A/N: Yeah. So.

Disclaimer: The following chapter is not politically neutral. If my politics are not your politics and I've disappointed you, I'm sorry for that disappointment. This fic has always been very clear about its position on LGBTQ rights and gender equality. If you've read all the preceding chapters, I think it comes as no surprise how I feel about the recent American election.

This chapter may also not even be funny - both because I'm consumed with awful emotions right now and I haven't laughed in days and because it's been basically years since I seriously attempted to write comedy. And because this chapter attempts to draw some of its humor from absurdity that may only have comedic resonance through comparison to real world events and the recognition of real world absurdity - is this a caricature or a photograph? And because this may be #toosoon. If I can't laugh at my jokes - I hope that you can. But I don't know. The future is so uncertain.

To be honest, I wrote this as a coping mechanism.

And I want to be upfront and honest about that - some of the views expressed here aren't entirely rational and fact-based. They're not fair, not to everyone, not to, probably, anyone. They're the product of a swirl of emotions that I've cycled through over the past few days that I had to get out, somehow. I woke up on Wednesday and immediately felt the oppressive cloud of a sense of acute physical danger of the kind I haven't felt since I became an adult and managed to leave the South. In deference to that, I haven't included many aspects of the election in this chapter. This chapter alludes to some of the nastiness of the election and the fear that's come with it, and so I am unsure if I would call it a safe space, but there are bounds that I'm not willing to cross. Even as bitter and jaded as I am, I'm not willing to make jokes or include in a comedy piece some of the things that have been said and proposed during this election.

I'm sorry that the first chapter I'm posting for this in two years is this bitter, ugly, thing. I'm sorry I'm posting a chapter where I cried while writing it. But this was my way of coping and I hope that you can get that. I understand that not everyone shares my political views and while I'm willing to discuss politics, please respect where I'm coming from.

Thanks to Balabalabagan and CrimsonNoble for helping formulate or smooth out a good chunk of the jokes in this chapter.

Monday - Multipurpose Room A, Jinx! - Morning

Jinx stared into the camera.

The camera stared back.

Jinx waved.

The camera did not wave back.

Jinx shot the camera.

"Hey!" Jayce protested. "That took me ten minutes to put together!"

Jinx shrugged. "It was defective. I was just helping you out."

Jayce scowled. "And while I put together another one, the competition is getting the scoop on us."

Jinx blew away the curl of smoke from the tip of her gun. "Chop chop then."

Monday - Multipurpose Room A, Piltover News Network - Morning

"Three… two… one…" Vi said. As she said one, she flipped the switch on the camera she was supporting on her shoulder and gave Caitlyn a thumbs up.

Caitlyn looked directly into the camera and held her mic up. "Good morning Piltover city. This is PNN, your source for hard-hitting journalism, bringing live coverage of the Noxian general election. There are three candidates speaking today - Riven Crownguard, an outsider often accused of being so outside that she's a Demacian - but maybe a Demacian is just what Noxus needs to make it a less awful place…"

Caitlyn trailed off, making sure to give Heimerdinger back at HQ enough time to play through a clip of Riven wearing blue and gold and leading a Demacian parade.

"Jericho Swain," Caitlyn continued, "A reality TV executive who is apparently running on a platform consisting of accusing Demacians, Ionians, and snakes of being child-eating monsters of easy virtue with no stamina, despite starring a Demacian on his Noxus Shore, collaborating with Ionians to sponsor Pantheon's strip tour of Valoran, and drinking snake oil three times a day in hopes it will make him fly."

"And Emilia LeBlanc..."

"Evaine," Vi mouthed.

"Ah, Evaine LeBlanc," Caitlyn corrected herself. "Who is incredibly well qualified and competent but is haunted by a legacy of no one caring about her."

"But the first candidate speaking today is Riven - Noxus' prodigal daughter. As many of you know, Riven recently married Demacia's Lady of Luminosity, Luxanna Crownguard by eloping and disappointing everyone who was looking forward to seeing what dress top Demacian designer Taric had made for her, but we were pleasantly surprised when Taric went ahead and wore the dress himself…"

Monday – Multipurpose Room A – Morning

Riven tugged awkwardly at the red half-cape-thing draped over her shoulders. Though it was the least uncomfortable thing she was wearing, she couldn't exactly pick at her ugly skin tight black bodysuit Jarvan had dug out of the theatre closet of a Demacian high school for her. It was really, really tight. Oh Demacia, she couldn't breathe.

"You've memorized your script, right?" Jarvan asked. "The teleprompter isn't working – you're on in five. Seconds. Five seconds."

Riven paled. She shook her head.

Jarvan shoved a stack index cards at her and then clapped her on the back, making her drop half of them. "Go win this election for Demacia!" And then the curtain was rising and Riven was very, very alone on the stage in front of a very, very Noxian audience.

Oh Demacia. Breathing.

"BOOOO!" Sion boomed.

"Go back to Demacia!" Draven added. "Noxus is for Draven!"

"Uh," Riven started. There were so many cameras pointed at her. So many lights. The index cards in her hand were upside down. And illegible. For all the fanfic of himself that Jarvan read, why was he so bad at writing?

"You don't deserve to wear that uniform!" Talon shouted. "It looks like shit on you! The Crimson Elite uniform is about looking good!"

"Uh," Riven tried again. She flipped the index cards right side up. Nope. Still illegible. She squinted. "Uhhhhh… vote… Riven for… Grand General… For great justice?"

An axe whizzed by Riven's head, followed by a knife, and then another knife, and then, like, five more knives, none of which hit anything important. Good to know Katarina wasn't actually trying to kill her. Or maybe she was just drunk. She'd spent the last week tripping over her own knives and shunpo-ing in the wrong direction, kind of like it suddenly actually took skill to murder everyone in two point five seconds.

"I should go," Riven squeaked. She tried to run for the exit but immediately fell flat on her face because Demacian high schools were rich and made their skintight Crimson Elite costume out of real cows instead of spandex and how the fuck did Katarina manage?

Making the best out of a bad situation, Riven quickly wiggled her way snake-like out of the room.

As she passed Cassiopeia, Cassiopeia glared. "Ssslithering is easssier without bootsss, you know."

Monday – Multipurpose Room A – Afternoon

Swain hobbled his way up to the podium with his campaign manager Beatrice perched on his shoulder so she could tell him what to say.

Elections.

Bah. It was all pure frivolity. If the Noxian citizens didn't vote for him, he had Darius and Darius' right bear arm. A little military coup every now and then kept people on their toes.

Beatrice leaned over and squawked a few sweet nothings into Swain's ear.

"Anthropomorphic snakes," Swain began. "Anthropomorphic snakes and Demacians are ruining Noxus. Ten years ago, twenty years ago, we didn't have Ionians in Noxus. But now they've come slithering in - and they're preying on us. They're taking our jobs and eating our children. Demacians are eating our eggs. Dead eggs in dumpsters."

Beatrice glared balefully at the assembled Noxians.

Swain slammed his cane down on the floor.

"Vote for the Swain Train. Make Noxus great again."

Beatrice squawked.

Out in the audience, Katarina turned to her siblings. "He has a point, you know." She was tapping a knife against her chin thoughtfully.

"He hatess ssnakess," Cassiopeia said. "That'ss hiss point."

"Talon, no one's cared about you since you lost your silence," Katarina said. "You can parkour all you want, but without your silence, you're just not a cool kid."

Talon's lower lip wobbled. "I'm still a cool kid," he said.

"And me," Katarina said, "As a Noxian assassin, I feel neglected. How long has it been since I was voted "Most Likely to Get a Penta"? I think Swain is onto something - we really do need to make Noxus great again…"

Monday - Multipurpose Room A - Evening

LeBlanc strode up to the stage. She smiled. She waved. She had this in the bag.

She was, after all, the most competent candidate Noxus had ever seen. She'd been running Noxus from the shadows for generations, she was the Matron of the Black Rose, she understood parliamentary procedure rules, and she looked hella good in a pantsuit.

"Ladies, Gentlemen, Creatures," LeBlanc began. The crowd quieted. Oh yeah, she had this. "Think about everything good that's ever happened to you in Noxus," she said. "I was responsible for that. Now, think about everything bad that's ever happened to you in Noxus. That was Swain."

"Now, think about the future. Do you want to be happy in the future? Then vote for me. Vote for LeBlanc."

With a dramatic twirl, LeBlanc poofed herself out.

Er.

Wait. Why wasn't she-

POOF.

Oh, there it went. What an odd delay.

Out in the audience, Talon looked at Vladimir. "Do you want to be happy?" he asked.

Vladimir frowned, thinking deeply. "Nah."

Tuesday - Cassiopeia's Apartment - Morning

"This is PNN, continuing our well-researched and un-bias coverage of the Noxian election," Caitlyn droned. "This morning, we're out talking to real Noxian voters…"

Vi panned the camera to where Cassiopeia sat with Katarina on a couch. Cassiopeia had clearly spent all morning doing her makeup. Katarina had clearly spent all morning doing Ashe.

"Good morning Katarina, Cassiopeia," Caitlyn said. "Piltover wants to know - who are you voting for?"

"Riven," Cassiopeia announced. "Because sshe'ss from outssside the sssystem."

"She's a Demacian," Katarina said incredulously. "Literally a Demacian."

"Outssside the sssystem," Cassiopeia repeated.

"Well," Katarina replied, picking at her fingernails with the tip of a knife. "I'm voting for Swain."

"He killed our father," Cassiopeia said, disbelief coloring her tone. "Murder. Asssssasssssination. Dead dad."

"He'll make Noxus great again," Katarina said.

"He'ss been in High Command for yearsss," Cassiopeia protested. "Hiss track record iss ssshit."

"Will you stop hissing so much?" Katarina demanded, suddenly clutching her knife with a murderous glint in her eye. "I can barely understand you when you do that!"

"You're jusst rasssissst againssssst sssssssnakesssssssss," Cassiopeia hissed back. "My own sssssssissssssster."

Katarina's murderous eye glint did not go away. "You're okay," she said. "But what about the other snakes? We don't know what they're up to. We need to deport snakes, turn ourselves into the Shadow Isles. They have a great economy - death and more death and no taxes - and that's what really matters. I've been out of work for so long, all of us Noxian assassins have. You just don't understand because you're a snake mage."

Cassiopeia's eyes glowed bright purple. "You jussssssst got a rework."

Caitlyn took an alarmed step back, dodging behind Vi.

"Well," Caitlyn said slowly. "Bloody politics are good for ratings…"

Tuesday - Darius' Apartment - Morning

Jinx stared into the camera and waved.

The camera waved back.

Jinx smiled and patted the camera. "Good boy," she crooned.

Jayce wiped a bead of sweat from his brow.

"Hello Piltover," Jinx said into the camera. "It's… Jinx! The best matchmaker ever." She wiggled her eyebrows for effect. "And this week, I'm going to be setting Noxus up with its next Grand General. But who's it going to be? I don't know yet! Like any good matchmaker, I've gotta scope the situation, get an angle on who'll be best for poor single Noxus."

Jinx grabbed the camera and spun it around to face Darius and Draven, both sitting at Darius' kitchen table.

"So boys," Jinx began, "Who're you voting for?"

Draven puffed up his chest and pointed at himself. "Draven's voting for Draven!" he announced.

Beside him, Darius rolled his eyes.

"Draven's clearly the best," Draven continued. "And he's coming in from outside the system. It'll be a new day, a new order, a new Noxus! A Noxus where every little boy and every little girl can have their own Draven bobblehead! And I'll pay for it. Because I'm rich!"

"He's incompetent," Darius interjected. "And he's broke."

Draven rounded on his brother. "What was that, bro? You don't believe in me?"

Darius crossed his arms. "No. I'm voting for Swain. The dirty snake women are killing our children."

Jinx looked over at Jayce. "Give them some axes," she said. "Bloody politics are great for the ratings."

Wednesday - Demacia HQ - Morning

Riven sat awkwardly in a spinny office chair, surrounded by an election machine. Phones were ringing. Interns were screaming. Volunteers were… doing whatever it was volunteers did... plastering the walls with "Riven for Grand General" stickers… or something...

And Jarvan was looming.

"Your numbers in the polls are good," Jarvan said. "Especially since we reminded all the news outlets that LeBlanc believes in clone's rights. But Noxus has a strange election system that we don't actually understand because we're Demacian and we do things sensibly - you know, hereditary monarchy."

Riven nodded fearfully because she really didn't want to end up deported to a reality TV show to be the token minority again. Jarvan had been watching too much Wife Swap for comfort. Where was Lux? She wanted Lux.

"Remember Riven," Jarvan said, "Demacia needs you to win this election. With you as Grand General, you can tell us all the Noxian state secrets and soften them up for an invasion. It'll be epic. Like me."

Riven cleared her throat and tried fervently not to think about Wife Swap. "But isn't that treason?"

"Nonsense!" Jarvan declared. "You're a Demacian now!"

"Right," Riven said. "I'm a Demacian."

"But don't say that in the interview," Jarvan warned.

"Interview?"

Quinn ran up to Riven and Jarvan, breathless. "They're here, your majesty," she said, doubling over to rest with her hands on her knees. "Has - ah - anyone seen Valor?"

Jarvan was already dragging Riven off. "Smile Riven," he said, "You're about to be on national television."

Wednesday - Right Outside Demacia HQ - Still Morning

"Cupcake, why don't I ever get to be the newscaster?" Vi whined.

"Because you don't have a posh British accent," Caitlyn answered, in a posh British accent.

"Uhg!" Vi groaned. "But your accent is fake!"

"Nonsense," Caitlyn announced. "My accent is as real as Jinx's schizophrenia."

"Is this a bad time?" Riven asked.

Startled, Caitlyn snatched up her microphone and gestured for Vi to get the camera rolling. "No, no," Caitlyn said quickly. "You're right on time. Let's get this interview started…"

"VALOR! VALOR GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW! IN THE NAME OF DEMACIA, I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR FEATHERED ASS!"

All three of them jumped a little in surprise and turned to see the source of the screaming.

It was Quinn. Chasing Valor. Valor, wearing a Make Noxus Great Again snakeskin hat.

Slowly, Caitlyn turned back to Riven. "So, Riven," Caitlyn began, using the same tone of voice she used for interrogations.

Riven swallowed nervously. Caitlyn was world-famous as a first-class detective. She'd see through everything in an instant. But maybe then she'd be able to escape back to Lux?

"Let's talk about your wedding dress," Caitlyn said. "Was the bedazzled lace train your idea or Taric's?"

Wednesday - The Swain Train - Afternoon

Swain paced back and forth in front of the camera, his cane making a heavy thud with every step, punctuating his rant. "It's those snakes," he said. "Infiltrating our city. Stealing our money. Attacking us in the street. Eating our ravens. Uh. Children. Our children. Our Noxian children. Are being eaten by Ionians."

Perched on his shoulder, Beatrice let out an angry, mournful, screech.

"Did you know the corvus corvax, the spirit animal of Noxus, is an endangered species? Only a handful left of them! And those vile Demacian snakes are killing them. When I'm Grand General, I'm going to build a dome, right over Noxus - and I'll make the Demacians pay for it - it's their snakes that are slithering in from Ionia and killing our ravens! I'll make Noxus great again."

"Does he know that no nation in the world classifies ravens as endangered?" Jayced asked no one in particular as he scrolled through Wikipedia. "They're not even threatened. They're one of the most common birds on Runeterra. And snakes don't prey on them."

Jinx, meanwhile, was nodding sagely. "Demacian Ionian snake women," she said, "Awful child eating critters. What are you going to do about the snakes already in Noxus?"

Swain laughed. "Purses."

"I see," Jinx said seriously. "A bold plan. And Mr. Swian, how do you address allegations that you yourself partake of snake oil in order to fly?"

"Lies," Swain announced. He pulled out his water bottle and took a hefty swig of snake oil. "All lies. Total fabrications meant to steal the election."

Wednesday - A Random Street in Noxus - Evening

Darius stood at the Ionian food truck, waiting for a banana.

"Hey, Harambe!" someone shouted.

Darius checked his watch. Why was his banana taking so long? He was going to be late to the basketball game. Grumpy, he glared at the food truck worker. The damn purple skinned unicorn had probably taken his money and run, just like an Ionian.

Oh. No. Wait. She was wearing a snakeskin Make Noxus Great Again hat. She must have been one of the good ones.

"Harambe!" someone shouted, even louder.

Darius looked up.

It was wearing pinstripes. It was Vladimir, waving. At him.

"I'm voting for you, Harambe!" Vlad shouted.

Confused, Darius got his banana from Soraka and went to his basketball game.

Wednesday - LeBlanc's Apartment - Night

"Why has no one interviewed me?" LeBlanc asked Other LeBlanc, her campaign manager.

"Maybe a blue pantsuit instead of a white one?" Other LeBlanc suggested to LeBlanc.

"I think it's the clones thing," LeBlanc said.

"But we can't abandon the clones," said Other LeBlanc. "We've been fighting all our eighteen lifetimes for clone's rights."

"Definitely a blue pantsuit," LeBlanc decided, glad she could make clear and well-thought out ideas because she wasn't trapped in an echo chamber.

Thursday - Multipurpose Room A - Afternoon

Jinx and Caitlyn stood next to each other, each with her own cameraperson.

"Piltover," Caitlyn said, "PNN is here today at a cleared out multipurpose room at the Institute of War to bring you live coverage of the Noxian Grand General Debate-

"Heya Piltover!" Jinx shouted, ignoring Jayce and leaning in front of Caitlyn to wave at Vi's camera. "Fat Hands," Jinx greeted. "You know me, Jinx, never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down-

Caitlyn shoved Jinx back to her own camera. "The Noxian Grand General Debate between the two leading candidates, Riven Crownguard, high profile trophy wife of Luxanna Crownguard, and Jericho Swain, who hates snakes."

Vi held up three fingers.

"Three leading candidates," Caitlyn corrected. "Riven, Swain, and… uh… LeBlanc - possibly the most qualified candidate in the field but oddly uninspiring and forgettable and possibly in favor of clone's rights. This debate will be moderated by the most neutral and unobjectionable person we could find - Urgot."

Apparently tired of her own show, Jinx stuck her head back over in front of Caitlyn's camera. "I'm gonna let you finish-

Caitlyn shoved Jinx back from whence she came. "Yes," Caitlyn said calmly, "You are. The debate is starting now…"

Thursday - Multipurpose Room A - The Stage

Riven, Swain, and LeBlanc stood behind their podiums beneath the harsh stage lights.

Before them sat Urgot.

Urgot said nothing. He also didn't move. He didn't do anything. Because he was Urgot.

"Death," Swain said. "Death to Demacians. Death to Ionians. And death, especially, to snakes."

"There are lots of nice Demacians," Riven protested.

"Your wife is a Demacian," Swain said. "That makes you a nasty snake."

Riven gaped at Swain. "You were at my bachelorette party," she protested. "You helped organize my bachelorette party! And you're the lunatic who wants to turn people into purses!"

"I never said I wanted to turn anyone into purses," Swain said. "Also, my hands are really big. And hobbling is hard work - my stamina is grand. And it takes grand stamina to be a Grand General."

"I'm a war hero," Riven said. "My stamina is good too."

Swain snorted. "You're not a war hero," he said. "You're not a war hero because you were captured - I like people who weren't captured." His eyes narrowed to a squint. "And no one with stamina marries a… Demacian. It takes a real man to please a Noxian woman."

"My centuries long track record proves that I have the ability to lead Noxus," LeBlanc said.

Perched on Swain's shoulder, Beatrice cawed loudly.

"Of course I think clones are people too!" LeBlanc snapped.

Beatrice squawked and flapped her wings, reaming Swain upside the head and scattering feathers everywhere.

"Every clone has a right to decide for itself!" LeBlanc fired back. "That's not a decision anyone can make for them!"

Beatrice let out a long, ear-splitting shriek.

"Ravens are going extinct!" Swain bellowed. "Because of cloned snakes! We have to build a dome! Kill all the snakes! They attacked us, totally unprovoked, from Ionia! We have to stop Ionian refugees from entering Noxus! Ionians go home!"

"We attacked Ionia," Riven argued, still, apparently, the calmest person on the stage. "Noxus attacked Ionia. I was there - and you're a war criminal, you authorized gassing Noxian soldiers!"

"She admits it," Swain declared. "She's the reason Ionians want to kill us - her and her dirty Demacian snake friends."

Riven used flail. It wasn't very effective.

In the moderator's seat, Urgot finally blinked. And then his arm fell off.

Friday - E-Day - Morning

"What a debate last night," Caitlyn said. "Today, here at PNN, we'll be monitoring Noxian exit polls later, but, this morning, we're talking with Luxanna Crownguard, wife of Riven Crownguard, about her analysis of how the Noxian general election will play out. Luxanna, thank you for joining us."

Lux smiled nicely for the camera. "Lux, please," she said, trying not to let her panic seep through. If she didn't ace this, if she didn't get Riven elected - Jarvan had been watching entirely too much Wife Swap.

"Lux," Caitlyn said. "It's great to have you here. So, start us off - who won the debate last night?"

"Riven, definitely," Lux replied. "She was calm and collected and she didn't let Swain get away with his blatant lies and pernicious anti-snake rhetoric."

"But Swain is still definitely competitive in the polls, how do you explain that?" Caitlyn asked. Damn, she was such a good detective.

"Noxians are scared of snakes," Lux answered. "It's as simple as that. It's ugly, but it's straightforward and there's absolutely no other conceivable reason, nope, none at all, nothing to see here, just some garden variety garden snake haters."

"One more question," Caitlyn said. "LeBlanc. What's wrong with LeBlanc? Why is her campaign floundering?"

"It's like this, Cait," Lux said. "Riven can bench a truck. LeBlanc can't. And as long as LeBlanc can't bench a truck, no one's ever going to vote for her."

Friday - E-Day - Afternoon

Caitlyn adjusted her hat and then signaled for Vi to turn on the camera.

"Hello Piltover," Caitlyn said. "Today is the day - will the world end? We'll be checking exit polls for all two and a half hours during the middle of the work day that the Noxian polls are open and counting down with you in this horse race of an election. These highly reliable exit polls will tell us the winner before the election ends because in this election cycle, early voting was eliminated and no one counts absentee ballots anyway. With us now is a Noxian voter… So, Katarina, how did you vote?"

"I voted for Swain," Katarina announced as she adjusted the fit of her snakeskin Make Noxus Great Again hat. "And no, I'm not a racist - my sister is a snake. I just want Noxus to be great again. But we should deport all the snakes too."

"There you have it, folks," Caitlyn said. "Swain supporters don't agree with him that all snake women must die, they're voting purely because of his sterling economic policies. I repeat, Swain supporters don't hate snakes, so don't try to say that they do. And now, for another voter… Cassiopeia?"

Cassiopeia wiped at her free-flowing tears, smudging her mascara. "I voted for Riven," she sobbed. "Swain is going to turn me into a purse."

"Clearly," said Caitlyn, "Tensions are high. The apocalypse is nigh. But the real question - did anyone vote for LeBlanc?"

"I voted for LeBlanc," LeBlanc cried pathetically from somewhere in the distance, maroon pantsuit soaked with four hundred years worth of tears.

Friday - E-Day - Evening, Waiting for the Results, Demacia HQ

Watching herself lose the Noxian election, Riven wasn't sure whether to be happy or terrified. On the upside, she wasn't going to be a Noxian Grand General forwarding state secrets to Demacia. On the downside, Jarvan.

Jarvan who was becoming increasingly inconsolate as it became clearer and clearer that Swain was going to sweep the election, despite LeBlanc winning the popular vote - a scenario none of the Demacians had imagined possible because they were so used to things working reasonably, you know, via a hereditary monarchy.

"How could we have lost?" Jarvan moaned. "I was our campaign manager. Me. Prince Jarvan IV, Exemplar of Demacia." He sniffed. "But Demacia shall rise again. Like a phoenix from the ashes, we shall overcome and-

His pocket buzzed.

Jarvan pulled out his phone.

And then he smiled.

Riven paled. Uh oh.

"Look!" he announced. "A sign! Thank Demacia! It's a snake, eating Beatrice!"

Hesitantly, Riven peered over Jarvan's shoulder. He had Swain's Twitter open. There was a picture and a caption - 'You see? Demacian filth snakes attacking innocent birds. Sad.'

Riven cleared her throat. "Your majesty," she started, "That's Shyvanna chasing Valor wearing a Swain hat."

Friday E-Day - Evening, Waiting for the Results, Swain Train

Swain leaned back in his incredibly intimidating evil executive chair as he watched the results come in on PNN. He stroked Beatrice.

"Victory awaits us, my dear," he said. "Isn't it grand? I didn't even have to turn into a bird and eat them."

Relaxing with a glass of what Swain hoped was wine (with gifts from Vladimir it was always good to double check), Swain closed his eyes.

And then Beatrice let out an ugly squawk.

Swain's eyes flew open. He stared at the television. "What? What? NOOOOOOOOOO-

Friday E-Day - Evening, Waiting for the Results, Swain Train

LeBlanc sat in front of the television, crying.

Maybe in another hundred years.

Someday it would be her time.

Someday it wouldn't matter that she couldn't bench a truck.

Friday - E-Day - Evening

"And the winner is, through the grace of the silent majority and a quirk in the Noxian election system worthy of yours truly…." Jinx cackled, face shoved right up in front of the camera.

Jinx pulled back and swept out her arm to indicate… Teemo. Smiling. Waving.

Jinx held up a microphone for him. "What a great stealth campaign," she said. "Got any comments for your fans out there?"

Teemo pointed his head towards the camera. And then he opened his eyes. Hellfire shone through. "Never underestimate the power of the scout's code."

Epilogue

Olaf chugged a beer and then grabbed a handful of cheetos. Next to him, Volibear burped.

The television in front of them showed scenes of Noxus burning and Noxians crying.

"Good thing the Freljord has a stable political system and no crazies," Olaf announced.

"Agreed," said Volibear.