It's Too Late for a Soliloquy, a teen titans fanfic

Heheheh Happy Thanksgiving guys! Enjoy!

Oh, and in case you guys get confused, this one-shot is purposely written as kind of like a continuation to my previous story, only the key word here is that it's a one-shot. Sorry guys, but I will not be doing any sequels until next year probably.

Still, I thought you guys might appreciate this until then though...

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans or anything even remotely related to the Teen Titans.

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It was a strange feeling, missing someone you didn't think you even held the capacity to miss. It was such an unfamiliar feeling, it was almost making Raven feel uncomfortable. Like her epidermis had shrunk in the shower and was now three sizes too small for her petite frame. She supposed she was feeling restless... yes, that was definitely the term to describe her current state of emotions.

So the question was, why was she feeling this way in the first place? And over Beast Boy of all people! Though they lived in the same Tower and generally occupied the same space, they were hardly best friends or confidantes.

Deep down she supposed there was no shame in it being Beast Boy. It's not like he was a loser or an asshole who didn't deserve to be missed by anyone. He was just the opposite, if anything.

The typical guy next door, he was earnest and generous, easy-going and down to earth. Maybe that's what annoyed her so much. Sometimes he was just too good, too eager to please those around him. He was so determined to make people smile or laugh, especially her, which only irritated her further most of the time.

Most of the time.

A small part of her appreciated his patience with her moods, his unfailing resolve to get her to flash her pearly whites. She liked that he put in a lot of effort to make her feel included, especially when she was still warming up to everyone else in the Tower as well, and she wasn't exactly a prodigy at making friends or making others feel at ease around her.

But that was beside the point.

Raven shook her head slightly, as if to clear the thoughts from her cluttered mind, watching distractedly as her violet locks danced in and out of her vision in the evening air. Times like this she wished she were more of drinker; sometimes tea and meditation were not enough to settle the turmoil of emotions swirling around in her head, and right about now she figured a good, strong glass of Grey Goose would just about do the trick.

But, as it was, she'd never quite developed a taste for the stuff, and really only indulged on special occasions. So that option was out. Back to square one.

Why did she miss him?

And the most mind-boggling aspect of it all was that he wasn't even gone. Things were just as they had always been, mostly. He was still at the Tower, as was she. There had been no fight, no hurtful words exchanged, so why did it feel like he had packed up and left for good when he was right there down the hall sleeping?

Her body shivered, reminding her that maybe leaving the bedroom window open on a frigid winter night wasn't the best idea. With a sigh, she shuffled over to the wide open window and quickly slid it shut. As a result, a gust of cold air slapped her across the face, wiping the last bit of drowsiness from her mind.

She remained transfixed there at the closed window, her attentions once more consumed by the very conundrum that had kept her from sleep in the first place.

Maybe it wasn't so much his physical person that she missed, maybe it was that she missed the way things used to be between them.

Things had been different before. They'd hardly been besties, but she'd trusted him before anyone else, and he'd always been there for her in a way no one else had ever even tried. And he genuinely liked her. She didn't understand why, but he did for some strange reason, and in a different way than the other Titans did.

Becoming a Titan had felt like a godsend initially, like she'd finally found her purpose. And the fact that she had someone like him to count on was just almost too good to be true. But once she'd moved into the Tower permanently, she'd realized it was all too much for her. Too much, too fast. While being floor-mates with him had seemed comforting at first, it had soon made her feel claustrophobic, instead.

Living together and being teammates wasn't enough for him. He wanted to get to know everything about her, wanted to be more than... whatever they were before.

Maybe it was because she'd experienced more than her fair share of people trying to use her and her power for selfish and nefarious purposes. Or maybe it was just that Timid had somehow taken control of the reigns in this new and strange environment. But the closer Beast Boy tried to get, the louder her insides screamed for her to back away.

And rather than actually sit down and talk to him about it, she'd decided to just push him away, little by little.

And while she could still see that he hadn't given up in salvaging what they'd once had, the easiness of it all was long gone. He still laughed, still smiled, still went about his day like everything was normal. But everything seemed more forced now, more tense and strained. His once boisterous chuckle sounded hollow to her own ears now, and she knew he just wanted some clarification from her, just wanted to know why she was suddenly blocking him out and building up her walls.

The pain that flashed in his eyes when she looked at him was the worst, there was no way to avoid that. Except to avoid him.

Oh Azar, she could be such an asshole sometimes.

But strangely enough, he never brought it up, never pushed her for an explanation, which had once been one of her favorite qualities in him. Only now it just drove her insane. She wanted to be pushed, wanted to be called out and told off so she'd feel a little better about the way she was treating him, like her actions would be justified in some way if just he yelled at her.

Maybe that's why he didn't bring it up. He knew her better than anyone on this planet, so it wouldn't be that far of a stretch to assume he was doing this on purpose. No matter how much it killed him, he wouldn't push for an explanation, because he knew that's what she wanted, knew that doing so would only enable Raven's attitude further.

The bastard.

So here she was again, back to the same question as before: why did she miss him? Or, rather, why did she miss him when she'd been so convinced before that she wanted nothing to do with him?

And suddenly, it seemed like a lightbulb had gone off in her head.

She didn't dare pose the question again out loud, for she knew it would sound even more idiotic uttered aloud than it did in her own head, if that was even possible.

She was so stupid sometimes, so single-minded, she wondered how anyone put up with her.

She realized right then that she had been asking the wrong question. The truth of the matter was, how could she not miss Beast Boy? How could she possibly think for even one second that he would ever treat her like Slade did, use her like her father inevitably wanted to?

Beast Boy was nothing like either of them. She was just scared, and in her moment of fear, she'd decided to distance herself as a defense mechanism.

Raven glanced at the clock ticking away on her bedside table, frowning when she realized how late it was. Three in the morning.

Not exactly the most opportune time to be making amends.

Not that she cared.

She smirked as she threw on her cloak, feeling even more confident in her decision as she felt the sleek material rest on her shoulders. Satisfied, she slid her bedroom door open and padded down the hallway calmly, despite the fact that she probably looked like a sleep-deprived wreck. He didn't care what she looked like though, and she knew that.

She'd never felt so certain about something since agreeing to join the Titans all those months ago, and for once she wished their rooms were closer so she could just be there already.

Upon reaching the large door labeled "Beast Boy" in no-nonsense lettering, she pounded on it without hesitation. He probably expected her to be Cyborg, waking him up at this hour only to purposely mess with his prized beauty sleep. Or to prank Robin.

She could hear him grunting confused mumblings from behind the door, followed by a loud thump, and she smiled a little at that. Probably fell off the top bunk of his bed again.

She was about to knock again, and louder this time, when the door suddenly slid open, revealing a very disheveled and disoriented Beast Boy standing before her. He seemed to awaken immediately however when he realized who had been knocking on his door, and under his bewildered gaze, she almost felt shy again.

She'd forgotten what it felt like to have him look at her that way, like he was happy to see her but didn't want to believe it was actually her for fear that it was all just a dream, as if she could slip away like smoke at any moment. She supposed that was her fault, that she was the one who'd instilled this fear into him, and suddenly she felt like she owed him much more than just one silly apology. That the pain she'd caused him ran far deeper than she'd expected and would not be fixed with just one earnest hug.

But in the end, it was all she could give, all she could offer at the moment. And he knew. And he didn't care. He was just so glad that she'd decided not to push him away anymore.

Without waiting for him to make the first move, she practically fell into him. When she felt his arms lock around her, she immediately wondered how she had lasted this long without him embracing her like this. She had been so selfish, had acted like a frightened little girl, basically. She wanted to tell him everything, wanted to give him the clarity he'd been seeking the past few months and reassure him that it really wasn't his fault.

But when she finally found her voice, all that came out was, "I missed you."

And instead of getting mad or frustrated, he only seemed to hold her tighter.

XXXXX

Oh my goshh! This was definitely an unexpected post for me. I was just moping around on my laptop listening to music, and suddenly I had this one-shot I couldn't get out of my head and I had to write it down. It took me about three hours to do this without stopping, and I'm pretty pleased with it.