainly because it wasn't really that action or dialoguey, but there was a lot I thought needed to be addressed. Because Tsuna is a person with really strong morals who would be extremely bothered by the morality of what he is doing and this is something that will definitely continue because it sure as hell hasn't reached a resolution.

I swore a bit in this chapter, and I apologize for that, I just felt like I really needed it to portray how Tsuna felt and I hate to admit it, but I've had a bit of a problem with swearing because I'm constantly surrounded by people who swear a lot and its kind of been incorporated into my thoughts a lot. I'm trying to stop swearing so much though! Or at least in my writing.

So ieyoshi may or may not be alive. I'm not confirming or denying anything so you may draw your own conclusions or theories. Honestly though, half the time my chapters take me places I didn't expect to go so I'll probably be as surprised to write it as you will be to read it. Anticipate anything!

Rokudo's alive though. It was made pretty clear I believe, but just extra confirmation. He's definitely alive.

So I may not necessarily know where everything is going for sure (though I do have some set in stone decisions already made), but I can definitely tell you that the ring battles are gonna be interesting!

I hope to get the next chapter out before may, but I will probably get it out during may, so I apologize for that.

I EXTREMELY LOVE ALL OF YOU!

CIAO!