What are the chances

Chapter 3: chances are, you might end up in BL in a better life

If asked, Okita Sougo's answer upon the subject of his misplaced child would be "very pissed".

But of course, nobody needed to ask him that. His enraged face and dark aura said it all as he was running down the Edo street (which was unusually quiet) along with his wife. After a moment of running without any plans or clues, the two finally stopped to fumble over the crumpled piece of paper (that they had forgotten due to rage), and Kagura started reading the address written on there.

" 'Nincompoop seventh ship'…? Sadist, this isn't an address, it's some fucking flying ship's name!" Exclaimed Kagura furiously. Great, she thought, now I'm just going to have to look for my child who could possibly be in another galaxy with some retard who named his ship 'Nincompoop'. Who the hell would name their ship 'Nincompoop'? I've never seen such idiocy before in my life!

… Little did she know that she have certainly met that so called 'retard' before… And that she is also related to him.

Okita tossed the paper behind him with no regard to the environmental issues out there. "Well, I guess we're just going to have to start looking from this only clue. Whichever idiot named their ship 'Nincompoop' is bound to be caught, one way or another. For starters, I'll head to the terminal and abuse my authority as a police to get more clues on this ship. China, I trust your instincts to act on this correctly, though, I suggest you go back home and pull some body bags out of the garage."

"Oh," she snorted while adjusting the sleeping baby who was tied around her back into the more comfortable position, "you trust my instincts, but not my affe… what used to resemble affection, huh?"

Okita flinched invisibly. Crap, I completely forgot about it, he thought.

"Yeah… can we discuss that later? I promise to even apologize properly."

"You'd better have Sukonbu or your head served on the platter tonight, you little shit head!" She yelled, before her delicate figure will disappear down the empty street as she ran. Her umbrella bobbled up and down until she turned at the corner.

And Okita just knew she wouldn't listen to his suggestion to go home.

"Geez, the same as always." He murmured. Many years of marrying to her, and she never lost that defiant and adventurous spirit she possessed. For some reason, he felt glad for that, even though things would be so much easier if she would just listen to him.

He smirked. But then life wouldn't be so interesting, right, China?

He turned his way, and headed toward the terminal.

Kagura was busy shopping for the most stylish body bags there are in the store.

Sure, she knew that Okita has some of those at home, but they were all plain black and boring. If she was going to do this, she wanted to do it with a bang.

She picked up a red, black and yellow striped body bag and examined it carefully.

"Sadist can fit into this." She spoke to herself out loud as she tossed it into the cart. Of course she wasn't going to let him live down the fact that he accused her of cheating. After all this is over, he'll be sleeping in this bag she hand picked out of love for eternity and rot in some sideway bush.

One thing was that, she wasn't sure what she has to do with the baby who fell asleep on her back. Like it or not, Kagura was already bonded with him for the past three days. Maybe she can negotiate with the kidnappers, or maybe she would just take the two babies in with her. Either way, she wasn't going to leave this baby with irresponsible parents. She might've once told Gin-chan to finish off and abandon a pregnant lady he ran over with his scooter, but she's not evil enough to do the same thing... yet.

Just when Kagura was about to grab another beautifully crafted body bag for the thieves who stole her child, a loud crash was heard from the outside.

BOOM.

The Yato woman rushed to the front of the store and saw a flying ship spiraling down from the sky.

Conveniently, her blue eyes caught the glimpse of the word 'NINCOMPOOP' plastered on the side of the ship. As it crashed somewhere farway, a small smirk appeared on Kagura's face.

"So the kidnappers decided to show themselves early, huh? Undertaker-san*! I want to purchase the body bag in the cart along with the other two I just got. Oh, you can send all the bills including taxes fee to Okita Sougo too!"

"Ehehehe," replied the owner of the store with his face hidden under his silver hair, "certainly, dear customer. Your couple's dynamic love always makes me laugh, after all."

"Thanks," Kagura said as she grabbed her umbrella and step outside of the store with three boy bags hanging over her shoulder, "I'll make sure you have another good laugh when I deliver Sadist's dead body to you. Thanks for the bag!"

With that, the soon to be homicidal Yato ran toward the lump of dark smoke which appeared from where the ship crashed. She was determined to get her child back no matter what. She was, after all, trained to become a good mother like her Mami!

Okita turned his head to where he heard a loud BOOM from.

Conveniently, he also noticed the big red NINCOMPOOP lining up along the side of the ship as well. No duh, that ship's name was so obviously promoted, as if it was the greatest word in the universe. The letters even have a 3D pop-up touch to it. This is even more advertising than Gintama's second movie!

Finally, the police officer dropped the collar of the terminal guard who was in his way earlier and abandoned the poor guard on the floor.

"It doesn't seem like I'll need you to help me hack into the computer system any longer. Thank you again for your cooperation." Okita stated blankly.

"What cooperation!? You just barged in here, knocked out my teeth and…"

"Shhh. It's okay," said Okita kindly with his sadistic smile, "I forgive you."

"FOR WHAT?!"

"For not being able to help me wth anything since I got here, you useless bastard. Now," he knocked the guard out with the blow from the end of his sword, "I'll even put you to rest so you won't be traumatize by what's about to happen. Lucky you, no?"

Then he turned to the lump of smoke which was erupting from the wrecked ship. Whoever kidnapped his child and caused conflict between him and his wife must pay with their blood!

The first thing Okita saw once he arrived at the scene was a pink haired guy rampaging around the ship.

"Abuto! Tell me, where the hell did Nobu-chan go!?"

A guy from under the rubble with his body buried under the ground and only his head above the surface croaked an answer to that seemingly futile question, "Calm yourself, Danchou. Of course your wife would leave after you tried to attack her with a baby still in her arm! Honestly, you went overboard this time."

"It's not my fault." Kamui answered nonchalantly, "That kid was clearly not mine. What else was I supposed to do?"

"Maybe you should have talked it out or something?! Where the hell did your common sense go?!"

"On a long vacation to Insanity Island. You should've known that since the first day you applied to be my subordinate, no? I wrote that part in my 'How to Take Care of Kamui-san Guidebook: Edition 2', did I not?"

"Did you actually expect me to read that shit?! That Guidebook was even thicker than the Holy Bible or a dictionary!"

Huh, Okita thought smugly, so I'm not the only bastard out there who attacked his wife to day. How about that, China?

Just when Okita was drawing his katana, the pink haired guy who resembled his wife abruptly turned around and eyed the officer in such a way that would send a chill down one's back.

But of course, being an insensitive bum that he is, Okita was unaffected by the death glare. "Hello, kidnapper," he greeted with a sadistic smirk, "I was wondering about what sort of a badass my child's kidnapper must be, and now I'm faced with a pink haired guy with a family issue? How disappointing."

Kamui raised an eyebrow with an effortless smirk. "Huh? What sort of crap are you babbling about? I don't need to kidnap anyone's ugly child, I only need the one that's rightfully mine, you impotent being."

"Don't lie, punk! I already know that you kidnapped my beautiful child." Said Okita with his bare katana held out in a challenging posture.

"Your child?" Kamui thought about it for a while. Suddenly, his memory flashed back to the baby's brown hair, and then his brain did some awesome crap he never knew it could do.

Comparison initiate… match found.

Look at that uniform! Isn't similar to Nobu-chan's? + The baby's hair is the exact same color as this guy! How funny is that? But I'm not laughing + He is referring to my supposed to be child as his child…

= THIS BASTARD IS THE THIRD HAND IN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY WIFE.

"Oh… I see. So that's how it is."

"Huh?"

Okita observed as dark aura spread out from behind Kamui. And to his surprise, the guy suddenly opened his eyes with crazy bloodlust pooling in his blue irises.

Abuto scrambled from beneath the ground, but no amount of strength could pull him out in time. "Wait, Danchou! How am I going to explain this to Takasugi Shinsuke?! Stop for a second…"

Before Abuto could finish his words, a battle broke out before him.

Kagura was in a rush when she bumped into someone around the corner of the street.

"Ah…"

"Whoa! Dammit, watch your fat ass, bitch… oh, it's you! Nobume-chan!" Kagura exclaimed in surprise, changing her tone completely. Last time she heard anything regarding this female officer, Nobume was doing a babysitting job for some lunatic in space.

"Kagura-chan," Nobume started. She stared at the other woman's strikingly familiar look to her older brother, and sighed with minimum expression on her face.

She was angry with Kamui. But even so, she must admit that she was glad to see her friend in the Sadist Sisterhood.

Kagura's face dropped into one of concern, "what's wrong? You don't look like you're feeling well. Not that you show a lot of emotions, but I noticed that your usually silky hair is a bit of a mess today. But I'm not trying to say that you look ugly or anything, though."

At that moment, Kagura regretted the fact that she hung around a loser like Gin-chan and Shinpachi for so long. Those losers rubbed off their stupidity and awkwardness onto her!

Nobume considered the matter for a moment, and decided to tell Kagura everything in one sentence.

"My husband accused me of cheating on him and tried to attack me."

"WHAT?!" Kagura yelled. "Mine just did the same thing! Those idiot pigs! Men are so annoying, no? I don't even know why I hang around them anymore!"

At this, Nobume nodded in an agreement. "Truly, they are. We should just go lesbian for each other already."

Kagura nodded also. "Men are always like, 'look at those girls, they want the D!' NUHUH! I don't want the D, they are the ones who want the V. Even if you can somehow manage to find it, I still wouldn't want you small dicks, fools!"

Panting and venting out their frustration, the two women got deeper into their conversation.

"I mean, because the Sadist went crazy like that, now I don't even have a house to sleep in tonight. See, because we got into a fight, the house is a wreck!"

"Oh, mine too." Said Nobume as she untied the baby around her back, quietly surprised by how similar their stories are. "The moment my hus… ex-husband saw the baby, he freaked out and crashed our ship. But if I go to Isaburo's place tonight, he would probably freak out even more."

Kagura, who was rocking the baby back and forth, paused.

"…Your ship?"

"Yes," Nobume answered, "the one with the stupid name… NINCOMPOOP. Popped up in 3D and have a rainbow color slogan."

It sunk into Kagura's head after a moment. And suddenly, the two looked down at the baby in each other's' arms.

Something just clicked inside. They felt like one of those grade school kids who had always gotten an F in the math class, but then hit their head and turned into some sort of math genius god.

…

"Oh… OH. Well, crap."

"OHRAAA!"

"HAAAAA!"

"WAITTT!"

Went the sounds of all three men present on the battlefield.

The first was from Kamui, who had just bounced off the tree and was charging towards the guy he considered to be the cockblocker in his relationship.

The second was from Okita, who had just dodged an umbrella that headed to his head like a spear and was slicing his katana across a giant rock that came flying right after.

The last was from Abuto, who was just stuck there on the ground, helpless to defend himself or even steer clear of the two monsters.

"YOU GUYS! LET'S BE RATIONAL AND TALK THIS OUT!"

"Shut up, Abuto!" Said Kamui, "I'm busy here."

"Yes, shut up, Abby." Said Okita. "I'm also busy."

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING ABBY, YOU BASTARD?!"

At that, Kamui did a wonderful backflip, landing on his feet lightly with a broad smile and said, "I must admit, you're better than I thought it would be. This is getting fun."

"I also must say," Okita began after rolling off the floor with his bazooka pointed at Kamui, "that you're not half bad."

The two men stood up abruptly, ignoring Abuto's scream of pleas and his head that was just popping of the ground in between them. With pride and manliness the two had accumulated over the years of being warriors, they picked up their designated weapon and sped towards each other.

"WAIT A FUCKING SECOND!"

Abuto yelled with his eyes squeezed shut. He expected the blow to hit him hard. It would probably send him all the way to another manga or another publishing company that is not Shouen Jump. Like, what, he might have to reside in one of those BL/ Yaoi manga, but it would probably still be better than being abused by Kamui.

After a long moment, the blow did not connect to his head. Slowly, Abuto opened his eyes and looked up to see four… no, six figures, towering above him, casting shadows.

Out of the six, two (which were visibly men) hunched over due to the fists that were connected to their stomach. Their weapons dropped by their sides as they gazed up with an astonished looks. Their mouth gaped open, forming into squeezed words.

"Chi… China girl… you…"

"Nobu… chan…?"

Abuto moved his eyes to the other two figures that stood above to two men- to the owners of those fists. They were delicate, yet strangely scary as dark aura overflowed. Wait, are those two Danchou's wife and little sister?

And of course, the other two figures were the babies who returned safely to their rightful mothers. Not surprisingly, the two babies were laughing, showing off the sadistic streaks that were passed onto them by DNA.

"Ha!" yelled Kagura at her husband, clearly satisfied as he dropped down on the floor, "you have just been manhandled. How are you feeling, hubby?"

Nubume looked at her husband with the same lifeless eyes, but that rare little smirk on her face conveyed everything she felt. "Owned," she stated blankly.

Paralyzed due to the hit from their beloved wives into the vital organs, the two men were unable to speak, let alone move. Kagura took this opportunity and put a red collar around Okita's neck while Nobume pulled Kamui by his braid.

Then extending her free hand, Nobume said, "that was fun, Kagura-chan. We should hangout more often."

"Yup," replied the Yato female as she shook Nobume's hand while handing her one of the body bags- the rainbow one. "Next time, let's meet up with Tsukki and Soyo-chan in Yoshiwara. Also, thanks for bringing my baby all the way here."

"Anything for the Sadist Sisterhood," Nobume replied. She dragged Kamui by his hair to some distant, then glanced over at Okita Sougo and said, "Good luck with that thing, Kagura-chan. It might take a lot of time and effort and blood and punches to get the message across to them, but remember that I'll be doing the same thing."

"You too!" Kagura yelled back with a wave, not noticing that the person in Nobume's grip was her older brother. She was, after all, having too much fun imagining what she could do with Sadist in this state.

"I'll give you a proper explanation after I'm done beating the crap out of you... though it might not be possible for you to hear anything after that. But oh, look at what I've got for you; it's a body bag that you'll be sleeping in tonight! Since I bought it with your money, I picked out the most stylish one. See the red strips? Isn't it the cutest thing?" she tauntedher husband as she tugged on the chain and slid him across the floor like he's a dishrag, causing the brown haired baby on her back let out a little squeal of happiness.

Then the six of them disappeared into the sunset as fast as they came, leaving Abuto's head to be showered in the beautiful deep crimson, among all the destruction that was left behind.

* Undertaker was a character from the anime 'Black Butler'

** BL stands for Boys Love, featuring the fabulous love between guys. Yaoi implies the same thing.

I'm sincerely sorry for the late update. All I can say is that "ICE STORM. POWER OUTAGE. NEW YEAR. FREE DRINKS. EXAMS" happened.

Thank you very much for reading. I hope you enjoyed.

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