Not Just A Routine Procedure

Beginning of the Nightmare

Just A Routine Procedure, they told me. It wasn't the first time I went in for surgery. I had my appendix removed as a kid, and my wisdom teeth removed as an adult. However, this time, when they put me under...

I never woke up.

"Huh, this one is actually beginning to move! When did you say you got this one, Doctor?"

The doctor, I assume, whistles.

"2014. This ...Specimen has been on ice for a while."

I feel sluggish, like my own body's fighting me. everything... feels weird. I can't feel my heartbeat, I can't feel myself breathe. I can't smell. Yet, everything I see seems... crisper. My hearing... perfect.

"WHERE AM I?" I ask, before freezing. That was not my voice. It was metallic, like I was talking through a cheap microphone, but not before I used one of those voice-masking programs you see in spy thrillers.

"It speaks! This is incredible! We've never gotten so much as a twitch out of the others!"

"Now, now, let's not be rude. Mr...****?" The 'doctor' inquires.

"Y..YES?" I stammer, freaking out slightly at NOT HAVING MY VOICE!

"Ah, good, the file is accurate. Well, Mr. ****, Your surgery... did not go as planned. I am not in the habit of sugar coating things for my patients, so I am going to give it to you straight. You died. And, well, since you did say you had no problem with your organs being donated after death... Well, your brain wound up donated to science, though it was kept in cryostasis until now."

"HOW AM I SPEAKING, THEN?" Most would be freaking out, right now. I'm surprised I'm not. I suppose it'll sink in later.

"We are testing a... prosthetic. You are our first success. As for your previous question... You are in a lab, I am afraid the exact location is classified. And the year... is 2182. You have been on ice for one hundred, sixty-eight years. And so much has changed since then! We have achieved faster-than-light travel! We have encountered alien species! Though, admittedly, that second one is not the boon it sounds like. You see, they attacked us without provocation during First Contact. And we came to a cease-fire, but since then they have been strangling us with beauracracy! Their slavers raid our homes, and when we try to take our people back, the others threaten us with war! It! Is! Maddening!"

"THAT DOES SOUND SERIOUS, DOCTOR. HOWEVER, I WILL RESERVE JUDGMENT ABOUT THEM FOR NOW. AFTER ALL, DATA COLLECTED FROM A SINGLE SAMPLE CANNOT MAKE A LAW." I say, dusting off my old science classes for my metaphor.

The doctor laughed at that.

"Ah, a man after my own heart. Yes, of course, you are correct."

I decide to bring up something that's been bothering me.

"DOCTOR, IT IS STRANGE. I SHOULD BE... PANICKING RIGHT NOW. AFTER ALL, I FOUND OUT I DIED, AND DISCOVERED THAT I'M OVER A HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS IN THE FUTURE. BUT I FEEL... CALM."

"Nothing to worry about, Mr. ****. My assistant is monitoring your stress levels, and injecting calming drugs as needed. Nothing more. Though, it is good that you told me immediately. It only makes both of our lives more difficult if you withhold information like that. Well, let's see if you can move. Move your right arm."

I do so.

"Now, move your left."

I comply.

"Nod your head."

Again, I do as I'm told.

"Try taking a step. First your right, then left."

I do so, and as I'm taking my step, I feel... heavy. I immediately tell the Doctor.

"Well, of course you do, Mr. ****. The current...chassis you are in weighs four tons."

"Fourtons?"

"Yes. It is a... military surplus.A YMIR mech, that we modified. We'll see about lightening it as we continue our tests."

And such is how I spend the next several months.

The doctor, Whose name I eventually learned was Dr. Josef Mendes, ran me through tests for eight hours a day, allowed me to watch... future TV, as it appeared to be. There was only one or two channels, and Dr. Josef said that was due to reception issues. But it was better than nothing.

There was the news channel, and what appeared to be a history channel.

The History channel spoke of the First Contact War, and the Battle of Shanxi.

The news showed constant slaver raids, and legislation passed to oppress humans.

The more I watched, the more I convinced I was that Doctor Josef was right.

Then Doctor Josef said he had a... special test. A weapons test. I was slightly nervous, but I did a stint as a Boy Scout, and wasn't a bad marksman. I was by no means gun shy. And Doctor Josef did mention alot of funding came from government defense contracts, so I suppressed it.

Stationary target. Bullseye. Probably could have made it even without my targeting system.

Moving target. Slightly trickier, but again, my targeting system was more than enough to compensate.

Then came the next test.

Dr. Josef brought in a Batarian.

One of those slavers.

"Mr. ****. Please shoot him."

If he had asked me this when I had first woken up, I would have told him to go to Hell.

I couldn't have shot anyone. Hell, I used to go out of my way to avoid stepping on a bug.

But after the past few months, watching what these monsters do to people...

I saw through the Batarian's tears, his pleas for mercy. I ignored them. After all, if the situation were reversed, he would just laugh at me, before torturing me so I would be his broken, obedient slave.

Like he did so many others.

I fired a single shot from my autocannon arm.

Hit him right between his four eyes.

Dr. Josef smiled.

"Welcome to Cerberus, Mr. ****."

AN: I've seen a couple of fics that have Project Lazarus turn Shepard into a YMIR mech. And I've seen more than a couple Mass Effect self inserts. I decided to blend both into one.

The premise is Cerberus installed my brain into a YMIR, and then stuck me on a regimen to both see if their project was feasible, and to brainwash me to be all "PURGE THE ALIEN!"

This fic will pretty much involve Me and my YMIR mech body trying to track down Shepard, trying to 'help' him defeat Saren... WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE.