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Naruto's Oblivion

by DireSquirrel

Chapter Ten

Aggressive Negotiations

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"So, you're a dragon," Naruto said, sitting crosslegged on a patch of unmelting snow as he looked across at his conversational companion.

"Yes, indeed I am, young one," Paarthurnax intoned, his deep baritone echoing across the open mountain peak.

"You don't know how to get back to Bruma, do you? I got the Draconian Madstone for the aureola woman, but now I'm not really sure how to get back," Naruto asked as if it was totally normal to speak to a dragon.

"I'll be honest," Paarthurnax replied. "I don't get out much these days, so I've never actually heard of Bruma."

"Phooie," Naruto said with a pout, crossing his arms as he pondered the situation.

"But you might try down at Dragon's Reach," Paarthurnax suggested, pointing down the side of the mountain.

"Thanks Dragon Dude!" Naruto said, giving the white dragon a wave before jumping off the side of the mountain. Paarthurnax quickly glided down to see if the boy had died, but witnessed the boy simply running down the side of the mountain as if it were flat land.

"Humans these days," the ancient dragon grumbled. "No respect for their elders. I almost had a heart attack!"

"For the Thalmor!" one high elven wizard called out, sending a fireball in the ninja's general direction as they walked across the water towards the docks. The incendiary projectile exploded against Zabuza's giant meat cleaver of a sword.

"Okay," the Demon of the Bloody Mist growled as his regrowing bangs went up in smoke. "Now I'm mad."

The now-even-more-eyebrowless ninja charged across the water, his fingers going through hand seals almost too fast for the eye to see and called up a mist so thick you couldn't possibly see through it. And then promptly got hit by several bolts of electricity that seemed to punch through the mist.

"So," Zabuza Momochi grumbled, "You can still see us, eh?"

He went through a number of other hand signs and summoned up ten water clones from the ocean waves which then split up. Back by the ship, Kakashi sighed.

"Well, I was just going to go negotiate for special considerations, but it looks like that idea's out the window," the masked ninja bemoaned.

"Troublesome," nodded the resident Nara.

"All this talk of fighting is making me hungry," Choza commented. "Let's get it over with."

The already large man stepped onto the water and immediately grew to a gigantic size that wouldn't be seen again until Juggalag and Merunes Dagon decided to trash the Shivering Isles and the Imperial City respectively. Now clearly seen over the mist, with the sun at his back, his gigantic shadow covered half the city.

"Troublesome," muttered Shikaku as he used his special shadow abilities to entrap almost everyone on the city docks via Choza's gigantic shadow. Unfortunately he caught Zabuza as well, much to the missing-ninja's discontent. And since this was in the Summerset Isles, one could say that this was the Winter of his Discontent. "Inoichi, Kakashi, you're free to move."

The two Konoha jonin nodded their thanks and made it onto shore. Zabuza growled loudly back at him.

"What about me?"

"It would be twice as troublesome to let you kill them all," the Nara Head replied with a sigh.

"How about just the ones throwing fire and lightning at us?" Zabuza begged, although in retellings, he would never admit to begging; that he "requested" instead would be used.

"Fine..." *sigh*

"Are you going to let me go, then?" Zabuza inquired.

"Troublesome," the Nara grumbled, letting his attack release the bloodthirsty ninja. Unfortunately for the Thalmor, a whole lot of them objected magically to Zabuza's breaking of the blockade. On the other hand, Altmer necromancers and the local Dark Brotherhood canonized Zabuza as Saint Zabuza, Chosen of Sithis, so it wasn't all bad.

14 hours of slaughter and aggressive negotiations later...

"How was I supposed to know they didn't take paper money," Choza commented as he ate a roast the size of a horse. "What government in their right mind still deals in gold currency?"

"This one apparently; although the coins with the dragon in the diamond seem to be unwanted," Inoichi said as the Ino-Shika-Cho trio marched down the street. "Seems silly to me. Gold is gold. But really, they don't even have banks here. Such a primitive culture."

That was not quietly spoken and earned some glares from the tall, golden skinned Altmer. No doubt word had gotten out about the little incident at the docks and the ninja's comments weren't doing much to endear them to the local population.

"The food isn't bad," Choza said after swallowing a large chunk of meat. "Bit heavy on the salt and could use some soy sauce. I wonder how they worked out an exchange rate?"

"I'm betting it has something to do with the size of Zabuza's sword," Inoichi commented. "Freud would have a lifetime of work with that guy."

"Weren't you the one who was saying it was too troublesome to break the 4th Wall?" Shikaku inquired, hands in pockets as he glanced at a jewelry case. Inside were several brilliantly crafted necklaces. The laziest Jonin in Konoha had thoughts as to what would happen should they return from an exotic place empty handed. Shikaku pointed to the case and looked up at the lizard-like shopkeeper. "I'll take four of those, each with different stones and settings."

"Necklaces?" Choza asked, leaning over his friend's shoulder for a look.

"Finest Argonian craftsmanship," the vendor said. "Best this side of Blackwood."

"Yoshino would be much less troublesome if I buy her a few of these," Shikaku commented. "I might even get a nap and a drink when we get back."

Inoichi and Choza shared a worried look before turning back to the Argonian. "Four please!" the two said in unison.

Back at the local Thalmor headquarters, the other two ninjas were having a bit of a different situation.

"But the Obliv-"

"I don't care about the obligata or any of that crap," Zabuza said. "Just trade with the ship and we'll be on our way."

"You can't-"

"Or I'll be here, and I'll keep killing your pointy eared pieces of shit until I get my way, do I make myself clear?" the man continued, his hand squeezing the Altmer's shoulder until the bones creaked and the man nearly passed out in pain.

Unfortunately, that was when "reinforcements" arrived in the form of the Thalmor Auxiliary and the Town Guard. Kakashi slapped a hand over his face as Zabuza pulled off his gigantic cleaver of a blade and went to work. This was going to be a long day. "You know, you'd think they'd run off when they saw that he could just slaughter them with one swipe. I guess they don't realize he's not trying."

"He-he's not being serious?" the local Thalmor head inquired as he cast a Restoration spell on his shoulder.

"Oh, no, he's just playing around," Kakashi said with a little taunting curve to his closed eye. "That's a guy who killed a hundred trained ninja when he was ten and countless people since then. Your people are probably not going to stop him." Kakashi turned back to the captive Thalmor captain. "And should you pull out the big guns, I'd be forced to help him, which means the rest of my team would be forced to help and they've got the best teamwork in the history of my village which is known for its teamwork. Together, we're the most dangerous team of ninjas on the island."

That was, of course, ignoring the fact that they were the only ninjas on the island.

"So we're screwed?" the Thalmor asked. Kakashi gave a shrug and nodded.

"Yep, pretty much sideways with an ox," the Copy Ninja replied in a warm and friendly tone. He leaned over and glanced out the window. "Huh, never seen that jutsu before," he commented, as he pulled his forehead protector up as it was cast a second time. "Well, waste not, want not." He pondered the spell he just witnessed. "Huh, a technique that poisons, then paralyzes while setting the target on fire. Very inventive, although only using mental energy, but I think I can tweak it to make it work."

The Thalmor captain sweated as he realized he was trapped.

"So, what exactly do you want?" he asked Kakashi.

"See? Now you're learning," Kakashi said with a voice that he would normally use for very little children or his Genin Team. "If you agree quickly, you'll still have some fighters left."

The Altmer wizard chose that moment to bang his head into the desk in frustration.

"Hey, do that too much and you'll hurt the wood!"

"Where is Naruto? We've been waiting for what seems like weeks!" Sakura bemoaned on the streets of Bruma. She turned to her companion who was clearly not paying attention. "Haku? HAKU!"

"What?" Haku said, breaking out of his stupor.

"I asked 'Where is Naruto?' and you were just staring off into the distance," Sakura accused.

"Sorry, you were speaking and then Skjorta ran by and my mind was suddenly on other things," Haku admitted. "Bouncing things."

"Who's Skjorta?"

"Nevermind," Haku said dismissively, having noticed her rather strong dislike of men observing the female form. "What about Naruto? I'm sure he's fine. We both know he's not going to give up until he's Hokage."

"That has nothing to do with this," Sakura said. "And what about Sasuke-kun..."

She started to slide into depression, so Haku did the one thing he could think of to break depressive slides: he froze her underwear. She made a short squeal before glaring at him.

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what?" Haku lied perfectly. He might not be able to read a map, but he could lie pretty damn well.

"Freeze my..."

"Your what?" Haku asked with an innocent look. Sakura blushed and looked away.

"Never mind," she said, refusing to voice her issues in case her accusations were incorrect. "I'm heading to the Fighter's Guild."

"I think I'll head to the Mage's Guild since everybody's talking about it," Haku said, mentally acknowledging that his gambit had worked. It was a technique he had perfected on Zabuza when the semi-psychotic swordsman would go on rants about the Mizukage.

"Sounds good to me," Sakura agreed as they started walking in the general direction of the local guild houses. It was unseasonably warm in Bruma that day, four days after Sakura was released from jail because Haku was creepy. And unseasonably warm in Bruma meant that it was too warm for snow to fall, meaning it was instead freezing rain.

"How does Skjorta run on ice like that?" Haku mused as he saw the birthday-suit clad woman run passed a guard. "She's not even using chakra."

"Who?" Sakura asked as Skjorta, seemingly both back-lit and in slow motion, ran behind the pink haired girl.

"Nevermind! Have fun at the Fighter's Guild!" Haku said before quickly slipping into the Mage's Guild door. He had no regenerative capabilities on Naruto's scale, so he had no desire to feel the effects of Sakura's angry fists.

"That was weird," Sakura said, staring at the void the boy left in his wake. Shaking her head, she opened the door and rushed towards the lit fireplace. "Warm! So warm!"

"Oh, so THAT's how I get back to Cyrodiil," Naruto exclaimed. "I just follow this road south to Helgen and that will take me back to the pass?"

"Right," the Whiterun guard said. "Can't miss it, big hole in the southern mountains."

"Thanks!"

And so did Naruto travel south upon said road, fighting bandit, troll and the occasional imp (a species invasive to Skyrim brought north by imperial caravans). The bandits he dragged back with him and he did deposit them in the usual jail cells. He went up to the castle where the Bruma Countess showered him with gold and gave him a silver band with a green stone called "The Ring of the Vipereye," which was supposed to be really cool.

"Oh, so all I need to do is find this missing mage and bring him to you?" Haku asked.

"Yes, he's been missing for a while now, but no one seems to be worried," Jeanne Frasorick commented. "It's quite irritating."

"Okay, this shouldn't be too difficult," the ninja said. He held up a hand and quite deliberately lowered the temperature in the building to a few degrees below freezing. He wasn't bothered by it, since it was still warmer than it was outside in Bruma, however, people's breath stood out. All it took was a quick walk down stairs to find a desert dwelling cat person shivering invisibly, but the chattering of teeth gave it away.

"Oh, there you are," Haku said, grabbing the invisible mage by the ear and dragging him to the local guild leader. "Found him."

"Excellent use of ice magic," the woman said after glaring at the newly visible Khajit. "I shall endorse you to the Arcane University."

"Thank you, but I didn't-"

"Oh, darn it, I seem to have lost my book," she said, glancing about her desk. "If you'll excuse me.

As he was leaving, he turned to the perturbed man-children of the Bruma Mage's Guild. "Really, if you wanted pranks and tricks, you should have enticed Naruto into the guild. You guys just got the wrong Hero of Kvatch."

And with that, he slipped out the door.

J'scar and Volanaro looked at each other and shrugged. "I guess it's not too bad losing to a guy who jumps in Oblivion Gates for fun."

"This one's ears still hurt," the Khajiit grumbled. "Ask again later."

Next Time: For the Last Time, You are Not a Daedric Prince!